Kill for You (Warrior for Her #2)

Chapter Fifteen

Faith

O ctavio stomps toward the bedroom with me in his arms, his eyes on fire and his breath coming in harsh pants. The fabric of his shirt abrades my nipples, making my entire body ache with need. No one has ever made me feel the way he does. It's more than safety, deeper than desire. When I'm with him, I feel…whole. Except for the ache that won't go away. I think having him inside me is the only thing that's going to ease the need that's been churning through me for days now.

He kicks the bedroom door closed behind us, crosses the room, and drops me on the bed. I whimper when he rips his shirt off over his head and tosses it to the floor before crawling over me. I don't even get a chance to ogle him before he's on me. One big hand goes to the back of my head, his fingers plunging into my hair to tilt my head back. The other wraps around my hip, tugging me until I'm sprawled out beneath him.

His mouth lands on mine a second later, his kiss hard and hungry.

I twine my arms around his neck, only for him to pull them down, pinning them to the bed over my head. The dominant move sends a shiver of desire through me. He's so confident, so sexy. God, I've never felt as good as I do in his arms. He could probably break me in half without even trying, but there isn't an ounce of fear in me.

" Dios , little bunny. What you do to me," he growls, kissing his way down my throat. "Knowing you trust me with your body makes me feel like a god."

When he's touching me like this, I think maybe he is a god.

The scruff on his jaw and cheeks scratches my skin, pulling another moan from me. His lips wrap around my nipple, pulling it into the hot cavern of his mouth. He sucks hard.

A bolt of pleasure has my back bowing off the bed. "Octavio!"

"Fuck. I love the way you cry my name," he groans, releasing my nipple before claiming the other one. He bites down, dragging it through his teeth. The sharp sting blasts through me, my stomach clenching.

"Please, please," I sob, though I don't know exactly what I'm begging for. All I know is that I ache everywhere, my body desperate for release…for more .

He kisses his way down my ribcage and then my stomach, nipping at my skin as he goes. He doesn't shy away from the mass of scar tissue near my navel, instead placing sweet little kisses all over the burn before moving on. His tongue dips into my belly button before sliding down my lower stomach.

"You taste so sweet." His hands go to my waist, his eyes meeting mine as he tugs my pants down my thighs and then pulls them off. His eyes flare with heat when he sees the wet spot on my panties. " Dios . I bet you taste even better here. Like strawberries and sticky sweet cream. Quiero comerte ."

I want to eat you.

My cheeks heat when he buries his face in my center, inhaling deeply. His tongue peeks out a moment later, pressing against the wet spot. I cry out and jerk beneath him, caught between embarrassment and pleasure. He's been slowly introducing me to sex, but he's never done that before. Part of me wants to pull away while another part wants to spread my legs wider so he can do it again. I like it. I like the way he growls even more.

"Goddamn, Faith. You are even sweeter here. Fuck. I want to live right here between your legs."

"Octavio," I whimper, twisting my hands into the blankets like that will root me to earth.

"I'm going to make you come on my tongue this time, angel," he pulls back to whisper. His eyes are so dark with desire they're pools of molten obsidian, his expression ravenous as he peels my panties off my hips, leaving them midway down my thighs.

I can't move my legs more than a few inches. I'm trapped beneath him, completely at his mercy. That probably shouldn't turn me on, but it sends desire ratcheting up until I feel like I might burst into flame if I don't get relief soon. I whimper, wordlessly begging him to ease the burn.

He mistakes the sound for fear.

"Don't be afraid of me," he pleads, running a soothing hand down my thigh. Some powerful emotion flares to life in his eyes, stamping his face with stark sincerity. "I'd never hurt you, Faith."

"I'm not afraid," I whisper back and then swallow hard, trying to work up the courage to tell him that I like being trapped beneath him like this. Maybe I shouldn't like it. Maybe I should be afraid or feel overwhelmed or overpowered, but there isn't a single thing about him that frightens me or makes me feel vulnerable. I know I'll never be any safer than I am right here, with his big body over mine and my panties tight around my thighs. "I like it."

"Yeah?"

"I like knowing you're in control, Octavio. I like the way you feel on top of me," I whisper. "I like the things you do to me and the way you make me feel. You make me feel so damn good."

A rumbling growl breaks from his lips, his expression turning feral with desire. He dips his head, placing a gentle kiss to my sex before spearing his tongue through my folds.

Pleasure rips through me, pulling a keening cry from my lips.

Octavio snarls again, lifting me up toward his mouth. His tongue slides through my folds and then zeroes in on my clit with startling accuracy. I'm so wet I can hear him as he eats me. The filthy sound is embarrassingly loud, but all I feel is bliss racing through my veins in powerful waves, leaving me stunned and gasping beneath him.

" Mierda. I wanted to take you slow, ease you into this," he mumbles, releasing my hips to grab onto my panties. They tear in his hands, falling away from my body. As soon as they do, he shoulders his way between my legs, spreading them wide. "Your taste, angel. I can't… Fuck. It's so goddamn good. I need more."

He falls on me again, licking and sucking and biting like he can't stop himself. His hands curl into tight fists on the bed as if he's afraid to touch me. He doesn't let up between my legs though. His entire body shudders, greedy groans falling from his lips as he spears his tongue into me again and then again.

It feels so good. Oh my God. I've never…never…

"Octavio!" I scream as pleasure builds so high I think it's going to rip me apart. There's no way I'll survive it. I sob, trying to squirm away from him, but he won't let me go.

"No, you don't, little bunny," he growls against my sex, his tongue circling my clit. "You stay right here. Estoy aquí. Estoy aquí. I'll catch you. Lo prometo ." He pulls my clit into his mouth, seaming his lips around it. One thick finger presses inside my opening and then curls up, striking against that spot inside I didn't even know existed until he found it.

My body splinters apart, tearing another scream from my lips. Every muscle in my body locks up tight as wave after wave of euphoria blasts through me. I can hear myself sobbing, but I can't seem to stop myself. I can't stop the way my body shakes either. Everything is a blur of bright color, like fireworks popping behind my eyelids and sizzling against my skin. The powerful feeling goes on forever before I fall limp.

Even then, my body trembles as aftershocks quake through me.

"That's it, angel," Octavio croons, his voice low and gritty as he runs gentle hands all over my body as I come down. "You look so beautiful when you're coming for me. Dios. I need to fuck you." The bed dips as he moves around. A second later the heat of his body disappears as he leaves the bed.

I whimper and reach out for him, wanting him back. I can't seem to get my eyes to open though.

" Estoy aquí ," he promises. I hear him shuffling around and then the bed dips again. He picks me up a moment later, dragging me up the bed.

When my head hits a pillow, my eyes finally open. He looms over me, the muscles in his arms and shoulders taut as he holds himself up. I rake my gaze down his hard body, shivering at the sight of him. His body is so thick and powerful it's honestly a little overwhelming. How someone who looks like him—someone so strong and gorgeous—can look at me like I'm the most beautiful thing he's ever seen is a mystery to me. He's so hard everywhere, so damn beautiful. And I'm just…me. Scrawny, broken, with scars all over my body.

The look in his eyes leaves no doubt that he likes what he sees when he looks at me. Desire blazes like obsidian flame, scorching me everywhere his gaze touches. My stomach flutters, my entire body going lax.

He groans softly, biting his lip as he stares down at my body. He wraps a fist around his erection, stroking it up and down. A bead of precum wells from the tip, sliding down the broad head. God, he's even bigger than I remember.

"You're not going to fit," I mumble, lifting my gaze to his.

He tips his head toward his chest, hitting me with a smirk that makes my stomach flutter again. "Oh, I'll fit," he promises. His voice sounds like sandpaper again, all gritty and rough. " Lo prometo ."

I believe him. How can I not when every day since I've been here, he's taken care of me like I'm priceless? He's never lied to me or tried to hurt me. If he says he'll fit, he'll fit.

I nod once, letting him know I trust him.

He settles over me, dragging my leg up over his hip. He plants his fists on either side of my head, staring down at me. Emotion swirls through his beautiful eyes, searing me to my soul. He stays just like that for the longest time, just watching me like he can't look away.

I get caught in gaze. I was wrong earlier. His eyes aren't completely black with desire. They're pools of melted onyx, shining with devotion. My heart races, warmth suffusing me from the inside out. I'm completely surrounded by him, engulfed in the soft wash of emotion coursing through me with each heavy beat of my heart. It's peace and love and a sense of rightness…of belonging that I've never felt before.

"Octavio," I whisper in awe, reaching up to touch his face with trembling hands.

"Faith," he whispers back. "My little bunny."

"Make love to me."

"Are you sure?"

Instead of answering, I slide my other leg up his thick thigh and hitch it around his hip, opening myself for him. I'm his for the taking. My hands slide up his back, twining around his neck.

" Quiero ser tuya ," I breathe.

His expression turns fierce, possessive. "You're already mine," he says, his bottom lip caught between his teeth as I run my hands all across his broad shoulders.

A soft moan climbs up my throat when he slides the head of his cock through my folds and then presses it to my opening. My heart thuds in my chest, nervousness and anticipation pinging through me. My breathing picks up, my chest rising and falling rapidly.

"Eyes on me, Faith," he commands and then waits until I obey before he tilts his hips, sliding inside me.

Even though I didn't think it was possible, my opening stretches around his length, allowing him inside. There's a bite of pain that brings tears to my eyes. It's sharp, like something tearing as his length stretches me. As soon as he sees the tears in my eyes, his entire body goes still.

" Bésame ," I plead.

He leans forward instantly, claiming my mouth in a gentle kiss.

I cling to him, gasping as the momentary pain quickly dulls and then fades. As if sensing the change, he presses forward again, his cock pushing in deeper. His tongue slips into my mouth, twining around mine. He kisses me deeply, his breath sweet as he breathes it into my lungs, giving me everything that he is.

His hips come to rest against mine a moment later. Once he's fully seated inside me, he moans against my lips and then lingers there. I take a breath, assessing, but there is now pain now. All I feel is full. Good Lord. He's so deep and I'm so full. It feels incredible, like for the first time in my life, I'm finally complete.

God, I never knew it would feel this way.

My nails dig into his shoulders as I try to pull him closer. I want to fuse our bodies together, imprint him in my skin so I never forget how perfect this moment feels. How incredible he is. How much I love him. And God, I do love him. So much it terrifies me. If I lose him now, it'll destroy me.

" Dios. You feel so goddamn good," he whispers, breaking away from my lips. His forehead touches mine, his eyes boring into me as he continues to hold himself still, letting me get used to the feel of him inside me. "Are you okay?"

"Perfect," I promise.

He starts to move, sliding himself out before slowly pushing back inside.

I gasp his name, stunned at how good it feels.

"I know," he murmurs. "I feel it too, Faith. God, what you do to me." He circles his hips, grinding his pelvis against my clit before he pulls out in a slow glide. His head kicks back when he pumps back inside me, groaning my name. "I've never wanted anything the way I want you. Dios, Faith. Te adoro. Eres mi ángel . Mi conejita . Mi mundo ." He drags my leg higher up his hip. "I adore you. You're my angel. My little bunny. My world."

I claw down his back, crying out as he picks up speed, pumping in and out of me faster. Every time he's all the way inside, he circles his hips, grinding against my clit in a way that makes my entire body react. Sweat breaks out on my skin, my head falling back against the pillows as I writhe beneath him.

He rains kisses across my face and throat, scatters them across my shoulders. Sweet words leave his lips in an endless flood as he fucks me deeper, harder, until I'm wrecked beneath him, sobbing his name again and again.

Even then, he doesn't stop, he just picks me up in his arms, settling back on his calves as my legs wrap instinctively around his waist. He guides me up and down his length, one hand tangled up in my hair. He lavishes attention on my breasts, moving from one to the other and then back again.

Every time he sinks his teeth into me, I cry out his name.

"I need you to come, angel," he groans, burying his face in my throat.

"Please," I beg, digging my heels into his ass and my fingers into his shoulders. I push away from him and then slide back down, too desperate for more to feel shame as I chase the powerful jolts of pleasure shooting through me. His length hits that place inside that makes my head loll on my shoulders. Pure ecstasy spirals higher, leaving me dazed and breathless.

"That's it," he growls when I rock against him again, greedy for more. "Take what you need from me, Faith. Use me. Fuck, I'm so hard for you it hurts."

His fingers dig into my hips, squeezing as I move on him, pulling back until he's on the verge of slipping from my body and then dropping back down on him. His heavy balls smack against my ass each time.

The tangle of bliss rippling out from deep in my womb shrinks in on itself, sensation coiling tighter and tighter until each roll of my hips against his sends pleasure striking through me like a gong. I'm helpless to do anything except chase the thrill, using his body to get myself off.

"God, you look good fucking yourself with my cock. Don't stop," he pants, bucking his hips against mine each time I drop down on him. "Anything you want, it's yours. My body belongs to you now. This cock is yours. Take it, Faith. Fuck. Take it all from me."

He slips one hand between us, his thumb pressing against my clit.

I detonate, exploding like a bomb blast. I scream his name, coming apart at the seams. My hips buck wildly against him, pleasure raining down on me from every direction. It feels so good. God, I never want it to stop.

"Don't stop, don't stop," I chant over and over, unable to halt the flow of words as I writhe and shake my way through it, no more capable of stopping than I was of not falling for him.

His hands tighten on me as he takes over, bouncing me up and down on him at a punishing pace. He cries out, locking his hands around my hips so hard I know I'll have his fingerprints in my skin.

"It feels so good, Octavio. I didn't know," I gasp, my head falling back on my shoulders. "Oh God. You're so deep. I feel you everywhere. Please, don't ever stop."

The last shred of his control snaps as I babble, unable to stop the flow of words leaving my lips as I try to explain to him how I feel in this moment. He takes me hard, pumping into me so furiously the bed shakes beneath us, banging against the wall.

I scream again, another orgasm ripping through me before the first has even abated.

"Faith!" he shouts when my muscles clamp tight around him. He drops me down on him a final time and holds me there as his erection jerks inside me, his body going taut like a bowstring. He roars loudly as he comes, sending another wave of bliss through me with every pulse of his cock. The feel of him releasing deep inside of me sends warmth shooting through me, stealing away everything but him.

I peel my eyes open, whimpering at the savage look of pleasure on his face. His head is kicked back, his cheeks flushed as his hips buck without rhythm. He looks like a god below me, possession and devotion blazing in his eyes as he locks them on my face, holding my gaze as he comes.

Love crashes through me, annihilating all those painful, raw places my mother and the Bratva left inside me. They fill instead with hope, peace…and him.

And I know I'll do anything to keep this man as mine. Even if it means I have to face down Nikolai and his men one by one. This is worth fighting for. Worth dying for. I'm certain of it.

"I have to tell you something," Octavio murmurs, cuddling me up against his chest as we laze in the giant tub in his bathroom. He picked me up and carried me in here half an hour ago, insisting that I needed to soak so I wouldn't be so sore tomorrow. He thinks he was too rough with me, but I don't regret a single moment of what we did.

I'll cherish it for the rest of my life.

"What?" I whisper, shifting until I'm straddling his lap with my arms looped around his neck.

"Before I tell you, I want you to remember that it doesn't change a fucking thing."

"Okay…" His serious expression sends worry quaking through me.

"Roman heard a rumor today that Tarasova is willing to pay half a million dollars for a female," he says, his tone grim. He cups my cheek in his hand, stroking his fingers across the side of my neck. "We believe it's you."

I stare at him, trying to process that, but I don't even know how to begin.

"There's not a chance in hell that I'll let him take you from me, Faith," he says. Fury overtakes his face, turning him into a fierce, dangerous predator again. " No one is taking you from me."

I hear what he's saying, but the words are all jumbled up and chaotic in my head. They don't make sense to me. Before I can even try to put them in some logical order, my stomach turns over, bile clawing its way up my throat.

"I think I'm going to throw up," I whisper.

" Mierda ." Octavio wraps his arms around my waist and stands up with me in his arms. Water sluices off us in a flood. He hurriedly steps out onto the bathmat, jerking a towel down to wrap it around me. He doesn't bother wrapping one around himself as he strides toward the toilet and then drops to his knees in front of it, still holding onto me.

I lean over the bowl, a wave of dizziness sweeping through me. I curl my fingers around the porcelain lid, hanging on for dear life as black spots swim in my vision. Everything feels fuzzy and far off. Light, sound, and sensation all come from the other end of a long tunnel.

I take a deep breath, hold it for a moment, and then exhale. The spinning sensation lessens incrementally. I take another deep breath in through my nose and then exhale through my mouth. Little by little, the furious churning of my stomach abates, and the tunnel vision diminishes.

Octavio rubs my back the entire time, whispering to me that he's right here and everything is going to be okay. I don't see how it can possibly be okay though. One of the most dangerous men in the city just put a price on my head. I don't understand why he wants me back so badly.

Why is he willing to pay more to get his hands on me than my mom and Alexei stole from him? Confusion swirls through me in a big black cloud as I grapple with that question. But I don't feel like I'm going to throw up or pass out anymore.

I struggle off Octavio's lap and climb to my feet, turning to face him.

"Why does he want me back so badly?"

"I don't know, conejita ," he says, pure iron in his voice. The same reflects in his sepia eyes as he climbs to his feet, grim-faced and angry. "But I intend to find out."

"It doesn't make any sense." I pace around the bathroom, staring blindly at the floor. "He's willing to pay more to get me back than she stole from him. Even if I worked for him for the rest of my life, I'd never be worth that much. Mikhail isn't even worth that much to him. If someone ki…kills me, what does he gain? I can't tell him where she is if I'm dead. God," I whisper, pressing my hand to my forehead and rubbing like that's going to magically erase the confusion and fear whispering through me. "He's really going to let them kill me."

Octavio stomps toward me, grabbing me firmly by the shoulders to stop me from pacing. "No one is going to kill you, Faith." He shakes me gently, his expression fierce. "Do you hear me? No one."

I take a deep breath, trying to find a little of the certainty blazing in his eyes. He's so confident, so sure, like he genuinely believes he can take on one of the most dangerous cartels in Los Angeles and win.

When have I ever been that certain about anything?

You're that certain of him , my mind whispers.

Most of my life, I've lived by someone else's rules, on someone else's whim, at someone else's mercy. Until Octavio. He's the only thing in my life that I've ever been certain of…not because he's a cop or because he's the first person to ever show me consistent kindness or because he keeps me safe, but because I know all the way down to my bones that I'll never feel this way about anyone else.

Nikolai and the Bratva have taken enough from me. I'm not going to let them take Octavio from me too. If they want my mother so badly, they can have her. If keeping Octavio and keeping him safe means making a choice between him and her, there is no choice.

"I'll tell them where she is," I blurt out, a pang of sorrow twisting through me. It's smaller than expected, like a sad sigh instead of the overwhelming gale it used to be. I think I spent so long trying to protect her at the expense of myself and so many others that part of me stopped loving her. Maybe I had to stop in order to survive, or maybe being with Octavio has shown me that love doesn't have to hurt like it did with her. I don't know. All I know is that if it comes down to him or her, my choice is him.

It will always be him.

His brows wing together, his shock obvious.

"If they agree to let me go, I'll tell them where my mom and Alexei went." I stop pacing, clutching the towel to my chest. My lip wobbles like I'm going to cry, but I'm done crying for Nikolai and what he's done to me. I'm done crying for my mom. "I've spent long enough protecting her. I don't want to do it anymore. I don't want to pay for her mistakes anymore. I'm not going to let them take you from me. I just found you."

He studies me for a long moment, his expression inscrutable. I can't tell what he's thinking.

"Octavio, I…I…" I want to tell him that I'm in love with him, but the words stick in my throat. I've never said them to anyone before. I've never been loved, never been wanted. What if he doesn't feel the same way I do? The fear is irrational because I see the way he looks at me, feel the way he touches me…but the fear is still there and it's massive, pressing on my chest until it's hard to breathe through it. My shoulders slump, my head bowing.

He stalks toward me, dragging me into his arms. His lips come down on mine in a hard kiss. "I know," he whispers against my lips. And I know he does. Even if I can't say the words yet, he knows I feel them. "It's okay, little bunny. I know."

I slump against him, pressing my face to his throat. He wraps his strong arms around me, completely surrounding me in him again. I draw strength from him, breathing it into my lungs with each inhale of his intoxicating smell. He's peace and safety and home .

I shiver, my skin chilled.

"Come on, conejita ," he says, swinging me up into his arms and then carrying me into the bedroom.

I expect him to put me on my feet so I can get dressed since it's barely after six, but he yanks the towel off and lays me in the bed before crawling in beside me. Once he's comfortable, he pulls me on top of him and then pulls the blankets up over us, shutting out the rest of the world.

I snuggle up against his chest, listening to his heart beat beneath my ear.

"I know you're scared, but you aren't going to lose me," he murmurs, running his fingers through my hair to gently untangle the damp strands. "And I don't think they're after your mom, Faith. I think Tarasova is after something else."

"What?" I mumble into his chest. He's said that before, but I still don't understand what else Nikolai could possibly hope to gain from me. With the exception of Octavio, I have nothing and no one. I'm completely insignificant and invisible to most of the world. "What could he possibly be after?"

"I don't know," Octavio admits after a moment, his voice full of reluctance. I don't think he likes not knowing everything. Being a step behind is intolerable to him. "But I am going to find out. I just need you to give me time. Can you do that for me?"

I nod, my head bumping against his chin.

His body relaxes beneath mine as if my agreement lifted some great burden from his shoulders. "Thank you, little bunny," he whispers. "Thank you for trusting me."

"Something is different," Mila announces three days later, peering at me over the kitchen table. She and Roman got back from Santa Cruz last night. She's so happy she's glowing. When Roman left this morning, he couldn't seem to keep his hands off her. She seemed more than happy to let him kiss her breathless.

I know the feeling. Octavio has his hands on me at every available opportunity. He tries to be discreet when anyone is around, but as soon as we're back at his house, he's all over me. It's not always about sex though. Sometimes he strips me naked, cuddles me up on his lap, and just holds me. I love those times almost as much as I love when he's making love to me.

We talk a lot about my life with my mom and Nikolai, and about his life. When we talk about my mom or Nikolai, he's always extra sweet to me, like he wants to remind me that I'm safe now. Despite the news that Nikolai is willing to pay a ridiculous amount of money to get his hands on me, I'm…okay. I won't say I'm not worried because I am, but Octavio is worth fighting for and I'm not going to let Nikolai scare me into giving him up. No way.

"Um…" My tongue peeks out, swiping nervously along my bottom lip.

"Oh my gosh! You guys are sleeping together!"

As soon as the words leave her lips, Luke freezes, his green eyes going wide.

My cheeks burn. I drop my gaze to my plate, not sure what to say. Octavio and I haven't really talked about what we are together or whether we want to tell people. Everything is still new. I kind of like that it's something that's just ours right now. I'm not sure I'm ready to share it yet.

"I didn't mean to say that out loud," Mila whispers. Her voice shakes like she's trying not to cry. "I'm so, so sorry, Faith."

"It's okay." I reach out and squeeze her hand, unable to be mad at her. I haven't been around very many pregnant women, but she cries really easily. She's so sweet. I don't want her to cry. I take a deep breath, knowing they're going to figure it out sooner or later. I might not want to share it, but I don't want to lie about it now that it's out, either.

"Octavio and I are sleeping together. I mean…we've been sleeping in the bed together. But now we're…" I stutter awkwardly, trying to explain. "Um…It's not just sex. I, um…" I give up with a groan and lay my head on the table, my cheeks blazing with heat. "I'm going to shut up now."

"This is definitely not a conversation I need to hear," Luke mutters, trying hard to hide the way his lips twitch like he wants to laugh. He grabs his plate in one hand and his beer in the other before hurrying from the room, shaking his head the entire way.

"I really didn't mean to say that out loud," Mila apologizes again once he's out of earshot. "I promise I wouldn't call you guys out like that in front of anyone on purpose. I swear, our ladybug better love me best. I cry all the time. I can't have coffee. And now my brain doesn't work right. But I'm happy for you, Faith."

"It's not just sex," I repeat.

"Of course it's not," Mila says like the thought never crossed her mind.

"I think…" I grimace and shake my head. "No, I know I love him."

Her green eyes light up, happiness washing through her expression. "I know you do. And it's obvious he feels the same way about you. I've never seen him so happy. It's like he's finally found something he's been missing. He's less…" She scrunches up her nose, thinking. "I want to say grouchy, but that's not right. He's never been grouchy or mean, just kind of stuck in his ways. He likes everything to make sense. I think that's why he's so good at his job. He's really good at moving pieces around until they fit just right."

I smile because she's not wrong about him. He's very precise and methodical, very neat. Mysteries frustrate him. That's part of why he made me so anxious when I first met him. I didn't want to share my shame, didn't want anyone to know, but he saw it anyway, and I knew he wouldn't let me get away without sharing everything with him. I just didn't realize that telling him my secrets would make them hurt less.

"But he always seemed like he knew something was missing and couldn't figure out what," Mila continues. "I think you were the thing he was missing. He's more at ease now. It makes me happy to see him happy."

"I haven't told him I love him," I admit, biting my lip.

"Why not?"

I shrug helplessly, not sure how to explain the overwhelming fear that courses through me at the thought of him not loving me back. She says Octavio has found his missing piece in me, but I've found my place with him. My mom and Nikolai didn't break me. Sanders didn't break me. But I think losing Octavio would obliterate me.

"You're afraid," she guesses.

I nod, my throat tight. "I've never had anyone before," I whisper, tipping my head down to stare at my hands when my eyes get blurry. "My mom hated me. I don't understand why, but she did. And then she left me, and Nikolai came and got me. I went from one level of hell to the next. No one even looked for me. I disappeared and no one even cared." Two tears leak from my eyes, falling with wet plops on my clasped hands. No one's ever cared what happened to me before. "I guess I'm afraid that, if I say it out loud, I'll wake up and this will all be a dream. He'll be gone, and I'll still be alone."

"Faith," Mila whispers, her voice soft. "You aren't alone anymore. Octavio loves you. I love you. Roman and Luke love you. We're your family now."

"What if I'm not good enough to be part of your family?" I whisper back.

"You think you did something to deserve the way you were treated," she says, more statement than question.

I shrug. Octavio said I wasn't responsible for what happened, and I want to believe him, but I guess part of me still doesn't. Part of me still thinks there must be some reason my mom hated me, and they hurt me. It has to be my fault somehow. What if Octavio finds out that the little voice in the back of my mind is right, and I am to blame?

"I think you feel that way because you don't have any answers," Mila says, reaching across the table for my hands. She holds them in hers. I cling to her, trying to borrow a little of her strength. "Your brain is trying to make sense of what happened to you, and it doesn't have any logical reasons to grasp onto, so it makes you think that if there aren't any logical reasons, it has to be your fault somehow. But that part of your brain is wrong, Faith. Sometimes, people do awful things because they're messed up, not because you are or because you deserve to be hurt."

"I hid where my mom was from Nikolai for five years," I whisper to her. "Maybe they would have let me go a long time ago if I'd told them the truth."

"Or maybe they would have killed her and continued to torment you." She squeezes my hands tighter. "My mom died when I was nine. My dad was really messed up after. He drank all the time. He pretended like I didn't exist most of the time. When he did remember I was around, he yelled at me a lot. Sometimes, he'd leave for days on end, and I'd be home alone. For the longest time, I felt like I did something to deserve it. I felt like he changed so much after my mom died because I wasn't enough."

"That's awful," I whisper, my chest aching for her.

"After I graduated high school, I asked him why he never loved me. He told me he couldn't stand to look at me because I looked just like her and it hurt too badly. I realized then that nothing I did would ever be enough for him. He wasn't capable of loving me." She smiles sadly. "I walked away from him. I found a guy who I thought was everything I was supposed to want. I didn't love him, but I thought maybe stability would be enough. And then he cheated on me."

"What a jerk."

Mila smiles at me. "He is a jerk. But I'm glad it happened. It brought me to Roman. He gave me a family and a place where I belong. He taught me what real love is and made me believe that I am worthy of it. I still get insecure sometimes, but Roman never lets me forget for even a minute that I wasn't the broken one. My dad was. Your mom was the broken one too, Faith. She didn't love you because she wasn't capable of love. But you deserve to be loved. You're worthy of it. Give Octavio time, and I know he'll prove it to you just like Roman did me."