Chapter 33 Lyra
LYRA
When we get home, I tell Declan to just give me a second. He agrees, and my hands shake as I lock the bathroom door behind me.
The rush of adrenaline from the shooting has left me dizzy, but I need to calm down. What do I always tell people, breathe, it helps.
I take my own advice. I need a level head to assess myself. Even if a doctor is coming, I need to feel like I understand what's going on, or know I tried to at the very least.
So, I'm bleeding.
At first, I think it's from my thigh, the place where I felt the sting during the ambush. Maybe I scratched myself, hit something, a bullet graze, I don't know.
I take off my pants and underwear to look. Yep, blood. Not a lot, but enough.
"Fuck," I say, grabbing toilet paper to clean myself. My mind races. The bullet must have grazed me after all. But as I wipe, I notice the blood isn't coming from a wound. It's coming from inside me.
It's smeared along the inside of my thigh, dark and thick and not right. I sit on the toilet, willing myself to stay calm. It's probably stress. Or adrenaline.
My period? No, it can't be that. I don't think, anyhow.
I press my palm against my lower abdomen. There's no pain, just a dull pressure.
I clean up as best I can, stuffing toilet paper in a new pair of underwear before pulling on some clean leggings from the stash of clothes I've accumulated in Declan's house.
When I step out of the bathroom, I'm confronted by Declan and a woman I've never seen before.
Mid-forties, brunette, no makeup, very thin. She's carrying a small medical bag.
"This is Doctor Tanner," Declan says. "She's a colleague of our family doctor. I thought, since you're bleeding, well, she should just make sure."
The doctor smiles at me, professional but warm. "Declan tells me you've been injured?"
"I'm fine," I say automatically. "Really, it's nothing."
The doctor sets her stuff down and sits in a chair as if I didn't speak.
"Please have a seat, Lyra. Tell me what's going on."
I look at Declan, who I can tell is worried, so I humor everyone.
I sit on the edge of the bed, suddenly aware of how tired I am. The excitement of Dr. Johns' revelation, the shooting, it's all crashing down on me at once.
"I..." I trail off and rub my temples. "There's blood. But it's not from a bullet. I think it's... well, I don't know what it is."
"May I examine you?" Dr. Tanner asks, already pulling on latex gloves from her bag.
I nod, and then the doctor turns to look at Declan.
"Could we have some privacy, please? Would that be alright?" Dr. Tanner asks him.
Declan hesitates, his gaze locked with mine. I can see the battle in his eyes, the need to protect warring with respect for my boundaries.
I give him a nod to reassure him it's okay.
He nods once, then steps toward the door. "I'll be right outside."
Once he's gone, Dr. Tanner turns to me with a gentler expression. "Are you okay here, Lyra? And I don't mean just physically."
The question catches me off guard. "I... yes. I'm okay."
"I like to ask all my female patients if—"
"Oh," I cut her off. "No, nothing like that."
"Good," she says with a smile.
She puts down a thin paper sheet on the bed and asks me to lie back on it and pull down my leggings. I comply, feeling oddly vulnerable. I've stitched up countless wounds, set broken bones, even dug bullets out of flesh, but I've rarely been on this side of medical care.
"The blood is coming from inside me."
"I see," she says. "I'm going to check on some things, okay?"
I nod.
She begins her examination with gentle hands. When she presses on my abdomen, I wince slightly.
Her eyebrows lift slightly, but she doesn't comment. Instead,
"Does that hurt?" she asks.
"No," I lie, then catch myself. "A little. It's just tender."
She nods. "Is it possible it's your period?"
"I don't think so, but I don't track it very well."
"Any cramping? Dizziness?"
"No."
She studies me for a moment, then says, "I'd like to examine you internally, just to be safe. Is that alright?"
"Sure."
I stare at the ceiling as she inserts her fingers, checking.
She twists her wrist and stops. "Any pain here?" she asks.
"No."
"What about when I inserted?"
"No."
"Okay, tell me if anything hurts now," she says.
I shake my head. "No, nothing."
"Nothing seems torn," she says after a moment, removing her hand and snapping off the glove. "But I'd like to run a quick test. Can you pee in a cup for me?"
I sit up slowly. "What? Why?"
"Just routine. Let's rule some things out."
She hands me a small plastic cup from her bag. I take it and head back into the bathroom.
When I come back, I see she's laid a few things out on the desk. Small strips. A little testing kit. A clipboard.
I watch as she dips a strip into the cup, then places it on a paper towel. She asks me more questions about my medical history, but I can barely focus on answering. My eyes are fixed on those little sticks.
Dr. Tanner looks over the sticks one by one.
"Well," she says, turning back to me. "That confirms it."
"Confirms what?" I ask.
"So, I noticed there were some changes to your uterus. It feels slightly enlarged. And your cervix is a little softer than expected."
"Wait, does that mean—"
"Yes, you're pregnant."
"I'm sorry?"
She coughs. "You're pregnant, and by your reaction, I take it you didn't know."
I open my mouth to speak, but I can't. I'm just at a total loss for words. So many thoughts are running through my head.
"I need to be honest with you, however—the bleeding is concerning," she says. "It could be normal spotting, which happens to many women in early pregnancy. But it could also indicate an early miscarriage or an ectopic pregnancy, which is very dangerous."
I nod, medical training kicking in despite my shock. "I understand."
"I'd recommend going to a hospital for an ultrasound to confirm the pregnancy and make sure everything is where it should be. Preferably tomorrow, if possible."
"I think..." I hesitate, almost laughing at the absurdity. "I think they have one downstairs."
Dr. Tanner looks at me with disbelief. "An ultrasound machine? Downstairs? In this house?"
"It's a long story."
She laughs. "Yes, everything about the Killaney family tends to be a long story."
I find myself smiling despite the chaos swirling inside me.
She walks to the door. "I'll ask Declan to bring it up."
"Wait," I blurt. "Don't tell him what it's for. Not yet."
She stops. "Okay."
She opens the door and calls for Declan.
They talk and five minutes later, he wheels in the portable ultrasound on a small metal cart.
"Unbelievable," Doctor Tanner says, looking at it. "You've got everything here."
"Anything for Lyra," he says and looks at me.
As the doctor turns it on and I wave Declan over. "You can stay here. Hold my hand."
He does as he sits beside me on the bed. "Are you sure you're okay? Does anything hurt?"
"I'm fine," I say. "Don't worry."
But the truth is I am worried. What if it's a miscarriage, or worse, what if there's no heartbeat, or nothing to see.
I try to breathe. I try to be calm. But there's never been anything calm about hope.