Chapter 20 Caroline #3
His eyes are sad. “I have everything to say to you. You gave me months and months to concoct the perfect thing to say to you, Caroline. When you wouldn’t see me, I didn’t blame you.
At first. I did a bad thing, said awful fucking things, but I told you I wasn’t a good person.
You knew it the whole time. Then, after a few months went by and you didn’t return any of my calls or letters, I got angry.
So angry that I thought I might torch Bronze Bay to the ground.
” Tahoe pauses, breathing heavy through his nostrils.
His rage permeates the air. “I didn’t deserve that. ”
I want to tell him he did. He broke my heart and acted like an immature jackass, but I can tell he’s not finished yet, so I let him continue.
“I threw myself into the inn, hoping I could distract myself from you, our past, and your accident, but that didn’t work.
After all of this time has passed, I look at you and I never want to look away.
I’ve missed your sun so much, and I am so, so sorry. ”
An apology. I never expected that from a prideful man. “You hurt me,” I reply.
“And you hurt yourself,” he says, looking me over, shaking his head.
“I thought you weren’t going to make it.
I was there, you know? At the site. I’d just gotten home from New York when it happened.
It was the last time I saw you.” He closes his eyes, and he’s taken back to that dark, rainy day when Caroline May did something stupid.
I knew he was there. My friends told me as much, but I didn’t think about it much after that.
Or how it would affect him. “Don’t remind me of my mistake, please.
Now I look at you and think about the accident.
You left me here. We had plans, Tyler. I gave you everything despite having reservations, and you threw it back in my face.
Your motives were questioned for good reason.
Look what you did.” A tear slips, and I wipe it away with the back of my hand. “I do have a question for you.”
He makes a grab for my hands in the center of the table. I fold mine in my lap. Touching him will be a mistake. Shaking my head, I close my eyes. “Why? The real reason you freaked out that night and ran away.”
He runs his hands through his hair, his biceps bulging with the movement. “It was because I thought I couldn’t be with a virgin.”
“That’s lame,” I reply. He smirks, shaking his head. “If I never told you, you would have fucked me into next Friday,” I continue.
He clears his throat, his posture changing. I chose my words very methodically. “Don’t swear,” he chastens.
Laughing, it’s my turn to shake my head. “You’re going to have to tell me more. What’s wrong with me? It’s not because I’m a virgin.”
“So you still are?” he asks, eyes lighting.
Scoffing, I quirk one brow. “You’re serious? Of course I am. Men don’t find a hospital bed the best place to have sex. I could be wrong, though. Maybe I should have tried a bit harder with my physical therapist. Those exercise balls are quite the rage in the bedroom, aren’t they?”
He looks at the table, embarrassed. “I heard you were trying to date guys, so I couldn’t be sure. I’m glad you didn’t do anything out of spite.” Of course he heard. He’s the one who reverse cock-blocked me.
“Do you even know me at all? Don’t be my superhero. Keep your goals obtainable, Tahoe. Save the world. Not my virginity.”
He stands. “I do know you. And what if I can save both?”
My mouth is open, ready to retort, but his question takes me aback, and I don’t have a quick reply. “What is that supposed to mean? How do you propose you save my virginity?”
He paces to his bed, picks something up, and strides back in front of me.
“You didn’t want to see me, so I wasn’t sure this was ever going to happen.
I had a perfect plan, you see? But I feel like if I don’t do this right now.
Right this second, too much time will have passed.
In my quest for perfection, I realized that sometimes perfection can be defined in different ways.
” His words are passionate, and my heart wants to leap out of my chest when his gaze scans my body.
“Caroline, you are perfection, and it scares me that I’ll never be able to live up to those kinds of standards.
You deserve the best. Perfection as defined by the Merriam-Webster Dictionary.
While you were avoiding me all of these months, I came to the conclusion that it doesn’t matter.
” He shakes his head. “Because no one is going to love you as perfectly as I do. That’s what matters.
I was scared of my feelings before. If I did one wrong thing, I’d scare you away, so I left before I could fuck it up. ”
I turn in my chair to face him, tears pricking my eyes as the emotions he’s speaking hit me square in the chest. Tahoe clears his throat.
“I’m sorry for being scared. I’m sorry for not defining my love for you earlier, Caroline.
I love you more than anything. I’ll always love you more than anything.
Even if you say no. Even if I sit in this house by myself for the rest of my life and watch you find happiness with someone else.
It’s only going to be you for me. I know that now. ”
“Say no to what?” I ask.
His lips press in a firm line as his gaze darts to the side. “Whatever it takes. I’m willing to do whatever it takes to have you. I’ve never been more certain about anything in my entire life.” In a life-sized move most only dream about, Tahoe drops to one knee, a red velvet box in one hand.
“I can save both, to answer your question. Your response to my question decides one fate.”
I’m too shocked to say anything, to even move an inch. He must sense my confusion, because he takes my left hand into his right and works the box open against his chest.
“Marry me, Caroline? Will you be mine forever?”
A tear rolls down my cheek. “You realize you could have just asked for my virginity,” I reply, smiling through the barrage of wetness flowing down my face. “I probably would have told you yes. No one else in this town will take it.” I wipe at the tears, while laughing.
His confidence bolstered, he slides closer, the square diamond sparkling against the dark velvet.
He pulls it from the box and slides it on my finger.
“I want you. All of you. Every single part. Forever. I never want to wake up without knowing you’re mine in all ways.
I can live without you. I’ve done it for a while now.
I checked my pride at the door when I fell for you, because I know without a doubt, and against all odds, I don’t want to live without you.
” He shakes his head and moves in closer.
“Love is a luxury men like me don’t indulge in.
You’ve made it essential. I need it to live. ”
I think of all the things left unsaid, all of the sadness and grief after my accident.
How angry I was with him for breaking my heart.
He’s mending it, or at least trying to. He’s dangling an olive branch in front of me in the form of a lifetime commitment.
I blink a few times to make sure I’m not dreaming, and he’s still there, still as handsome as ever, and still holding my hand.
As I look at the beautiful diamond on my finger and then his eyes as he awaits my response, I know that I feel the same way as he does.
My fresh start doesn’t look the way I thought it would.
It looks like something out of my dreams. A kiss the sky, blue hue, dream come true.
“This isn’t just a grand gesture to apologize? ” I ask, my voice wavering.
He sighs, then grimaces. “Would skywriters be too grand?”
I widen my eyes, horrified. “I’m joking, I’m joking,” Tahoe says, laying a hand on my knee.
“I wasn’t even sure you’d show up today.
I hoped you would.” He rubs the bare skin on my thigh, and a shiver hits me, reminding me of the monster in the room.
Unchecked desire. “Marry me, and let’s define happily ever after for ourselves,” he says.
“You’re sure?” I ask. I’ve loved him in every way you can possibly love a human.
I think I’ve also hated him in every possible way you can hate a human.
“I love you, Tahoe, and while this is probably the best way to earn my parents’ love and respect back,” I say, pausing, trying to think of how best to phrase what I want to say.
In the pause, he slides forward, between my knees and pulls me forward for a kiss.
My eyes flutter closed as every sense in my body is racked with Tyler Holiday.
With one hand, he works my head to tilt toward him, slanting his lips over mine.
After feeling nothing for so long, feeling everything is almost too much to bear.
I can’t control anything except my need for him, and its peak.
Prime. I break the kiss to utter, “I love you so much.”
My confession sends him into primal mode.
He grabs me under my ass and picks me up from the chair.
A second later, I’m on my back on his bed, the coolness of the duvet in stark contrast to the fire raging from my face down to my toes.
My flip-flops fall to the floor, as I scoot back on the bed.
“I couldn’t wait another second to taste you,” he says, brushing my blonde tangle of hair from my face. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize for that,” I reply. “Kiss me more,” I say, mesmerized by the ethereal quality of the moment. I love this man so much.
I lift my head, seeking his mouth, but he leans away. “You didn’t answer my question.” There’s a sly hint to his voice.
Can it really be that simple? I say yes, and everything unfolds the way I imagined six months ago, minus a veil?
Would everything work out? Running my hands down his face and neck, I relish the feel of him under my palms. I wasn’t okay living without him.
Even if I convinced myself my misery wasn’t tied to him, my happiness rests next to him.
I’m sure of that, and it’s a start. “Will I marry you and let you save my virginity from the dark corners of Bronze Bay?” I ask.
“If you want me to take it now, I will,” he says, his smile falling. “Whatever you want, Caroline. Say the word. I’ll take it.” He leans down and drags his lips across my neck. He’s tense now—body rigid, and he wasn’t before. It means something to him.
It. Means. Something. To. Him.
I never considered that before. My virginity means something special to him.
His kiss on my neck is tender and molten at the same time.
I take his face in my hand and shift him so he’s looking down at me, his blue eyes hesitant and turned on.
I lean up and kiss him gently on his mouth.
Neither of us close our eyes. We watch this magic moment.
A moment that, when you consider all things, shouldn’t be happening.
“Save it for our wedding night, big man.”
I’ll never forget his smile, that particular one, for as long as I live.
Or the orgasms he gave me with his tongue directly following.