Chapter 18 Millie
Millie
The fire station smells the way it always does—like diesel fuel, industrial soap, and something clean and metallic, like ozone after a lightning strike. It’s a scent I’ve known since I was a teenager, a scent that usually spells safety and home. Today, it just makes my stomach clench with nerves.
I clutch the Thermos of hot cocoa in one hand and the tin of Maren’s cookies in the other, my knuckles white.
Captain Ashford is behind the main desk, filling out a report. He looks up as I approach, his weathered face breaking into a crinkly-eyed smile.
“Well, look what the cat dragged in. If it isn’t my favorite volunteer librarian.”
“Hey, Captain Ashford,” I say, my voice a little too bright. “I was just in the neighborhood and… uh…” I trail off, lifting the tin of cookies like a peace offering. “I was hoping I could see Maddox. For a minute.”
He leans back in his chair, crossing his arms over his broad chest, a playful glint in his eye. “Is that so? And what did you bring to bribe your way past the front desk?”
I can’t help but smile. “Just cookies from Maren. Chocolate chip.”
“Maren, huh?” He rubs his chin thoughtfully. “Well, in that case… if I can get a few now, I might be able to forget to see you head up those stairs.” He winks, holding out his hand.
I laugh, a real, genuine laugh that loosens some of the tension in my shoulders. I open the tin and push it toward him. “Deal.”
He takes three, stuffing one into his mouth whole. “He’s upstairs. In the common room. Try not to break anything.”
“Thanks, Captain,” I say, my heart starting to beat a little faster as I head for the stairs.
The upstairs common room is a large, open space with a mismatched collection of couches, a TV, and a few tables. And there he is.
Maddox is sitting at a card table, his back to me, his shoulders tense. He’s not alone. He’s playing cards with another woman. She’s beautiful, with dark eyes that seem to take in everything at once and hair pulled back in a sleek ponytail.
I hesitate in the doorway, feeling like an intruder. Maddox lays down a card, his movements stiff. The woman across from him laughs.
“Millie,” Maddox says, without turning around. He must have felt my presence, heard my footsteps.
The woman turns, her eyes curious. She offers me a polite smile. “Hi. I’m Angela.”
“Millie,” I manage, my throat suddenly dry.
Angela gathers her cards. “Well, this has been fun, but I should get going.” She stands, giving Maddox a look that’s loaded with unspoken meaning. “I’ll see you later, Maddox.”
He just grunts in response, not even looking at her. She gives me another quick smile before she leaves, the sound of her boots on the stairs echoing in the sudden silence.
Now it’s just the two of us. I walk closer to the table, setting the Thermos and the cookie tin down on a clear space. “Brought you some hot cocoa and cookies,” I say, my voice soft. “And to… to check up on you. See how you’re doing.”
He doesn’t look at me. He just starts shuffling the deck of cards, his movements sharp and angry. “You didn’t have to come here. I’m fine.”
The coldness in his tone is like a slap in the face.
Did I do something?
My mind reels. I open my mouth to ask, but then I see it. His jaw is a hard line, and I see a slight tremor in his hand as he deals the cards. He’s in pain. The realization hits me like a physical blow.
“Are you in pain?” I take a step toward him. “Maddox, your ribs—”
“Damn, Millie, don’t be so loud,” he grits out, pushing to his feet. His eyes are blazing, a mix of agony and fury.
I freeze, my hand hovering in the air between us. I’m so confused. One minute he’s my friend, the next he’s a snarling stranger. “I… I’m sorry,” I stammer. “I was just worried about you. But if now is a bad time…”
He stops me, his voice cutting through mine like a shard of glass. The question he asks is so completely out of left field, so disconnected from the conversation we were having, that for a second, my brain just can’t process it.
“Are you fucking the sheriff?”
And then everything in me goes cold.
The words knock the breath from my lungs. The air in the room suddenly feels thin, cold, and hard to breathe. A wave of ice washes over me, starting in my chest and spreading to my fingertips. I can feel the blood drain from my face. My mouth opens, but no sound comes out.
He knows.
Oh, god. He knows.
The two words ricochet around my skull, a frantic, terrifying echo. My brain refuses to process them, to connect them to the man standing in front of me, his face a mask of cold fury.
How? How could he possibly know? It was a secret. A stupid, reckless, one-night mistake with a stranger I was never supposed to see again.
But then the memory clicks into place, sharp and ugly. Bar 2.0. Me, Liam, and Maddox, laughing, rebuilding. And then Knox walking in. The way my breath caught. The way my eyes kept drifting back to him. The small, almost imperceptible wave he gave me.
Maddox saw it. Of course he saw it. He sees everything.
“I… I don’t…” I stammer.
“Don’t bother lying, Millie.” He takes a step closer, and I instinctively take one back. “I put two and two together. The new sheriff shows up, and suddenly you’re having panic attacks and looking at him like he’s the only man in the room. It wasn’t that hard to figure out.”
His words are like physical blows, each one landing with a sickening thud. He saw it all. He saw my weakness, my pathetic, undeniable attraction, and he named it for what it was. Or what he thought it was.
“How long?” he asks. “How long has this been going on?”
“It hasn’t!” I cry out, the words tearing from my throat. “It was once, Maddox. It happened once. Before I even knew who he was.”
“Are you fucking crazy?” he roars, the sound echoing in the small room, making me flinch. “Are you completely out of your mind? That man is the sheriff, Millie. He’s older than any of us. Do you know what people will say? C’mon! What the hell were you thinking?”
“I know!” I shout back, my own anger rising to meet his, a defensive shield. “I know how old he is! I wasn’t thinking, okay? And I didn’t even know what his job was when we… fuck. I know I messed up. It just… it happened.”
He stops, his chest heaving, his eyes burning into mine. The anger in them is so intense it’s almost a physical thing.
“How long has this been going on? Are you dating him?” he asks again.
“No.” Fuck. This isn’t how I wanted them to find out. “It was a one-time thing. I swear.”
He’s silent for a long, agonizing moment, and then he asks the one question that truly terrifies me.
“Liam doesn’t know, right?”
“No,” I whisper, shaking my head. “Liam doesn’t know.”
A bitter, broken laugh escapes his lips.
“Of course he doesn’t,” he says, his voice dripping with a scorn that feels like acid.
“Because if he knew, we wouldn’t be having this conversation, would we?
Because if he did, he would’ve never forgiven you.
We would be worrying about a lot worse than an ugly ass tattoo. ”
The image is so visceral, so horrible, that a sob escapes me. “Maddox, please,” I beg, taking a step toward him, my hands outstretched in a supplicating gesture. “You can’t tell him. You can’t. Please, I’m begging you. He will never forgive me.”
He looks at my outstretched hands, then back at my tear-streaked face. His expression softens, just a fraction. The anger recedes, replaced by a deep, profound sadness that’s somehow even worse.
“I won’t,” he says, his voice quiet. “I won’t be the one to tell him.”
A wave of relief so powerful it makes my knees weak washes over me. “Thank you,” I breathe.
“Don’t,” he says, his voice hardening again. “Don’t thank me. This is between you and him. But you’re playing with fire, and you’re going to get us all burned.”
“I didn’t know. I had no idea who Knox was.”
He scoffs. “Yeah, I bet that’s exactly how Liam will see it. I can promise you one thing—this isn’t going to be easy for him to understand. This was pretty stupid, Millie. This was so selfish.”
The word “selfish” hits me like a slap in the face. It’s the one thing I’ve tried so hard not to be, the one accusation I can’t bear. I pull my hands back, wrapping my arms around myself.
“I have to go,” I say, my voice hollow.
I turn and flee, not waiting for a response. I don’t take the cookies. I don’t look back. I just run down the stairs, past Captain Ashford’s confused look.
“Fuck, Millie, I didn’t mean to say that,” I hear Maddox call from the top of the stairs, his voice ragged with regret.
But I don’t stop. I can’t.
In my car, the tears finally break free. They come in great, racking sobs that shake my entire body. I rest my forehead against the steering wheel, my vision blurred, my throat raw.
He called me selfish. And the worst part is, a small, horrible part of me thinks he’s right. I’ve been so focused on my own fear, my own heart, that I haven’t stopped to think about the wreckage I’m leaving behind.
On the passenger seat sits the tin of cookies I was supposed to deliver to Grace at her flower shop. A small, mundane task from a life that now feels a million miles away. I wipe my eyes, take a shuddering breath, and start the car. I have to do something normal. I have to finish one thing today.
The flower shop is a riot of color and scent, a welcome assault on my senses. The bell above the door jingles as I walk in, and I’m immediately enveloped in the smell of roses, lilies, and damp earth.
“Hey!” Grace calls from behind a massive arrangement of sunflowers. “I was wondering if you were going to make it!”
I force a smile, clutching the cookie tin like a lifeline. “Sorry I’m late. Brought you a peace offering.”
“Well, come on back and let me see them,” she says, and her warm, cheerful voice is a balm on my frayed nerves.
I walk toward the counter, my eyes scanning the beautiful blooms. And then I stop dead.
Standing by a display of peonies is Knox. And he’s not alone. He’s with a teenage girl, her hair dark with purple tips. She’s holding a bouquet of wildflowers, and she’s looking up at him with an expression that’s a perfect mix of teenage exasperation and deep affection.
“Dad, can we get these?” she asks. Her voice is a familiar, husky tone I recognize instantly from the phone call I overheard at the café. “They’re so much cooler than the roses.”
Knox looks down at her, and his entire face changes. The hard, authoritative lines of the sheriff soften into something warm, something gentle. Something… paternal.
“Whatever you want, kiddo,” he says with a love so pure and unconditional it makes my heart ache. “Get two.”
The shock hits me with the force of a tidal wave, knocking the air from my lungs and leaving me breathless. I stare at them, at the easy intimacy between them, at the way he ruffles her hair, at the way she rolls her eyes but leans into his touch.
He has a daughter. He has a whole other life I knew nothing about. I almost destroyed my oldest friendship for a man I don’t know at all.
I turn on my heels and run.