FIFTY
COLT
Much to Blair’s surprise, we make it to the hospital and into a room with no issues whatsoever. Now, she’s the calm one and I’m a nervous wreck.
Dr. Abernathy checks on her pretty quickly after she arrives and lets us know she’s seven centimeters dilated. While he washes his hands, he goes over the birth plan they’d discussed at one of her appointments a few weeks ago.
“You’ve opted out of pain management, right?” he asks, from memory apparently. It surprises me at first, but then I remember there’s probably only five pregnant women maximum in the entirety of Cedar Creek right now and he’s been doing this for decades.
“Right,” Blair agrees, still so firm on her choice despite the pain she’s been going through every five-or-so minutes. “I want to be able to move around and choose the position I give birth in based on what feels right.”
The doctor nods. For some reason, I thought we’d barely make it to the hospital in time once her water broke, but things seem to be going much slower than I thought.
When the doctor says someone will be back to check on us in an hour, I gape, but he just tells us what button on Blair’s remote turns on the television and leaves.
I try to catch up on the texts in the family group chat, thumbs flying over my phone to reply, but every time I try, another text comes through.
I feel like pulling my fucking hair out.
I love my family so, so much, but they can be a bit much, and after spending years away from them, I wasn’t used to it anymore.
Mama
Did you take the pregnancy ball? I know you were in a rush. Have her sit on that and see if it helps.
Tate
Did you guys decide on a name? Will you name her after me?
Kenny
Tate, why would they name her after you? They’d name her after Mama or Bailey if they were going to name her after any of us.
Bailey
Can someone come get me please?
Tate
Okay, but Tatum is a great name and I was just saying that they should at least consider it.
Maddox
Can y’all text somewhere else and stop blowing up my phone?
Jameson
Turn off the notifications, Mad.
Jameson
Hey, Colt, have you considered that Jamie is a unisex name?
Maddox
How do I do that?
Austin
God, you’re old as hell, it’s so hot.
Kenny
Gross.
Tate
Shut up, Jamie! They’re naming her after me, Mama or Bailey.
Bailey
I’m gonna kill Cartwright if someone doesn’t come get me.
Mama
Or she can walk around if they say it’s okay. That might work better.
Jameson
Just leave the group chat, Maddie. We’ll add you back afterwards.
Austin
I’ve got it.
Tate
OMG Bailey, why are you with Chase? Are you two getting back together?
Maddox Whittaker has left the chat.
“Tell your mom to come,” Blair says after the hundredth time I sigh.
I look over at her in surprise. She and my mom had been civil since the incident at dinner that night, but I knew Blair was still hurt. It definitely made me a bit sad, but I understood her side of things.
“It’s okay. I told everyone we didn’t want visitors or anything until we got back home and you were feeling up to it.”
She smiles at me softly for a moment before her face falls and her eyes screw up.
I’ve already learned it’s best to keep my mouth shut when a contraction hits.
At first, I was asking her a million questions about if she was okay and what I could do to help, until a nurse finally clued me in that I was doing more harm than good.
When the contraction lifts and she blows out a breath of relief, she says, “Call her, Colt. I want her here.”
In the time it takes Mama to get here, Blair dilates another centimeter and her contractions seem to be getting worse. I breathe a sigh of relief when there’s a knock on the door and then Mama walks in.
“Thank god, Mama, tell her to get the epidural please,” I beg her, ready to pull my hair out with how hard it is to watch Blair hurting like this.
“Hush up, Colt,” she says, pushing her purse into my hands as she walks right by me to go tend to Blair. She waits until her contraction is over and then pushes her hair back, looking around at the monitors and things Blair is hooked up to.
“Where does it hurt the most?”
“My back.”
Mama nods like she expected that answer after just a few moments of watching Blair.
“Do you want to stand up? It might make everything easier.”
Blair leans into Mama’s touch, looking exhausted already as she nods. I put Mama’s purse down on the sofa and try to stay out of their way, but I’m getting called over a few minutes later. Blair’s bent over the bed, feet apart while she stands there and breathes hard.
“Give me your hands,” Mama says as I walk up behind my baby’s beautiful mother. She positions my hands on Blair’s lower back and teaches me how to push until Blair’s groaning.
“That feels so much better.”
Mama claps me on the shoulder as I smile, finally feeling useful again.
I don’t feel useful for long. Blair’s body seems to decide to start slowing down in terms of dilation. It took a little over an hour for her to go from seven centimeters dilated to eight, but almost two for her to get to nine.
She’s quieter than I would’ve thought she’d be and that scares me a lot.
I keep an eye on Mama, thinking if she isn’t freaking out then I don’t need to be either, but she doesn’t have any reaction to Blair’s shivering or the way her eyes keep going out of focus, or the way she keeps moving around like she’s restless.
When her doctor comes to check on her again, Blair’s on her elbows and knees on the bed with the pillow shoved under her chest and her face in her hands, rocking her hips back and forth. He doesn’t seem concerned either, just sympathetic as he asks her for permission to check her over.
I take a seat next to Mama and rest my head on her shoulder.
“She’s so quiet,” I whisper, scared my voice will break.
Mama runs her fingers through my hair and kisses my temple .
“Her body’s conserving energy, son. She’s just focused. See? She’s talking to the doctor just fine.”
I wouldn’t say “just fine,” as her sentences are much shorter than Blair would usually speak to anyone, but I suppose it is good to hear her voice again.
“You’re about nine centimeters,” the doctor says and I breathe a sigh of relief. “Just a little bit of your cervix remaining. Are you feeling any urge to bear down when your contractions hit?”
Blair shakes her head as best as she can in her current position and he nods. I can’t imagine how many times he’s done this.
“Alright, Blair. I think you’ll be having this baby relatively soon, so we’re going to start preparing everything. Try not to push yet, okay?”
He doesn’t wait for Blair to answer, which is good because she doesn’t. Mama’s right, I realize. She’s conserving energy. Answering only what’s necessary, entirely inwardly focused otherwise.
With the doctor gone, I return to her bedside, running my fingers through her hair. “You want me to put it up in a ponytail, baby?” I keep my voice low because it seems to be the thing to do.
She doesn’t answer right away but when she does, it’s also quiet. “Yeah.”
The nurses start quietly bustling around—turning on the light for the little bed they’ll put the baby in after she’s born and setting out a bunch of scary-looking tools I try hard not to stare too long at.
Everything feels incredibly real all of a sudden, even more so when Blair whimpers out a “I don’t think I can do this anymore,” and Mama’s head snaps up.