Chapter 35 #3
“Because there is no us and there will never be one. I thought I made myself clear already.” Why is my heart breaking as I’m speaking the words I don’t mean out loud?
“Keep lying to yourself, but it’s not a good look on you. I thought we’d already agreed on that.”
“Drop the sarcasm. Can’t you see I’m setting you free here?” Why couldn’t he see I was doing him a favor?
“You think I wanna be set free? What kind of world do you think you’re living in?
You know what, keep pretending all is fine.
I’m no shrink, but I’m pretty sure the first step in healing is to stop lying and blaming others.
I guess you skipped that lesson. Congrats, you wanted to lose me.
Well, you did just that. Are you happy now?
Does it make you feel better? Help you sleep at night?
Next year, I’ll be everywhere you’ll be.
I signed with Crestwood U. It’s been official for a long time, but I was waiting for the perfect moment to tell you.
I was supposed to come clean on that snowboarding vacation we never went on. ”
No. No, no, no. He couldn’t do that. He knew what Crestwood University meant to me. Why couldn’t he let me have that?
“I had ordered a bunch of CWU merch and swag as your Christmas gift after your dad told me they offered you a full-ride too. Stupid matching stuff for both of us because I could picture us dating, going to college together, and doing all the shit kids our age do when they’re in love.
Anyway, forget I said anything. It’s not important now.
It doesn’t mean a goddamn thing anymore.
I left the bag at your house this morning.
Throw it away, burn it, give it to charity for all I care. ”
Oh. Wow, he did that? Could he be any more amazing?
Was I making a mistake by dating Jayden?
Mason was all in, and for years, I’d dreamed about the day he would show interest in me.
And now that he had, I was the one not ready to be together, the one pushing him away. Once again, I was lying to his face.
Tears leaked from my eyes. “You did that…for me?” We needed to wrap up this conversation because I wouldn’t be able to keep a straight face much longer.
“Yep. Like a fool in love. Because what I’ve been feeling for you, Mel, all these years isn’t friendship, it’s much more powerful than that.
It’s love. The big fucking thing that starts with a capital L.
I’m sorry I snapped at you. It won’t happen again.
And I’m sorry I made you late for your next class.
It wasn’t my intention either. Just remember that for the next four years, I’ll still be around.
I’m not going anywhere. I just hope Clarke treats you decently because he’ll be in Maryland in a few months.
Don’t come crying on my shoulder when things don’t work out between you two when you realize he’s an asshole and not worthy of you.
Remember what I told you once. I don’t do second place. Never. Goodbye, Mel.”
He loved me. Mason Pierce just admitted he loved me.
“Mason…” I love you too. “It’s not that simple.
I-I can’t be with you. I hope you forgive me one day.
It’s too hard…being with you. When you look at me like I’m your whole world, it puts too much pressure on me…
I feel like I’m not enough, and…and I can’t…
I just can’t.” More lies. “Mase…I’m sorry. ”
He spun around and left me there without another word.
Why did it hurt so much?
Was doing the right thing supposed to shatter me, or was I wrong in losing the most important person in my life because I believed I was doing him a favor?
I stood there, my tears now freely rolling down my cheeks.
I had never felt so fractured before. Like every piece of me was splintering and I had no idea how to stop it from happening.
Perhaps therapy wasn’t such a bad idea after all. I wasn’t strong enough to deal with the pain of losing Mason for real. As long as we didn’t face off, I could pretend we were nothing, but now that he’d opened up to me, there was no more hiding how I felt.
I fished my phone out and called my mom. “Can you pick me up from school?”
“Honey, what’s wrong?”
My sobs drowned my words. “I…I’m not doing so good. I think I made a mistake, and I-I’m ready to see that therapist now.”
“I’ll call in an emergency meeting. I’ll be there in fifteen minutes. And Mel? I’m proud of you.”
I wanted to be proud of myself too. When I was in Traverse City, I’d accepted the medical help they gave me because I had no choice, but now it was my choice, not anyone else’s. Maybe losing Mason was the wake-up call I desperately needed.
Deep down, I prayed I hadn’t lost him in vain.
Thank you for reading the first part of