XXIII
James held Eris by her grip in his trembling hands, his hands cold and glassy. He quivered on his knees, the ground hard and jagged against his bare legs, the realisation of what he had to do sinking in his gut like his nightmares.
?"I can't." he whimpered.
?He lost the strength to hold onto the sword, and she clinked against the ground, slipping from his fingers. Watered down blood streaked across his hands, the red bleeding into the clear sheen.
?Jay kicked his leg out from where he slumped on a tree, painfully catching James in the knee.
?"Pick her up, boy." he growled, his voice strained. "Pick her up and stand up."
?Out of habit, James obediently followed Jay's orders and took her, the dirt from the ground helping his grip and sticking to the moisture on his palm.
?"Now, stand." Jay commanded, less heat in his voice, the pain seeping through.
?With weak legs, James forced his body to move despite its wishes. His body was battered from the tumble into the river and it was possible he'd fractured a few ribs and fingers in the process, sharp pains rippling with each movement.
?It was late and cloudy, but that didn't stop the blood from Jay's shoulder burning red into his eyes, the rest of the world sapped of colour and grey around it.
?"We could pull it out." James tried, staring at the arrow embedded in his mentor in horror.
?Instead of trying to argue verbally, his mentor held Eris' bare blade, his hands turning black as he did so, he cried out in pain but stubbornly and shakily guided the metal to his chest, hovering over his heart.
?"Push." he ground out, his eyes wrinkled and narrow from the pain and the determined glare he aimed James' way. A painful shiver came over James and rattled him, his throat sharp with the emotions that threatened to teeter him over the edge.
?"I can't do this without you." he whispered, biting his cheek so hard that he could taste metal in his mouth.
?Despite the situation, his mentor smiled at him, a small quirk of the lips that seemed more like a grimace. If his mentor's eyes hadn't softened with the gesture, James wouldn't have been able to recognise it as a smile at all.
?Voices howled from the distance, shouting and barking, their pursuers hunting them.
?"Now!" Jay ordered.
?James lurched forward before he could stop himself, Eris' blade sinking into his mentor's body with resistance, scraping against bone and squelching against hard flesh.
?His mentor looked him in the eyes until the very last moment, fiery and adamant until the end.
He took in one last gasp of raspy breath, the noise haunting him and twisting his organs up inside.
His mentor never exhaled, the life draining from his eyes.
James delicately removed Eris from his chest, not wanting to hurt his body any further.
Only a black charcoal remained where his heart should have been. Tears stung his eyes.
?The roaring of voices provoked James' instincts and he tore himself away from his mentor's body, a cry building in his throat as he did so.
No time to bury the man, nor take anything with him.
He ran away in a rushed stumble, fighting his body's weak knees and the nature around him to get away.
The sight of the limp body was seared behind his eyes and acid built up his throat, he didn't even have time to vomit it up as he tried to escape.
?He thought he heard someone shout his name. He stopped, confused. He turned around. This wasn't normally the way this dream went.
?He warily stalked back to where he left the body, the wind carrying his name guiding him there, pain forgotten.
?Standing over the body, he looked down at it, the corpse unremarkable and unidentifiable, he was taller than when he'd left it there. The air around it was calmer, the wind halted, no pursuers following him.
?He looked down at his hands which were gripping Eris, the blade stuck inside the body like he had never removed it, her normal warm bite cold against his fingers, devoid of life.
?"Julian."
?The corpse looked up at him with long blonde hair, murky scheming green eyes and a sinister grin, baring his teeth.
?"Hello, brother."
?James sat up flailing for a gasp for air, sucking in as much as he could in the dark.
His hands fumbled, desperately looking for Eris, his heart pounding in his ears.
His fingers slipped off her grip and he panicked, looking down at them and expecting blood.
There wasn't any, only a layer of sweat warming them uncomfortably.
?It took him a while to get a grip of where he was, the steady breathing of three people close by and the gentle flicker of candle light beyond the pews.
?His body wobbling, he steadily untangled himself from the blankets and stepped around the bodies, using sound to locate them.
As quietly as his adrenaline-fiddled body could, he got the front door unlocked and snipped it closed behind him.
The cold night air brushed his skin and clung to the sweat, soothing him.
?He lowered himself to the ground, planting his hands on the cool smooth rock, and leaned his head back against the wall, taking long steady breaths to calm his body. In and out.
?The clouds had passed, leaving the sky mostly bare, stars peppering the sky and the moon providing him with some vague light. He absentmindedly stroked Eris' sheath next to him.
?The sound of the door opening again made him flinch, disturbing his already excitable heart. His hand automatically tightened around Eris, a response ingrained in him out of survival.
?Someone poked their head out of the entrance, the silhouette unidentifiable.
?"James?" the voice asked. Alex.
?"I'm here." he mumbled, the tension releasing from his shoulders.
?Alex hesitated and then came to sit down next to him, slumping down in a heavy laze, his expression unreadable in the dark blue. The man didn't say anything to him, simply looking out at nothing.
?"I'm not running away, if that's what you think." James informed him.
?He could feel, rather than see, Alex rub the back of his neck, a low sigh escaping him.
?"I know." Alex said, simply.
?"Then, why are you here?"
?Alex didn't answer, grunting something incomprehensible under his breath, gesturing vaguely with a hand.
James supposed it would be too much to ask for a private moment, but Alex had waited a minute before coming out.
It wasn't difficult to imagine he'd prehaps groaned or jolted in his sleep which had alerted the man from the beginning.
Alex seemed to be quite the light sleeper himself.
?James was used to nightmares, sometimes not knowing where he was when he woke up, but that one was particularly bad. He hadn't let himself think much of Fabian as the years passed; he had spent more of his life away from him than he had with. They were basically strangers.
?Even so, he was his brother. They grew up with each other, they had moments where they bickered, other times where they outright hated each other, but they also had moments where they'd been partners in crime, causing mischief.
It would have been unthinkable to believe Fabian would kill their parents and servants just for power; he wouldn't have believed it if he hadn't seen it for himself.
Rather than furious, at that moment, he just felt sad.
?"I also get nightmares." Alex told him, staring off into the sky.
?"About what?" James retorted, not interested in talking about feelings. "You kidnap a child and it escapes?"
?Alex didn't rise at the bait, turning his head slightly in James' direction in what James imagined was a disapproving look of some kind. Luckily for him, he didn't have the ability to see it.
?Instead of insulting him back, Alex hummed. "I was going to offer some information for free but now you're going to have to pay for it."
?James gave him a suspicious stare from the corner of his eye.
He thought about what Ino had said, that Alex was somehow different from other nobles.
Of course, this was obvious in the physical sense— his skin colour— but he doubted that was what Ino was referring to.
He wondered what she had been talking about.
?"Information about what?" James finally asked, his voice low from the annoyance that he'd felt tempted to ask.
?James could see the moonlight reflecting off of Alex's teeth as he grinned.
?"I was going to tell you about my situation with the duke, but clearly you're not very interested in what I have to say."
?James sniffed. "That's not very fair."
?Alex leaned in closer. "No? This is what you wanted, though." The humour added an extra rumble and lightness to his low voice, it did weird things to James' sensibilities.
?Alex had clearly left a gap between them out of respect for James' personal boundaries, but James wouldn't have minded if the man broke them in this situation. Rules were made to be broken, even personal ones.
?"I have nightmares every night." James admitted in a rare gesture of honesty, one he probably wouldn't have offered if he'd been able to see Alex. It was intended to be an indirect apology.
?"I know." Alex murmured. "I haven't seen you have a single restful night since we met." Alex paused. "I do too, every night."
?"What about?"
?"I told you you'd have to pay for that." Alex admonished.
?James frowned. "I apologised." he complained; albeit without actually saying the words 'I'm sorry'.
?Alex chuckled quietly, a pleasant breathy sound. It further eased James' mood too, raising some lightness in his chest that hadn't been there before.
?"What kind of payment are we talking about here?" James asked, cocking his head with half lidded eyes. He shifted a little closer and felt Alex's body stiffen.
?"That's not what I meant." Alex clarified in a fluster, "I meant we'd have to trade."
?James let him off, but didn't move away, neither was he deterred.
?"Are you always kept in the dark like this?" James asked in curiosity, "I mean, do you even know why they want Fabian dead in the first place?"
?"I've learned not to ask such questions." Alex responded curtly.
?"That's a no then." James concluded, touching his lips in thought. "I can tell you if you'd like." he offered.
?Alex tensed in surprise. "You'd just simply tell me?"
?James shrugged, pulling his legs closer to his body. "Why not? This is probably incredibly surprising to you, I'm sure, but I have no loyalty whatsoever towards the king nor your dad. I don't give a shit about them or their opinions, I can tell you everything."
?Alex thought for a long time, his body fidgeting in discomfort.
?James wasn't exactly sure what Ino thought was so special about Alex— nor what was valuable about him.
Yes, he was very physically capable, he'd managed to capture James after all and that couldn't be said about many knights.
He was also very adept at reading people, knowing when he could press James and when he couldn't. But, it ended there.
?Alex didn't seem to have much political power at all, despite being the duke's son.
It didn't seem like he had any sway or persuasion over his father nor the king, even the other knights only tolerated him at best. Alex didn't have lots of valuable information either, he was just a strong loyal dog.
?"It's not that serious." James sighed, getting impatient and frustrated. "What's there even to think about?"
?"Well, they would have told me these things if I needed to know." Alex explained, "What if I'm not supposed to know?"
?James rolled his eyes.
?"You know, you're a lot more handsome when you try not to think. You make a good knight with only half a brain like that. I'm worried you're going to hurt yourself if you overdo it though."
?Not receiving a response, James squinted to try and see Alex and his reaction.
?"You need to tell people to fuck off more." James told him, huffing.
?Alex's voice took a harder edge with his next words. "I'm not in a position to do that."
?James scoffed. "It's exhausting watching you trying to pretend to be more docile and friendly than you are. There's something harder and darker inside you that you're repressing, I can tell. Just let it all out, man."
?"And be labelled a barbarian?" Alex's voice rose, exasperated. "Don't talk to me about repression when you're emotionally stunted enough that you're not even capable of having the feelings of a rock."
?"Guess what, sunshine? People will call you a barbarian regardless of what you do. You have no self-respect yet expect others to respect you?"
?"Well I'm trying not to give them the arrows." Alex growled back.
?"People with knives don't need arrows, you half-brained twit. If people are gonna talk, then they're gonna talk. That's how nobles are."
?"Yeah, because you have so much experience being a noble don't you? All you know about aristocracy is how to kill them." the words came out in a sarcastic drawl. "What happened to your noble accent, huh?"
?"I blew it out." James grunted, talking like one of them made him nauseous. "And even if all I know is how best to stab a noble and nothing else, I'm still hell of a lot more noble than a barbarian."
?Alex launched at him with a pissed off growl, causing James to fall onto his back, reeling back his arm to punch James in the face. James automatically went for his open ribcage but stopped short as the bulkier man attacked his face, the pain exploding with the contact.
?Laughter fizzed in James' chest and he began to laugh wickedly. "Ow, ow, ow." he managed to get out among breathy chuckles, taking numerous hits to his upper body. It was a shame he couldn't get a look of Alex's angry face.
?"What's so fucking funny?"
?"So you did have it in you?" James hummed mischievously, grinning. "You're not completely a lost cause yet."
?Alex came up short and went still, the two men panting the only thing audible in the silence. James was surprised that Alex had stopped assaulting him after so few words; they were going to have to work on that, Alex hadn't hit him nearly enough times to truly work off that tense edge of his.
?Alex didn't say anything as he straddled James' hips, clearly fighting a battle in his mind. The position reminded James of when they'd first met. The sky was somewhat lighter by that point, and he could just about make out the furrow of Alex's brow, his pressed lips, his scrunched nose.
?"You've still got some anger to work off, huh?" James said, unable to hide the sly humour from his voice.
?Alex snarled at him. "You son of a bit—"
?James pulled the man down by his collar and crushed Alex's lips to his, securing him there by snaking his hands around his head. Alex stilled, shocked, and James was going to take advantage of that.
?Before Alex could get his mind to spin, James bit his lower lip, earning him gasp from the man and then used the opportunity to push his tongue inside, enjoying the softness with a throaty grunt.
He could feel Alex resisting, but he also began to move his mouth against James', losing his fight against the temptation and sinking into the allure of the kiss.
?James used his legs to spread Alex's, catching him off balance and forcing Alex to drop his whole weight on top of him. The shiver that passed through Alex's body was enthralling. James could feel his own body reacting, Alex was so incredibly sexy and he didn't even try.
?As if angered by his own body's betrayal, Alex held James' chin in his hand and pushed it forward, opening James' neck and throat. James let him aggressively shove his tongue in as deep as he could, heat pooling in his guts from the desperation the other man tried to dominate him.
?Who knew James had a thing for angry sex? It was yet another kink he didn't need to have.
?As if snapping back into reality, Alex tore himself away, getting away from James' body and sitting away from the man, his eyes wide and pained. "Fuck!" he exclaimed, in a burst of frustration.
?James pulled his shoulders up to lean back on his elbows, watching the man's breakdown with an unimpressed sniff.
?"You can't even blame that one on me." James stated, getting a word in before the argument could even begin.
?"You fucking pulled me down!" Alex practically shouted.
?James winced, glancing to the side as if he could see their travel companions through the wall. Alex followed his gaze and sighed, scrubbing his face with his hands. "Fuck." he said, again.
?"I tried." James complained, sitting up properly to watch the different emotions pass on Alex's face; frustration, anger, pain, lust.
?Alex glared at him, as if he knew what James could see.
?James shrugged unapologetically. "You needed to work that anger off." he justified, he'd also wanted to get revenge from last time; but that could remain unsaid.
?"And who the fuck was the one who made me angry in the first place, hm?
" Alex spat, his voice taking a low dangerous tone.
Any smaller man would have been intimidated by it, but it only made James want to smile.
He pressed his lips together to stop himself, knowing grinning would only make the other man hate him more.
?"James, you don't get it. I can't do that kind of thing." Alex insisted.
?James cocked his head, observing. "I don't understand why."
?Alex flopped his hands, his fists grasping at nothing, like he was trying to fish for an explanation that James would understand out of the air.
?"The duke will kill me if he finds out, first of all."
?James shook his head incredulously. "Okay... and who's gonna tell him? I certainly won't."
?Alex glowered, pulling his hair. "He would just— find out, somehow, okay?"
?"You're gonna end up killing someone if you keep penting it all up, man." James observed cynically. "What's more barbaric; murder or some casual fun between two adults?" James weighed both options with his hands.
?"Two male adults." Alex pointed out.
?"Who would know?"
?Alex opened his mouth to answer but was interrupted by Thomas flying out of the doors in a panic, looking for them. Only Alex's blink betrayed his flinch at the guest intruding on their conversation.
?Thomas sagged once he saw them. "Fuck's sake. I thought he'd done a runner."
?James' lip quirked up in a smirk, staring right at Alex. "I thought about it, but the scenery is too pretty."
?Thomas' sleepy brain simply looked out at the dim blue and yellow morning glow. "Oh yeah, I guess it is."
?Alex avoided the compliment by getting up and storming back into the temple, not even slamming the door on his way in. James had wanted him to.
?He smiled to himself. Ino was right, the man had potential, although she probably hadn't considered his sexual potential like James had.
It seemed like he was just going to have to keep twisting the knife until the ball of wool that was Alex's facade came unravelled.
He would get the man shouting and screaming; whether in anger or pleasure; no matter what he did.
?By the time James was done with him, he would be slamming damn doors.