Chapter Four
As they trudged through the thick, powdery snow, Gretchen could see Kian shivering in his inadequate boots and without gloves. She knew he must be freezing, but she knew he would push on. The sooner they reached their destination, the sooner they could retreat back to the warmth of the cabin.
Lobo bounded ahead of them, joyfully bouncing through the snow and barking with excitement. Gretchen couldn’t help but laugh at his enthusiasm.
“Well, someone loves the snow,” Kian remarked.
“He’s a Malamute. Of course, he loves it. There have been times when I practically have to drag him inside,” Gretchen replied with a smile. “He’ll just lay on the porch covered in snow and refuse to move.”
“I think I like snow, but not enough to stay out in it,” Kian confessed.
“I love it, but I feel the same way. Cold weather is my favorite, but that doesn’t mean I enjoy being cold.”
“That makes sense. People love summer but don’t want to be sweating in the heat,” Kian nodded. “When I would bale hay—” He suddenly stopped and looked at Gretchen. “I’ve baled hay.”
“See? Your memories are coming back,” she said encouragingly.
Kian grinned at her, causing Gretchen’s heart to skip a beat. She just couldn’t get over how undeniably handsome he was, and she couldn’t help but wonder if there was someone somewhere missing him right now.
They finally arrived at the tree where Lobo had found Kian, and Gretchen turned to face him.
“This is the spot,” she said quietly as they both looked around.
After a few moments of searching, Kian suddenly stopped and gazed up at the sky.
“Is that a helicopter?” he asked incredulously.
“It sounds like one,” Gretchen confirmed. She tried to run out from the trees toward the sound, but the deep snow impeded her progress.
Kian attempted to do the same, but they both ended up sinking into the snow. They could hear the helicopter getting farther away and Gretchen felt a sense of disappointment wash over her.
She looked back at Kian who had dropped to his knees in defeat.
“Fuck,” he shouted, then turned to look at her. “I have a feeling they were looking for me.” He hung his head.
Gretchen walked back to him and crouched down beside him. “They’ll come back,” she reassured him.
He raised his head and stared at her. “What makes you say that? They didn’t find me here, so they’ve probably moved on.” He got to his feet. “Son of a bitch.”
“Kian, they went back because of that.” She pointed toward the mountains in the distance. “A storm is rolling in, and we need to head back. The snow is starting again.”
“Not yet. If you want to go, go ahead, but I’m going to walk around and see if anything jogs my memory.”
“You can’t be out in this weather for too long,” Gretchen reminded him.
“I won’t be. Please, just let me look,” he pleaded.
Sighing, Gretchen watched as her breath formed a cloud in front of her face. “Alright. Here, take the rifle. But don’t make me come looking for you.”
He nodded as he took the gun from her; his eyes clouded with sadness. “At least someone would,” he muttered, his voice barely audible to Gretchen as he trudged deeper into the woods. She watched him until he disappeared from sight.
Feeling a pang of guilt for leaving him alone, she turned to Lobo. “Go with him,” she said firmly, pointing in the direction Kian had gone. The dog obeyed, bounding off through the snow-covered trees. Gretchen made her way back to the cabin, shivering despite her thick coat and layers of winter gear. If Kian wasn’t back in fifteen minutes, she promised herself that she would go back out to find him.
As she entered the warm cabin, she let out a sigh of relief. She removed her heavy coat, hat, and mittens before hanging them up by the door. Then she walked over to the hearth and placed her hat and mittens on top to dry. After making herself a cup of hot tea, she sat down at the window and watched as the snow fell heavier and harder outside.
“You need to get back here, Kian,” she whispered.
Straining her eyes through the thick snowfall, she finally saw Lobo running toward the cabin followed closely by Kian. She couldn’t help but smile when she saw him petting the dog affectionately.
When they reached the porch, she could hear Kian stomping his feet to remove the snow before entering. She opened the door for him.
“Do you want a cup of coffee to warm you up?” she asked.
“Please,” he replied gratefully. He brushed off the snow from his shoulders and hair before stepping inside. She took the rifle from him, and he took off his boots and placed them near the fireplace to dry.
“I’ll be right back,” he said, heading down the hallway. “I need to get out of these wet clothes.”
“Your coffee will be ready when you get back, then I’ll put your sling back on for you,” Gretchen called after him, as she put the rifle back into the cabinet.
“Thank you,” Kian replied.
****
Kian walked into the kitchen and took the mug of coffee from Gretchen’s hand, savoring each sip as he looked out the window.
“You’re trying too hard,” she said.
He let out a sigh and turned to face her. “I know, but you don’t understand how much this bothers me. Thoughts come and go in my mind before I can grasp them.”
“Your family must be worried sick about you,” she commented sympathetically.
“I’m sure they are,” he replied, glancing back at the window. “It’s like I know I don’t have a wife, but deep down, I feel like my parents are still living and a part of me is missing.” He looked over his shoulder at Gretchen. “Does that make any sense?”
“Yes, it does. I wish I could do more to help you,” she said with a shake of her head.
“Me too,” he replied with a small smile.
She walked to the fridge and opened it. “Any ideas for dinner tonight?”
“What do you have?” Kian asked.
“Chicken, steak, soup, frozen dinners,” she listed off with a shrug.
“Steak sounds good to me. I know I like steak,” he joked with a grin.
Gretchen laughed. “That’s a start.”
As he finished his coffee, Kian rinsed his cup and placed it in the sink before turning to face her.
“Why isn’t a beautiful woman like you married?”
“And why isn’t a handsome man like you married?”
Kian raised an eyebrow in surprise. “You think I’m handsome?”
“Just look in the mirror; you’ll see it too.”
“I do look in the mirror, but all I see is a stranger staring back at me,” he confessed with a chuckle.
“A handsome stranger,” she corrected, causing them both to laugh.
“You’re avoiding the question,” Kian teased.
“I already told you, I’m divorced,” Gretchen replied with a shrug. “No concrete reason, we just drifted apart. We’re still friends though. We fell in love in ninth grade.” She shook her head with a small smile. “As soon as we graduated, we got married and my mother had a fit.” She chuckled at the memory. “But I assured her I knew what I was doing.” Her expression turned rueful. “I didn’t.”
Kian joined in her laughter. “Mothers always know best.”
“They do,” Gretchen agreed with a sigh. “I hope your mother is okay, she must be worried about you.”
“And my dad too,” Kian added, shaking his head. “I can feel it inside me that they’re both still living.”
They gazed at each other across the room until Kian pushed off from the counter and slowly made his way toward her. He couldn’t take his eyes off her lips before meeting her gaze again.
“Gretchen...” he trailed off.
“What?” she asked curiously.
He took a deep breath before confessing, “I want to kiss you.”
Gretchen shook her head slightly, but Kian let out a disappointed sigh and turned away from her. Just as he did, she reached out and touched his arm gently.
“I want that too,” she admitted before continuing softly, “I am so attracted to you—”
Without hesitation, Kian pulled her to him, using his left arm, and pressed his lips to hers in a passionate kiss. As she wrapped her arms around his waist, he deepened the kiss even further. He slowly lifted his lips, put his forehead against hers, looked into her eyes.
“I want you so much,” he whispered.
“I want you too.”
Kian smiled when she took his hand, led him through the living room and toward her bedroom.
The anticipation was electric between them, their bodies humming with desire. He kicked the door open with a loud thud and watched her climb onto the bed. He lay down beside her. His hands roamed over her body, tracing every curve and contour with a hungry intensity. The pain in his arm was nothing to the want and need he had for her.
He tugged at the hem of her T-shirt, pulling it up over her head and revealing her bare breasts. He watched her bite her lip as he ran his fingers along the edge of her lounge pants, teasing her with feather-light touches.
Kian quickly pulled them off, dropped them to the floor, and his cock grew harder in response.
She scooted up on the bed, inviting him to explore every inch of her body. He slid his tongue up her legs then buried his face between her thighs, inhaling her musky scent before flicking his tongue over her clitoris.
She moaned loudly, as he pleased her. She cried out as she came, pleasure washing over her body and leaving her trembling with desire. He kissed his way up her body, kissed her breasts, took a nipple into his mouth, then slid his lips up her chin to her lips. He settled between her thighs and stopped.
“Shit,” he swore.
“What?”
“No condom.”
“I have some.”
“Wait. What? Why do you have condoms?”
“Later. Get one out of the nightstand. Please.”
Kian opened the drawer, saw the box, removed a condom and set it on the table. He stood, quickly stripped off his clothes, revealing his thick cock standing at attention. He rolled the condom on, then moved over her, positioned himself and pushed inside with one swift motion.
She gasped as he filled her completely, stretching her walls and sending shockwaves of pleasure throughout them. He groaned when she wrapped her legs around his waist. They moved together in perfect rhythm, their bodies becoming one as they lost themselves in each other.
He thrust deeper and harder with each passing moment, drawing out their shared pleasure until they both reached their breaking point. They came together in an explosion of ecstasy, their bodies shaking as they rode out their orgasms together.
Kian rolled onto his back beside her and pulled her close to him. He kissed her forehead.
“You want to tell me why you have a box of condoms?” He chuckled when she laughed.
“A friend of mine gave them to me. We have lunch together once a month. She was talking about her husband and how great their sex was. I told her I hadn’t had sex in so long that I didn’t remember how to do it—”
“Yes, you do,” he said, making her laugh.
“Anyway, I told her I didn’t need to hear about how good her sex life was. The next time we met for lunch, she handed me a bag with the condoms in it and told me to get laid because I was getting cranky.”
Kian laughed. “I think I like your friend.”
“I’ll be right back,” she said as she got up from the bed and entered the bathroom, closing the door behind her.
Kian swore as the pain intensified in his shoulder, but couldn’t help but grin, thinking it was worth it.
****
As Gretchen stared at her reflection in the mirror, she regretted her decision to have sex with him. She couldn’t shake the feeling that he had a significant other waiting for him at home, wondering where he was and if he was even alive.
“You idiot,” she whispered to herself. After finishing up in the bathroom, she found Kian gone from the bedroom. He probably used the other bathroom.
Pulling on her robe, she walked into the kitchen and saw him getting a bottle of water from the fridge. “Kian...”
He turned to face her, and she watched him sigh. “You’re regretting it, aren’t you?”
“We shouldn’t have done that. We don’t know if you’re married, engaged, or involved with someone. I don’t condone cheating and yet, I might have just had sex with a cheater.”
“Gretchen, I am not married or engaged—”
“How do you know that?”
“Because when we were about to have sex, I instinctively reached for my wallet to get a condom. If I was married or even engaged, I wouldn’t have a condom in my wallet or even think about using one. Most committed couples don’t use them.” He gently touched her cheek. “Did your husband keep one in his wallet?”
“No.”
“And he shouldn’t have because he was married. What about when you were engaged?”
“No. I got on birth control, so he didn’t have to worry about using one.”
“Exactly. So why would I reach for one?”
“Because you don’t remember anything.”
“I don’t believe that’s why. I somehow knew I would have one in my wallet, even though I forgot I didn’t have my wallet. Most single men who practice safe sex carry one with them. I reached for it out of habit. I don’t think I would have done that if I was married or engaged. In fact, I think something would have made me stop if I was. As for being involved with someone, I can’t honestly say, but I do know that I have never felt this way about anyone. Ever. That , I do know.”
“You expect me to believe that? You reached for it out of habit? That is such shit bullshit, Kian—”
“Shit bullshit? Is that some new kind of bullshit?” he asked.
“Don’t try to be funny! Do you honestly believe what you said is true? It could be habit because you are involved with someone. You might not be married or engaged, but something, or someone , made you reach for your wallet.” She shook her head. “I can’t go by what you… think . Your logic is way out there.”
Kian sighed. “I thought it made perfect sense, but I understand your concerns. I won’t touch you again.”
Gretchen swallowed hard and nodded. “I think that’s best.”
“Alright. I’m going to take a walk. Maybe something will jog my memory. If I can find where it happened, maybe I’d remember exactly what happened.”
Gretchen watched him walk from the kitchen and sighed. It was going to be tough being around him, remembering how great the sex was, and not want it to happen again.
He came back into the kitchen wearing the jacket and walked to the door. After he opened it, he glanced back at her.
“Take the rifle,” she said, then opened the gun cabinet and handed it to him.
He nodded as he took it from her. “I shouldn’t be too long.”
“Please don’t be. It’s too cold out there, and your jeans and boots are still wet. At least take Lobo with you.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, I’d feel better if you didn’t go alone. Lobo would come back if something happened to you. Once you get back, I’ll put your sling on. You have to be in pain.”
“The pain in my shoulder isn’t what hurts me right now.” He looked at the dog. “Come on, boy. Let’s take a walk.” He smiled when Lobo barked and ran out the door. Kian stepped outside, then pulled the door closed behind him.
****
As Kian made his way through the snow, carrying the rifle in his left hand, he wished he knew what he could say to convince Gretchen he knew he wasn’t married or in love with someone. He somehow knew he wasn’t but convincing her would be a tough mountain to climb. After all, would he believe what he’d told her if someone said it to him? He shook his head. He wasn’t so sure about that.
He continued to trudge through the snow with no destination in mind. He was just hoping to see something that would click in his mind and make him remember who he was and what had happened to him.
Kian stopped to glance around and laughed when he saw Lobo jumping through the snow, then he walked toward the area where Gretchen and Lobo found him. It was unbelievably quiet. Just the sound of the snow falling to the ground.
He leaned against the tree, looked into the woods, and straightened up as images came to his mind. Two men, staring at him with their rifles aimed at him, but the image faded as quickly as it appeared.
He was sure he needed to go down that hill but it was getting late and colder. With a deep sigh, he headed back toward the cabin.
“Come on, Lobo, let’s go before we freeze our balls off.” When the dog ran past him, he laughed. “Sorry. I didn’t know you didn’t have yours anymore.”
As they trudged through the snow, he stopped suddenly and glanced around. Standing there, it hit him. All of it, and he dropped to his knees.
****
Gretchen placed her cup in the sink, smiling when she saw Kian and Lobo making their way to the cabin, but gasped in shock, when Kian fell to his knees, and hung his head.
She quickly ran to grab her coat and hat, pulling them on as she ran out the door, down the steps, and trudged toward him in the snow. She sunk to her knees beside him and her heart hit her stomach seeing the tears in his eyes.
“Kian? What is it?” She gently touched his shoulder. He stared into her eyes, and spoke.
“Kian Doyle. I’m a livestock agent with the Montana Department of Livestock. I was following a lead on a horse being spotted when I came upon two men shooting wolves for their pelts. I called out to them when I saw they were getting ready to shoot another one. They turned and shot at me three times. Through my arm, at the edge of my vest, and the graze on my temple. When they shot again, I fell and hit my head on a boulder.” He rubbed the back of his head. “That’s what this is from. It knocked me out, but I can remember bits and pieces of it. Them taking my coat, hat, weapon, badge, phone, and wallet. One said to just let me out there and I’d die from exposure, but the other said not where I was shot, there would be too much evidence, and since it was public land, my body could be found by anyone.” He looked at Gretchen. “They carried me to where you found me, and I passed out again. I’m forty-two years old and I have a fraternal twin, named Killian. I’m single and just moved to Clifton from Helena about six months ago.” He inhaled deeply. “I remember everything.”
Gretchen smiled while tears rolled down her cheeks. “Oh, my God! That’s fantastic. I’m so happy for you. How long have you been missing? Do you remember that?”
“Not long. It was my third day of vacation. The same day you found me. One reason no one was looking for me. I had sent Killian a text telling him about the two men, and I’d get in touch with FWP—”
“Montana Department of Fish, Wildlife, and Parks?”
“Yes. They needed to go after the men. I’m a livestock agent, that’s not my department, but I could contain them until FWP got there.” He shook his head. “I didn’t get to. I’m sure Killian is out of his mind with worry. We always stay in contact and we have tracking apps on our phones but I bet those men destroyed my phone and Killian wasn’t able to track me. I’d bet a year’s salary that he was in that helicopter that flew over. He probably knew what vicinity I was in because our boss was the one who told me where the horse was seen by a couple of snowboarders. They called in it because no one rides a horse in that area. The terrain is too rough.”
“Your brother is an agent too?”
“Yes. We followed in our father’s footsteps.” He stood. “I need to figure out a way to contact them. Does your cellphone have a signal here?”
“No. I told you, I have to walk a little way to get a signal.”
“Okay. Damn it. But I was able to text Killian.”
“Yes, but you were somewhere different. It’s spotty around here. If you can remember where you were, we can try to go there, but it’s too late now and the storm is getting heavier. I have a big ATV we can use.”
Kian sighed. “Okay. I hate not letting them know I’m alright, but I understand. I hate it for my parents, my brother, and the department.”
“One more day isn’t going to make a difference.” She tilted her head. “Let’s get you up and get out of this.”
“Alright.” He stood, took her hand, they entered the cabin.
After removing their items, she hung them up, put the rifle away and looked at him. “So, you’re a twin?”
“Yep. Everyone says you can tell we’re brothers but not twins. Today when that image of those men came into my head, I was looking in the direction where it happened. I know I can find it.” He shook his head. “My brother and I are close and I know he has to be worried, and I can’t imagine what my parents are going through.”
“Well, we’ll try to get there tomorrow. If you were able to send your brother a text message from there, we should be able to make a call. This cabin is in a bad area for cellphones and internet.”
“How do you keep in touch with anyone?”
She shrugged. “As I said, I’ll walk through the woods until I reach a clearing, and I go into Clifton a couple of times a month to get supplies and groceries and visit my parents. Sometimes, I’ll use my mom’s computer to order things, then have it delivered to my P.O. Box or to a friend’s place. I keep in touch with her.”
“Is she the one who gave you the box of condoms?” he asked with a grin, then chuckled when she blushed.
“Yes.”
Later, as they watched TV, she saw Kian glance at the clock.
“You fell asleep,” Gretchen said.
“Sorry.”
“It’s fine.”
“You like living here alone?”
“I have Lobo.” She smiled.
“That’s true. That dog wouldn’t let anyone hurt you. I know that firsthand.”
“He could have hurt you a lot worse.”
“I know. I apologize for that.”
“It’s okay. You didn’t hurt me, just scared me.”
“I could have.”
“No, I don’t believe that. You were just having a bad dream. Please don’t worry about it. I think I’ll head to bed.”
“Me too.”
“We’ll go early in the morning if the weather cooperates.”
“Sounds good.” He stood. “Goodnight, Gretchen.”
“Goodnight, Agent Kian Doyle.” She headed to her bedroom and smiled when he chuckled.
“That sounds so good,” he called out to her as she entered her room, closing the door.
Gretchen woke up to see the sun shining through her window. She stretched her arms above her head and yawned. Tossing the blankets aside, she got out of bed, pulled her robe on over her lounge pants and T-shirt, then left the bedroom to head for the kitchen. She could smell coffee.
“Good morning,” she said when she entered the kitchen.
“Morning. It’s about time you got up.” Kian stared at her with a cup of coffee in his hand.
She looked at the clock. “It’s only eight.”
“I’ve been up since six. I always get up early.” He grinned. “Damn, it feels good saying that.”
She laughed. “Because you remember?”
“Exactly. When I woke up, I was just happy I remembered who I was.” He shook his head. “You have no idea.”
“No, I don’t. Let me get a cup of coffee, then we can head out.”
“Will your ATV get through this snow?”
“Yes.”
“Is that what you used to get me here?” He frowned.
“No. I used a toboggan. I was afraid to try to pull you behind me on the ATV. I thought I’d just throw snow over you, and I knew I couldn’t lift you to get you on it.” She shrugged. “So, Lobo and I pulled you back on the toboggan.”
“I had to be dead weight.”
“You were, but I was determined to get you here. I couldn’t leave you out there.”
He pushed off from the counter, walked toward and stared into her eyes.
“Thank you. I mean that, Gretchen. I would have died without you and Lobo.”
She stared into his eyes. “You’re welcome,” she whispered.
As he stared at her, she watched his eyes drop to her lips, then back into her eyes. He leaned down and pressed his lips to hers. When she moaned, he wrapped his arm around her waist, and pulled her against him, then deepened the kiss.
Gretchen wrapped her arms around his neck, and pressed her body against his, then slowly pulled back from him.
“Kian…”
“I’m single, remember?”
“Are you?”
He frowned. “Do you think I’d lie about that? Let me tell you something. I have never cheated on any woman I’ve been involved with. No matter how beautiful I think you are, if I knew there was someone at home, I wouldn’t have just kissed you. I promise you that.” He grinned. “I told you I didn’t think I was involved with anyone.”
Gretchen smiled. “You think I’m beautiful?”
Kian huffed out a laugh. “Stunning.”
“Since we might be stuck here together for a while, let’s get to know each other before going any further.”
“No more kisses?”
“Well, maybe one or two,” she said with a grin.
“Thank God.” He chuckled. “How about I go out and get the ATV ready?”
“Alright. It’s in the shed. The key is in it and the gas tank is full. Just bring it close to the porch.”
“Yes, ma’am. I’ll get my coat.” He left the kitchen.
As he strode from the kitchen, she touched her lips. She loved the way he kissed, and she’d love more, but she didn’t know anything about him, other than what he told her, but she wanted to. It had been a long time since she’d been interested in a man, and Kian Doyle was one man she definitely wanted to know.