28. Johnny
Johnny
The last few days had been hell. Not only was I still churning from festival night, but there was a leak in one of the rentals, the A/C was out in another, and the final paperwork from the city loan was still in process.
It had only been a few days since I’d last seen Beth, but it felt like a year. I was on edge, waiting for the next thing to happen, yet at the same time, my days passed in slow motion.
I didn’t know what I wanted.
Scratch that. I knew what I wanted, and it wasn’t this pit that I felt like I’d fallen into.
I was still working on one of the rentals when I looked down at my phone.
Lane: Still on for tonight?
I liked the message, not texting back.
Lane was coming over for a bonfire. Originally, we were getting the whole group of guys together, but I didn’t want to see everyone. I didn’t even want to see Lane, but he insisted he come over and we have a beer.
After a couple more hours of tinkering and finally getting the right repair men booked, I was able to swing by and grab a pizza before Lane beat me.
Too late. As I pulled in, I already saw his Subaru in my drive.
“Brought the beer,” Lane said.
“Brought the pizza,” I said.
“Lead the way.”
After I went in and put my bag down, I grabbed a bottle and a slice. We headed out to the backyard, and I groaned as I took a seat in the oversized Adirondack chair.
“You look like hell.” Lane took a seat next to me and crossed his ankle at his knee, leaning back.
I huffed.
“I’m serious. What’s going on?”
“It’s just all gone to shit. All I’m doing is fixing leaks and breaks and issues with the rentals—more than even the usual. I haven’t gotten any answers from the city and the title company yet, and basically, it’s been a tough week.”
“And?”
“And what?”
“And what about Beth?”
“Nothing. She left. I told you. I haven’t seen her since the night of the festival. She went home. It’s done.” Even as I said it, my stomach leapt into my throat.
“You said she left, but what happened, man? One minute you were crazy about her, and the next you’re just letting her walk away?”
I gave him the quick version of the story. Michael wanting her back. Him coming to see her. Us breaking up at the end of the night. Me needing to protect myself.
“That can’t be it,” he huffed, sipping his beer. “Why the hell didn’t you tell her how you felt? I know you care about her.”
“Not worth it.” I shook my head. “She was going one way or the other. I can’t do this… again.”
“She’s not Anne.”
I hummed.
“She’s a completely different person than Anne was. Not even a comparison.”
“Let’s just say you were right. I shouldn’t have gotten mixed up with anyone. I’m not ready. Didn’t make sense then, doesn’t make sense now.”
“I wasn’t right.” He leaned down, elbows on his knees and lifted his head “I’m the last person you should take relationship advice from, but I’m telling you right now, if you let this woman walk out of your life, you’re going to regret it. You are ready. You don’t have to prove anything to anyone.”
He said it with a clip, and I had to do a double take. His vulnerability was showing, and it wasn’t something he let out often—if ever. My eyes shot over to him.
“Trust me. Don’t make a stupid mistake because you’re scared of what could happen,” he said, his voice getting deeper, almost as if he were talking about someone else.
We were both quiet for a few moments, the silence heavy in the air, and the cool breeze licked my ankles as I leaned back into my seat.
Lane looked away from me and studied the fire like there was some mystery buried there.
I took a few deep breaths before responding to him, wondering what made him react that way.
“I miss her,” I said, careful not to give too much.
“I know you do. It’s written all over your face.”
“This is not how I wanted to end things with her. I wanted…” I paused. “I want…”
I didn’t know what I wanted, but it wasn’t this. It wasn’t sitting alone in my backyard with my buddy who was just as lonely as I was. It wasn’t continuing to close myself off from what could be. It wasn’t being in the hole that I’d dug three years ago.
I didn’t know how to get out.
I didn’t know how to fix it.
As if reading my mind, Lane said, “You’ll figure it out, and you’ll do what you have to.” He sat up now, looking at me directly.
But I was scared. As confident as I tried to appear to everyone around me, deep down, I still felt like I couldn’t measure up.
Less than a week later, I received a phone call that surprised me and lifted a huge weight I’d been carrying.
I got the clear to close for the resort.
Even though I’d only worked on this project for a few months, it felt like it had been a year with all the issues with the credit union and then having to figure everything out with the city.
But when the agent called, he said the seller wanted to close in the next few days if that fit into my schedule.
Now, as I walked into the title company office, I ran my hands over the button-down I’d thrown on. I’d closed on enough properties at this point, but there was something special about each one. Something that felt like a new beginning.
I hadn’t talked with Beth in almost two weeks, and the heaviness in my chest didn’t subside like I thought it would.
Even after talking with Lane, I couldn’t seem to gather the words to call her. After what I did, it didn’t seem like enough.
Each night, when I went to bed, I laid awake tracking everything that happened that night. Everything that I fucked up.
And I had fucked it up.
Thinking back, I couldn’t believe the jealousy that I’d thrown in her face for what seemed like no reason now. Even though at the time, it felt like everything.
But I couldn’t just call her. If I wanted her back, I’d have to show her.
She was a no-nonsense girl, and I couldn’t come up with a half-ass plan. She’d expect more. She deserved more.
I opened the door, waved to Nancy, the gray-haired woman behind the desk, and took a seat.
This was the only title company in town, and I had run all my rental purchases through them.
At this point, she knew me. I was here early, so I grabbed one of the old magazines on the table and started flipping through it to distract myself.
Ding. The door opened again, and this time, there was an elderly man who wasn’t taller than my bicep.
He was hunched over, and he wore a plaid shirt and blue jeans with a baseball cap.
He reminded me of my grandpa, and he had a wide smile as he tipped his brim to Nancy.
She waved her fingers and returned his smile, pink leading from her cheeks to her ears.
“Morning,” he said, taking a seat next to me. He looked around at the otherwise empty waiting room. “You here for the closing?”
“The resort? Yup, that’s me.”
He looked me up and down, taking his time to study me. I wasn’t sure what to make of it, but as soon as I was going to ask him, he chimed in again.
“Name’s Red. Good to meet you. I’m the seller.”
I shook the hand he held out to me, and even though he seemed frail from afar, his handshake was sturdy and warm. “Johnny.”
“You know? I kept asking my agent what was taking so goddamn long to close, and he said it was some kid trying to figure out funding.”
My eyes widened at the ‘kid’ remark. I was waiting for him to diminish or cut me down in some way until he started sharing.
He chuckled to himself and crossed his hands across his lap. “And you know what I told him? I told him, ‘Sounds like me when I bought this place all those years ago.’”
I tilted my head at him.
“I was young and full of piss and vinegar, but I knew this was what I wanted. Held onto it a few years too long as you can tell by the state of the place, but that’s neither here nor there. It’s got good bones. You look like you’ll figure it out and get it back into shape.”
“Yeah, it’s a little rough around the edges, but I’m excited to put the work into it.”
“Good. Good. That’s what it needs.”
“Can I ask you?” I turned to him. “What made you hold onto it so long after you shut it down?”
He rubbed his thumbs together, looking into his lap before glancing up at me.
“I’m an old man now, but I bought that place for Mabel back when I was young and in love and didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life.
” He took a deep breath. “She kept giving me the cold shoulder, but I knew eventually I’d win her over.
And I did. We had a wonderful life there.
Lived in the house next door. Raised our kids there.
Fireworks. Sunrises. Welcomed families from across the state and farther.
Good times. Bad. All of it. She passed a few years back—breast cancer.
I know I let it go to shit, but I couldn’t bring myself to sell it.
“My kids finally pushed me to do it, and…” He tossed his hands in the air. “I’m glad. It deserves a new life. Someone who will make it thrive again. Just like my Mabel would have wanted.”
“Wow.” I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know what I was expecting, but it wasn’t that.
“You married? Have a family?” he asked.
“Uh, no. Nothing like that.”
“Just wait. When it all happens, that’s what makes everything worth it.” He had one of those goofy smiles that lit up his face.
The door to the waiting room creaked open, and Nancy popped her head in. “You ready, gentlemen?”
Red followed Nancy in, and I looked over at him and wished I could build a life like the one he was talking about. But how could I when I was afraid it would break me?