Chapter 8 Caroline
EIGHT
Caroline
I’m literally counting down the minutes until my shift at the diner ends.
I’ve never been this antsy before. I’ve never had something this big to look forward to.
For the most part, my life has been a well-orchestrated symphony of scheduled and met expectations.
Tahoe is the wild card. He turned last night into something that felt like a pivotal moment I couldn’t go back from.
I don’t want to go back from it. Aside from kissing my shoulder and my ear, there were no other physically sexual touches, but his words, our words, had sex simmered in every single syllable.
My body is now a lit match, waiting for the explosion.
I’m kneeling on a booth, a wet soapy rag in my hand, when Caleb comes over. He has his white, grimy apron tossed over his shoulder. By the way he’s been glaring and slamming pans around during our shift, I know whatever he’s here to say isn’t going to be pleasant.
“Word on the street is that you’re dating that dude,” Caleb growls. “Whit said he’s a dick.” Way to blame someone else for your own thoughts. Small-town tricks for two hundred, Alex.
I sigh, get the last of the table clean, and climb out of the big pleather seat. “Does it really matter what Whit thinks, Caleb? The better question is do you think I care?”
“Everyone cares what people think of them.”
I shrug and ball up the dirty rag. “Maybe I’m done playing by these rules.
You know I was never going to end up with a Bronze Bay boy.
” I regret my word choice the second I say it, but for once I’m speaking honestly.
When you know what your city looks like from ten thousand feet in the air, you understand how much more to the world there is.
Since the first time my daddy took me up in my favorite yellow plane, I wanted more—everything, anything the eye could see.
It’s why I became a pilot instead of going to college.
I love Bronze Bay, but I know there’s more out there.
Leaving it has never been on my list, but neither has settling for someone who doesn’t know what’s out there.
Caleb scoffs. “Now your own kind ain’t even good enough for you? You better be careful. These Bronze Bay buffoons are the ones who are going to be here long after those assholes blow out of town. They never stay anywhere long. We’re here always. Al-ways.”
Narrowing my eyes, I reply, “How do you know that? Tahoe says this is his permanent base. The attacks changed everything, Caleb. Whatever you thought you knew about SEALs isn’t true anymore.
Don’t worry about me,” I say, softening my tone.
“I’ll be fine. He’s not like he seems. I appreciate your concern, but I have to ask, why do you care? Because I turned you down?”
He laughs, a sadistic, mean cackle. “You think your shit don’t stink now that you got some steroid-filled monster tearing open that pussy every night?
Get over yourself. I was only ever nice to you because I felt bad for you.
And your mom. You’re a fucking spinster.
You’ll be a spinster again when he does leave. Mark my words.”
My blood pulses through my ears, and my skin turns a shade of red reserved for true, blue fury. The last time it happened I was twenty, and I’d been working on a section of airplane siding for weeks, without my father’s help. On accident, I snapped off a piece that couldn’t easily be replaced.
Facing Caleb, I try to keep my shoulders back.
To let him see what his words do to me would be criminal.
“You don’t have to be so rude. I was only trying to explain why I…
I never really fit in. You know as well as I do that I’m not like the rest of the women here,” I say.
I’m giving him grace by not tearing into him like I want to.
My jaw clenched, I continue. “Not that it’s your business or anyone else’s, but I’m not sleeping with him.
I’m not sure that’s even what you meant by those nasty words. ”
Caleb has the good sense to look a little mortified.
The high road will do that to people, you know?
You can use it as a weapon if you’re skilled enough—the low road seems more seedy when juxtaposed with the high road.
He clears his throat and looks past me, out the window.
Shaking his head, he growls, “You’re pissing off a lot of people.
Know your place, Caroline. That’s all I’m saying. ”
When I don’t respond, he clocks out and lets the back door slam on his way out.
I wince a little, mostly because the thought of people being upset with me does affect me even if it shouldn’t.
Caleb’s words strike a vulnerability inside me.
This is my home. These are my people. Sure, everyone is upset with the SEALs for taking our beaches and changing our way of life, but am I wrong to find happiness in the midst of a bad situation?
“I saw Caleb on his way out,” Mama says, locking the front door and clicking off the open sign.
The diner closes early on Sunday. Mama has always said it’s important for us to be together as a family at least one day a week.
Even if I think it’s a bad business decision, growing up, I always loved Sundays because of it.
Swallowing hard, I ask, “Did you hear that conversation?”
Sighing, she walks toward me. “No. I assume it’s a conversation you’ve been expecting, no?”
My mother, the kindest woman in the whole wide world, has eyes that can make you feel like you’re worth a billion dollars.
She sees the good inside of everyone, but especially me.
When she looks at people, people notice, they feel comfort and self-worth, and it’s a God-given gift.
I think it’s why the diner has always been so successful.
You can get a slice of delicious pie and validation for breathing all in one location.
I don’t want her to see me right now. “Caroline, look at me, baby.” Her soft hands catch mine.
“Mama, why do people care what I do so much? I’m an adult. I’ve never done anything bad to anyone. I’m kind. I work hard and stay to myself.”
Her face, creased with worry, softens a touch.
“It’s your light, honey. Everyone else sees something they don’t have.
It’s because you’re all of those things that people care.
People are always going to talk. It’s just the way it is here.
You only give them good things to talk about.
Perhaps they’re waiting for you to make a misstep—watching like hawks to see a stumble. ”
Her eyes crinkle, and I have to close mine. “Do you have a problem with me dating Tyler Holiday?”
“The only problem I have is that you haven’t brought that boy up the hill for dinner yet,” she replies. “Daddy had to hear from the man who mows the property lawns that you had a guest last night.”
I drop her hands. “Dear Lord, Daddy knows he was at my house last night?”
“Caroline, you just said moments ago you’re an adult. He doesn’t, and we don’t, mind that you have a man at your house. Heck, for a long time we were worried you didn’t like men that way, and that, my sweet daughter, would have really given these people something to talk about.”
I run a palm across my sweating forehead. There truly are no secrets in this place. “It just became official last night. It wasn’t something I was keeping from you, okay?”
“You’re allowed to keep things from me, honey.” She swipes back my hair on each side of my head with a sweet smile on her thin lips. “I’m happy if you’re happy, and the rest of the lot can stick it where the sun don’t shine.”
I laugh. “I’m going to take him up tonight,” I say, grinning.
“I can’t wait to take him over the bay. It’s so beautiful at dusk.
” I get caught up in thoughts of watching Tahoe’s face as I show him my favorite place in the world.
I turn back to face her, and from the corner of her eyes, I see a hint of glistening tears.
Shaking her head, Mama says, “Mamas wait for this their whole lives. I get to watch you fall in love. I’m gonna give you some advice.
I know it’s usually your daddy who gives you all the tidbits and facts about the stuff you both love, but I want you to hear this.
” With her eyes piercing that soft, soul section of my body, I can’t say no, so I nod.
She pulls me into the booth and takes my hands in hers across the table.
Her thumbs rub my knuckles in circles. “You know how you throw yourself into projects? It’s one hundred percent or nothing? ”
I smile and nod. It’s something that’s infuriating when you’re living with me.
I remind her of the time I didn’t sleep for days when I was studying for my pilot’s license.
Logically, I knew the book would still be there in the morning, but I wanted the information to soak into me as quickly as possible.
After all the hours I’d already logged in an aircraft, the test was child’s play, but I couldn’t chance failing at something that meant so much to me.
“Are you telling me I shouldn’t give one hundred in a relationship?
” I ask, guessing at the avenue of this talk.
She shakes her head. “The opposite. Give it your all. Every last molecule you can spare without crumbling and dying.” She furrows her brow. “I know this is really new and you’ll be figuring things out for yourself, but give it your all. I promise you’ll never have any regrets.”
“But…the heartbreak. It happens to everyone around me. Everyone.”
Her concern turns to happiness. “Heartbreak tells you the love was real. You can’t be afraid of the end at the beginning. Go full throttle and see what happens.”
“That sounds like advice Daddy would give.”