Chapter 11 #2
“It was abysmal,” Vale said. “There was no one to kill, and Gareth was a little bitch about the whole thing. I got all the blame for us getting there too late, which is entirely unfair in my opinion, because Baz showed up in the garage after we did. Now there’s Christmas music playing in every room in my wing of the house, and I can’t figure out where it’s coming from or how to stop it. ”
I shuddered. “That’s positively evil.”
Vale gave me another ghost smile, and my heart fluttered. “It comes with the territory.”
“Of doing crime?” I asked.
Vale shrugged. “May I ask why you’re out here?”
“Apple,” I said through gritted teeth. “Apple said I should camp on your front lawn, and for some god-forsaken reason I listened to him.”
Vale’s eyes narrowed. “Please excuse me for a moment.” He vanished before I could register it. The sensation of his hands on my body lingered, and I rubbed the places he’d been touching me as I stared blankly at where Vale had been standing.
“He does that a lot.”
I yelped and stumbled backward, stammering incoherently because I had nothing to echo. Standing right beside me was Baz. Or Vix.
Honestly, I had no clue which, and to this day, I still don’t know unless one of them starts talking about fun ways to kill people or creative ways to make ordinary household objects terrifying beyond all reason.
The redhead gave me a coy grin and said, “I don’t have magic vanishing or appearing powers, by the way. You were just super engrossed in your conversation with Vale. I’ve been here the whole time.”
“The whole time?” My voice squeaked.
How much did he see? Had I given him anything to see? Wait, was I trying to hide something? I hadn’t done anything wrong, so why was I acting like it?
“Oh yes. I got to see some magnificent eye-fucking, and let me tell you, around this house, there’s some truly epic amounts of it.”
“Epic,” I say lamely.
“I’m Vix, by the way,” The redhead held out his hand for me to shake, and I took it hesitantly.
“I know we already met, but there were extenuating circumstances, and hey, congrats on not dying. Baz and I are super impressed. Vale leaves more bodies than any of us, and he doesn’t even try.
Baz is continuously salty about it. Maybe with you around, Vale might be distracted long enough for Baz to get ahead, and I’ll finally stop having to attend his daily bitch sessions about it. ”
I stared at Vix with my mouth agape. He had so many words while I had so few, and they meandered wherever they wanted to go. Unwillingly, I found myself liking the little guy. He was just so soft and friendly.
“Vix,” I said, finally giving his hand an answering squeeze. He’d hung on for his entire monologue and showed no signs of stopping.
“Yes! Apple said to talk around you as much as possible to give you something to work with, and I’m pretty good at it. Hey, do you like cats? There’s one at your feet right now.”
I glanced down, but I saw nothing but snow. “I like cats.” I spun around (dragging Vix with me because, for some reason, he still hadn’t let go.), trying to find a cat, but I saw nothing. I did see little paw prints in the snow, though.
“Don’t step on him!” Vix cried out, throwing himself at me to push me away from the paw prints. There was no cat. I repeat. No cat. Just a tiny man on the verge of tears, clinging to me like his life depended on it.
It was good that I couldn’t say things spontaneously, or else I would have said, I’m supposed to be the crazy one here. Go find your own thing!
Vix released my hand, crouched down in the snow, and ran his hands over the pawprints. “I think you missed him, but I can’t tell.” He was sniffling, and I wondered if I should just walk away and let him have his mental breakdown in peace. I certainly enjoyed it when I had that option myself.
I’d begun to back away when Vix shouted, “Don’t move!”
I froze in place, one foot in the air.
“He’s behind you.” Vix began to crawl toward me slowly. “Don’t move or you’ll spook him.”
I stayed perfectly still, because you’re supposed to go along with people with dementia. I’d read that it’s bad for their bodies to be constantly jolted back to reality, and this little guy was clearly out of touch with it.
This conclusion was further proven when Vix sat back on his heels and held nothing up in the air, one hand under the butt of nothing and the other holding nothing’s scruff.
“It’s okay, little guy,” Vix crooned. “I’m so glad you didn’t step on him, Echo. He won’t admit it, but Oda Nobunaga is Vale’s favorite.”
“Vale’s favorite?” I dared to put my foot back down, hoping that Vix wouldn’t freak out and decide there were other imaginary cats around as well.
Vale had a favorite Japanese warlord? If one was going to have one, Oda Nobunaga was a good choice—if a bit basic—but I was partial to Ishida Mitsunari.
My mind was struggling to keep up as the topic hopped around, but I thought I was doing pretty well until Vix yelped and his hand developed a scratch for literally no reason.
That was when I decided that I was the one hallucinating, not Vix. I hadn’t actually been rescued from the tent by Vale. Instead, I was slowly freezing to death and vividly dreaming about fake cats.
My hypothesis was further reinforced when a small black cat appeared out of thin air, now standing in the snow and giving Vix a dirty look.
Yep. I had totally lost it.
“I’m sorry, Oda Nobunaga, I thought that was your butt, not your head. It’s hard to tell what’s what when you’re invisible!” Vix pouted, and he cradled his hand, blowing on the scratch.
His eyes had teared up again, and I sighed. Wow, Vix’s emotions were on a hair trigger, weren’t they?
I crouched down and patted him on the head like I would a child.
It was the correct choice, because he smiled up at me. “You’re nice. I’m so glad Vale didn’t kill you. You’re gonna be so good for him.”
I didn’t know what to do with that comment, so I pointed at Oda Nobunaga the cat—not the Japanese warlord—and asked “Cat?” making my face look as dubious as possible. Oda Nobunaga was tiny and looked far more like a kitten than a cat.
“He stopped growing after three months, but the vet checked him all over and said he’s a healthy kitty, just teeny tiny.
Paris told me Oda Nobunaga is happy to be his size because he can go anywhere he wants.
That’s why he’s outside right now. He keeps finding mouseholes to escape through.
Otherwise, he’s a perfectly normal cat.”
“Invisible,” I pointed out dryly.
“Okay, that one is my fault, and the vet yelled at me about it, but in my defense, Baz and I both thought it was an amazing idea at the time. It didn’t hurt him or any of his littermates.
They just go invisible sometimes. Also, I think it’s really cool that you can cherry-pick words and only say what really needs to be said.
There’s a lot of people out there who talk way too much.
Like, they can’t shut up no matter what you do.
It’s incredibly frustrating because it’s impossible to get a word in edgewise. You know what I mean?”
“I know what you mean,” I deadpanned.
“I thought you would. I told you my name is Vix, right?” Vix reached out like he was going to try and shake my hand again, and I nodded quickly to show him he didn’t need to start that all over again.
My hand was going to get sore. “Good, good. Hey, are you evil? It’s kind of a prerequisite around here.
Paris is an exception, but only because he’s practically an angel and will forgive or tolerate anything.
Except for cruelty to animals. You definitely don’t want to do that around him.
So, you should skedaddle if you’re evil to animals. ”
I don’t think he took a breath the entire time. I wasn’t sure how to respond. Not due to lack of words, though. Vix had given me plenty of them. It was because I didn’t know if I was evil or not. How does one know if they’re evil?
It seemed more like a label than an actual, tangible concept. What could be considered evil to one person might be exactly what another person needed to do in order to survive. How did one quantify such a thing?
So, I shook my head and shrugged.
“Fair,” Vix said, and then gave a huge yawn. “It’s better to continue to question yourself rather than to make definitive statements. Otherwise, you could stifle your personal growth. That’s what Paris says anyway.”
I kind of wanted to meet the Paris person I kept hearing about. He seemed pretty cool.
As I pondered over how to ask more about Paris, Vix squeaked, “Oh, shit!” Then his eyes drifted shut, and he keeled over in a lifeless heap.
Oda Nobunaga dashed to the house, and I turned to look at whatever had made Vix go down.
People in military gear came from everywhere, seemingly melting into view. Not the way Haruka’s army had slipped from the shadows, but from thin air, much like Oda Nobunaga had.
One man touched his ear and said, “Take them both, just to be sure.”
I was frozen to the spot, only able to watch as the yard was filled with soldiers wearing some sort of invisibility tech.
Really glitchy invisibility tech, it seemed. Parts of each soldier were fading in and out, like a really bad AI-generated video.
A single soldier moved toward us at the command of the first soldier.
Only one! As if we were both so helpless it would only take one person to snatch us up and cart us off. I glanced at Vix, snoozing away like a toddler after a candy crash. He may have been helpless, but I fucking refused to let anyone underestimate me.
You didn’t grow up binging Indiana Jones movies and not learn at least a little bit about being a dashing adventurer. Even if I’d lost interest in life, it didn’t mean I’d forgotten who I used to be.