51. Wentworth
FIFTY-ONE
Wentworth
DON’T FUCK THIS UP.
That’s what Silver whispered in my ear on her way out the door.
Don’t fuck this up.
By now she’s figured out that I’m not taking her home, so she doesn’t say anything when I pull into the portico in front of the Hawthorne. “There’s something I want to show you,” I tell her before she can start protesting. “If you still want to go home afterward, I’ll take you—okay?”
She gives me a choppy nod, just as one of the valets opens her door to help her out of the car. “Okay.”
More relieved than I have a right to be, I open my own door and hand my ride over to the attendant before meeting her on the sidewalk. Taking her hand in mine, I lead Kait into the hotel and to the front desk.
“Hey, Nat,” I say to the young woman behind the counter. “I need you to send a bellhop up to my sister’s penthouse and have them move my mother’s things.”
When I say it, Nat’s eyes go wide but she doesn’t argue. “Yes, sir…” Making a quick note in her computer, she looks up at me before her gaze strays to Kait. If she recognizes her as the woman who camped out in the lobby on New Year’s, waiting for me, she doesn’t let on. Looking back at me, Nat gives me a polite, professional smile. “Where would you like them moved to?” Looking at her screen, she gives her keyboard a few more taps. “The presidential suite is avail?—”
“A standard room is fine.” Imagining the fit Astrid is going to throw when she finds out almost makes me laugh. “And while you’re at it, suspend her fingerprints in the system until further notice.”
“ Oh shit …” Nat mutters under her breath before giving me a curt nod. “Yes, sir. Will that be all?”
“For now.” Tightening my grip on Kait’s hand, I pull her away from the front desk to cross the lobby.
“That wasn’t necessary,” Kait says in a low tone while she hurries along beside me. “You didn’t have to?—”
“Yes, it was and yes, I did,” I tell her. “The hierarchy has shifted. The sooner Astrid realizes that the better.” Stopping in front of the koi pond, I lift a hand and point at an enormous, bright orange fish with a single, blood red spot on his back. “That’s Buck, my pet fish.”
“I remember...” Running her free hand over the koi fish tattooed into my forearm, Kait offers me a brief smile that cracks the moment it shows itself. “Went, I?—”
“This isn’t what I wanted to show you.” Pulling her away from the pond, I lead her under the waterfall that splashes into it and conceals the private elevator that leads to my penthouse. “Put your thumb on the screen.”
Kait hesitates, but only for a second before she does what I ask. As soon as the screen reads her print, the elevator doors slide open, she looks at me. “I never had your prints removed from the system,” I tell her quietly. “I wanted you to be able to come back if you changed your mind.” Giving her hand a squeeze, I pull her into the waiting elevator. Leaning away from her, I jab my thumb against the button marked with a letter P. “This isn’t what I want to show you either.”
As soon as we’re on the elevator and it starts to climb, I take her chin in my hand and tilt it up so I can get a good look at the place where my mother hit her. As soon as she realizes what I’m doing, Kait reaches up and tries to push my hand away. “It’s fine, really,” she says with a sigh when I continue my inspection. “I was more surprised than I was hurt. I didn’t expect her to get physical.”
I never would have expected it either. Not that I didn’t know Astrid is capable of it but she’s usually more careful about where she throws her tantrums. “I’m sorry,” I tell her, dropping my hand on a sigh. “I should’ve known?—”
“It’s not your fault. You had no way of knowing she even knew who I was,” Kait reminds me with a flat smile. “To be honest, I’m surprised she even remembered me.”
“She was here earlier today.” Moving away from her, I lean against the wall of the elevator. “Ambushed me with a stack of debutante headshots and told me it was time to start thinking seriously about my future and the future of this family .” Rolling my eyes on a short laugh, I lever myself away from the wall when I feel the elevator start to slow, a second before it does a soft bounce and stops. “She’s been pushing me for years now. I’m guessing you left more of an impression than you think.”
“She wants you to get married?” Kait asks quietly while the elevator doors slide open in front of us. “To someone better than me.”
“There is no one better than you, Kait,” I tell her with a wry smile. “But, no—she wants me to marry someone like her. Someone she thinks she can control. Someone she thinks can control me . Help manage my… eccentricities .”
“Eccentricities?” She sounds confused. Like she has no idea what I’m talking about. And that’s one of the million reasons why I fell in love with her.
“The tattoos. The obsessive drawing. The fact that I sleep on a mattress on the floor in my studio and refuse to wear a suit to monthly board meetings.” Taking her hand, I lead her off the elevator and into the foyer. “I’m guessing, she took one look at you and knew that managing me was the last thing you’d be willing to do.”
“I don’t understand,” she says, frowning up at me, her tone hesitant.
Reaching for her, I brush her hair away from her face on a smile. “You don’t try to control what you love, Sunshine. You don’t try to change it… and you loved me, just as much as I loved you.”
As soon as I say it, as soon as she realizes what it means, she shakes her head, instantly ready to reject it. “Went…”
“You’ve got twenty-six years of your father’s bullshit, clogging up your head. Lying to you. Convincing you that no one could ever love you and I just made matters worse. I never told you how I felt because I’ve got bullshit too.” Finding her hand, I lead her through the living room. Past the dining room and kitchen. “Even though I know what love looks like, and I knew how I felt about you, I never trusted myself to say the words out loud because they’ve always felt like a curse. I was convinced that telling you how I felt would change it somehow and I didn’t want it to change. I wanted to love you. I like the way it felt. I like who I was when I was with you. That you saw me and didn’t expect me to be anything more than what I was. I didn’t want to mess that up, so instead of saying it, I tried to show you instead. I tried to make you feel the way I felt about you but—” Stopping in front of my closed bedroom door, I look down at her, my heart banging around in my chest like it’s looking for a way out. I’m sure I’m not making any sense. That I sound crazy but I keep talking because this has been a long time coming and now that I’ve started, I’m determined to see it through. “I should’ve just told you. Maybe if I had, maybe if I’d been braver, trusted us a little more, the last six years would’ve been different.”
Looking up at me, I watch the line of her throat bob before she licks her lips. “What are you saying?”
“I’m saying I loved you too, Kait.” Reaching out, I push the door open on the bedroom I rarely use. “I’ve loved you from the first time I saw you, standing on that front porch, waiting to turn my life upside down, and I’m saying that hasn’t changed. I loved you then and I love you now—and I know I’m going to feel that way forever.”