17. Johnny
Johnny
“So, I’m thinking we need to grab breakfast before we go pick up your car at the rental house.”
“Ugh,” Beth said, peeking out at me from where her hands covered her face. “I forgot I left my car over there. How bad do you think that looks?”
“I’m a big boy.” I smirked over at her. “I think my brother knows that we have sleepovers.”
“Guess so.” She shook her head.
She didn’t have any other clothes with her, so after she used a spare toothbrush and cleaned herself up best she could, we jumped in my truck and headed to Seagull. I’d wondered if it would be a bit awkward, but that wasn’t the case at all.
In fact, it felt more comfortable with her than it had before.
It felt like she was all in. Was she? We’d talked about this just being casual, but why did it feel like more?
We’d figure it out when the time came, but I felt the most comfortable I had with a woman in…
ever. And even though that scared the shit out of me, I wanted to see it through, even if it was only for a short while.
We pulled up to the cafe, and it was packed. That made sense since it was the holiday weekend still, but I was so used to getting my spot at the bar, I didn’t think about it.
“Want to grab a coffee to go and grab something from the deli? We can eat by the lake,” I suggested.
“That sounds perfect.”
She waited outside while I grabbed two coffees on the house from Lane, then we each picked out a breakfast sandwich from the deli next door and walked the couple blocks to where the trees cleared before the water.
“This place is so beautiful,” she said, taking a seat on a picnic table and setting her coffee in front of her. “I’m going to miss it. I love my morning runs along the lake—being so close to the water.”
“Yeah, it’s hard not to love it.” I smiled at her, taking a sip of my own coffee.
“So, I should probably tell you…” Beth said.
“Yes?” I asked, waiting for the other shoe to drop after our night last night.
“Michael? You know the guy that runs the farm with my family?”
“And your ex-boyfriend?”
“Yeah, same guy,” she said, nodding.
“He called yesterday morning. Asked if I could come home early.”
My stomach sank.
“He said that my dad fell, and that things were getting tougher with me being gone. That my mom was keeping things from me that I needed to know.” She paused.
“He said I wasn’t the person he knew. That the old me would have rushed home to help.
” She shook her head, scuffing her flip-flops in the sand.
“How bad is it?” I asked, looking over at her.
“I called my mom. She said he’s bruised but overall is fine.
I honestly think Michael was using it as a ploy.
Something to get me back there so we could get back together, which is something that he said he wants.
” She sighed. “I just can’t do it though.
I told him to stop reaching out unless it was business related.
I’m just so tired of him holding me back and trying to make decisions for me without even realizing. ”
“Maybe he does realize.” I raised my eyebrows at her.
“Maybe. He just can’t imagine anyone wanting a different life.” She bit her lip. “I want something more though. I just can’t figure out exactly what that looks like.”
It felt she was holding back, but how could I ask her to open up when I hadn’t been fully open with her either. As much as I shut down about my past, maybe it was time to open up.
I nodded at her. “I haven’t told you about Anne.”
“No, you haven’t.” She sat next to me, just listening.
“My wife.”
“Wife?” Her eyes got big, and she reared her head back.
“Sorry, ex-wife. We were together when I was downriver. For years, actually.” My heart was racing, not wanting to share the heartache but knowing I should. That I could.
“I’m sorry, Johnny.” She reached out for my hand.
I let her hold it, then lifted hers up, kissed her palm, and set it back down. “We met in college during the first week of orientation. She didn’t grow up far from me. We started dating and we were together for over ten years.”
Beth was quiet as she let me continue.
“Four years ago, I had everything set with the rentals down in Detroit, and I was feeling really good about it all. I thought, ‘Hey, this is it, I’m making something here’, and I felt ready to settle down.
I proposed.” I paused, looking at my left hand covering hers in my lap.
“She said yes, and we started planning. Got married a few months after that.”
Beth cleared her throat. “What—what happened?”
“I’m not sure exactly when it started, but she reconnected with someone from college.
He was some hotshot at a big law firm in Miami, and they started talking.
” I paused, feeling the tightness in my chest, reliving it.
“She had her phone linked to our tablet at home. I barely used the thing, but one night after work, I opened it up for some reason when she was on some made-up girl’s trip, and I saw everything. ”
“What was ‘everything’?”
“They had been talking for months. It was right there in black and white for me to see. Hell, we’d only been married for a few months at this point, so it must have been going on longer than that.
I probably wouldn’t have noticed them at all, but they were sexting back and forth—pretty hard not to notice.
I told myself not to go back through it all, but I had to know.
I had to see what was going on with the woman who’d been my everything for years. I didn’t believe it at first.”
“I’m so sorry. I don’t even know what to say.” Beth looked at me, her eyes wide.
“When she got back, I asked her about it. I told her I’d found the messages, and she told me everything. Well, maybe not everything, but enough. Apparently, she’d been in Miami that weekend with him. She said this wasn’t the life she wanted—that I wasn’t what she wanted.”
Beth squeezed my hand.
“And that was it. It was a quick divorce. She left me, and I couldn’t do it anymore. Something had to change.”
“So, you came here,” Beth said.
“And I came here,” I said, blowing out a breath.
“Not right away. I needed to move out of the house to sell it during the divorce, and my dad was so hellbent on me fixing the marriage that he wouldn’t let me move in with them when everything went down.
It was embarrassing, you know? My parents were shocked.
My dad blamed me. I couldn’t go anywhere without someone asking about it.
I was scrambling, and Lane had heard about everything going on and suggested that I come up here.
I needed a change, and it seemed like a good idea.
I couldn’t move on down there. Too many memories. Too much pressure.”
She shook her head, her mouth slightly agape. “What do you mean your dad blamed you?”
“Maybe blame is the wrong word, but he didn’t make it easy on me.
He made me feel like I’d failed. Like I couldn’t get one of the most fundamental things in my life right.
” I cleared my throat. “My dad had actually been married briefly before my mom, and I think he had so much resentment toward the divorce process and his own failings that he took it out on me. I just couldn’t do it.
I couldn’t stick around for that. And we haven’t really spent enough time around each other for things to improve. ”
She turned on the bench, looking at me with wide eyes. “You realize he’s wrong, right? This was not your fault. At all. In any way.”
“Yeah, I know.”
She growled under her breath. “I’m serious. I’m so sorry that’s what you had to go through. I have no personal experience with… that, but I know this wasn’t on you.”
I had to smile at her reaction, even if it still made my stomach drop.
“I know.” I patted her leg. “It just makes the whole thing worse though. Even though losing Anne was terrible at the time, I know I dodged a bullet in the long run. It happened quick, and for that, I’m grateful.
It’s just that I feel like I lost part of my family in the process as well. ”
“I can see that.”
“It’s partly embarrassment though,” I said.
“I grew up in a family where everyone got married, lived close by, had kids, and I was the guy that couldn’t get it right.
” I shook my head. “Part of me is waiting for the rug to be pulled out from under me still. Life was good. Or, I thought it was. Then it wasn’t, and I had no idea it was coming.
It shook everything that I had built and believed in.
One moment it was there. The next, gone. ”
“But looking at what you’ve done, and who you’ve become up here, it’s impressive.
I don’t think you realize it because you’re in it every day, but it is.
” She was getting feisty again, and I liked it.
“Maybe the rug was pulled out from you down there, but up here, it’s not just one person, it’s the whole community.
They’re behind you. They believe in you.
I can see it in everyone who looks at you and looks up to you.
And that’s not something that can be taken away. ”
“Thank you. I appreciate it.” I nodded. “I wanted to let you know that I get it though. I get the family pressure, and although you’re so much closer to yours than I am to mine, I can understand wanting to start over—wanting something just for you. It’s what I’ve been doing the last three years.”
“Yeah, I’m not sure what I’m going to do yet. All I know is that what’s currently happening isn’t working,” she said, staring off into the distance.
I swallowed down the hope I had and tried to ignore the ache in my chest that was continuing to grow for her.
“Where are we going?” Beth asked.
“Can’t tell you yet,” I said, grabbing her hand and kissing her fingers. It was a few days after the holiday weekend, and I wanted something that was just for us.