23. Beth
Beth
“Mom, I’ll be there in less than two weeks, and we can do a full audit of the books to figure out what’s going on,” I said, rummaging through my closet for my favorite sandals.
I was running late for work after Johnny unexpectedly spent the night. Not that I was complaining about it. It felt good, and after being frustrated with him and everything going on at home, it had been refreshing to leave all the drama at the door and have an evening with just us.
Now, I was putting out another fire at home, even though the Family Foods crisis wasn’t solved yet.
“Okay, okay,” Mom said, interrupting my thoughts. “I just can’t figure out what’s going on. Your dad is just… not what he used to be. It’s getting to me.” She sniffed.
I stopped and stood up, listening to her and dropping my shoes to the ground.
“Mom?” I paused. “Are you okay? Is there something else going on?” My brain started scanning through all the possibilities.
She was silent for a moment, and I had to ask again.
“Mom, tell me what’s going on.”
“Your dad fell again yesterday. He’s okay, but…”
The air left my lungs as she continued.
“I didn’t want to bother you. I know you’re already so busy with everything happening there, and I appreciate you helping with all the books while you haven’t even been here. It’s just a lot.”
“How is he? What happened?”
“He missed his footing going down the front steps. He seems like he’s okay, and when I took him in, the doctor said nothing was sprained or broken—thank the Lord—but he’s bruised again. This time on the other leg.”
“Why didn’t you tell me it was this bad earlier? I could have come home.”
“I think I wanted to pretend it wasn’t happening. He’s been so good, but this summer… he seems to be going downhill, and it scares me,” she said. I could hear the pain in her voice.
“Oh, Mom.” I sat on the bed, putting my face in my hands. I could be late for work for this.
After the initial stroke, he had been uneven on his feet, but over the years, he seemed to get better.
Of course, that was until recently. He was creeping up there in age, while still trying to run the business with my mom.
Even with Michael helping lead the lion’s share of the farming operations, I knew he was doing too much manual work, and every time he went out into the barn, he was risking having an issue.
He should be looking at retiring, and instead, his stubborn personality was getting in the way of what his body needed, and what my mom prayed would happen. I knew she wanted him done.
“It’s fine. He’s fine. I just worry. You know me.” She tried to brush it off, and I didn’t like it.
“What about Michael?” I asked her. “Is he able to do more so that Dad can back off? Maybe that needs to be looked at.”
“Yeah, maybe.”
I felt helpless being three hours away when she was struggling. She was carrying the load while I was out doing my own thing, working at the rental shop, in a relationship that clearly wasn’t going anywhere, and taking classes that were not doing anything to help the immediate need in the family.
If I stayed in Port St. Clair—something I’d come to really want—my parents would not be able to take care of the business by themselves.
It wasn’t feasible. It was either I come home and fix the business, or it would dissolve.
All of our family was out of state. I was the only one who could help.
And when I moved back to Randall, it would mean being all in on the farm and leaving my own dreams on the sideline.
My stomach sank with grief.
“I’ll be home by the end of next week, Mom.” I stood up, slipping my sandals on. “We’ll figure it out.”
“I don’t mean to worry you about this. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have even brought it up.”
“You absolutely should have brought it up, Mom. I’d be upset if you didn’t. The good thing is he’s okay right now, but we need to think about what the future looks like. We can’t keep living like this—always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Something needs to change.”
“Okay, okay. You’re right.”
“I don’t say it to be right, Mom. I say it because it’s true.”
“Yes, I know. I—” She cut herself off.
“Mom?”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“It does matter. Tell me.” She was always trying to protect me, when I wasn’t the one who needed protecting.
“Michael asked about you again.”
I internally groaned, running my hand down my face.
“He knows everything that’s going on with your dad obviously, and…”
“And?”
“And I think he’s going to reach out to you. I’m not sure what that entails exactly, but he mentioned that you two should talk about it.” She was treading lightly telling me this, and she sounded afraid of my reaction.
“That’s fine, Mom. We all want the same thing. We’ll figure it out and get everything on a better page so that we can move forward. Sound like a plan?”
“Thank you, Beth.” She paused, then continued through tears, “For everything. I don’t even want to think about what would have happened if you wouldn’t have been here. Before, that is.”
My throat thickened. We didn’t talk much about everything that happened after my dad’s stroke a few years back.
A lot went unsaid. Instead, we focused on actions—fixing the situation, loving each other, even if it wasn’t through words.
There was a lot of guilt that I carried with me over those years, and much of that guilt was wishing things were different.
As much as I was happy to help, I mourned for what things could have been if I’d had more control over my choices.
I couldn’t think about that now though. We had to fix the next problem on the list.
“You’re welcome.” I paused, blinking back my own tears. “I love you. We’ll figure it out.”
Mary stood outside with Ted laughing in the sunshine.
I sat behind the front desk drinking my coffee after a busy morning.
There were only a few days left before the Blueberry Festival, and the town was bursting with tourists who were starting vacations early and getting settled in before the festivities.
Especially after talking with my mom and needing to come up with a plan for the farm and my dad, I knew I needed to go home and take care of things.
This “adventure”—as my mom called it—had lasted as long as it was going to, and it was time to head home and get back to real life.
I was anxious to figure out what that would look like.
On the other hand, my chest ached knowing that I was leaving Johnny.
I had this heavy weight that I couldn’t get rid of.
I didn’t want to think about leaving him, and in the back of my mind, I was doing mental gymnastics to figure out what we could do to make it work.
Even if we did long-distance—which sounded terrible to me—there was no endgame.
Neither of us would be willing to give up our lives at home and jobs.
And on top of missing Johnny, I didn’t want to leave Port St. Clair. I’d grown to love this little town that had taken me in and given me a new joy. It was completely unexpected, and if I thought too much about leaving, my eyes watered.
I had less than a week left at the shop. The plan was to work through Monday and move back home on Tuesday. That was it. I was done.
I looked down at my phone and noticed a missed text message from a number I hadn’t seen in a while.
Michael: Hey Beth, I hope you’re doing well. With everything going on at home with your dad, I wanted to chat. Maybe figure out a time to meet up. I was thinking of coming up for this big festival your mom mentioned. What do you say? Like old times?
I stared at my phone. I didn’t need Michael coming into town, and I definitely didn’t need anything like old times either. He was trying to weasel his way in by talking about the farm, and it made my toes curl in the worst way.
Me: I’ll be back next week. Let’s connect then.
Michael: I really don’t want to wait until next week. I’ll plan to drive down this weekend to see you.
Me: Please do NOT drive down. I’ll see you when I’m back in Randall. Take care.
He left me on read after that. Good.
Mary chuckled as the door dinged overhead when she entered. “I know I get frustrated with Ted sometimes, but he’s a good man. I hope the new owners keep him on with the maintenance.”
“Yeah, he’s a nice guy.”
She kept a goofy grin on her face as she looked out the window, watching Ted head back to the marina.
“Ahem.” I cleared my throat, smiling at her. “Anything you want to tell me?”
Mary’s gaze darted back in my direction, and her cheeks pinked up. “Nope.”
“So, there’s nothing happening with a local handyman I should know about?” I raised my eyebrows at her.
“Oh, jeez. Nothing you need to worry about.” She waved me off, still wearing a wide smile.
“Okay, but in case something changes… I approve.” I nudged her.
I would miss Mary. She had grown to be a mentor to me over the summer—someone I didn’t realize I even needed.
My mom and I were close, but Mary was a completely different type of person.
I looked up to her in a different sense, and I knew even if I called her next year to ask her advice, she’d give it. She was just that way.
“Okay, good to know.” She shook her head, pushing me aside to take a look at the bookings for the weekend.
We were so busy at this shop with the festival going on that she had brought in some of the boats at the other rental shop in Lexington since everything had booked solid weeks ago.
“How’s everything going with your parents?
You haven’t talked much about them recently. ”
“My dad fell a few days ago and earlier this summer.” I hung my head.
“He’s okay, but we need to figure something out.
I just need to get back. My assumption is that I’ll be taking over the operations sooner than I expected.
He’s not going to like taking a step back, but my guess is that’s what needs to happen. ”
“Oh my goodness, Beth. I’m so sorry.” She paused. “It’s rough—dealing with decline like that. Your mom must be anxious for you to get home.”
I nodded.
“I know you were planning to stay until next week, but if you need to leave early, I can manage with Ted and the other part-time floaters. Just let me know.”
“Thanks, I appreciate that. I should be fine though. It’s not urgent that I get home today or anything, but there’ll have to be some tough conversations when I eventually get there.
” I picked up my coffee, taking a sip. “Besides, I would hate to leave before the festival. After spending all that time building up the donations for the auction.”
“Oh, yeah, you’ve never been to Starlight Night! I forgot about that. I’m sure you and Johnny will enjoy the evening together.”
“I’m sure we will.” My stomach felt like it was going to jump up to my chest.
“Well, I know you have to get back to your parents.” She stopped typing again, looking at me over her shoulder. “If anything changes though, I want you to know that you still have a home here in Port St. Clair. I’d love nothing more than to keep it local, with you.”
All of a sudden, my vision blurred as my eyes filled with tears. I wasn’t an emotional person. I was my father’s daughter in that way, but the back of my throat felt thick as Mary stepped up to me.
Her warm arms wrapped around me, pulling me in. “Oh, honey. It’s okay to be upset.”
I shook my head, not saying anything but letting the warm tears run down my cheeks as they dampened her shirt.
She rubbed my back and let me silently cry.
I couldn’t believe I was letting this happen.
I never cried. I never let my guard down like this.
My chest was tight as I heaved against her, and Mary didn’t let go.
After a few minutes, I stood back up, wiping my face, feeling my cheeks heated against my fingertips. “Thank you.”
“You’re going to be okay, honey. Even if you don’t believe it now, I know you will be.”
The door dinged, and I excused myself to the back before the customers could see my blotchy, red face. I weaved my way to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. One last tear fell before I wiped it away then splashed some cold water on my face before drying it with a paper towel.
I just wished things didn’t have to be this way.