Chapter 26
CAMI
After ten minutes of pacing, I poured a cup of coffee, then realized I’d already drunk two, and set it aside. Overdoing it on caffeine would only make my nerves worse.
Half an hour later, I was staring out the glass doors overlooking the back yard when movement in the trees caught my eye.
Bella, on her long leash, emerged from the trees, followed quickly by Kyle.
I unlocked the back door for them, then began pulling items out of the warming oven and fridge.
By the time the back door opened, the breakfast I’d prepared for him was set up on the table.
He stopped inside the door to let Bella off her leash, then glanced from to the table to me. “What’s all this?”
I rubbed my arms, hugging myself. “You’ve done so much for me, I thought the least I could do was make you breakfast.”
He smiled. “Thank you. You didn’t have to do that, but I appreciate it. It smells great. Are those... How did you know Belgian waffles with fresh strawberries and cream are my favorite?”
I hesitated. What had seemed like such a good idea over an hour ago might come across as creepy now. “I texted Savannah to ask if she knew what you might like. She checked with Ben. I hope that’s okay.”
“That’s more than okay. I love this.” He came to the kitchen and pulled me into a hug.
The knot in my chest tightened. I clung to him, wondering when or even if he would want to hold me again after I told him about Scott’s threats and the reason he could make them.
Too soon, we pulled apart and Kyle washed his hands while I poured coffee.
We sat down across from each other. My mind scrabbled for something to say, for anything to change the topic.
But I’d learned from the decision I’d made last night, the one I now regretted, that delaying it would only make it worse.
He offered me the waffle platter.
I shook my head. “I have something to tell you.”
“You do?” He relaxed now, seeming relieved
I wondered why, but didn’t ask because I had to start talking before I punted this again. “Yes, I do, but please start eating. It’ll be easier for me if you do.”
“Okay.” He loaded his plate, then took a bite. “Mmm. This is delicious. You’ve been holding out on me.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.” Tears filled my eyes. Damn it, I didn’t want to cry. I didn’t want to seem weak or defeated, or like I was angling for sympathy.
He reached across the table and took my hand. “Hey, I was joking. I meant about being such a good cook.” He set down his fork and took my other hand as well. “Cami, you can tell me anything.”
I took a deep breath, and finally plunged into the murky waters. “It’s about Scott.”
He nodded, unsurprised, and waited.
I almost blurted it out, but I needed to set the stage, to provide context in the hopes that he wouldn’t think I was an idiot. Or something worse. I decided to start at the beginning,
“I met him about ten months ago. I was volunteering with a greyhound rescue agency at a pet store. They’d brought some dogs who were available for adoption and I was there to answer questions for potential adopters.
He started a conversation, and by the end of it, he’d asked me out.
I’m sorry, could you keep eating? It really would make it easier if we’re not just staring at each other. ”
“Sure.” He grinned, and my heavy heart lifted a tiny bit. “No need to twist my arm.” He took a bite, then nodded, encouraging me to continue.
I took a sip of water, then a steadying breath.
“Okay. We started dating. I wasn’t that interested, but he was nice.
Earnest. He sent me cute little text messages every morning, and flowers after every date.
It was almost too much.” Said the woman who had practically moved in with Kyle and let him take care of me every day. “It wasn’t like us. It was—”
“It’s okay, Cam. I know what you mean.”
I nodded. I’d been about to go off track, and for good reason. This was the part of the story I’d never told, the one I’d hoped to never have to tell. “After a couple of months, we... It seemed like it was time to...”
“Sleep together.” His face was neutral. Unreadable. But still kind.
“Yes. The first time was normal for me. Difficult.” I blushed. How was this so hard to discuss? Probably because this required context, too. “I’m always uncomfortable getting naked in front of someone at first.”
“I know. I hope I didn’t push you too soon.”
“You didn’t. It was different with you. There was that first minute, but when you offered to slow down or even stop... That had never happened.”
He furrowed his brow. “No one you dated before ever gave you that option?”
I shrugged. “It was probably implied. No one forced me to continue. But no one ever said it. And that’s why I can’t let go the first couple of times with a new guy.”
“By “can’t let go” you mean you usually don’t come the first time you’re with a guy?”
My face burned. “I don’t ever come the first time. Before, I mean. And Scott knew how embarrassed I can get, and that if I can barely handle having an intimate partner see me naked, I’d be mortified if the whole world could see me.”
Kyle’s face remained calm, but he gripped my hand. “That bastard took naked pictures of you.”
“Worse.” The moment of truth had come. I choked out the words I’d never said out loud. “He recorded us in bed together. Having sex. I didn’t know, I swear.”
“Cami.” Kyle jumped to his feet and came to me. He knelt beside me and pulled me into his arms. “Christ, I had no idea. Did he threaten to make them public?”
“Yes.” I pulled away from him. I needed to talk fast, or I’d never finish telling him.
He gave me space, but stayed beside me. “After the cabinet break-in, I texted him to meet. Gina told me not to see him. She was worried he was dangerous. But I thought he might have taken the drugs because he had problem. I thought he might need help.”
“Like Lizzie,” he said, understanding immediately.
“Like Lizzie. But I would only meet him in a public place. He agreed to come to the Thirsty Horse. When I told him I knew he’d stolen the drugs, he turned ugly. He told me if I ever mentioned it to anyone, he would ruin me. And then he pulled out his phone.”
I felt lightheaded remembering what I’d seen on that screen. Kyle gripped my arms, keeping me anchored.
“And he threatened to post it,” he finished for me.
I nodded. “He had a list of porn sites he planned to use. He said I’d probably go viral.
” I shook my head, trying to forget the video.
“My face was fully visible. This is a small town. People would have found out. And the way he’d filmed it.
” I swallowed down burning bile. “The shots were raunchy. Gross. There were close-ups.”
Kyle was pale and silent beside me. I knew he thought I was stupid or gullible or deserved what happened for not knowing better, for trusting a sleazeball. I’d told myself those things a thousand times. I braced myself for the onslaught. Wordlessly, he pulled me into his arms.
I sobbed. Months of pent-up shame tumbled out of me. I clung to him, feeling so much better in his arms. Wondering what I would do when I had to let him go.
“Baby, it’s not your fault,” he whispered into my hair. He said it over and over. He held me and rocked me and didn’t let go of me. He meant it.
By the time I stopped crying, we were sitting on the floor, huddled together. We both wiped at my tears, and he reached for a paper napkin on the table and handed it to me.
“Cam,” he whispered, “he violated you. You realize that, right?”
I stared at him, a few stray tears still falling.
“Oh, God, you’ve been blaming yourself all this time.” He took both my hands. “Didn’t anyone tell you it’s not your fault?”
“No one knows. Not Gina. Not even Lizzie.”
He swallowed hard. Tears shown in his own eyes. “Thank you for trusting me with this. That was so brave of you.”
He had no harsh words for me. He didn’t look at me differently. He touched my cheek and kissed me more tenderly than ever. The knot in my chest unwound and for the first time in months, I felt like I could breathe freely.
“There’s one more thing.” I had to get out every last bit of the venom so it wouldn’t poison us.
He nodded and waited while I blew my nose and collected myself.
“Scott threatened me again. Last night, he texted me to remind me he could ruin me. I should have told you right away, but I knew I’d have to explain this, and I didn’t know how. I panicked. I’m sorry.”
“I know.” Instead of looking angry or hurt, he seemed relieved.
“What do you mean, you know? And how are you not lecturing me about safety concerns, Mr. Tall, Dark, and Deadbolt It?”
He laughed. It was contagious. I joined him. Bella came to see what the excitement was about, carrying a red rubber ball in her mouth.
Kyle patted her head. “In a minute, girl.” He held my hand. “I know about Scott’s texts. We have a warrant to monitor his electronic devices. Pasco saw his text to you, and your response, and that you deleted them.”
“Pasco knows Scott has dirt on me? Does the whole team know? This is humiliating.” I was spiraling.
Kyle held me again. I was getting used to having him put me back together every time I fell apart. “They don’t know the details, but I’d like your permission to tell them.”
“Please—”
“Cam, think about it. Scott is blackmailing you. Last night’s texts were probably a warning to back off and stop cooperating with the police. You know we’re not going to back off, and he’ll keep holding out that threat, or worse.”
I shivered. Kyle pulled me onto his lap and enveloped me completely in his warm, solid comfort.
“The only way to stop him, to eliminate the threat, is to destroy the blackmail material.” He stroked my hair. “Luckily for you, you know people who can make that happen.”
I sat up straight and looked at his face. He was serious.
“You can really do that?”
“With some help. I know it sounds scary to have them know about the recording, but my teammates are professionals and the best at what they do. They’re also my friends. They have my back, which means they’ll have yours, too.”
He’d told me he would be there to catch me if I fell, and I was falling now. And here he was, staying true to his word. And if the choice was between his small, tight team finding out the truth and the entire world seeing me naked, there was no contest.
“Yes,” I said, “you have my permission to tell them. But please, promise me they won’t see the video.”
He tensed, but nodded. “I’ll make sure it’s destroyed, and if anyone needs to see it before erasing it for any reason, I promise it will be me.”