Chapter Nineteen – Evelynn
CHAPTER NINETEEN
EVELYNN
“I’m starving,” I sigh as we enter the kitchen. Cain is sitting at the table nursing a mug of, well, blood, I guess. His vibrant red eyes spark with amusement as I walk over to the fridge.
“Someone is chipper this morning.” He smirks. I look over the fridge door and smile as I pop a grape in my mouth.
I close it and carry the bowl of fruit to the table. Lucian moves beside me, pulling out my chair like the ancient gentleman he is. Cain tilts his head back as if smelling the air.
“You marked her,” he states, surprised, looking at Lucian.
Lucian’s hand possessively grasps the back of my neck. I frown and turn my gaze to Lucian, who is glaring at Cain. I look between them both.
“I don’t have any marks,” I say, confused, shoving a whole strawberry into my mouth while I look up and down my arms for this so-called mark.
“Not now, Cain,” Lucian growls in warning.
Cain shakes his head, his jaw tense. “In court, then.”
“Fine. I’m going to hunt,” Lucian abruptly states, placing a kiss on my cheek. “You eat, then back to the room,” he orders.
I give him a side glance. “Where else could I possibly go?” I answer sarcastically.
He smirks briefly, his hand still around my neck, fingers tracing my pulse again like he needs the reassurance, before he leaves.
“So, have the fang-bangers gone?” I ask as I eat another strawberry. Cain’s eyes watch me intently.
“Yes. A few hours ago,” he answers, his eyes watching me chew.
I pause. “Sorry, does this upset you?” I ask, with a mouthful of strawberry.
He shakes his head. “No. Just miss it.”
I swallow the strawberry and wince. “Right, because you can’t eat,” I say, then realise how that sounds.
His lips curve. “Last night certainly appears to have brought you out of your shell a little more.” He takes a sip of his blood, smiling as it stains his white teeth.
I frown. “If there is blood here, then why did Lucian go out hunting?” I ask, realisation dawning.
Cain looks past me. “I’m guessing he needs the hunt. It’s not all about just feeding on blood.”
“Oh. Well, that makes sense. He did become, er, hungry,” I say, heat turning my cheeks pink at the memory.
Cain leans forward. “Did he lose control with you?” he asks, concern etched across his face.
“No.” I shut down immediately. “Not exactly.”
“Evelynn,” Cain presses.
I sigh. “It was nothing. We got carried away in the shower, it got a little wild, and it felt feral. He said he nearly did, but held himself back. So, no harm done. I think he’s overthinking it.”
“He cannot lose control with you. Do you understand me?” Cain says firmly. “He won’t be able to stop. He won’t simply bite you and change you. He will consume all of you. He will kill you,” he warns.
My hunger suddenly disappears. I glance down at the fruit in front of me, then push the bowl away.
“You think he will,” I say quietly, not really asking. I can see it in his eyes.
His jaw ticks, his gaze darkening. “We are bloodthirsty monsters. We value blood over everything else, including your life.”
I swallow. Maybe I am slightly delusional from last night. Maybe I was wrong that I was growing a connection with them. I shake my head.
“No,” I say softly. The word is so faint that even I can barely hear it.
“You’re wrong. If you all valued blood over my life, then all of you would have ripped me to shreds by now,” I point out, staring back at him, my voice firm with conviction.
“You stood in front of me last night— all of you did—to protect me from Seraphine. You all have more control than you care to admit. I think you use the ‘monster’ term as a defence mechanism. It’s easier to keep people away, stop them getting too close,” I say with certainty.
Cain lifts his chin. “I killed my wife,” he blurts out.
The smug smile instantly falls from my face.
“When I first changed, I woke up on the floor of our small house. She came in with some fresh milk from our cows. Struggling to carry the pail, she shook her head at me, thinking I had got drunk and passed out on the floor. My body shook with hunger, the pure desire for blood. A small part of me looked at her as my wife. I tried to shut it down, to fight it, but it was so painful to constrict my every need. Like I was suffocating, like my insides were tearing me apart.” He pauses, staring down into his mug, swirling the blood around.
“The hunger won.” He looks at me, his gaze pinning me in my seat.
“The monster won.” He swallows. “I will never forget her screams, her cries, her begging for me to stop,” he says through gritted teeth.
Tears sting my eyes.
“But most of all, the thing that haunts me, that I will never forget or recover from, is the silence that followed. Her blood on my lips, her blood in my mouth. Her lifeless body beneath me. No cries for help, no begging me to stop. Just silence.”
My tears fall silently as I listen to his story, his pain so raw in his voice, the devastating guilt that swarms his eyes as he looks at me.
“I loved her with my entire fucking soul, and I killed her,” he rasps. “No matter what we think we feel when we are satisfied, if that hunger is there, then the monster succeeds.”
I sniff, wiping my tears away with the back of my hand. I get up from my seat and wrap my arms around Cain. His entire body stills at my touch.
“None of that was your fault. None,” I tell him softly. “And I believe she knows that.”
He doesn’t hug me back, and that’s okay. He doesn’t exactly give off ‘hugger’ vibes.
I place a soft kiss on his cheek. “You’re a good man, Cain. I believe that with every fibre of my being,” I tell him truthfully as I sit back down.
He continues to sit there, a slightly stunned expression on his face.
I smirk. “What’s the matter? You never been hugged before?” I ask.
“The last person that hugged me was my wife,” he states.
“Oh God.” I sniff, feeling the tears sting my eyes again. “You’re going to make me cry again,” I say, flapping my hands in front of my face like they have some magical power to stop me from blubbering.
Cain offers me a small smile. “I think you two would get on.”
I blink the tears back. “Oh, for sure. I mean, it would be nice to have a girl to talk sex stuff with.” I shrug, a sad smile tugging at my lips as I think of Suzie and how she would be losing her ever-loving shit when she found out I had finally lost my virginity.
“Well, as we are sharing, hit me with it.” Cain gestures.
I snort, my cheeks turning bright crimson. “Er, no. Isn’t that supposed to be between you and Lucian?”
“We don’t discuss our sex lives unless we are sharing.” He shrugs casually. Like he’s not just said he has orgies to a virgin. Nope, sorry. Ex-virgin.
“I don’t think I could talk this through with you,” I wince.
He sighs, leaning forward. “I haven’t spoken about my wife in over three hundred years. If I can tell a little mortal my story, then you can share yours.”
Well, what do I say to that, after he shared something so personal and tragic? I exhale.
“Okay, fine, but I wouldn’t class me asking you questions about sex the same as you sharing something so personal to you.”
He shrugs. “Both are personal, just in different categories.”
“Huh.” I pause. “Guess I never thought of it that way before.”
“Evelynn,” Cain presses.
I snap out of my thoughts. “Right. Sorry. So last night was incredible, like, I feel really lucky to say my first time was out of this world. I had orgasms. I heard some women never have those,” I confess.
Cain’s lips twitch. “I don’t think many women can say they lost their virginity to a vampire, too. So, you’re two points ahead of them.”
I smile. “Very true. Wait.” I pause. “Did you know I was a virgin?” I ask.
He nods. “We can smell it.”
I scrunch my face up in disgust. “Smell it?”
He laughs. “It’s not disgusting. It’s delicate, like a flower.”
I tilt my head. “Okay, I can deal with that. Okay, so I didn’t get to, erm—” I can feel my cheeks burning. “Give him a blow job last night. How’s best to go about that?” I ask, shifting awkwardly.
“Open your mouth and suck.” He shrugs.
I blink. “Well, obviously. I mean, like, do I cup the balls? Do I deep-throat him? I have a sensitive gag reflex, and he’s big,” I say, gesturing with my hands.
“And girthy,” I add, making a circle with both of my hands.
“I mean, I was sore. I’ve never even shoved a tampon up there, let alone XXL bratwurst,” I ramble.
Cain throws his head back, a deep, loud laughter rumbling from his chest. I grin, happy to be the one to make him laugh like that.
I feel hands caressing my shoulders, making me jump. I look up and see Lucian standing over me, smiling down at me, that tense feeling he was radiating gone.
“What were you talking about to get him laughing like that?” he asks.
“Bratwurst.” Cain chuckles, his laughter slowly dying down.
A bubble of laughter escapes me. Lucian gently squeezes my neck. I tilt my head back to look up at him, his eyes lighting up at my laughter. Bending down, he takes my mouth, possessively claiming my lips.
“Go rest. I will be there after court,” he orders quietly across my mouth.
I sigh. “Okay,” I agree, feeling all giddy just from his kiss. I snatch up the bowl of fruit, my hunger returning as I disappear down the hall to the bedroom.