LXII
Alex laid in bed, eyes closed despite the alertness of his mind, the vigilance of his primitive body.
Fletcher shifted next to him, twitching in his sleep.
Fletcher had been shaken after witnessing the killing and had privately requested Alex to volunteer to sleep in the bed with him instead.
James had accepted that immediately. Whether James was ignorant as to why, Alex did not know.
?It was one thing to see on paper that James was a cold blooded killer, it wasn't waved in front of his face, it was a fact he could greatly understate in his mind, ignore it.
It was another to witness it in front of his very eyes.
Such a weak and pitiful woman, and she'd been slaughtered so dishonourably. James had joked about it.
?In that moment, Alex had been truly frightened of James— a feeling he'd long forgotten and since remembered.
?The reasoning had been so unempathetic. James had explained why murdering her had been his only option like every one of his assumptions were fact. But, he'd only decided to take the easy route. There could've been other things they could've done, if only they'd sat down and talked about it.
?That poor woman had only wanted to protect her own. She had been noble, in a way.
?"Psst."
?Alex startled, reaching for the dagger he'd shoved under his pillow. But, a rough hand stopped his wrist, holding it firmly. Palm scabbed over, it was James'.
?"You scared me," Alex accused, in a harsh whisper. Truthfully, he was still frightened, his heart tapping his ribs quickly.
?"Come with me."
?Alex blew out a breath, rubbing his eyes. "At this time?"
?James was serious. "Yes," he whispered. "Come on, put some clothes on."
?It was beyond tempting to tell James to fuck off, considering the time of night. Alex hadn't been sleeping, but he was still exhausted. It wasn't reasonable to expect him to obey every beck and call, especially when he was still angry.
?He relented with a sigh, sitting up.
?"What for?" Alex asked, but James shushed him. So, he silently put his clothes on, grumbling in his head. Remarkably, Fletcher remained asleep throughout the soft fissling, his breaths steady.
?"You'll see."
?James hiked a bag over his shoulder, Eris tied to his waist, and held the bedroom door open for him. He waited patiently whilst Alex stood there with his arms crossed. But, once again, Alex relented, and walked out.
?It was strange. It wasn't unusual for Alex to be awake and moving around at this time of night; he often worked into the early hours of the morning.
However, that was in the Drykas Palace, or in Duke Chamberlain's estate— where the sun never truly set.
There were always others rushing past him in corridors, or joking in stairwells, voices and footsteps chipping away at the air.
Here, though, in Duke Straton's villa, it was quiet, calm, silent.
Serene. The long corridors were still, and their presence, their gentle breaths, was the only disturbance rippling that flat pond.
Alex could believe they were the only two people on the planet.
The thought made him feel sick and awed.
?"Come along," James prompted. He surprised Alex by slipping his hand into his, intertwining their fingers. James seemed calm, but Alex thought he could feel James' galloping heart pulsing through his wounds.
?James gently tugged him one direction whilst Alex's feet stayed rooted to the floor. James wasn't forceful, he once again waited for Alex to make the decision for himself. For the third and last time that night, Alex relented.
?Alex wasn't sure what James was doing, but he seemed oddly vulnerable at that moment. His heart and actions were at one, Alex could feel it. It made it impossible to break away.
?"I'll need you to guide me," James said softly, squeezing his hand.
?Alex nodded, glad James couldn't see his face. Alex may have been frightened of James, but James was such a pitiful and delicate existence. Alex wanted to treat him gently in moments like these.
?"Where?" he asked.
?"The kitchen. Just... make sure I don't trip, okay?"
?Alex decided not to ask anymore questions.
They walked hand in hand, with Alex leading him through the dark.
The most difficult part was the narrow and steep stairs that led to the villa's basement.
Alex had masked his worry, knowing James wouldn't appreciate it, but James had traversed them mostly with ease.
Alex noticed his eyes were closed as he did so.
?In an empty kitchen, Alex stood uselessly, unsure why they were there. Some of the fires had been left running, maintaining perpetual soups, providing the room with enough light that James could look around.
?James was interested in the ceiling. He carried a chair around, stepping onto it to feel the timbers overhead, before changing location and doing the same. They definitely weren't there for food.
?Then, something shifted, wood scraping on wood. James looked pleased, pressing and prodding the spot again. Alex came round, fascinated.
?"What is that?"
?James grinned as he looked down at him. "An escape."
?Stunned, Alex watched as James moved the panel aside and put his bag up in the hole, followed by Eris. Then, with ease, he hefted himself up, disappearing into the ceiling.
?"Can you grab us a lamp?" James requested, his head poking out. "A small one."
?Alex, like a dog, obediently fetched a lamp from the counter and used the fire to light it. He passed it up to James who then gestured for him to come up also.
?James had made it look easy. But, even with the chair, the ceiling was high and Alex had to grip the ledge with only his fingers at first, until he was able to get an elbow in there.
It was a tight squeeze, and there was nothing he could do with his legs.
Clumsily, though, he made it, banging his head on something on the way up.
?With the lamp, he could see his surroundings. They were in a secret space between a false ceiling and a real one, with enough height that they could crouch, but too low for them to stand.
?"What is this place?"
?James lowered himself down again and used his feet to gently kick aside the chair. Then, he lifted himself and covered the hole with the trapdoor, covering their tracks, like they'd never been there in the first place.
?"It's going to be dusty," James cautioned quietly. "But don't sneeze or cough. People will hear."
?"But what is this?"
?James led them through to a narrow opening that dropped down, giving them enough height to stand, but two stone walls sandwiched them uncomfortably. Cobwebs tickled his face and arms.
?"Any noble house that is big enough for a dungeon has tunnels like these," James finally answered Alex's question.
"They're mazes designed to either escape with, or forever get lost in.
Nobles are paranoid. They don't tell their knights about these.
And, sometimes, they don't tell their children either.
It's common for the family to forget altogether. "
?Alex suddenly retraced their route in his head, conscious of getting lost. "How do you know which way to go?"
?As if Adeia had heard the challenge, the two of them stumbled upon a junction in their path, they had to choose between an identical left and right.
?James didn't seem worried. He flicked his knife out and didn't hesitate to cut off a lock of his hair, surprising Alex. James then took the lamp from him and held out the light in front, before dropping the tuft from his fingers. He watched as it fell.
?"Left," James stated.
?Alex was hesitant, conscious of the possibility that they would get lost, but he followed regardless since James appeared confident.
?"How do you know?"
?"Some of it is intuition," James admitted.
"Guessing where you are by visualising the floor plan.
We're inside the walls right now. But there's also a draught; a breeze blows in from the exit.
So, if you drop something light you can see it.
Only risk is that you might run into another entrance. So, you have to use both."
?Alex grimaced. "Doesn't sound very exact."
?"It's not," James chuckled. "But, I use passages like this all the time. You're fine."
?As claustrophobic as Alex was feeling, visualising being trapped in this small dark space forever, the walls doming around him, squeezing, crushing him, leaving him forgotten like the spiders and dead mice, he did trust James' ability.
His trust in James' skills kept his breathing barely quicker than his shallow rabbit-like pants.
?"You learnt this to help you kill people?" The snarky remark slipped through.
?"Yes," James replied. "My mentor taught me these things to help me kill people."
?James' willingness to admit it deflated Alex's frustration.
These hang ups were his alone, he realised that James wouldn't pretend to feel guilty for his sake.
It was true that James had some justifications but Alex had killed many himself too.
Alex's desire to see no more people die wasn't James' problem.
He ought to forgive him, for his own sake.
?They were two separate people.
?Eventually, Alex sagged in relief when he started to feel fresh air brushing against his skin, the tunnels becoming less musty and damp, the air lighter. The splashing of running water could be heard.
?Even though he could feel it, at the end, the two of them were met with bony branches twisting into the passage, stretching and reaching for them.
Although it was cramped, James drew Eris and began hacking away, inching his way through.
Alex held back, holding the lamp, studying the charcoal edges that Eris' bite had left behind.
?After a couple of minutes, they were through, stepping out into the moonlight, free from the suffocating clutches of the maze's custody. James took the lamp back, blowing it out.
?With the full moon hanging overhead, the sky had become a rich dark blue, the colour soaking into their grassy surroundings, the thin blades caressing their bare legs.
The night's eye was reflected white in the river, the image shivering.
Behind them, the golden glow of the villa was humble and far.
?It was now clear what James was trying to do and Alex smiled.
?"You wanted to cheer me up?"
?The underground maze had indeed been interesting, it was as if Alex could look into James' past, get a glimpse of his old life. It felt too nice to be away from the chaos in the villa. Out here, they were safe and momentarily free.
?"The world is pretty," James said, gazing out distantly. He took Alex's hand in his own, holding onto it gently, hesitantly. He looked at him, then. "I hope I've shown you that. I hope you can see it."
?Alex cupped James' abused and battered hand in both of his own, covering it with his warmth, smiling tenderly. He could feel that nervous patter in James' wrist, his pulse jumping.
?"You showed me," Alex whispered. "I see it."
?James slowly leaned forward, tentatively pressing their foreheads together, relaxing in relief when Alex didn't push him away. He moulded their lips together, the touch delicate, undemanding. There was something slightly desperate about it, raw, but it was hesitant.
?"Let's go," James said, rubbing his cheek against Alex's.
?Alex was a little perplexed but he nodded, his breath seized. The weak and vulnerable James he was witnessing now was a staggering contrast to the one who had coldly sliced a woman's neck open. James' instability was a frightening thing but Alex was pathetically weak to it.
?"Let's go," Alex agreed.
?James' exhale was wobbly, his hands close to shaking. Alex kept a keen eye on James as they trudged through the river, the stones slippery and their legs wet.
?They traversed onwards, through straw-like fields and drying meadows.
There were more trees on this side of Hitchleigh than where they'd come from, but they did little to block out the light of the moon overhead.
Eventually, Alex looked back, and the Duke's villa was but a small ember in the distance.
?"Where are we going?" Alex asked, conscious of the distance they'd traversed.
?"Anywhere," James said lightly.
?Alex's brow furrowed. "Anywhere?"
?James turned to him. "That's right. Is there anywhere you'd want to go? We can go anywhere."
?Alex stopped in his tracks. James walked a few more steps before turning around and pausing in confusion.
?"You're not leading me with somewhere in mind?" the words came out slow, measured.
?James stared silently for a moment. "Then, do you want me to choose?"
?Alex knew the situation had felt strange, he just hadn't been sure why. "What are we doing right now?" Alex asked, just to be sure.
?"Leaving," James stated. His body was perfectly still. "We're leaving."
?"Leaving..." Alex echoed. Suddenly, understanding captured him, his stomach dropping. "You're running away."
?Thomas had been right to warn Alex; James' willingness to be dragged around into something that didn't interest him, his lack of enthusiasm and input despite his insight, his pretend obedience; he'd always planned to run. The whole time.
?James shifted his weight. "Well, you're coming with me. I asked Eris, she doesn't mind. It can be the three of us."
?Alex brought his hand to his mouth, gaze trained on the ground. He'd never thought things would go wrong like this.
?"You... don't look happy," James said, dejected.
?Alex brought his glare back up, about to snap at James. Of course Alex wasn't happy. He still hadn't fully processed what was happening. But, at the look on James' face, he couldn't. It was clear that James genuinely didn't understand.
?A breeze blew past them, and they both remained still.
?Alex's voice was quiet, hoarse. The devastation was beginning to pull on him. "What do you want, James?"
?"You."
?Alex shook his head. "I don't want to be had."
?James' confusion cracked, a surge of energy beginning to simmer. He ran a hand through his hair, his feet shifting, as if his body felt compelled to pace.
?"I don't understand," he professed. "We're running away together, we'll be free. You just have to come with me. Why are you upset?"
?"I don't want to leave, James. I have a life, responsibilities I need to keep."
?"Your life is awful," James argued, his fists clenching. "What life? You're treated like shit."
?Alex levelled a look at him. "This wasn't your decision to make. It never was. I'm not a thing that you can drag around with you, not like Eris."
?"That's not how I think of you!" James swore. "I see you as a person— I do. Just... come with me."
?Alex didn't react to the outburst, his own emotions imploding in on him, numbness keeping his breakdown at bay. He couldn't believe this was happening.
?The words came out. "I'm not coming with you, James."
?James frowned, his breathing laboured. "But... I set this up for us. Riley will cover for us, King William will defeat Fabian, the temple; he'll forget all about us. We'll be free."
?"Why?" Alex asked, firmly, like he was trying to reason with a child. "Why will he forget about you?"
?"What do you mean?" James blinked. "I helped him. He can defeat Fabian legally now, with the Royal Council's support."
?"And what of it?"
?James was at a loss. "I don't understand."
?"You helped him. So, what? You went against your word, ran away from your promise. Why in Khearia would he let you go? You're a dangerous existence— a rightful heir on the run— a force for instability. How would he know you'll live quietly? He has no reason to keep your secret. None at all."
?James faltered. He looked crushed, unconfident, unsure of himself. "But... he should."
?Alex sighed. He pressed his palms into his eye sockets, hard enough that it hurt.
?"You're delusional, James," he said. "Utterly so. The world you see around you— the things you assume— they have no basis in reality. None."
?He'd known James had a habit of treating his own assumptions as fact. The maid was a perfect example. But, James' delusion was far more severe than he'd ever anticipated.
?Logically, Alex should've tried to drag James back with him. Prince Julian was vital for Alex's protection, a necessary key. Without him, Alex would be at the mercy of his angry father, with no barriers in the way.
?He could feel the dread begin to snake around his ankles, rising. He regarded James one last time, devouring the sight of him, etching it into his mind.
?"I'm going back," Alex said, his feet feeling heavy, his vision blurring around the edges.
?James took a step forward, desperately reaching for Alex's arm. "No, you can't leave me."
?Alex stared at James' hand on his skin. He shrugged it off.
?"You're the one who's leaving, James, not me. But, that's fine. You go do that. I'm not coming with you."
?James belonged to the scenery behind him, Alex realised that. He was a bird. As a king, his wings would be clipped. A flightless bird was tragic. He'd be enslaved, like Alex already was.
?He wished he'd never developed feelings for the other man.
?James lowered his head, the word coming out in a quiet gasp. "Please."
?Alex averted his gaze, keeping himself together by a thread.
?"I enjoyed our time together, James." And he'd meant that.
?James' face looked as if he was crying at that moment, but his eyes were dry. Perfectly so. Alex knew James wasn't capable of such a thing. He didn't blame him for it.
?He left, and James didn't stop him. A few times, Alex had been tempted to look over his shoulder but he'd refused to do so. Alex had to stay.
?It was a long way back, the walk felt both like it had lasted forever and no time at all. Suddenly, Alex was at the front gate of the villa, the world around him feeling as if he was in a dream, a nightmare.
?He didn't recall what he'd said to the guards but it seemed they hadn't realised he'd never left through the gate in the first place. His answers were curt and reflexive and their replies bubbled underwater.
?It wasn't until Alex had returned to their room that the reality of the situation finally sunk in.
Fletcher slept peacefully, unaware. The room was devoid of James' belongings, any traces of him, as if he'd been a ghost passing through.
His sandals were no longer strewn by the door, the blanket he'd used was folded neatly, as if never used.
Even on the bedside table, the dreamcatcher that James had propped up next to Alex's head was gone, leaving an empty space in its wake. There was nothing.
?James was gone. He'd fled.
?Alex trudged to the balcony door, his mind foggy, his balance off.
He sat in the open air, dragging it in deeply, his thumb digging into the wood grain of his chair, feeling it.
He gazed out, stunned, searching for James on the horizon.
He wasn't sure if he was even looking in the correct direction.
?The look of hurt and anguish on James' face appeared to him then— even though he scorched his palms daily. James had been Alex's ticket to something resembling almost freedom. His father could've said nothing to a king. He could've lived a boundless life, the noose slackened.
?How many more times could Alex survive all of this?
?A tear broke free. Alex sobbed, wracking his chest, clenching his hand to his mouth to stay silent. Only a few sounds would escape, his deep stuttered breaths fussing through his nose.
?He was back to the beginning again.
?He buried his face in his hands, clawing at his skin, his head tight from repression. He'd thought he'd stood a chance this time, he thought he'd done it. He'd liked James, it was all so hopeful. He hadn't dared to ask any questions.
?Even now, his mind was wracked with desperation, groping for new plans. He was tired yet he'd refused to die. Why couldn't he just give up?
?Letting go of James would most definitely prove to be the biggest mistake of his life.