Chapter 12
My skin was too tight, and my jaw was clenched.
I was doing my damnedest to shift, but the dragon was holding me in.
I was lying there stuck in between, wanting to scream, feeling completely out of control in my own body.
The only time I had ever felt something similar was when Valentino had held me down to saw off my wing.
The heat burned against me as I tried to release it.
It was agony, and I knew it was because of her.
I hadn’t shifted young like most of the dragons my age — Valentino had basically force-trained me into shifting, but once he did, my dragon and I were united.
Even though we were being used to fight, he had never gone against me. I was finally able to break free.
I woke up curled up next to her. Her scent immediately aroused me. I was lying on the nest. I sat straight up and looked at her. Her hand had been on the dragon's head. He had held me in all night just to feel her touch.
"Mate," he said.
"To hell with that. You don't get to do that. You don't get to hold me in."
"What is that damn noise?" I said. It was a low humming sound.
I stood up and looked around, and next to the far wall was this big wooden display case.
The hum was coming from it, some unit running inside to keep everything nice.
I saw the teddy bear behind the glass. Somebody's child had lost their life, and she had put it in a damn box like the bear needed protecting.
But where was the grief for me when my drunk fool father let those men come in and beat the life out of me?
And years later, where was the grief when I lay there half dead, bleeding out, feeling the agony of my wing being ripped off me — and the man I loved as a father stood over me, destroying me?
I rushed over to the case and slammed it against the wall.
Kendra yelped as the glass cracked. I reached inside.
The jagged edges ripped into me, but I didn't care.
She had no right to do this. Grief was ugly.
Grief stank and decayed. It wasn't pretty.
It wasn't a gift. What was she trying to do with this?
"Jaceon, my god, you're bleeding," she said as she jumped out of bed and rushed over to me. She reached out to me, and I pulled away.
"Don't touch me. How could you," I said. My jaw was clenched, a vein popping out of the side of my head. And my dragon was roaring inside of me — not at her, at me. For the glass. For yelling at our mate. For all of it.
He was trying to break through, but I was in control now.
I wasn't going to let him do this. We weren't meant for this.
This softness. He was a dragon, a destroyer, a cold-blooded killer, not a house pet.
It felt like my eyes were swelling as he pushed against me.
I was holding the hoard close to my chest, my hands shaking.
"Jaceon, please, I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to cross the line. It's just — I thought I was helping."
"You don't do this. You don't touch this," I said, holding the things close to my chest.
She pushed past me, headed toward the mouth of the cave.
I dropped the hoard and grabbed her hand.
She squeezed me back. She didn't pull away, and that almost let the dragon tear out of me.
He wanted to nuzzle her, console her, wrap up in her scent.
But I needed her to see exactly who was standing in front of her.
I grabbed her wrist and walked her backward until her back hit the cave wall.
"You want to go somewhere you're wanted?"
"Yes," she said.
"Do you want me to show just how wanted you are?"
"Yes, Jaceon. Show me," she said, tears on her cheeks.
I kissed her.
She bit my lip hard enough to draw blood.
I grabbed the back of her neck and kissed her harder.
She unbuckled my pants. I pulled her shirt over her head and ripped her bra off.
She sucked in a breath when the air hit her skin.
I squeezed both of her breasts, rolled her nipples between my fingers until they peaked, and dropped my mouth to one.
I bit down, and she arched off the wall.
I did the same to the other, and she grabbed the back of my head and held me there.
She wrapped her hand around my dick. I hissed through my teeth and dragged her pants and panties down. She kicked them off, and I lifted her. Her legs locked around my waist, and I could feel how wet she was pressed against my stomach.
I pushed inside her in one hard stroke.
"Harder," she said.
I pinned her hips to the wall and fucked her like I hated her. Like I wanted to break her. I wanted her to see what I was. Not this cozy character she wanted me to be. She had to feel me. I pounded into her deep. She gasped and wrapped her arms around me tighter.
"Yes, Jaceon. Fuck me," she screamed.
I was sweating as she looked right into my eyes. She was totally open, hands around my neck, not looking away.
"Yes, Jaceon. Just like that. Please, give it to me," she said.
I froze. For one second, I wanted to give it to her. Not the knot. All of it. I wanted to let her have the thing I kept buried, the part of me that wanted to be held instead of used. I wanted to trust her.
"Why would you say that to me?"
She didn't answer. She kissed me. I shook. I could feel the base of my shaft swelling, the knot coming, my hands shaking, my resolve to hold it all in breaking.
I almost let go.
Then I pulled out.
She gasped at the loss. I came on her stomach with my forehead braced against the cave wall next to her head. My arms were shaking.
I set her down, and she leaned against the wall. Both of us were breathing hard, and neither of us said anything.
I pulled on my pants and didn't look at her.
"Jaceon—" she called out to me, but I shifted and flew out of the cave.
It was a struggle to keep my dragon in the air. He wanted to go back to her, but I refused. Being in the cave, with it decorated, made me feel like this was something it was never meant to be.
I hit the water and shifted back. Grabbed at a fish. Missed. Grabbed again. Missed. I couldn't catch a damn thing. My hands were shaking, and the water was cold, and nothing was working.
Fuck it.
She didn't need anything from me. If she did, she would just call Moondrop Delivery.
She didn't need me to make her comfortable.
Money could do anything. Nobody needed anything from me.
Valentino needed my dragon to be his beast, and all this woman I cared about needed was my money, and that was destroying me.
The fact that I had fallen for this woman who decorated my cave with string lights, who lied to me about what was really happening, was hurting me.
"Go to mate," the dragon demanded.
"No. It's an arrangement. I pay. She sleeps with me. That's it."
Instead of arguing, he tried to burst through my skin. The shift hit me so hard my knees buckled. Bones cracked halfway and stopped. My skin split along my shoulders and sealed back. I shoved him down.
I tossed my head back and yelled. This wasn’t the betrayal from Valentino, and she hadn’t done anything to hurt me.
But she could. And that scared the hell out of me.
I got out of the water and paced. What was going on with me?
I was out here trying to fish when I had probably ruined the best thing that had ever happened to me.
I took to the air toward the cave, hoping she hadn’t climbed down and run from me.
Because she was right. She had a family.
She had people who loved her. She didn’t need me. I needed her, and that—
I flew back into the cave and shifted. My dragon didn’t fight me. I was surprised. I walked over to her. She was sitting on the nest. That fear in my chest got quiet when I realized I hadn’t lost her. I sat down beside her. She looked up at me and pulled her feet up.
I ran my hand across my face. “I’m sorry for how I blew up on you.”
She sighed. “It’s okay. I know the rules. I won’t touch your things.”
That hit me right in the chest. “No, Kendra. You don’t have to do that.
It’s just—I’ve never— I loved my brother and my two fathers.
One was a drunk and a fool. The other was the man who cut off my wing, even though I killed for him.
So you getting close to me, it’s—“ The words trailed off. “I don’t let anyone close to me. Caring about you means you can get the jump on me.”
She made a face.
“Fuck, this isn’t coming out right.” I stood up. “What I’m trying to say is I care about you. It’s not just the rut. And it’s got me scared as hell because I’ve never felt this way. If you decide to walk away, it might break me. And I’m made to break, not be broken.”
She stood up and walked to me. She wrapped her hands around my neck. “I know they hurt you.”
Every part of me needed her, and I didn’t know what to say, so I leaned in and kissed her.
She pressed against me. The heat and the need flooded me.
I picked her up, laid her on the bed, and pulled off her pants.
She was bare beneath me. I pushed inside her gently, and she winced. I pulled out immediately.
“I’m sorry, I’m sore,” she said. “I want to. We can try again.”
“No, we don’t have to do anything. Do you want me to take you to the stream to bathe?”
She shook her head. “No. I want to smell like you.”
I brushed her hair back. “But I need you to please never say things you don’t mean to me.”
“Yes. I would never lie to the dragon who kidnapped me.”
I rubbed my face against her shoulder. “Yes, I did. And now you belong to me.”
She grabbed my arm and wrapped it around her waist. She snuggled in. I was lying there with this woman I wanted to give everything to. This was a life I had never imagined for myself, and I was going to do anything to protect it.