Chapter Twenty
Baxter
“What was it like being dead?” Lake asked when we were midway through our pub meal at a small pub in Wood Green, both of us having agreed on wanting cheap and cheerful over restaurant food.
I could tell the exact moment he second-guessed the question, the familiar flush invading his face.
I’d been worried us having sex might cure him of the habit, so it was reassuring to see it was still a mainstay.
Give him a few more seconds of silence and he’d probably launch into something historical as a safety net unless I got in there first.
“You can ask me whatever you want,” I said. I held up a finger. “But that doesn’t mean I have to answer.”
“Right.”
I put my fork down and considered the question, deciding whether I even had an answer. “I’ve never talked about it.” I admitted.
“Okay.”
Lake returned to eating, apparently unfazed by my reluctance.
Which made me not want to be that person.
As a testament to our new relationship, I’d stayed out of his head as much as I could since we’d returned from Wakefield.
It wasn’t easy. Especially at times like this, when the urge to check whether his internal thoughts matched his external body language was like an itch beneath my skin.
“Time was different there,” I said.
“There?”
I hadn’t told him anything, had I? “I wasn’t with Calisto all the time.”
“Where were you the rest of the time?”
“In a place.”
“Heaven?”
I laughed. “No. Definitely not heaven. And not hell either.” I decided not to mention the demons there. There were things Lake didn’t need to know if he wanted to sleep at night. “Calisto called it the inbetween. The best analogy is some kind of waiting room.”
“And time?”
“Moved slower.” The leather seat squeaked as I leaned back. I wasn’t explaining this very well. “Death was…”
Lake stopped eating, his soft brown eyes steady, patient—like whatever I said would be okay.
“It was loneliness. A lack of purpose. Waiting for something without knowing what that something was. But it was also peaceful. It was easy to exist there. No responsibilities. No expectations. I could sit and stare into space all day if I wanted.”
Lake’s expression told me most of that was beyond his comprehension. “Do you miss it?”
The question caught me off guard. “No.” I paused to think about it, surprised by the conclusion I had come to. “Sometimes. Is that weird?”
“Not if it was peaceful,” he said. “Life can be exhausting.”
“It can,” I agreed. “How’s your book coming along?”
He grimaced. “Next question.”
“How come you can talk about history all day long? But when it comes to writing it down, you have problems?”
“Because those are random, unstructured thoughts. Writing requires the opposite.”
“And I’ve distracted you.”
He lifted his beer in a toast, his eyes darkening. “You can distract me all day long.”
“Just during the day?”
“All day. All night.” He grinned. “Multiple times at night.”
Sexual tension fizzled between us. It was funny how, after months of a revolving door of men, I hadn’t been interested in anyone but Lake since meeting him. Did he know I’d given all that up? It felt like something he should know.
I opened my mouth to tell him, but he was already standing, an apologetic expression on his face. “Beer goes straight through me.”
My phone rang when he was halfway to the restroom. I stared at the screen, already knowing what I’d hear.
Breathing. Slow and steady. In and out.
The only phone call where they’d hung up had been the first. Since then, they’d stayed on the line. I always had to be the one to end it. “Listen,” I said, keeping my voice low, “heavy-breathing phone calls are so last century.”
Nothing.
Maybe I could provoke them into saying something.
Anything would be better than nothing. I wanted to hear what he sounded like.
I assumed it was a man. It didn’t seem like something a woman would do for kicks.
I suspected it was someone I’d taken home.
Plenty of opportunity to grab my number while I was in the shower.
“I’m sorry if you think I wronged you in some way,” I said. “But I never promised anything beyond a good fuck. And I delivered that, right?”
The breathing didn’t change.
I’d already ruled out Geoffrey Ryhill since prison calls included a prerecorded message before connecting you.
I wasn’t completely na?ve. I knew prisoners used illicit mobile phones, but I’d already blocked four numbers, and this person kept finding new ones.
I doubted that was within Geoffrey’s scope.
“If you’ve got something to say, why not just say it?”
Nothing.
“Do you really think I’m going to sit here all night listening to you breathe when I’ve got better things to do?”
I gave them five more seconds on the off chance of that provoking a response before hanging up and blocking the number. Then I worked on composing myself before Lake returned, so he wouldn’t ask what was wrong.
Turned out he was more interested in the two men who’d arrived while he was gone, his jaw tightening when he saw them. “How long has he been here?”
“He?”
“Carl.”
“That’s Carl?” I didn’t need to ask which one.
One was clearly half the other’s age. He was attractive, as long as you liked your men slightly rough and ready, with overgrown stubble and crumpled clothes.
And apparently, Lake did. His companion was clean-shaven and dressed more smartly, chin resting on his hand as he stared across the table at Carl.
“Yeah,” Lake said, jaw tight.
“Is this where he leaves and you chase after him?”
That earned a faint smile. “No. I learned my lesson the hard way. He’s too fast.”
“You should get a big net like they have in the cartoons.”
“Or drop a piano on his head.”
Lake might have joined in with the joke, but his inability to look away from the two men said something different. Something twisted in my gut that felt a little too close to jealousy. No one wanted their date thinking about someone else. And Carl was recent. Really recent.
“What do you think is going on there?” Lake asked. “Is it genuine, or has Carl found another easy mark? If he’s planning to do to him what he did to me, I should warn him, right?”
The bitterness in his voice loosened the knot in my chest. It didn’t sound like there were any residual feelings of tenderness left behind.
Lake’s gaze swung back my way. “Can you do your thing?”
“My thing?”
He blushed. “You know.”
“You make me sound like a circus act. Like I juggle fire and spin plates at the same time.”
Lake’s lips twitched. “Now that would be impressive.” He reached across the table and took hold of my hand, giving it a squeeze. “Please. I know I’m taking liberties by asking, but I need to know.”
I stared at the fingers covering mine. “You really mean that, don’t you?
” His frown said he didn’t understand. “You’ve done nothing but help me these past few weeks.
From graveyard to Wakefield prison via a car park.
You’ve been unfailingly sweet, supportive, and understanding.
I think that entitles you to ask for a favor without making it sound like it’s unreasonable. ”
“Is that a yes?”
I rolled my eyes. “Yes.” I turned my attention to the two men. “I can only access current thoughts. They might be mundane. Most people’s are.”
Lake nodded. “I know. Just… try, please. Before Carl notices I’m here.”
Filtering out the mental noise of the pub was the hardest part, and then separating whose thoughts were whose.
“Carl’s pissed off,” I said eventually. “He doesn’t want to be here. He’s heard this lecture a thousand times before. He’d rather be with Steve.”
Lake’s eyebrow rose.
“Steve didn’t take kindly to Carl canceling tonight. Carl’s worried Steve will come to his senses and realize he’s being played.”
“So Verity was right,” Lake said quietly.
“This is what Carl does. He must’ve been disappointed to only get kitchen gadgets and furniture from me.
” He aimed for light, but his expression gave away the hurt and humiliation.
“If Steve’s the new mark, then who’s that?
Surely, he’s not playing two men at the same time? ”
I focused on the other man.
“Carl was always such a good boy. Bright. Talented. Now, what’s he doing with his life?
Always vague about his job. Much older boyfriends.
It’s one thing for him to be gay, but why can’t he find someone his own age?
And why does he move in with them when he has a perfectly good home?
Where did we go wrong with him? His mother said he’d grow out of it.
When? He’s twenty-five, and there’s still no sign of that happening. ”
“He’s Carl’s father,” I said.
Lake blinked. “His father? Well, I guess that’s good. At least I don’t have to decide whether to interfere.”
An idea formed as I watched the two men. “Do you want revenge?”
“Revenge?” Lake said it like he’d never heard the word before.
“Do you trust me?”
“Yes.” He hesitated. “Which is how I got into that mess with Carl in the first place. I trusted him and look where it got me.”
“I’m not Carl,” I said firmly. “And I’m not taking you for a ride. I might be more fucked up than the average man, but every word I say is the truth. Tell me you know that.”
Lake nodded. “I do.”
“Good!” I smiled. “Then let’s deal out a little retribution.”
“How? What…? I don’t…” Ignoring Lake’s protestations, I pulled him to his feet. “I should at least know the plan.”
“You just said you trusted me.”
“I do, but—”
“No buts. Just let me do all the talking.”
It was only a few steps to the table Carl sat at.
Once we reached it, I positioned myself in such a way that if he got any bright ideas about making a run for it, he’d have to push me out of the way.
Which wasn’t to say he wouldn’t. I’d never met the man; he might be violent.
Most people rein in the worst parts of their personality in front of their parents, though, so I was counting on that to keep him in check.
I plastered myself to Lake, one arm around his waist, the other splayed possessively over his chest. Lake didn’t seem too upset that he had to wrap his arm around my waist in order to keep the pose natural.
When Carl looked up, a brief look of horror flashed across his face before he locked it down tight. “Carl!” I said brightly. “How lovely to see you. You’re looking well.” I tugged on his jacket lapel. “Is this new? It looks familiar for some reason.”
“I don’t know you,” he said stiffly, batting my hand away. “We’ve never met.”
“Don’t be like that,” I said. Carl’s father hadn’t said a word, but the slight narrowing of his eyes said he was interested in the conversation. “How’s Steve?”
Carl jerked as if I’d slapped him. His gaze shot to Lake, who merely shrugged. Lake’s thoughts said he was enjoying seeing Carl off-kilter. “Steve’s your current boyfriend, right?”
Carl’s eyes promised murder.
I pressed on. “What are you planning to steal from him?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Really?” I feigned confusion. “Because you took most of Lake’s possessions when you left. Isn’t that right?”
“What’s he talking about?” his father asked.
“He took my things,” Lake said. “Including my bed. I should’ve gone to the police, but I didn’t. I let pride stop me from doing that. Carl relies on that being the case. Well, that and people falling for his homeless sob story.”
“This is bullshit,” Carl snapped. “I don’t know either of them. And there is no Steve.”
“What about the one before Lake?” I asked.
“His name’s right on the tip of my tongue.
What is it?” Like most people, Carl couldn’t stop himself from thinking the answer to my question.
I snapped my fingers. “Peter. Yeah, that’s it.
You took his car. He didn’t report it either because you’re very good at what you do.
You make people feel just stupid enough for being taken in by you that they don’t want to broadcast how it ends.
It wasn’t a new car, and he was already thinking of replacing it, so he let it go. ”
Carl had gone white, his mind racing. Which was great for me because it gave me a lot of extra material to work with. “Not as good as draining Malachi’s account,” I added. “Or all those gifts from Darnell.”
“It’s all lies,” Carl said desperately. “You don’t believe them, do you?”
His father went quiet for a moment. “I remember Peter. And Darnell, even though you didn’t introduce me to either of them. You never introduce me to any of your boyfriends. And they never last long.”
“That means nothing,” Carl said, his tone defensive. “You don’t believe them over your own son, do you?”
His expression said he did, that things were slowly clicking into place. Which meant my work here was done. I smiled. “Well… Have a lovely evening. Say hi to Steve for me. Tell him not to leave his car keys lying around.”
I tugged Lake away, but he dug his heels in. “Jacket,” he said calmly, holding out his hand. “Verity gave it to me. You took it from my wardrobe.”
Carl stood, his movements furious as he emptied his pockets onto the table before shrugging the jacket off and almost throwing it at Lake. “There you go, old man,” he sneered. “And just for the record, you were crap in bed.”
I wasn’t letting that one go. “Well, they say it takes two to make it work,” I said with saccharine sweetness. “Given Lake and I have had no such issues, I’d say the problem wasn’t him. Maybe look closer to home.”
A glance back once we reached the door revealed that Carl and his father were already mid-argument.
Yeah, that would do.