5. Finding Our Way
Chapter 5
Finding Our Way
Bull
I want to kiss her and have every intention of doing so, but at this moment, having her in my arms with her head resting over my heart and our hands linked together is more intimate than a kiss. I don’t want to move. I want the world to stand still, and I want to memorize every detail of this moment.
When she tilts her head up to look into my eyes, I see her desire. She’s waiting for me to make my move. I take in the smoothness of her skin, allowing my fingertips to trail down her cheek to the curve of her neck. Her soft, plump lips part slightly. Unknowingly beckoning for me to kiss her.
I take my time lowering my mouth to hers. I want our first kiss to be perfect, but perfect doesn’t even come close to describing it. It’s like coming home. Warm, sweet, loving, all the goodness that comes with being with the person you care about. And yet, the electricity when our lips meet is unlike any I’ve ever experienced. A sizzle that I feel down to my bones.
Maya’s shy at first, but soon has her fists clenched into my shirt, and she mewls as I take our kiss deeper. Long, slow, sensual, exploring every crevice of her mouth. When I finally pull back, her eyes open slowly, meeting my gaze.
“That’s the best kiss I’ve ever had,” she whispers.
I know Maya hasn’t had many boyfriends, based on her kiss. But I’ve kissed plenty, and nothing compares to what we just did.
“Best damn kiss I’ve ever had, baby,” I tell her.
She smiles shyly. “Really?”
“I never lie. You’ll soon find out that I don’t say what I don’t mean. I’m a lot to handle, Maya. Now’s the time to run for it,” I warn. Although, after having had a taste of her sweetness, I’m not going to be able to let her go. I’ll give chase and win her over.
“You don’t scare me,” she replies with a grin.
“Good.” I adjust her in my lap and reach for the remote, turning on the television.
“We’re watching TV?” Her voice rises.
I flip it off. “Babe, I’m trying to do right by you. I’m not sure how to date, and I’m trying to figure it out.”
“You don’t know how to date?” she asks incredulously, her baby-blue eyes growing wide.
“I fuck. I don’t date,” I explain. “Fucking is easy. You meet, you get turned on, and you fuck. We’re different.”
“We’re not going to fuck?” Damn! She’s so adorable when she’s confused, with her furrowed brow and high-pitched tone.
I laugh because I just can’t help myself. “Yeah, babe, we’re going to fuck. And make love. We’ll do it fast and dirty, and slow and sexy. And I haven’t explored the rest of your apartment, but I plan to, with you under me. But first, we’re going to get to know each other, and I want to know it all.”
She seems to like what I said and wraps her arms around my neck. “I want to know you too. We’re still kissing, though, right?” She giggles, and I burst out laughing.
“Be good, baby. It’s taking all my self-control not to pick you up and throw you on the bed. So, pick a movie.” I jerk my head back to the television.
“No horror.” She shudders. “I don’t sleep for a week whenever I watch a horror film.”
“Crime drama?”
“They’re fine, but I cover my eyes when the murders happen.”
“Chick flick.” I sigh and roll my eyes, to which she laughs.
“Always, but I won’t make you watch them with me,” she replies. “I love comedies. They’re my faves.”
“Me too.” I nod. “Life’s serious enough. Don’t need to add more heavy shit to it.”
“Want to watch The Neighborhood ? I love that show. We can binge the first season,” she exclaims excitedly. Even if I didn’t, seeing her this happy is enough to make me sit through anything.
“Works for me,” I say. She takes the remote and presses the buttons to bring up the show, then gets up from my lap. “Can’t have a binge session without chips and dip.” She races to the counter. “Ooh, and popcorn!”
“We just ate down the hall,” I remind her.
“That’s food food. This is junk food. It’s absolutely imperative that while doing back-to-back episodes, we indulge in the finest treats,” she explains, very seriously, I might add. “I wish I had M&M’s. They go great with my popcorn mix.”
For the next fifteen minutes, I watch her gather together enough junk food to feed a dozen people, along with drinks. She sets it all on her small black coffee table. She tugs me out of the armchair and onto the sofa, where she grabs a decorative fluffy throw and snuggles in beside me.
“I’m ready. Hit Play,” she instructs. Okay, my girl is freaking cute when she’s bossy.
“Kiss me first,” I say. Maya doesn’t hesitate and twists to face me, then presses her lips to mine. I put my hand behind her head to hold her to me and take control of our kiss. I nip at her bottom lip with my teeth, then let her go. “You’re too tempting.”
“I’m not trying to be.”
“Yeah, I know. It doesn’t mean you’re not a temptation. Settle in, babe. Time to watch your show.” My cock is as hard as a rock, and we’re two and a half episodes in before I realize that every laugh and giggle from her makes me hard.
* * *
Maya has been asleep on my shoulder for the past hour. My arm is numb, but I’d rather have it this way than wake her. It’s like having an angel of my own. There’s an innocence about Maya that I’ve forgotten exists in the world. I’ve seen firsthand how viciously people treat one another. I’ve seen people beaten, bloody, and near death. Some make it, and some don’t.
Since leaving the army, I’ve had a nervous energy that I can’t shake. I work all kinds of hours, often volunteering just to keep my mind busy. I work out at the gym in the building we’ve set up for Storm for hours at a time. Sleep doesn’t come easily, and I’m constantly on guard.
Falcon insisted I see the counselor, and as much as I hated to admit it, it helped. It made me see that I’m not abnormal or broken. A soldier is a man who has it engrained into his head that we’re protecting the freedom of others. I believe that still to be true. Then there’s that other part of me that rebels against the concept, and all the doubt rises to the surface.
What is freedom? How can we say we stand for freedom, then watch an entire village burn to the ground? I’ve rescued men who have been tortured and some who ended up taking their own lives because they couldn’t cope. Sometimes, I wonder if we’re causing more harm than good. We fight for peace. How does that make any sense at all? Fighting for peace!
I’ve lost countless hours of sleep over that alone. I debated about pulling out of Storm Enterprises because I wasn’t sure I could handle it. But some of our cases involve abducted women, rescuing medical teams that were on a peace mission, or protecting politicians trying to do the right thing and being threatened because of it. If we don’t help, who will?
Although Falcon leads us, and he owns a majority stake in the business, he runs the operation with the proviso that we all have a say. Every case is reviewed in the boardroom, and we all need to be in agreement when it comes to moving forward.
We all have our strengths. One thing we have in common is our marksmanship. We were all snipers. Wire is also a tech genius. Rebel has a unique way of gathering intel that I’ve yet to figure out. He doesn’t share his secret. Phoenix is the detail man. He has a plan and a contingency plan with every scenario he can imagine, making sure we won’t run into any unexpected problems. Falcon is just about everything else. Me, well, I’m the tough asshole that, in the heart of a crisis, makes sure we all stick together and get through at any cost.
I gaze at Maya’s serene face. It dawns on me, I fought for her, for a chance to have a happily ever after that I probably don’t deserve, but want anyway. We continue to fight for the men who didn’t make it home, to honor their memory. For their wives, girlfriends, parents, and children who are living their lives without them.
Carefully, I edge out and scoop her up in my arms. Her hazy eyes open as she rests her head on my shoulder.
“Bull,” she murmurs sleepily.
“Putting you to bed, babe, then I’ll be on my way,” I say, my voice soft and low.
“I’m a bad date.” She pouts. “I fell asleep.”
I chuckle, then I place her on the bed and throw the comforter over her. It dawns on me that she needs to lock the door. Her place is in a good neighborhood, but she still needs to stay smart and safe. “Have you got a spare key?” I ask.
“Kitchen drawer.” She yawns and snuggles further under the covers. Note to self: Maya would never survive an interrogation.
“Tomorrow night, I’ll take you to dinner.” I bend to kiss her cheek.
“Mm-kay.” Christ, she’s cute.
I find her key and lock up behind me. Phoenix and Kailyn are coming down the hall toward their own place.
“Good party,” Phoenix says with a smirk. I give him a jolt with my shoulder into his.
“Don’t start,” I warn.
“You whisked Maya off, when this whole thing was to introduce her to people in the building,” Kailyn says with a scowl.
“I wasn’t about to watch that guy try to wangle a date for the third fucking time with Maya. She clearly didn’t want to go out with him,” I tell her.
“There were other people there,” she counters.
“And she said hello and was polite to them all. She’s done her time. She likes the quiet of her own place,” I reply.
“You seem to know all about Maya after only meeting her twice,” Phoenix adds.
“I’m observant,” I state sternly.
“You don’t have to get testy, bro.” Phoenix clasps a hand on my shoulder. “I’m on your side.”
“Gertie likes her. A lot,” Kailyn says. “She’s going to want to know your intentions.”
“That’s my business and Maya’s,” I retort. “But I will say that we’re finding our way. I’m not sure what it looks like, neither does Maya, but we’ll figure it out.”