CHAPTER 16 #3
Her fingers and hands rubbing salve over his bare skin was driving him mad with lust. The lass no longer showed any unease with his near nakedness. In fact, he was beginning to think she was touching him more than strictly necessary with the salve…
Perhaps this would lead to more. God, he hoped so.
With another woman, he knew it would. Last night, he thought he could get past the barrier Margaret raised between them by going slowly and giving her time.
But she’d left him frustrated and confused.
Though he hated to admit it, her rejection hurt him as well.
“Ella and I went for a walk in the wood with Curstag,” she said.
He groaned inwardly at the thought of the two women talking. Margaret may as well have poured a bucket of cold water over his head.
“What’s the cause of the trouble between you and your brother?” Margaret asked. “Has it something to do with his wife?
Damn, what had Curstag told her? Though Margaret’s careful tone held no accusation, he could read her well enough now to tell from the tension in those pretty, slender shoulders that the lass cared very much about his answer.
He wanted to tell her the truth about Curstag.
And he would, one day. But now, while they were stuck here together with his family, was not the right time.
Before he told Maggie about his past with Curstag, he needed to convince her she could trust him.
Telling her the truth now would make it that much harder to persuade her.
“Bearach and I have never gotten along,” he said, and hoped to leave it at that.
“And Curstag?”
“What about her?”
“Well,” she said, casting her gaze to the side, “she watches you as if…”
“As if what?”
“As if the two of you were lovers. She said as much today.” Margaret quickly added, “Of course, it’s not any of my concern.”
Margaret sounded jealous. Now that was promising.
Finn rested his hands on her hips and met her gaze. “She’s nothing to me.”
“Would Curstag say the same?” she asked.
“Doesn’t matter what she’d say,” he said. “You’re the one I want.”
###
He wanted her? There was nothing special about that. Men had been wanting to bed her since she was thirteen. But Finn was the first man she wanted.
If ye had me, what then? She was tempted to ask him, but she already knew the answer. He would be disappointed. Beauty drew men to her, but William had shown her that was not enough.
“You’re so beautiful ye take my breath away,” he said, which was like jabbing her with the point of his blade.
When he reached for her, she turned her back.
For once, she wished a man wanted her just for herself. She wanted Finn because of everything he was. His good heart, charm, and humor drew her as much as his fine looks—though they were very fine, indeed.
She sighed. It did not matter why he wanted her anyway. The risk of another failed pregnancy and heartache was too great to give in to temptation.
Late that night, as they lay side by side in the bed, the tension was thick between them.
“I don’t know which will kill me first,” Finn muttered, “frustration or lack of sleep.”
“Death seems unlikely,” she said.
He chuckled, which eased the tension for a moment.
“Ye know this can’t go on forever,” Finn said, turning on his side to face her. “Just what was your plan?”
He was far too handsome in the glow of the candle he’d left burning, so she decided it was safer to keep her gaze fixed on the ceiling.
“I had no plan beyond not being labeled a whore,” she said.
“I don’t mean when we arrived here at Dunrobin,” he said. “What was your plan at the verra beginning when ye decided to go along with the kidnapping?”
“I don’t recall ye giving me a choice.”
“All the same, ye wanted to come with me,” he said.
“Ella’s brother only brought her to me an hour before ye came to the cottage,” she explained. “I’d decided I must escape with her, but I’d no time to make a plan beyond that.”
“Ye took a chance running off with a kidnapper,” he said. “Evidently, it wasn’t because ye find me irresistible.”
He was very nearly irresistible, which was the problem.
“In truth,” she said, “I’ve never done anything so bold in my life as the things I did that night.”
“Do ye regret coming away with me?”
“Nay,” she said. “Not for a moment.”
If not for Finn, she would almost surely have been caught, lost Ella, and been forced to wed a powerful nobleman her brother needed as an ally.
“I’m grateful to ye,” she said.
“Gratitude is not what I want from ye,” Finn said in a strained voice.
Though Finn was not like William, the discord her refusal caused between them made her feel tense and vulnerable.
She knew Finn would never force her or make her pay in other ways for not complying with his wishes.
And yet she could not forget the lessons she learned from her years of marriage so easily.
There was one lesson she’d learned from William, however, that might be useful here.
“There is something”—she hesitated—“I could do to help ye sleep.”
“What, sing to me?” he asked. “I doubt that will help, but if ye wish to tr—”
He abruptly stopped speaking when she got on her knees and began to slowly pull the bedclothes down his body.
The gaze he fixed on her held such heat it scorched her skin.
That gave her more confidence that Finn would welcome this means of resolving his problem, and they could both get some much-needed sleep.
As she dragged the bedclothes farther down, they caught on his erection for a moment, and then his shaft sprang free. She swallowed. He certainly was ready.
She pushed away the memories of William holding her head down and forcing her to do this. Gingerly, she wrapped her hand around his shaft, which was thick and long and already wet at the tip.
“Jesu,” Finn moaned on an exhale.
That was encouraging. This should not take long. Leaning over him carefully so that no other part of their bodies touched, she brought her mouth toward his shaft.
Finn reached out to touch her hair.
“Don’t,” she blurted out.
Finn dropped his hand. William had never heeded her requests, so she had quit making them. Instead, he gave her endless instructio-ns until she learned to do this—not well, but well enough.
Not like that! What is the matter with ye? ‘Tis fortunate you’re beautiful because you’re utterly useless in bed.
###
Finn was more confused than ever. He longed to touch her, but she would not even let him touch her hair.
When she leaned down, he could not breathe.
Nay, he could not be mistaken as to what she meant to do.
Her hair fell over her shoulder and the ends brushed against his hip, sending a sweet thrill of sensation across his skin like a shimmer across a loch.
Desire hit him so hard he had to clench his fists when she ran her fingertips down the column of his manhood.
“O shluagh, please,” escaped his lips as he watched her slowly lower her mouth.
When she glanced up at him, she stole his breath away—God help him, she was so beautiful, and she was holding his cock…but…was that alarm in her eyes?
“Maggie, what’s wro—”
She took him in her mouth and every single thought left his head. Nothing existed except the glorious sensation of her lips capturing his cock, her tongue sliding and flicking, toying with him, teasing him, driving him to madness.
Aye. Aye. Aye! He did not know if he said the words aloud or just moaned them when she took him fully into her mouth and sucked. Ach, it felt so good that he was going to explode if he did not stop her, and this would all end far too soon.
He took hold of her shoulders as he sat up and pulled her against his chest.
“Did I not do it right?” She looked at him with wide, frightened eyes.
Good God, of all things, why would she say that? Then Finn knew why—there could be only one explanation—and he wanted to kill her former husband for it.
When Finn touched her cheek, she jerked away. He needed to tread carefully here.
“The truth is,” he told her, “I feared I’d die of pleasure.”
She tilted her head. “Then why did ye not let me finish?”
“Because ye don’t really want to,” he said. “You’re only doing it to keep me from touching you.”
“If it gives ye pleasure, what does it matter why I do it?”
“Because I want to give ye pleasure, not just take it. I want to touch ye, to feel your body against mine, to be inside ye and hear ye cry my name,” he said, resting his palm against her cheek. “I want to make love to you.”
Her eyes went dark and she bit her lip, and he caught a glimmer of the lass who had pulled him into a deep kiss outside of Huntly Castle. She was tempted, but something was holding her back.
Just what was she afraid of?
“Ye can’t have a child, so ye needn’t worry you’ll end up bound to me,” he said.
“Or you to me,” she said in a tight voice.
Then why the hell not? And what did she mean by that, anyway? He was desperate to have her in his arms, but she was cooling by the moment.
“If you require a true handfasting to do it, I’m willing.” He nearly choked on the words, but he didn’t see where pretending and actually being handfasted would be much different. Either way, they’d be sharing this bed, and he could not have any other women.
“Although I’m flattered by such a heartfelt proposal,” she said, “I must refuse, for your sake as well as mine.”
Judging by the way she picked up the pillow and fluffed it rather vigorously with her fist, he must have phrased that badly. With all the blood drained from his head and filling his cock, he could not think properly.
Ach! He was even more confused and frustrated than before. The only thing he knew for certain was that Margaret was not going to reveal her secrets tonight. When she turned her back to him again, he felt as if she’d drawn an invisible line down the bed between them that he dare not cross.
And he had never felt lonelier in his life.