Chapter 19
CASSIDY
Chewing on my nail, I line the items onto the conveyor belt, one by one. Noah is bouncing on the balls of his feet, despite me telling him he needs to eat his dinner before he gets to open the little box containing some chocolate car parts the kids at school have been discussing all week.
“You sure you can afford all that shit?” His gruff voice sends a tremor down my spine, and I slice my gaze up to meet his.
My hearts skips a beat and a whoosh of air leaves me when his handsome face stares blankly back at me.
Why does my body react to him in such a way?
“Don’t you have other things to buy?” My mind races as to what he could mean.
He’s being an ass. I have five items on the conveyor.
Bread, sanitary pads, a small block of cheese, milk, and the little chocolate car parts for Noah.
It’s hardly a spending spree, but all of them are necessities.
Including the chocolate that I promised Noah if he continued going to the therapy classes he doesn’t need and hates going to.
I figured I’d appease the teachers and hope they realize their mistake.
“You lost your tongue now, huh? Better make sure I put it to work again later.” His lip twitches when I scowl in his direction. “Thought you might have purchased something more important.” He nods down toward the conveyor, and when realization comes over me, my cheeks redden. Birth control.
Thankfully, I had my period this morning, so I don’t need to worry about that, but still, I can’t allow him to keep having unprotected sex with me despite how good it feels.
His cologne filters through the air, and I sway, captivated by his proximity.
Why does he have to be so damn hot? Tall too.
He’s like one of those big guys in the movies who looks after their girl, protects her, and don’t even get me started on the thick veins on his tattooed hands.
Holy shit, I never realized what a turn-on those could be.
“That’ll be thirty-two dollars and fifty cents.” A voice breaks through the haze, pulling me out of my wanton thoughts.
Oh shit. I’ve gone over.
I rummage through my purse, even though it’s hopeless. I don’t have the fifty cents, let alone the two dollars, I only have thirty.
My cheeks flame. “I’m sorry.” I cast my eyes over the bagged items, knowing my next move is going to devastate my son. My precious little boy who never asks for a damn thing.
“Can you get a fuckin’ move on. Got somewhere to be,” Killa grunts, and I glare back at him, then lower myself in front of Noah.
“Noah, listen, honey. I’m going to have to get you the chocolate next week.” His little face falls and his eyes shimmer, causing my heart to crack down the middle. “I’m sorry, honey.”
“B-But you promised.” His little lip sticks out, and his chin quivers. I hate it.
I swallow back the lump gathering in my throat. “I know. Mama’s really sorry.”
“But you said,” he whimpers, and the first tear falls.
“Can you hurry the fuck along?” Killa gripes when the old lady behind him starts tutting.
“I was good.” His little chest heaves and his lip wobbles.
“I went to the classroom and did good. You said I did good,” Noah implores, tears streaming down his face.
“Mama, you said.” There’s only one other time I’ve seen him cry like this, and my eyes close at the memory.
One etched so deep in my soul I’ll never forget it, nor do I ever want to experience it again.
“I did good,” he snivels, and my eyes flare open with renewed vigor.
“You’re right. I’m sorry.” I make a quick decision and take the sanitary pads from the bag. “Can you cancel these off the bill, please?” I ask the cashier, and hand her the pads.
“Sure.” She feigns a smile while scanning me up and down, then presses the button on the register, and it feels like I’m waiting an eternity with all eyes glaring in our direction. “That’ll be twenty-two dollars.”
Noah bounces on the balls of his feet, and I can feel him beaming up at me like I’m his hero, and I know I’ve made the right decision.
I hand her the cash, then take the change and grab the bags without giving Killa any more attention. As I briskly walk away, his deep laugh penetrates through my bones and reaches my core.
Now I need to decide if I should leave the door unlocked or not.