Chapter 12
"I figured I would find you out here." Kevin lifted his head and took in a solid dose of the sharp air. They were standing on a balcony overlooking the towering buildings on Main street. The work day had been hectic and most of the staff had gone for the day.
Turning his head, he took in the pensive expression on his nephew's face and pointedly did not discuss the cigarette clamped between his teeth.
Or the fact that he had not seen the younger man smoking since he entered puberty.
He had to consider that it must be pretty bad for him to take up the habit.
"I love this time of day. The rush is behind us and it's time to look forward to what the night holds." He continued when there was no comment. "I have nothing planned for tonight and was thinking of doing some reading. Light reading." He chuckled. "Not catching up on the contracts as usual."
When his nephew still said nothing, he pressed forward.
"Heard Sandra Gaynor is back in town. I popped into the pub for a quick shot of Guinness and got caught up on the gossip.
Her second marriage is down the sewer, and she came back with her tails between those long legs of hers.
Heard she's sniffing after Gregory." He shook his head.
"After the hell she put that man through, he should move her right along.
But he's still in love with her. Poor fool. "
"We don't get to choose who we fall in love with." Kenneth finally contributed to the monologue. He had stepped out here to be alone and do some thinking and was annoyed to see his uncle. After he took Aria home, he had made love to her and spent the rest of the night staring up at the ceiling.
"No, we don't."
Crossing to the supporting railing, he leaned against it facing the younger man. "What's the matter?"
Kenneth shrugged. Removing the cigarette from his mouth, he studied the red embers at the tip before pitching it into the air where it arced like a fallen star before disappearing. "I hate the taste of nicotine."
"Then it must be really shitty, what you're going through."
"I took her to dinner." A grim smile touched his lips. Shoving his hands into the pockets of his ash gray dress pants, he leaned back and lifted his head. "And a movie. A John Wayne classic."
"You two have been the talk of the town. That was part of the gossip. You're now officially a couple."
Kenneth's smile was mirthless. "I wonder how she's going to feel about that." He looked in the direction of the cottage even though it was not visible from where he stood. "I am deciding whether or not to take a trip to Boston."
"Boston?" His uncle stared at him frowning. "Whatever for?"
"To set something straight." His mouth was grim. "To avenge the woman I'm in love with. Some asshole there did a number on her."
Kevin clamped a hand on his shoulder. "Clarify."
His shoulder moved under his uncle's hand. "She was involved with him, and he humiliated her constantly."
"I understand you want to fight her battles."
"I would damn well do that, but my hands are bloody tied.
" He faced his uncle with blazing eyes. "I cannot do anything.
" He sucked in his breath. "Whatever I am feeling, I have to keep it to myself.
" He swung around, dislodging the older man's hand on his shoulder.
"She's hiding out because of a scandal and would not relish another one.
I want to wrap my fingers around that asshole's throat until he's lifeless. "
Kevin felt the alarm running through him. His nephew had always been the amiable sort, slow to anger, and never one to lose control. His anger was slow in coming, but when it did, it was powerful. He could all but see the steam coming from his ears.
"I don't know the story."
"And I am not at liberty to share." He was fighting for control. "Not yet. Suffice it to say she's been through it. And it's not pretty." He took another deep breath to try and steady himself. "And she does not need me going all nuclear." He turned to face his uncle. "I told her I loved her."
"Oh?" To his relief, Kevin saw the anger draining. "What did she have to say about that?"
"Nothing." Lifting his hand, he rubbed the back of his neck.
The weariness was crushing. He felt as if he had been wading through quicksand.
"I told her I would wait until she's comfortable saying it back.
" He uttered a bitter laugh. "All my life, I went about taking what I needed.
Women, well they were there. I never had a problem getting the one I wanted.
And if it didn't work out, then we go our separate ways.
Now I'm in love with a woman who's emotionally unavailable or so it seems. I want to marry her right now.
I want a life with her." His expression turned fierce.
"Do you know what that son of a bitch told her?
Made her believe? That she was sexually repressed.
Her father ignored her, never told her he loved her, not even once, and then she went out with a man who did not know her worth.
" He broke off and felt the tightness in his chest. He was going to have to calm down.
"I take it you've proven the son of a bitch wrong about her sexuality." Kevin commented after a few minutes of silence.
"Of course." Inhaling sharply, he struggled to let the rage go. "She's the most passionate and generous woman I've ever known. I'm just going to have to convince her of that. And get her to move past the hurt and pain."
"Are you up for it?" His uncle asked quietly, earning him a narrow-eyed look.
"What the hell kind of question is that?"
"A reasonable one." Kevin leaned back and crossed his arms on his chest. "Your emotions are up.
You're hurting for this woman, one who from the sound of it has been through a tremendous ordeal.
It's going to take time for her to recover.
It sounds to me that she has been beaten up emotionally and that's a kind of abuse.
In my estimation, getting past the abuse takes a hell of a lot of effort and willpower.
I once dated an abusive woman, exceptionally lovely of course, but she was a mess.
I stopped seeing her because it was too exhausting.
She needed validation every damn time and I got tired of giving it to her. "
"Were you in love with her?"
His uncle contemplated for a second, before shaking his head. "No."
"Then there's no comparison. I know what I'm up against and am willing to fight for her. That's how invested I am. I don't need your support, and I certainly do not appreciate you trying to discourage me."
"That's not what I'm doing." His uncle interrupted impatiently. "I'm just trying to show you what you're up against."
"I already know that it's going to be an uphill battle."
"And if she's leaving? What then?"
He had been asking himself that very same question ever since he realized his emotions were tangled up with her.
What if after all of this, she decided to go back home?
What if she could not love him? The passion was there, no doubt about that.
What she was feeling could not be faked.
She goes wild in his arms, every single time, but could that be enough?
For the first time in his life, he was faced with a situation where he had no idea how to navigate.
She holds all the cards, which left him feeling vulnerable and helpless.
He thought it was only the emotional upheaval brought about by her parents, but there was so much more.
He was not used to anything of the sort.
His childhood had been serene. How the hell could he understand and try to relate to someone who had never known what it is to be loved?
How could she return his love, if she never experienced any of it before?
The obstacle stood before him like a stone wall that could not be breached. But that was ridiculous. Walls can be breached. If he could not scale it, he was going to dig around and under it. He had to find a way.
"I won't allow her to leave." He finally stated hoarsely. "I won't."
*****
She decided to cook. It was the least she could do after her meltdown last night. He had left early this morning after making her coffee again. It felt strange having a man putting her needs before his and it gave her mixed feelings.
She knew she was falling in love with him.
How could she not? She mused. Ever since she met him, he had been trying, sometimes going out of his way to make her feel comfortable.
He listened to her story without judgment and was always there for her when she felt like dying.
She had come to Birchwood with the hopes of getting away from her sordid life.
She would have been here at the cottage reliving the past over and over again.
But she had met him, and it was different. She was different. She was not whole, and she was practical-minded enough to realize that it was going to take some time for her to heal. She had spent too many years being submissive and doing what she's told.
And hated herself to be used like that. It was humiliating to realize that she had willingly handed over her life first to her father and then to the man she was seeing.
Never again, she vowed. She knew Kenneth was not like Everton or her father, but her heart was not allowing her to simply let go.
She was scared of falling into the same trap.
She knew she was hurting him by being so aloof and unattainable, but she had been through hell and really should step back from having a relationship. But it was too late for that now.
So, she was cooking him dinner.