4. Chapter Four
Chapter Four
Kieran leaned onto his elbows and placed his big, work-roughened hand on hers. “So, a pretty surgeon and her faithful dog come to my lighthouse in search of…” His crooked smile was the most disarming, seductive thing Addy had seen—and felt—in a very long time.
She turned her hand palm to palm with his. “I find myself at a crossroads, and there’s a lot I need to figure out pretty quickly.”
“Personal stuff, or job stuff?”
“Both.”
When she hesitated, chewing her lip, he added, “I’ve found that saying the painful stuff out loud can help.”
“Pretty wise, aren’t you?” But was he patient enough to wade through the quagmire that was her life right now? And did she have the fortitude to lay it all out for him?
“Any wisdom I may have, I came by it the hard way.” He leaned onto his elbows and rested his chin on his knuckles. “Here’s your chance to unburden yourself to a sympathetic stranger with absolutely no skin in the game.”
Why did he have to mention skin? Now she was picturing his. Was it freckled all over, or pale and creamy where the sun didn’t touch him?
Stalling, she mopped up the last of her soup with a hunk of bread and popped it into her mouth.
Kieran’s gaze never faltered.
“Well,” she began, “I have three choices: Extend my military service. I have eleven years in, and I’ll be eligible for full retirement after twenty.”
“You enjoy serving your country?”
“I do.” At least she could say that with complete honesty. “In the Army, I’ve found something I couldn’t find back home.”
“In Bumfuck, Nebraska?”
She spluttered a laugh. “You have an excellent memory.”
“When the subject interests me.” He quirked an eyebrow. “So, what couldn’t you find at home?”
Though she hated to admit it, Kieran was right. Talking it out with a stranger really did help because his opinion of her ultimately didn’t matter, even if she liked him.
For once, she had zero excuses to be less than completely honest.
“In the Army, I found a sense of belonging. Acknowledgement of my strengths. Feeling like my contribution matters.”
“Everyone needs that.”
“And do you get a sense of belonging here?”
His smile widened. “I do indeed. Trappers Cove people are kind. They look out for each other. Sure, there’s some small-town gossip, sometimes a little too much interference in each other’s business, but it comes from a place of caring.
” He rubbed his thumb over his bottom lip, his gaze far away.
“Never got that from my family of origin.”
“Family of origin? Sounds like therapy-speak.”
A wry smile curved his mouth. “It is. Took me a while to be comfortable admitting that, but here we are.” He cut a slice of cheese, then nudged the plate toward her. “So, you get what you need from the military?”
“I do.” She helped herself to creamy cheddar flecked with chives, so good she had to close her eyes and let out a moan. When she opened them again, Kieran’s gaze was riveted on her mouth.
She dabbed her lips with her napkin. “As horrible as it was working in a combat zone, the experience bonded us. No matter what happens, the people I served with will always be my family.”
“And will that still be true if you leave the military?”
“I guess. But I’d feel like I’m letting them down.” She ripped off another hunk of bread. “Brothers and sisters in arms, and all that.”
Kieran’s almost-too-big-to-be-real hand gave her wrist a gentle squeeze. “You know, there were a lot of veterans in my therapy group. That camaraderie you speak of doesn’t go away just because they no longer wear a uniform.”
“That’s good to hear.” Pretty much anything he wanted to say in that musical Irish accent was good to hear, and she fought to focus on his actual words.
With perfectly awful timing, her phone buzzed with an incoming message.
She gave him a sheepish grin. “Sorry, this might be work.”
“No problem.” With an easy smile, he rose and cleared away the dishes, closely tailed by Snoot. Kieran cut a sliver of cheese and held it up for Addy’s permission.
Why not? Her buddy had been good as gold throughout their meal and deserved a treat.
While Kieran washed up and Snoot snapped up the cheese, Addy checked her phone. Ugh.
Not from work, but from her cousin Caitlynn. If not for her mom’s ill health, she’d have silenced the family group chat long ago.
Listen, Miss Snootypants, your mama needs you. Quit being selfish. Grow up and pay her back for everything she’s done for you.
Addy’s face flushed. Everything she’s done for me? That’s a laugh .
From the first time she’d expressed an interest in college, her mother’s sparse support shriveled into pursed-mouth disproval and snide comments about putting on airs.
When Addy announced her acceptance into the Army’s Health Professions Scholarship Program, you’d think she’d shit on the grave of every ancestor in Smithsville’s Blessed Acres Cemetery.
The Connor clan simply could not conceive of a life worth living beyond shouting distance of each other’s backyards.
Never mind the good Addy did with her surgical skills.
Never mind the money she dutifully sent home to support her mother, though she suspected much of it ended up in her siblings’ wallets.
“Joining the Army?” Mama had spat out as Addy packed for Officer Basic Military Training. “That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. You’re just running away from your responsibilities. I don’t see why you can’t find a nice man and settle down right here. Guess blood means nothing to you.”
Blood—hah! Addy had seen more blood than her sheltered family could imagine. She’d saved countless lives, but that didn’t matter to any of them because their tiny town was the center of the freakin’ universe.
With a disgusted tsk, she pocketed her phone.
Kieran returned with steaming mugs of tea that smelled like spice and apples. “Bad news?”
“Family stuff. It can wait.”
“Good.” He sat on the bench and scooted a little closer. “So, you’ve listed the pros of staying in the military. What about the cons?”
Addy winced and squirmed in her seat. “Listen, I…”
Kieran raised his palms. “It’s none of my business, Doc, but you know what they say about ripping off the Band-aid.” He nudged her arm. “Whatever you share tonight doesn’t leave this room.”
Funny how a lighthouse keeper made a better therapist than the highly qualified psychologist assigned to her case.
She extended her pinkie. “You swear?”
“On everything that’s good and holy.” He hooked his little finger through hers, lifted her hand to his mouth, and brushed his soft lips across her knuckles.
Flushed with pleasure from head to toe, she cleared her throat to wipe the wobble from her voice, reminding herself she’d come to Trappers Cove to figure out her life, not to bed an extremely hot Irishman.
“The downside is war. After two tours in a combat zone, they probably won’t deploy me again, but you never know. And that experience was—” Her skin pebbled into goosebumps. “Horrible. Terrifying. The hardest thing I’ve ever done.”
Kieran’s gaze remained steady—not the tiniest flicker of “What the hell am I getting into with this woman?”
Heartened by his quiet interest, she continued.
“I’ve been in therapy ever since returning from my second tour in Afghanistan, and it’s not helping much.
I’ve been using my duties as an excuse to avoid doing the hard emotional work I need, and I’m starting to…
” She rotated her wrist as she searched for the right words.
“Fray, I guess. Like a worn-out rope that’s about to snap. ”
He nodded slowly. “And leaving the military would give you the chance to…” He repeated her gesture.
“The chance to breathe. Maybe if I don’t spend every day surrounded by reminders of war, I’ll find peace.”
“Hmm.” Holding her gaze, he nibbled his lip for a moment before giving his head a tiny shake. “You mentioned three choices. What’s the second?”
She slumped against the seatback. “Moving home to a small rural town in the middle of, well, cornfields. And soybeans. And probably more cows than people.”
His eyes narrowed. “You’re talking about your family’s home, Addy. Where’s your home?”
“That’s a damn good question.” She huffed a laugh. “For the past eleven years, home has been wherever the Army sent me.”
“You like Washington?”
“Very much.” She gazed past his broad shoulder to the window beyond, where the shadows of pine branches danced in the coastal wind.
“It’s so green. And people are tolerant here, not always trying to squish you into a box.
Then there’s the mountains, the ocean, excellent coffee…
” Trouble was, one way or another, she’d be leaving this state soon.
Only a quick change of subject could save her from an embarrassing flood of tears.
“How did you end up here, Kieran?”
A shadow crossed his face. “Let’s save that story for dessert. We can take our pie outside and watch for the ghost. Deal?”
Grinning, she leaned onto her elbows. “Evasive, aren’t you?”
“Look who’s talking. Don’t think I didn’t notice how you change the subject just as we’re getting to the meat of your dilemma.”
She laughed again. “Okay, okay. You sound like my friend Liv. She’s a psychologist, and she never lets me wriggle out of hard conversations. In fact, she was supposed to be here to help me talk through all this, but…” she shrugged. “Duty calls.”
Kieran’s warm hazel eyes sparkled with humor. “Well then, ’tis a good thing you met me. So—option two is going to Nebraska because…”
“My mother is ailing—or so she says.” The opening salvo of a headache throbbed behind her forehead. “She’s only seventy-three and remarkably active for someone who claims she can’t manage her affairs, but she insists I come take care of her.”
“You’re an only child, then?”
She snorted. “Half that tiny town is related to Mama. But I’m the only single female in my generation, so in their eyes, it’s my job.”
“Got it. The old crabs in a bucket mentality.” His brogue thickened and took on a whiny tone. “You’re no better than any of us, and don’t you forget it.” He laid his hand over hers and squeezed gently. “But you are, you know.”
“I am what?”
“Better than them. And it’s not because of your education or earning power or skills. It’s because your heart and mind are open, and theirs are closed.” He laced his fingers through hers, and pleasure flowed through her veins like honey.
“So, lovely Addy, why even consider living where you’re not appreciated?”
“Duty.” Her sigh emptied her lungs. “If I’ve endured two tours in a war zone, I should be able to handle a few years in a claustrophobic small town.”
“And if she lives longer than that? The malicious ones often do. Spite keeps them going.”
She growled her frustration. “But what kind of daughter refuses her sick, elderly mother? That’s what it boils down to, even if she is mean as a snake.”
Kieran folded his other hand around hers, surrounding her with warm strength. “She’s got her guilt hooks into you good. So, option one: stay in the military. Option two: go home to Mama. Option three is…?”
She groaned and slumped onto the table. “I don’t know.”
He released her hand and rubbed soothing circles between her shoulder blades. “Someone with your qualifications must have lots of options. Why not find a job somewhere you’d like to live? You can finance your mother’s care while the rest of the family looks after her.”
“They’d hound me for being a disloyal daughter.” Hell, they were already doing that. Had been for years, in fact.
Kieran smacked the table, shaking the dishes. “So feckin’ what?”
Heart racing, Addy jolted upright. Immediately, Snoot was on his feet, growling low.
Kieran raised his hands in a placating gesture. “Apologies. That hit a nerve, but you don’t deserve my anger.” His shoulders slumped. “And the people who do are dead, so…” He pushed back from the table. “What do you say to hot apple pie and stargazing?”