17. Laurie
Laurie
One warm autumn day, Laurie hopped on her bike and coasted makai – downhill towards the sea. She stopped at Kekoa’s place, a beautiful cedar house located about halfway between main street and the cliffs.
She found him in his shop – a covered, open-air space where he did most of his woodworking. A soft breeze carried the scent of sawdust and wood oil.
Kekoa was bent over curved lengths of wood, fitting them together using the puzzle-piece notches he had carved. Every piece of furniture that he made was a work of art.
“Something wrong with your car?” he asked, mouth pulling up on one side.
She grinned back at him. “I like my bike.”
“All that trouble for nothing,” he said, shaking his head.
“I use it sometimes. But I feel silly driving when it’s just a mile or two.”
She drifted closer while she spoke. When she was near enough, he hooked an arm around her waist and pulled her in for a kiss.
“Want to get out of here?” she asked.
“I’ve got a lot of chairs to make,” he said – but his eyes said Yes.
“I won’t keep you away from your work for too long.”
“You can keep me as long as you want.” He kissed her again.
After a moment, she slipped out of his grasp and danced away, putting his work table between them.
“I haven’t been to Hikuwai for a while.”
“That’s not a quick trip.”
“It is if we run it.” She grinned. “Think you can keep up?”
“Honestly?” He looked her up and down. “I’m not sure. I’ve got twice as much muscle as you, but that’s like a bull trying to keep up with a gazelle.”
“So quick to admit defeat.”
“I’ll give it my best shot.”
“Will you drive?”
“Sure. Give me a minute.”
Kekoa put his tools away with care, oiling the metal before hanging them in a storage cabinet. Rust was a ravenous beast in Hawaii, especially so close to the coast.
When everything was finally set to rights, they hopped into his truck and drove up to Hilo, where they parked on a quiet street and started up the trail.
They hiked up the uneven dirt path, then jogged up the smooth pavement of the access road. It was a slight but steady incline, and they ran in comfortable silence until they reached the shade of the eucalyptus grove.
Laurie breathed deep, relishing the fresh smell of the air. The tall trees swayed in the breeze, and sunlight danced across the dark earth at their feet.
They were both dripping with sweat from their run and the midday heat, but that didn’t put Kekoa off in the slightest. He kept stealing touches and kisses on the narrow trail.
As they worked their way down to the river, he took every opportunity to offer her a hand down or put his huge hands on her waist to steady her – any excuse to get closer. And when he did, he would press a kiss to the back of her hand or the base of her neck before moving away.
Laurie didn’t hate it.
Not so long ago, the thought of being touched by a man would have made her body freeze up in fear. And Kekoa was a huge man, strong enough to throw her over his shoulder and run uphill. But with him, she felt completely safe.
Instead of taxing her nervous system, his touch soothed her.
His kisses ignited a fire in her belly that she had thought herself no longer capable of feeling.
Every hour that she spent in his company felt deeply healing.
When they finally reached the river, Laurie dove right in. The cold water was a shock to her system, making her feel fully awake after the hazy heat of the day.
She felt a splash just behind her. When she surfaced, Kekoa’s face was a few inches away from hers. He pulled her close, one hand firm on the small of her back. The other glided up her arm and her neck, coming to rest at the edge of her jaw.
He kissed her slowly, freeing her from all thought.
They stayed for an hour, swimming in the cold water and basking like lizards on the hot rocks above. Then, reluctantly, they started back. Laurie needed to pick Mia up from school, and then she was due to relieve Zoe at the bookshop.
Strolling back down the mountain hand in hand with Kekoa, Laurie felt reborn. There was no need for words. Even her ever-busy mind was clear of them.
Some magic in his presence allowed her to be fully present herself.
“We’re cutting it close,” she said when they climbed into the hot interior of the truck cab. “What time is ‘Iolani done with school?”
“Same time as Mia,” he replied.
“Really?” She tilted her head in confusion. “I thought the public school got out earlier than your sister’s co-op.”
“He finally agreed to give Pualena Playschool a try.”
“Oh.” Laurie had always wondered why Kekoa’s son didn’t attend the co-op along with his cousins, but she hadn’t wanted to pry. She would have guessed that it was Kekoa’s decision. What kid would choose rows of desks over the freedom that the homeschool co-op offered?
“His best friend moved to the mainland,” Kekoa explained.
“He wanted to stay with his buddies. That’s the main reason he went to the local elementary school.
But he’s tight with his cousins these days.
And Pete’s his age, so that helped, having another boy at the co-op.
He agreed at the last minute to give it a go, so he just started. ”
“‘ōlena does a fantastic job.”
“Yeah, she’s alright,” he said with a grin.
They chatted about the co-op on the drive back to town. When he parked at the community center, she pulled her loose cotton dress on over the shorts and sports bra that she had worn to jog and swim.
“Thanks for inviting me to play hooky with you today,” Kekoa said, squeezing her hand.
“Thanks for coming. I had a wonderful time.”
“Me too. Maybe we bring the kids next time?”
Surprised, Laurie slipped her hand out of his.
Confusion and hurt spread across his face.
What’s wrong? he asked.
“I don’t want to bring the kids on our dates.”
“Well, when you say it like that…” He smiled, but the hurt and confusion were still there in his eyes. “You’re serious? You never want to take the kids hiking together?”
“I like spending time just the two of us,” she said, trying to lighten the mood. But Kekoa wasn’t having it.
“Do… do you not like ‘Io?”
“No!” She signed no no no emphatically. “Kekoa, that’s not it at all. I love ‘Io. He’s a great kid.”
“What, then?”
She opened and closed her mouth, trying to find the words. He deflated, shoulders sinking.
“You said you were all in.”
“I am. Kekoa, I love you. There’s no one else for me. But that doesn’t mean Mia too.”
“That’s exactly what it means! Mia is the center of your life, Laurie. And ‘Io is mine. There’s no joining our lives together without them.”
“It’s too soon.”
He leaned back and scrubbed a hand over his eyes. “Laurie, I’m not some guy you just met. I’m not a stranger to her. Our kids play together all the time.”
“It’s not the same thing.”
“What do you mean?”
“It’s not the same as the promise of family.”
He was quiet for a while, letting those words reverberate through the space between them, trying to understand. Finally he signed, I don’t get it.
“I don’t know how else to say it!”
“Do you want this?” he demanded, voice so quiet that she had to read his lips to make out the words. “Do you want me?”
“I want you,” she whispered.
“I told you from the beginning that if we started something, I was all in. I can’t do this halfway.”
“It’s too soon to involve the kids. It’s too much pressure.”
“Are you saying you’re not sure about me?”
“That’s not it. I just… I’m not ready to mix romance and parenting. I don’t know how to do that. Can’t we keep it just us for a while?”
“I don’t want just a few stolen moments when they’re at school. I want more time together than that. I want to be a family.”
The hair went up on the back of Laurie’s neck, her body gripped by a deep fear that she didn’t fully understand. She saw him recognize that fear, and – even though he was even more confused than she was – he immediately backed down.
I’m sorry, he signed. “I said I wouldn’t push you.”
She just stared at him, feeling torn. How had their perfect afternoon gone so wrong? She wanted to make things right – she wanted him – but not at the expense of what she thought was best for her daughter. Never that.
“I told you from the beginning, Laurie. I can’t do this halfway. I don’t know how.”
“I didn’t realize that meant getting our kids involved too.”
Kekoa was silent.
“I need more time,” she told him.
“I gave you a year.”
Laurie flinched.
“Is it me?” he asked. “You don’t trust me?”
“That’s not it.”
“Then what?”
“I don’t know how to explain it.”
“Okay.” He opened the driver-side door, got out, and closed it behind him. Through the open window he said, “You tell me when you’ve figured it out.”
She sat there for a moment after he left, trying to get her thoughts and feelings in order.
It wasn’t fair of him, trying to rush her like this.
But was he rushing her? They had known each other all their lives. All he’d asked for was a family hike.
He’d waited a full year for her to be ready.
Could she blame him now for not wanting to move at a snail’s pace?
He wanted to bring them all together… to be a family.
And that terrified her.
She was angry at him for ruining a perfect day… and angry at herself, too. But beneath her anger, and truer than her anger, there was grief.
Why couldn’t she just let things be easy?
Why did she always have to overcomplicate everything?
Why was she pushing him away? What was she so afraid of?
If someone had asked her, just after her divorce, whether she ever wanted another man in her life… she would have said no. She loved her life just the way it was. Meaningful work, supportive community, one perfect daughter.
She didn’t need a man.
But she was in love with one. A good one, at that.
And she didn’t want to lose him.