21. Amorette
AMORETTE
W orking for Parker helped. Slightly.
Blanca was stuck in the birdcages with Jorge, and there wasn’t a damned thing I could do about it. I’d raged at Andre that morning, but he’d watched me with an expression so bland that it cut right through me.
Grey had tugged my arm, moving us away from his brother.
“You don’t get it yet, but your place with us doesn’t give you power. Not the kind you want.” Grey stopped me and tipped my chin up. His gaze was intense, steady, and wholly serious. Another knife to the chest right alongside a dash of searing anger.
“You’re acting like I want to take all the power. That’s not it at all.” I kept my voice even, not yelling like I was dying to.
“You want to pick and choose how you fit in with us. It’s all or nothing, mamí. You accept us as we are, and stop making Andre’s life so fucking difficult.”
That wasn’t what I was doing. That wasn’t it at all. “I am accepting you, damn it. I’ve changed so freaking much, I barely recognize myself in the mirror.” I roughly raked a hand through my hair.
Didn’t he get it? I was doing everything in my fucking control to accept them. Yet, they were changing me.
His gaze darkened, and he used the back of his fingers to brush the hair away from my neck. “I love the way you’ve changed. You need to if you want to survive us. I knew you could. But you have to chill the fuck out. Trust that we won’t do anything to fuck things up for us.”
He didn’t get it.
“It’s about not hurting inno—”
“Blanca’s innocent?” He dipped his chin.
I ate my words. “She’s my friend.” Couldn’t he understand that? I thought he had. The night before, it seemed like we’d had a moment. Hadn’t we?
“And friendships don’t last forever. I’m sure you’ve seen that enough in American social media.”
I couldn’t even be pissed at him because his voice had not an ounce of condescension. He was stating facts. Or at least, as he saw them.
“Go workout. Work. Watch a movie. Do something besides stalk Andre. It won’t do you any favors. Do you want to spar? I can show you a few things,” he said, and a new gleam entered his eyes.
“No, that’s okay. I have some things I’m supposed to do for Parker.” Sparring would turn to sex, and I didn’t have that in me right now. I was sure he could convince me. But for a little while, I wanted to do something I’d never done before. Wallow in my self-pity.
***
Two folders were spread out on the floor around me and my loaned-out laptop was balanced on my lap.
There had to be a better place to work on this research than the movie room.
With this much shit clouding my mind, I needed better scenery to take my mind off of Blanca and why she’d agreed to spy for Vicente.
Parker had offered me the use of his office, but I shot that down. Of all the brothers, he constantly drove me to violence. Back in Virginia, I was calm and level-headed…rational. Yet, since being here, I’d slapped, bit, and fought against the brothers.
I didn’t want to be this person, but there was something liberating about releasing my anger on them in a physical way. It was almost like a high. Parker caught the brunt of it due to his selfish actions.
I didn’t do a great job of hiding it though, because he smirked and told me he wouldn’t be there most of the time. Astute asshole.
It hadn’t stopped me from grabbing the folders and laptop and finding a quiet spot.
The door to the movie room creaked open and I spun to see Lafe walking in. His hair was mussed, his face was pallid, and his eyes were half-mast from what looked like exhaustion.
“You okay?” I asked softly.
He jolted as if he hadn’t even realized I was there. “Tired.” Dropping down on the couch and stretching one leg across it, he grabbed the remote and turned on the TV.
Lafe didn’t seem to want conversation, so I went back to the research. For some reason, with him here, I was able to concentrate. Now that I had a few projects under my belt, it was becoming routine. Who owned the item? Where was it last seen? What type of insurance policy covered the item, if any?
My personal favorite—what business interests did the owner have? That was sarcasm. Parker didn’t come out and say it, but I suspected he blackmailed some of the owners.
“I’m done,” I sighed as I shut the laptop and stacked the folders on top.
I pressed my back against the couch and twisted my head, followed by my shoulders.
Sitting on the floor was terrible for my posture, and I paid for it, even though I enjoyed it too much.
It reminded me of when Grace and I used to sit on the floor and work on our homework together.
I was the one who worked on homework, at least. I wasn’t sure what she did most of the time, but it definitely wasn’t homework.
“Want to come here?” He patted the very tiny slice of cushion next to his hips. After relaxing, he seemed even more tired, like he was going to pass out at any second.
Hesitating, I slowly shook my head. “I need to take this stuff back to someone’s apartment. Then I need to go outside. I’m going crazy cooped up all the time. I’d hang out in the courtyard, but that’s where your people train.”
I pushed to my feet and my back cracked when I bent over to pick up my stuff.
“I’ll show you a place.” He turned the TV and projector off and rose off from the couch. When I straightened, we were face to chest. The heat of his gaze seeped into me, even though I didn’t raise my eyes.
Suddenly, my heart started to dance a little faster and my hands began to sweat. With Lafe, everything was easy for the most part. He wasn’t trying to sleep with me. Not that I didn’t think he wanted me.
His kisses from the warehouse and plane were still seared into my memory.
Yet as much as we had clashed against each other in the beginning, that was all gone now, leaving something soft and safe behind.
He waited for me while I put my stuff in the guest room of Grey’s apartment, then he tucked his fingers around my arm and walked me up a few flights of stairs at the end of the residential wing.
I wanted to ask who had access to these stairs since there were floors above us, except when I glanced up at him, he just seemed so… sad.
On the third floor, we walked about halfway down the empty hallway, and then he opened another door with yet another stairwell. This one was more like a run-down city stairwell rather than the posh vibe from the residential wing.
At the top, the door opened to the outside and immediately a warm, breezy air hit my face. I inhaled, closing my eyes. This was part of what I needed. A reset. Time outside.
The brothers weren’t keeping me prisoner anymore; they weren’t restricting my movements, although I rarely ventured outside. I’d have to change that. Go to the town Parker pointed me toward.
“Come on,” Lafe urged with a hand on my back.
I opened my eyes as we started walking. We were on some kind of covered patio. But, patio was too nice a word. It was a concrete pad with a few fake plants and a beat-up conversation set in the center. The side open to the world was just that. Open.
No guard rail, glass, or any type of barrier to keep us safe. I took a step toward it, and the sharper view of the drop caused my heart to race. Stopping, I analyzed the feeling.
All day I’d been moping and depressed, with barely any motivation to do anything other than plot how I was going to save a girl who I could recognize might not deserve saving.
But this rush was exhilarating. My palms were sweating and my breath came in sharper pants. Not in an alarming way, but in a way that brought some of the life I’d lacked recently.
Fingers laced with mine and I glanced back at Lafe. His dismal smile was more than I could take. “Why are you so upset today?”
“Why would you think I’m upset?” He pulled me over to where the conversation set was. He dropped my hand to push the loveseat toward the ledge. He didn’t get close, stopping about sevenish feet away. Then he placed the small rectangular table in front of it.
“It’s all in your eyes.” I waved a hand as I approached the loveseat. He took one corner, resting his arm along the back.
I sat down next to him, and he draped his arm around me as he propped his feet up and turned toward the view. We could see the ocean perfectly from here. The sun was starting to dip in the sky, but there were still hours of sunlight left.
“I think it’s the withdrawals. This is the longest I’ve ever gone without anything. I’m not sleeping, and my appetite is shit. I’m just worn down.” His lips curled up in a bitter smile. “Unless I leave the compound, then I’m a fucking mess.”
“It will pass.” I rested my hand on his thigh and shifted my body toward the ocean. We were in the shade and there was enough of a breeze gliding through that it was comfortable up here.
He hummed noncommittally.
“Why can’t you sleep?”
I should have asked what this place was. It seemed like a pocket of afterthought that someone happened to bring a few old pieces of furniture to. Instead, I went with a question that, first, wasn’t my business and, second, could cause him to shut down.
He was fragile in a way the others weren’t, and I was a fool for being drawn to him for it.
“Lack of drugs, nightmares, stress. Take your pick,” he said absently.
“Why nightmares?” I narrowed in on the most difficult choice because I couldn’t help it. I wanted to know him, and Grey was right; I was trying to be a hero. I wanted to save Lafe like he’d saved me.
It wouldn’t be the same, but I had another guilty pleasure bolstering my motives. I wanted to know more about him.
He cut his gaze at me, studying me.
I failed whatever test he put me through because he shook his head.
First Grey, now Lafe. They were chipping away at me and had no idea. I sighed. “If you want to talk about it, I’ll listen.” Almost the exact words I’d spoken to Grey echoed back to me.