Chapter 17
Jo took a long sip of her wine as Derek rounded the corner of the hall, leaning against the doorway.
She’d waited until Derek and Annie were out of earshot to give Jackson a piece of her mind, but the experience had left her rattled.
She’d thought they were friends, but a friend wouldn’t have implied she was sleeping with Derek to advance her career.
He wouldn’t have implied that the life she’d built for herself in Aster Bay wasn’t worth returning to, that she’d be so ready to discard it that she’d be willing to trade sexual favors for a taste of the sweet life.
Isn’t that what you did? Isn’t that how you got here in the first place?
“Is she asleep?” she asked. Derek nodded. “Good. That’s good.”
She could deal with Jackson’s derision, even if it stung, but she couldn’t stand the idea of Annie looking at her any differently. Hopefully the little girl hadn’t understood Jackson’s thinly veiled insults.
“Jo—”
“I have a full life in Aster Bay, you know?” She set down the wine bottle a little too hard, the glass hitting the countertop with a thunk. “A great big, fan-fucking-tastic life with people who love me.”
“I know.”
“I haven’t been sitting around waiting for someone to rescue me.
I’ve been living my life. And, yeah, sometimes I don’t know how I’m going to pay the rent and sometimes it’s lonely, but it’s mine.
Nobody handed it to me. I worked for it, every part of it.
And if I fuck up, no one’s looking at me like I don’t deserve the things I have.
I get back up and I smile.” She spread her lips into an approximation of the expression, but the fear in her eyes didn’t diminish. “And no one gets hurt.”
“Except you,” he said softly.
She scoffed. “Please. I’m Joelle Fucking Baker. I don’t get hurt.”
“Because you don’t let anyone close enough to hurt you.”
She rolled her eyes to hide the way his words lashed at her skin. I would have let you close enough. “Who are you, my therapist?”
His eyes fell closed. “Don’t. Don’t do this.”
She swallowed down the bile rising in her throat. “Do what? There’s nothing to do, daddy fox.”
He winced at the nickname, and she hated the way it papered over the last few days they’d spent together.
But it was necessary. She needed to remind herself—remind them both—that this was a temporary arrangement.
That’s all. Any feelings she’d carelessly let herself develop, feelings she’d naively thought he might have returned, were a mistake.
“You’re going on the road like you wanted, and I’m going home and it’ll all be like none of this ever happened.” She gestured between them with the wine glass, the deep red liquid sloshing dangerously close to the rim.
“Or you could come with me.”
She hated the hope that flickered to life in her chest. She couldn’t afford to hope, not when it was already taking all her energy to hold back the words that had been clawing up her throat since the night before. Words she was confident he didn’t want, not from her.
Derek pushed off from the doorframe and went to her, taking her face in his hands. She leaned into his touch, wishing she was strong enough to push him away. “Come with me.”
“I can’t.”
“Why not?”
“Because I can’t.” She stepped out of his hold. “Would you even be asking me to if I wasn’t fucking you?”
He reeled back as though she’d slapped him, her words stinging them both. “Of course, I would. You’re an incredible social media manager. The fan response these past few days proves that.”
“So I would be going as an employee.”
He shifted on his feet as though uncomfortable with her line of questioning, but she had to ask.
She couldn’t let that stupid hope burn brighter in her chest only to find out later that he didn’t actually want her.
She couldn’t let herself keep loving this man if he didn’t see her as more than one of the staff.
Because she did love him, despite all the ways she tried to guard her heart.
She’d never had any difficulty separating sex and love before, but with Derek, it was different. She was different.
“You would be an official employee of the tour, yes. But Jo, think about it. When we aren’t working, we could slip away. Just the two of us. Nothing else has to change. We could have more time. Not a few days, but months.”
“Months,” she repeated.
Even now, he was putting a time limit on their relationship.
Could she even call it a relationship? Did banging the boss for a few days at a five-star resort count as a relationship?
Her chest tightened at the notion that this was all she was to him, someone he wanted to fuck, but not someone he’d want on his arm in the light of day. Not someone important.
“We wouldn’t need to worry about Annie, though I have to warn you that spending that much time with the band sometimes feels like babysitting,” he said with a pleading smile.
“But I’d still be sleeping with the boss. And everyone–” Her voice trembled as she cut herself off. She would not cry because she’d gone and let herself fall for someone she shouldn’t have. “I don’t care what everyone else thinks. I’m good at my job. All of my jobs.”
“I know you are.” He took a step towards her, but she backed away, holding up her glass of wine like a barrier between them. She couldn’t think straight with his hands on her. “Jackson is an asshole. He—”
“He’s saying what everyone’s thinking. And next time Annie might not be half asleep. Next time she might understand what he’s implying.” She looked away, biting her lip. “Do you know what she wished for? Today, at the wishing fountain, do you know what she said?”
He cleared his throat, shoving his hands into his pockets. “I have an idea.”
“She wished for us to fall in love.” Jo chuckled incredulously and swiped at the moisture forming in the corner of her eyes. “We really suck at sneaking around.”
He reached for her then, his hands settling on her waist, and she swayed closer even as she refused to touch him back.
“Come on tour with me. Come as the best damn social media manager this band has ever had. Come as the woman I can’t stop thinking about.
No one has to know that those two people are the same. Just come.”
She wanted to say yes. It would be so easy to say yes.
No one has to know…
She tugged his hand away from her face and backed up until she hit the kitchen island behind her. “No.”
“Why not?” he demanded, raking his hand through his hair.
“It’s a really great offer, Derek. I know that. Touring with Midnight Storm, with you...” She wiped away a tear as it slid down her cheek. “But I don’t want to have to hide the way I feel. Not anymore. You showed me that.”
“How do you feel, Jo?”
I love you.
She couldn’t say it. Not now. Not like this, like a bargaining chip.
Derek raked his hands through his hair, but she could see the fight draining from him.
“I keep my private life private for a reason. I need my artists to respect me, to know that they’ve put their careers in the hands of someone who can behave like a professional.
And the more people that know about this, the more likely it is that something gets said in front of Annie.
Look at what she wished for. She’s already too invested.
This is the best I’ve got right now. Can’t we figure it out as we go? ”
“I’ve spent my whole life figuring it out as I go, and it’s never landed me where I want to be. I don’t want to be the boss’ dirty secret, and I never want to be the reason Annie gets hurt. And I can't wake up in a few months, when it’s too late, and find out I’ve been both.”