Chapter 20 #4
“I’m watching them in chronological order.”
Well, that’s…something.
“I’m going to order some food. Do you want anything?” I ask, leaving him to it and going into the kitchen for water.
He follows me. “I already got dinner for you.”
Sure enough, on the counter are several takeout containers from my favorite places. His proud smile is all the answer I need to know it was intentional.
“Are you dressed up as a proud, doting husband tonight?” I ask. Each day feels like a costume party.
“Always, but nah, I knew you were staying late at the gym, and I figured you’d be starving. I didn’t know what you’d be craving.”
“And the video history?”
“I was curious. Does it bother you?”
I think about that for a moment then shake my head. “No. But there’s no way I’m watching myself. Especially not that one. I’m mortified you’ve seen as much as you have.”
“Really? You don’t do that? We have to watch game clips constantly.”
“Sure, but not with other people and not anything that old.”
“We can fast forward to last year?” he suggests.
Even the progress I’ve made since last year makes it hard to go back. He must pick up on my hesitation because he says, “Never mind. I have a better idea.”
Travis goes deep in the archive of his hockey career and shows me clips from his first pro season. He is adorable. His hair was longer and shaggier and his features softer, but he has the same playful smile and easy charm.
He groans when he misses a shot wide at the buzzer. I fight back a smile. I know what he’s doing, trying to make me feel better, and it’s working.
“I had friends from high school there that night too. I felt like such a chump.” He continues to stare at the screen where a younger Travis skates off the ice.
I’m busy staring at him, now.
He glances over and gives me a small grin.
“Thank you.”
“For what?” he asks with a laugh.
“Reminding me that we all start somewhere. Look at you now.” I motion toward him. “You’re wildly successful.”
“And way more handsome.”
“Hmm…I don’t know. You’re kind of old and haggard by comparison.”
His mouth falls open and I let out a giggle.
“Punk.” He tosses a throw pillow at me.
Travis navigates to another clip and I curl up with the pillow.
My eyes are heavy and my legs are sore from a day of tumbling. I must doze off because I wake up to a blanket being placed over me.
“I should go to bed,” I say, then curl up underneath the soft, warm blanket.
The next time I wake up, I’ve moved from my end of the couch closer to Travis. My head rests on his thigh and his arm rests lightly along my shoulder and waist.
“Did I accost you in my sleep?” My voice is rough and quiet. I’m wondering just how humiliated I should be right now.
Instantly his gaze moves from the screen to me and he smiles. “Nah. I think you were just looking for a pillow.”
I smile back and sit up. “Sorry about that.”
“I didn’t mind. I miss cuddling. It’s been a while.”
It hits me, not for the first time, what he’s giving up staying married to me. Even if he claims it’s no big deal, I’m a huge cock block. He can’t even freaking cuddle with another woman right now.
I stand and fold the blanket. “Hopefully not too much longer. Training is going well, and Coach thinks I’ll be ready for the Winter Classic.”
He nods slowly but doesn’t look as happy as I’d expect. “That’s great. I’m sure you’re going to kill it.”
I set the blanket on the couch and then take a step toward the stairs. “And then you can date and cuddle all over town.”
I meant it to be playful and fun but his brow furrows.
He gets to his feet slowly. The remote is tossed to the side and he stalks toward me. “Is that really what you think? That I’m biding my time until I can fuck around with other people?”
“No. I know that you’re in this and loyal and that you like me—”
He stops in front of me. “Like you? You think I like you?”
“Yeah.” My voice wavers.
“This isn’t a crush, Hannah. I’m not going to move on to someone else just because some piece of paper says we aren’t married anymore.
” He brings both hands up to his head and pulls at his hair.
“God. I wish it were that easy. Or fuck, no, I don’t.
I like being obsessed with you. I feel like a better guy just being around you.
I think about you nonstop.” His hands drop and he steps closer.
“When you’re around, I feel like I’ve swallowed an entire flock of butterflies.
” A rough laugh tumbles from his lips. “God, how cheesy is that? But it’s fucking true. ”
My tongue darts out to wet my lips. “A kaleidoscope.”
“What?”
“A group of butterflies is called a kaleidoscope.”
His grin pulls higher on one side. “A kaleidoscope of butterflies. I like it. Beautiful. Complex. Just like you.”
“Travis, I…” My words break off.
“I see you. I know you feel the same way about me.”
“Like I swallowed butterflies?” I tease just a little and it feels good. The intensity of serious Travis is too much. His playfulness is one of my favorite things about him.
He nods, brown eyes still locked on me. “Yep. And I know that you aren’t going to let yourself act on it either.
That’s okay. I get why this is all kinds of complicated and what is at stake for you.
I’m going to prove to you how good I can be for you.
And someday, you’re going to believe it enough to let yourself have it. ”