6. Laurie
Laurie
Even a dream life can start to feel dull when it’s lived on repeat, day after day.
Laurie adored her little bookshop, but that morning it felt very small.
Despite her protestations – all of her insistence that she didn’t need a car – she was excited to get out and see the machine that might suddenly expand her world from the small town of Pualena to the huge adventure that was the Big Island of Hawaii.
Her whole life lately was books and screens.
She loved her work, but it was past time to find a better balance.
It seemed a terrible shame to live in Hawaii and not spend adequate time outside…
but when she lived in an idyllic cottage in the middle of a gorgeous garden, she rarely wanted to be anywhere but home on the small bit of time off from work that she allowed herself.
Living in such a beautiful place had made her complacent. Kekoa was right; she did want to get out and explore more often. And she wanted the independence of being able to go where she wished without begging favors from her family.
Zoe arrived right on time, and Laurie greeted her with enthusiasm.
Hi Zoe! Thanks for coming!
Sure, Zoe replied. Still signing, she said, “I like hanging out at the bookshop. It’s a nice change from tree trimming and all the manual labor I usually do.”
Zoe had been an active helper at Paradise Books from the beginning. She was responsible for their well-curated homestead section, including a number of books by local authors who had devoted their lives to cultivating tropical fruit.
With the prices on imported food being so ridiculously high, it was a section that required replenishing frequently. Laurie was happy to play a small part in the shift towards more island-grown food.
“Would you do some inventory while you’re here?” she asked. “See what I need to order for your farm and garden section?”
Zoe nodded. “Can do. Where are you off to?”
I’m going to look at a car, she signed, feeling shy.
“Good! It’s about time you had a set of wheels!”
“It shouldn’t take too long.”
“Don’t rush back. I’ve got no other work today.”
“Okay. Thank you,” she said again.
“Go on, get out of here!”
Laurie went outside to find Kekoa already waiting for her. He sat in the driver’s seat of his truck, windows down, and greeted her with a broad grin.
“Ready to get your wings?” he asked.
“I thought we were looking at wheels.”
“Close enough.” He reached across and opened her door. “Let’s go!”
They drove up the highway and then onto Orchidland.
The anxiety that Laurie had been carrying all day began to ebb away. Weekends without Mia were always difficult, and she hated dropping her at the community center on Friday mornings knowing that she wouldn’t see her again until Sunday afternoon. But her heart lifted as they drove.
She gazed out at the clear blue skies and dense vegetation, flowers blazing orange against the green. Pualena was a beautiful place, and she was grateful to live there again – grateful to be able to give her daughter a childhood rooted in such a beautiful place, surrounded by family and community.
Mia was safe and happy, and she would be back soon.
Her dad only drove down to get her once or twice a month, which was less than their custody agreement allowed.
Laurie tried to use those weekends to reset and get stuff done so that she could be fully present with her daughter when she got her back.
Kekoa turned onto a bumpy dirt road. Even in his big pickup truck, Laurie was bouncing all around inside of the cab. It made her wonder about what condition a car that drove these roads every day had to be in.
“You said you checked the car out already?” she asked.
Kekoa nodded. He turned his face towards her so that she could read his lips more easily. “Belongs to a cousin of mine. The engine’s in good shape.”
“Seems like these roads would rattle a car apart,” she said as they went over another series of bumps.
He pulled up a dirt driveway and parked before turning to her with a reply.
“If anything falls off, just call me and I’ll put you back together again.” He gave her one of those smiles that scattered all words from her head. “Come on, see what you think.”
The car was a compact SUV, perfect for carting kids around town and navigating the sometimes treacherous roads of the Big Island. There was no smell inside, no black mold or clinging reek of cigarettes. The paint color was a subtle, metallic sage green.
She loved it.
Kaleo stood chatting with his cousin while she examined the car. She caught his eye and signed, Should I get it?
“Ready for a test drive?” he asked, striding over.
She bit her lip nervously.
You have to drive it before you buy it, he told her.
I get it, she replied. But it felt intimidating, getting behind the wheel after nearly two years without a car.
Nervous energy filled her chest, clinging to her ribs. She looked at the pretty little CRV and took a deep, deliberate breath in. Then she looked back at Kekoa.
“Maybe you should drive it.”
“I already did.” He tilted his head and looked at her. “It’s safe. We just need to know if you like it.”
“I like it.”
“You won’t know for sure until you drive it.”
“I’m nervous,” she admitted.
“For what?” Kekoa looked baffled.
“I haven’t driven in a long time.”
“What about when you pick Mia up from Hawi?”
“Mostly we carpool with Oakley. Sometimes Halia drives us, or my mom does.” She rubbed her hands up and down her arms, feeling chilled despite the warmth of the day. “It’s been years since I had my own car. I know it’s stupid, but it feels scary.”
His look of confusion smoothed itself into something gentler. “It’s not stupid.”
“It is,” she said, frustrated with herself.
She wouldn’t admit it out loud, but her hearing loss played a roll. Even with her hearing aids in, she couldn’t hear sirens until they were right on top of her.
A decade of digs from her ex-husband about whether it was safe for her to drive their daughter around had eroded her confidence bit by bit, so slowly that she had hardly noticed it happening… and then two years without a car had washed away what was left.
Deaf people were good drivers. She knew that. There was no reason that her hearing loss should make her less capable. But with every month that she didn’t drive, the thought of getting behind the wheel again felt scarier.
Kekoa held out the keys. When she didn’t move to take them, he took her hand in his, lifted it, and placed the keys gently in her palm.
“Get back on that horse, Kalama.”
Laurie grinned and got into the car.
Kekoa climbed in on the passenger’s side, and Laurie put her hands on the wheel.
Old insults from her ex-husband rose up in her mind, and she shoved them aside. She closed her eyes and remembered her driving lessons, way back when she was fifteen years old. She had been terrified then, too.
She remembered her dad’s steady encouragement. His unshakable good humor. His unwavering smile.
She remembered what a confident driver she had grown into, how navigating the island had felt as easy as walking. She remembered flying down the saddle road when it first opened, feeling free as a bird beneath those wide-open skies.
She opened her eyes and found Kekoa waiting patiently.
“Okay,” she said. “Let’s go.”
Her confidence returned as soon as they were moving.
It really was just like riding a bike. She got a feel for the gas and the steering wheel – neither stubborn nor overly responsive – and by the time she was off of the bumpy dirt road and onto a smoother street, she felt completely comfortable.
Crowded highways might have brought her anxiety back, but there were none of those here. She pulled onto the mellow local highway and coasted south towards Pahoa. Then she turned around and drove north again, her spirits soaring as high as the clouds that raced above them on a strong breeze.
She and Kekoa hadn’t spoken at all during the drive – comfortable as she felt, she wasn’t ready to take her eyes off the road for even a second – but once she had parked back where they started, she turned to him and squeezed his hand.
“I guess I needed a push. Thank you. I appreciate you.”
Something passed across his face, some depth of emotion that rarely slipped past his easygoing smile – but it was gone as quickly as it had appeared.
“Anything for you, nani,” he replied.
Laurie blushed. Usually when someone called her beautiful, it just annoyed her. It felt like a dismissal of everything that mattered, of who she truly was inside.
But in that moment, she found that she really didn’t mind.
Kekoa got out of the car and went to find his friend. By the time Laurie caught up with him, he was already working to bargain him down. He was using some words that she didn’t know – car parts, some sort of jargon related to engines.
She couldn’t catch it all by lip reading, but she got the gist. He was citing the cost of parts and convincing his cousin to knock them off the listed price.
And he was doing it all in such a relaxed, easygoing way that it put the other guy at ease too.
There was nothing fake or smarmy about it.
Just an easy way with people that Laurie could only marvel at.
The price had already been reasonable, but in the end he got it down by a thousand dollars.
What do you think? Kekoa asked her.
It’s a good car? she asked uncertainly. Reliable?
Yes, he signed with confidence.
“Okay.” She turned to the seller. “I’ll take it.”
“I’ll get the papers.” The man walked away, and Laurie turned to Kekoa.
I thought you said it was in good shape.
“It is,” Kekoa replied.
“What was all that about it needing new parts?”
“There are a couple of things that need replacing before they wear out.” He flashed her one of those charming grins that he wielded so easily.
“Nothing I can’t fix. It’s in great shape overall, and it runs well.
There’s one belt in particular that looks about ready to break, but I can swap that out for you this week. ”
Thanks, she gestured weakly.
Even after being acquainted nearly all their lives – and a year of knowing him well – she was still sometimes bemused by Kekoa’s easy generosity.
There was no ulterior motive, and she wasn’t the only one to benefit. She had seen him behave in the same way towards his sister, his parents, his cousins and neighbors… That was just who he was. Aloha spirit embodied.
She loved him for it.
An awareness of her own feelings had been creeping slowly along the edges of her conscious mind. It had been a long time coming – but in that moment, self-knowledge rushed in like a charging wall of white water.
It hit her with the sudden force of an ocean wave.
She was in love with Kekoa Madeira.
And that terrified her.