Epilogue #2
“Gross. You’ve become as disgusting as everyone else, Vale! Now I only have Gareth on my side. At least he’ll still fuck me.” Baz folded his arms over his chest and flopped back down into his animal pile to pout.
I raised an eyebrow at Gareth. The collective was huge on bros helping bros, apparently.
“No more helping bros,” I reminded Vale.
He scoffed. “Why would I drive a rusty scooter when I could have a Rolls-Royce? There’s no comparison.”
Baz whistled. “Ouch. I’d say that was mean even for you, Vale, but you’ve set the bar impossibly high, so I can only give you an 8.5 for it.”
“So, we’re all going to do the bells?” I asked my new husband. Even though it was out of the , I found I quite liked having one.
It was nice to have Vale as a workaround for my verbal quirks.
I didn’t know if it was the fae magic or if it was just Vale, but talking to him was as easy as breathing.
Everyone else still got echoes or silence, but with Vale around, I could say what I needed to say.
Maybe it was because Vale was safe to talk to.
I knew deep in my heart that, as catty as Vale seemed, he would never judge me. We were kindred souls who had gone through devastatingly painful bullshit in our lives. Now we got to live those lives together.
My heart let off a soft, warm glow at the thought. I touched my chest and focused on it to remind myself that I could feel good things.
Always pay attention when your heart feels good, friends. Burn the memory deep into your essence so you remember that it’s possible to feel that way when everything has gone to shit and you feel empty inside.
Because who knows? If you hold on a little longer, you might find something amazing waiting for you just around the corner. I know I certainly did.
“I still think we should do the bells on our own,” Vale began, but I gave him the puppy-eyes treatment, and he folded immediately and said, “But it wouldn’t be the end of the world if everyone else came.”
“Am I allowed to kill people in this game?” Baz sat up again and upset the animal pile so much that Trixie nipped at him.
“Only in self-defense,” Gareth said. “Excessive killing will forfeit the win.”
“I don’t remember this rule,” I told Vale.
“It’s a new rule,” Gareth said, leveling a fuck around and find out glare at Baz.
Baz pouted. “Aw, man.”
“Didn’t you get enough killing in earlier?” Vale complained.
“Have you met Baz?” Vix asked in a sleepy voice.
“I won’t rest until I’ve beaten Vale’s body count,” Baz said in the most serious tone I’d ever heard him use.
“We’d have to make teams,” Vale reminded. “We can’t do it in groups larger than two.
“I call dibs on you,” I said immediately.
“Dibs on Vix,” Baz said. “Sorry, Paris, you have to work with Gareth.”
Gareth and Paris glanced at one another, and the atmosphere between them developed an instant, very weird tension.
“Yay!” Vix cried. “It’s my gadgets versus Echo’s traps and Baz’s violence versus Vale’s. This is going to be amazing. Paris, you and Gareth play nice, okay? Don’t just spend the whole time wrestling.”
“Wrestling?” My mind immediately went to a naughty, oil-covered place, and oh, my god, I’m not ashamed to admit I popped wood over imagining Paris and Gareth doing naked oil-wrestling.
“It’s their thing,” Vix explained. “I try not to get involved.”
I kept my eyes firmly away from Vale, because I thought everyone on the planet should be involved if Paris and Gareth were doing naked oil-wrestling. If Vale knew what I was thinking, he’d probably get murdery.
Hey, a guy is allowed to imagine two buff guys getting slippery together, okay? Look up Turkish wrestling. Thank me later.
“I’m sure we’ll manage,” Gareth said.
Paris didn’t say anything at all, but he was leveling a calculating look at Gareth.
All mention of Apple and Adam was dropped, and I was more than happy with it. My brain went weird around Apple, and I didn’t trust him one bit.
We arrived at a spot about a quarter mile from the churchyard and agreed to split up.
Paris and Gareth stayed behind in the Humvee, while Baz, Vix, Vale, and I stood outside.
Vale filled them in on the rules, emphasizing the need for anonymity and silence while I kept gazing back at the tinted windows of the Humvee.
Every now and then, the vehicle would shake violently, and I couldn’t look away. Finally, I couldn’t help it and blurted out to Vale, “Are they fucking in there?”
“Hah!” Vix snorted.
“I wish!” Baz said. “If Paris fucked Gareth, then he’d have to have a three-way with me and Vix.”
“Not happening, Baz. Not ever happening. My Paris would never do that, and if he did, it wouldn’t be with Gareth.
They aren’t each other’s type. And no, Echo, they’re not fucking, just arm wrestling.
Gareth keeps trying to beat Paris but can’t, and it’s driving him insane because he’s stronger than Paris.
Like, a lot stronger. No one knows how he’s doing it, and Paris isn’t spilling the beans. "
“It’s magic,” Vale said.
“It does seem like magic, right?” Vix mused. “I could almost think it was.”
“No, it’s actual magic,” Vale corrected.
“You mean his animal thing? I don’t think talking to animals makes Paris stronger.”
Vale sighed. “Vix, how are you so smart and yet so… never mind.”
The Humvee jolted wildly, causing me to jump and latch onto Vale’s arm. “What the hell kind of arm wrestling are they doing in there?”
“The stupid kind that’s going to wreck our last Humvee,” Vale said. “Now let’s go before the hunt starts.”
“Right,” Baz agreed. “At least we don’t have to worry about those two. Once they get started, no one can separate them. Eventually, either they get bored, or Vix threatens to ask Adam to help in his workroom.”
“Don’t worry,” Vix assured him. “I wouldn’t make good on that threat. I love my workroom too much to allow Adam near it.”
I’d never actually seen Adam’s bad luck in action. I’d only heard legends. But since I was fae-married to Vale, I’d likely get to see it up close soon.
“Alright, losers,” Baz announced, “prepare to cry yourselves to sleep tonight, because we’re taking the title.”
Vale sniffed haughtily and walked away, towing me behind.
“What’s our plan?” I asked once we were far enough away.
“If we were against anyone else, I’d suggest combining your traps, my speed, and our intelligence to dominate the playing field, but with Baz and Vix, no amount of preparation will hold up against their chaos.”
“So, we use brute force and hope for the best?” I suggested.
“It’s the last thing they would expect, so I think it’s our best option,” Vale agreed.
“I’m not punching anyone in the head again,” I stated firmly. “Once was enough.”
“Try open-hand strikes. You’ll have a larger surface area to work with, so you’ll be less likely to break through soft tissue if you can’t control your force. It’ll still be effective, but there will be less mess.”
I nodded, wishing I had something I could take notes on. Vale was a fountain of knowledge, and I was his willing pupil. I would make Vale force Gareth to give me a new phone so I’d always have something to document Vale’s wisdom.
Vale crouched down so I could climb on his back. “Hold on tight. I’m going to make a straight line for the door as soon as the sun sets.”
I scrambled up and buried my face in his hair, reveling in its existence for an unknowable amount of time.
“I love my new hair,” I murmured.
“It loves you too, Echo. Now be ready, it’s starting.”
The moment the sun dipped past the horizon, Vale was off like a shot.
As we raced for the door, I realized I’d gained more than strength.
My mind also sped up to keep up with Vale’s supernatural speed.
The world seemed to slow as we moved, allowing me to disable the hunters we passed.
I mostly went for kneecaps and stomach strikes, doing my best to give them tiny slaps so I didn’t explode anything.
In our wake, there was nothing but a medium amount of screaming and complaints, and I took that to mean I’d been successful in not exploding anyone to death.
Vale reached the door and rebounded, flinging us across the churchyard.
“That’s new,” I said with a mouthful of my new hair as I tried to disentangle myself from Vale’s body.
“That’s Vix’s work. He uses something similar on the doors and windows of our house.”
“Neat. How do we get past it?”
“He couldn’t have gotten the device inside the tower on such short notice, so all we have to do is find it and disable it.”
“Easy-peasy. He’s garbage at hiding his traps, lemme see…
” I scanned the area around the door. It was the busiest area, so it took a hot minute to locate the clunky box half-hidden under a bush.
I grabbed Vale’s head and pointed it. “There. If we break that dohickey, the door will be free, and we can go ruin everyone’s day. ”
Vale was at the bush by the time I said the word day, and the clunky box was dust in his hands a second after.
He moved to the side just as a dagger planted itself where we were just standing.
“I’ll remember that later, Baz,” Vale announced and then zipped us to the door, neatly avoiding the three daggers flying toward us.
“Was he trying to kill us?” I asked. What kind of crazy-ass family had I hitched myself to?
“Probably not. His aim is perfect, and the trajectory would have only hit muscle, not vital areas.”
“I guess that’s a relief?”
Vale had us at the top of the tower in a flash, far ahead of anyone else and dashing past my traps so quickly that they didn’t have time to trigger.
I could see the bells. It was only us and them, with no one to stop us. Except…
“How… how did… who did this?!” I climbed down from Vale’s back to clutch at the tattered remains of the elaborate rope and pulley system that made the bells function.
Vale took one of the ropes from me and said, “Oh, for fuck’s sake. It was rats.” He threw it to the floor in disgust. “This is what family bonding gets you.”
“I thought Paris and Gareth were busy being not-quite homoerotic together.”
Vale snorted. “Paris didn’t have to be here to do this. He only had to tell his rats to come and do it for him.”
“Well, fuck.” My lower lip wobbled. “We failed. I’m never going to get the title now, am I?”
“The fuck you won’t,” Vale snarled. “Climb on.”
I got back on Vale’s back and he zipped us over to the Humvee. When I hopped off Vale, I saw that it was still slamming around like two massive men were fucking inside.
Vale didn’t knock like any sane person would; instead, he ripped the door clean off and shouted, “I demand a rematch.”
I peeked inside to see Gareth straining with all his might to get Paris’s hand down one final inch. The interior of the vehicle was in shreds, and none of the animals were around. Maybe Trixie popped them all away into her shadow or something.
Gareth looked up from his labors and said, “Oh, did we win?” He released Paris’s hand and straightened like they’d been engaged in nothing more than a friendly handshake. “Good job, Paris. I knew you could do it.”
“I feel like I’m having a stroke,” I said. “Is this what having a stroke feels like?”
Crazy. Every single person in my new family was completely insane. At least I wasn’t going to be the odd one out.
“It’s a common reaction when spending time among members of the collective. Don’t worry. It will pass.” Vale rubbed my back comfortingly. “Gareth, as the patron, you shouldn’t have been part of the competition at all. You’re disqualified.”
Gareth folded his massive arms over his chest. “There are no rules against it.”
“There should be. I’m bringing this matter to the forum.”
Gareth shrugged. “That will take a long time to sort out. It usually takes months for that group to decide anything. If you want to have a rematch with only Paris, it probably won’t be possible until next December. Are you really willing to suffer through another season of the bells?”
“It’s a price I’m willing to pay to keep a cheating bastard like you from taking the final title.”
“You tell him, sweetie!” I cheered.
“So, you want me to have the bells repaired for next December?” Gareth wasn’t smiling, but he still managed to give the impression that he was delighted by the outcome.
“I want you to have the bells repaired for next December.” Vale was openly seething, and I stroked his arm.
Gareth held out a hand to Vale, and they shook on it. The air tingled with magic, which told me that they’d made it binding. How much did Gareth know about magic? Did he know he’d made an unbreakable pact with Vale?
“Until next year, then. You’d better bring your A-game,” Gareth said.
“You’re not going to be a part of it, so it shouldn’t matter to you,” Vale said confidently.
“Only if the forum agrees with you.” Gareth casually smoothed a wrinkle from his shirt.
“Don’t you dare try to compete next year, you bastard,” Vale hissed, all confidence shattered as he transformed into the catty bitch I loved.
“I think I’ll have Baz on my team next time,” Gareth said, completely ignoring Vale.
“Yay! That means I get Paris! We’re gonna win for sure, right?” Vix looked up at his massive fiancé with excitement in his eyes.
“Anything you want, bunny.” Paris patted Vix’s head.
“How is it that everyone I know is so disgusting?” Baz threw up his hands, then turned on Gareth. “I need a fuck that’s twisted and unwholesome to wash the pureness from my soul. Are you game?”
Gareth looked at his watch. “I can give you thirty minutes.”
“I can work with that.” Baz grabbed Gareth's arm and dragged him into the woods. I wasn’t going to judge. I’d had a few unwholesome moments in the woods recently, and they’d been a blast.
“Is this what it’s like all the time with these guys?” I asked Vale.
“All the time,” Vale said. “Are you scared?”
“Are you kidding? When can I move in? Can Oda Nobunaga sleep with us? Do you have room in the garage so I can park my car? Should we get wedding bands? Do fae do wedding bands?”
With every question I asked, Vale’s eyes grew softer and softer. “Anything you want, Echo. Everything you want is yours.”
“You’re more than enough for me, Vale,” I said honestly. “Buuuuutt… if you’re super loaded, I’m going to need you to buy me lots of useless, expensive shit. I have a traumatized childhood to make up for.”
“I think I can manage that.”
“Excellent. Now, let's go shower, nap, fuck, and then plan out how to beat everyone at the bells next year, okay?”
“Sounds perfect.”
*Not the end! Keep going!*