Chapter Twenty #2
Justin’s gaze followed my movements like a hawk, his look of confusion morphing into one of desire when it dropped to my bare chest. “What are you doing?” It was odd to think that although we’d had sex several times, neither of us had seen the other naked.
Unless I counted the time I’d been blindfolded when I had no idea whether he’d looked or not.
Given how panicked I now knew he would have been about his true identity being discovered, I suspected he probably hadn’t.
I did my best to imitate his usual husky whisper with my response. “Getting undressed.”
“Dean!”
There was nothing added to the single word. I was left guessing at whether it was meant to be a warning, a request, a plea, or something else entirely. “Why did you always whisper anyway?”
Justin turned slightly so that he was facing me. “I guess at first I was just paranoid about whoever it was recognizing my voice. Then, after we’d met, I tried not to speak at all. I thought you’d be able to tell.”
Nodding, my hands moved to the fastening on my jeans, enjoying the way his gaze immediately followed my movement before just as quickly flitting away.
He swallowed, his throat moving convulsively.
His restraint lasted all of two seconds before he returned to watching what I was doing.
I smirked, stepping out of my jeans and leaving them in a heap on the floor.
It left me in only a pair of tight briefs.
Before I lost my nerve, I whipped those off too; my reward a sharp intake of breath from my voyeur.
I had to admit I was loving the effect my nakedness and impromptu striptease was having on the other man.
“I’m not used to being dressed in here. Normally, I barely get a step in the door before I’m ordered to take all my clothes off. ”
I pulled the duvet from the bed, letting it pool on the floor and cover up the pile of clothes I’d left there.
“I hope you don’t mind but I’m going to choose today whether its face up or face down.
” I lay on my back making my choice obvious, my arousal at undressing in front of him fully evident “No handcuffs either. I’m not completely averse to using them in the future, but today, just for the record, I am going to be touching.
” I risked a glance over at Justin. He was still frozen in place. “Come here.”
He obediently took the few steps across the room to bring him to the side of the bed. I gestured over to the chair in the corner. “Were you naked when you waited for me?”
He shook his head. “I had a robe on.” His hands moved to cover the scarring on his chest again.
I reached up, taking a firm grip on his forearm and pulling it away.
I deliberately ran my gaze slowly over the whole exposed area, knowing it was a barrier we needed to get past. “You know what I see when I look at this, Justin?” Even though I’d made my words as soft as possible, he still stiffened, offering only the slightest headshake as a response. “Bravery.”
His mouth twisted slightly, the disbelief evident in every atom of his body. I worked on convincing him. “Seriously. I do. I need you to get that through your head. That it doesn’t matter to me. It never did, and it never will.”
Justin’s interruption was immediate. “Other men—”
I shot him a look of warning. “I’m not other men.
It’s part of you and it’s going to stay part of you.
If we’re going to start again and make this work, then you’ve got to stop hiding.
From me anyway. I don’t care what you do with other people.
” I paused, giving the words time to sink in.
“Now, take your pants off. I’m starting to become extremely self-conscious being the only one naked here. ”
For a moment, he looked like he was going to refuse.
I had a horrible vision of him bolting from the room, with me following and offering profuse apologies for how badly I’d misjudged the situation.
Then, his hands moved jerkily to his waistband.
Gaze fixed somewhere in the distance, he fumbled at the waistband of his sweats, pulling them down, before stepping out of them.
A lack of underwear left him gloriously naked.
Tempting as it was to stare at a certain part of him.
A part I’d had in my mouth and inside my body but had never seen, I bypassed it to take in the rest of the scarring.
It extended down over his left hip, covering most of the left thigh and calf.
I reached out, curling my hand around the scarred, muscular thigh and feeling the roughness under my palm.
Justin flinched, his gaze still fixed on the far wall.
I carefully considered my next move. Somehow, I needed to get him to relax.
I patted the bare expanse of bed next to me.
“Lie down.” Again, he obeyed without argument, his jerky and self-conscious movements the only things giving away his internal struggle.
That and the fact he was still avoiding eye contact.
Rolling onto my side, I leaned up onto one elbow, so I could face him.
We were both naked and lying on a bed together, but in many ways, we couldn’t have been farther apart.
I didn’t know how to fix it and lessen the chasm between us.
I was acting completely on instinct and any moment now I could say or do the wrong thing and mess it up.
It was more than just the lights being on.
I needed to somehow remove the belief he thought he was unattractive.
If I could have met all the men that had made him feel that way, I would have…
Well, I wasn’t sure what I’d do to them but, needless to say, it wouldn’t be pleasant.
Justin continued to stare sightlessly at the ceiling, his hands curled into fists.
If I’d known he was that vulnerable before I’d discovered the truth, there’s no way I would have handled things the way I had.
I’d probably have done even more damage.
Even more of a reason that I needed to be the one to put it right.
“Close your eyes.” His eyelids immediately flickered closed.
The complete role reversal of me being the one giving orders that time rather than the other way around hadn’t escaped my notice.
I remembered the night of our first date; the way he’d seemed so surprised and grateful when I’d touched the scars on his face.
I started there, reenacting that night by delicately tracing the left side of his face.
Like that night, I started with fingertips.
Then, I moved on to using my lips. He stirred at the first touch.
I drew back slightly, prepared for a protest. When none came, I continued working my way slowly to his neck, dropping small kisses along its length.
It was only when I reached his chest, my tongue darting out to bathe his scarred nipple, that his eyes snapped open. “You don’t have to!”
I leaned over, looking him straight in the eye. “I know I don’t have to. I want to. You’ve touched every inch of me—several times. And I haven’t been allowed to touch at all. You made sure of it. Now it’s my turn, so shush.”
A frown creased his forehead. “Maybe…the other side. You know that side’s still…”
I quirked an eyebrow. “Oh, don’t you worry, I’ll get to that side. Eventually. Just be patient.” His head thudded back on the pillow and his eyes closed again. “You know, you’re going to kill me, right?”
I smiled, even though I knew the action was lost on him and got back to work.
For the next few minutes, I continued my thorough exploration of the whole left-hand side of his body, making sure there wasn’t a single inch which remained untouched.
I noted the point at which his cock started to swell with satisfaction.
By the time I finally turned my attention to the other side, the skin smooth and unblemished under my hands and mouth, his cock had gone from semi hard to fully erect.
Like he’d done to me several times, I studiously ignored it.
After all, karma could be a bitch. Only when he was squirming under me and muttering meaningless words of pleading, did I finally move to his cock, sliding my lips over him and immediately taking him as deep as I could.
I paused for a moment, letting him feel my throat contract around his solid length.
A strangled groan broke from him. If my mouth wasn’t so full, I would have laughed.
I think it was safe to say he’d definitely relaxed.
I slid my lips almost completely off him, before repeating the movement and receiving another throaty groan for my efforts.
My own cock throbbed uncomfortably, begging for someone’s touch.
Anybody’s. Mine. Justin’s. It didn’t care.
Reluctantly, I pulled back, staring down at the gorgeous sight in front of me: he lay, hands by his side, muscles tensed and sweating, chest rising and falling as he breathed raggedly, close to orgasm.
Only problem was, him just lying there while I did all the work wasn’t what I wanted.
Perhaps, he thought we were going for a complete role reversal: that I was going to fuck him rather than the other way around.
But, I didn’t want that. Not yet at least.
I reached across to the nightstand, the familiar sound of the drawer opening giving me pause.
Two pairs of handcuffs lay inside, the first pair were pink and fluffy, and I knew from experience, much gentler on the wrists.
The second pair were the harsher, metallic ones.
I remembered the restaurant, Justin spotting the marks on my wrists and not asking about them.
Obviously, I knew why now. He hadn’t asked because he already knew exactly where they’d come from.
Hence, the thoughtful purchase of the other pair.
I reached for the condoms and lube I’d known I’d find there.