19. Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Eighteen
Aiden
C alder rolls off me hesitantly and I can’t help but miss the weight of his body immediately. There’s something so comforting and intimate about it. With our skin slowly cooling and our panting breaths filling the silence of the room I can’t help but smile. Calder turns his head towards me and his eyes soften at my expression.
Then his eyes grow serious, and I have a feeling I’m not going to like what comes out of his mouth. He mumbles, “We’re going to have to talk about going to New York, Aiden. I know you’re scared, but I’ll be with you every step of the way.” I let out a little noise and shuffle away from him like he’s burnt me.
Couldn’t he have just let me have this moment of bliss without a discussion of impending doom? I mean, come on! Someone up there must hate me! This is the first time being this close to someone ever, and of course, it must be ruined by something outside of my control.
On top of that, he makes it sound so simple, but can it really be that easy? I let out a harsh breath staring into Calder’s pleading eyes and my brain draws a blank. His concern for me almost feels like a living breathing thing. Suddenly, I feel like an ungrateful brat, wanting to ignore my problems while all he seems to do is worry about me.
He doesn’t crowd me as I think this all through and I’m thankful for that. Instead, he stays where he is watching my every movement like the apex predator that he is. My breaths are coming faster and faster. I feel like I’m on the verge of a panic attack.
“Aiden, deep breaths,” he murmurs, “I can’t stand the thought of you passing out from hyperventilating.”
He takes a deep breath, and I mimic him. He nods his head in approval.
“Good,” he whispers hoarsely like the thought of me passing out is causing him stress. I take another deep breath with his encouragement and the panic slowly begins to subside. I find I can think a little more rationally now that I’m not full-on freaking out.
The realist in me doesn’t believe this is going to be some simple thing. Nothing about what’s been going on with me has been simple. Then again, I had believed in the supernatural world without a lick of evidence. I was just so hellbent on believing in something past my mediocre life. Go figure. Maybe it could be that simple.
“Can we not talk about it right now,” I finally mumble turning away from his gaze. His fingers graze my hand where it’s lying on the mattress and then he intertwines our fingers. A simple gesture, and yet it makes my chest tighten with emotion. I feel so confused right now and all I want to do is ignore my problems for just a little while longer.
“I know this is all scary right now, Aiden,” he says gently as if somehow reading my thoughts but still in that serious tone of his, “I didn’t think this was what would happen when I turned you. I feel horrible about all of this, and I want to make it right.”
Several moments go by as I stay quiet not knowing what to even say. I hate that it seems like he’s constantly blaming himself for how my fucked-up body is reacting to this venom. It’s not his fault.
“I don’t know if you know this, but you’re the first person I’ve ever changed,” he mumbles scooting a little closer, “truth be told, I did not anticipate all these complications. I never really wanted to change another… before you.”
“Why,” I ask. My eyes shift back towards him to find his eyes closed and his brow furrowed in concern.
This was the first time hearing that he’s never changed another person. Is it weird that my whole body feels tingly at the fact that I was his first? Probably, but for some reason it makes me feel special.
“The responsibility of looking after another always seemed so daunting,” he finally says on an exhale.
“Do you regret it?” Do you regret me? His head tilts toward me and he gazes into my eyes, and I find myself holding my breath. I realize that his answer means more to me than I can even process at the moment.
“No, little bat, I don’t regret changing you. I only regret the mess I’ve made with your life,” he whispers hoarsely.
I reach out gently soothing my fingers along the lines of his brow.
“I’m sorry for putting you through this,” he mumbles, and all I want to do is make that soul-deep sadness that I see in his eyes go away. I run my thumb along his wrist with my other hand, and he shudders in response to my touch.
“If you didn’t then I would have been officially dead,” I murmur, “I would have totally died a virgin. That would have sucked.” I try to make light of the situation, but a heavy sensation sits on my chest making it hard to breathe. I would have died doing something so beyond dumb that even I cringe whenever I think about it. Curiosity killed the bat and all that jazz.
“I just want to make things right and make sure you’ll be fine. I don’t like you being sick and stuck in the middle of being alive and dead,” he rushes out, he squeezes my hand a little tighter. He’s so sincere, and I just don’t know what I did to deserve his concern.
“Yeah, okay,” I mutter clearing my throat to force the next words out, “let’s go to New York I guess.” His whole face lights up and I can tell he’s relieved. I don’t bother mentioning that I’ve never been anywhere else but this small town. He doesn’t need to know how pathetic I am. The fear of leaving is a real thing that has my body shuddering with nervous energy.
Calder notices right away pulling me to him. Before I know it I’m straddling his chest and I go willingly, pressing my face into the side of his neck and my fangs pop out. I let out a little huff, but instead of second-guessing myself I just sink my fangs into him.
He lets out a deep groan and his hand cradles the back of my head to him. A deep sense of comfort blankets me and settles my nerves.
“Good. I’ll look into tickets tonight,” he says hoarsely, and I can feel him nod before his hand curls in my hair.
A little later after some much-needed cuddles, I followed Calder back into his office because I didn’t want to be left alone. I had this weird need to be as close to him as possible. Yes, I know how clingy that actually sounds, but I also wanted to draw him while he looked up tickets for New York. At least that was my excuse. So, I had a perfectly sound reason for following him around like a lost puppy.
I stop just outside his office and slowly glance around his space. I was in here not that long ago, but I didn’t have a chance to take it all in. His office is actually quite bright and inviting… for a vampire. With wall-length windows behind his desk and the sun shining through it was actually quite nice. I bite my bottom lip realizing that anyone could have seen us earlier. Geeze, good job taking in your surroundings Aiden!
I roll my eyes at myself. I was in the moment and didn’t think about anything else but having Calder close to me.
“Are you going to come in,” Calder asks when he realizes I’m standing by the door like a weird, “or did you plan to just stand out there in the hallway?” I blink away my daze and finally step into his office.
“Do you actually work here,” I blurt out causing Calder to let out a deep chuckle.
“Of course, I work here,” he says shaking his head at me before rounding his desk and sitting in his chair, “this isn’t all just for show.” He waves a hand around the room and my eye catches on several certificates.
“What is it that you do then?” I narrow my eyes studying some of the frames on the wall.
“I do a little bit of everything,” he says with a shrug, “I’ve been alive for a long time. I tend to get bored doing something for too long.”
I nod along like I have any type of clue what he’s talking about. I have no clue, but whatever. He lets out another laugh before going on to say, “I’ve done accounting, marketing, and a bit of data entry. I’ve worked for a law firm once. That was an interesting time.”
“Wow, that all sounds rather… boring,” I mutter causing Calder to scoff.
“Well, excuse me for being boring,” he says with amusement in his voice, “Not all of us can be the creative type like you, little bat.” He glances at my tablet pointedly as if to emphasize his point.
“I guess not,” I say with a shrug and a little smirk.
“Come sit down while I look up tickets,” he says gesturing to the couch in the corner.
I watch him out of the corner of my eye as I move toward the couch. I sit down and for several long moments, I stare at him in appreciation. He’s rather beautiful, and this isn’t the first time I’ve noticed either. It’s like I get mesmerized by his appearance. I wonder if that’s a vampire thing.
He clears his throat while glancing over at me, “Are you just going to stare at me the entire time?” He shifts awkwardly in his seat like he’s almost self-conscious, but how could that be when he looks like that? Calder really needs to take a look in the mirror, I let out a little huff.
“That’s the plan,” I say, a genuine smile spreading across my expression. His eyes soften on me.
“Just make sure to get my good side,” he says with a wink, and I can’t help the laugh that escapes me.
“I don’t think you even own a bad side, Calder,” I shake my head, and his broad smile has my stomach doing summersaults.
“Stop moving,” I whine after several moments go by. He keeps fidgeting and glancing over at me. On top of that, he also keeps hunching over his laptop and I don’t like the angle he’s in.
“I’m trying to get the lines right,” I huff curling up in the corner of his dark brown leather couch, “and the way you’re sitting is making it impossible.” Calder stills almost unnaturally and glances over at me from the corner of his eye. Is he even breathing?
“If I knew you were planning to draw me, I would have stayed in bed so I could be comfy,” he mutters out the side of his mouth like he’s afraid to move. I roll my lips inward trying to keep my laugh from escaping. He’s ridiculously adorable even when he’s not even trying to be.
The way the light is hitting him just right gives off almost a moody atmosphere that I want to capture. Especially with a stray strand of hair falling over his brow. His eyes hold so much concentration in them.
“Next time,” I mumble finally getting the lines of him drawn on my tablet to a point where I’m not growling at my screen like a lunatic. I shake my head as I retrace his nose and continue, “I’ll draw you like one of my French girls.” I wink at him over my tablet, and he gives me a confused look. That confusion suddenly shifts into a possessive-aggressive look.
“What French girls,” he grits out as he turns fully towards me causing me to stop drawing. I let out a frustrated huff wanting him to turn back so I could double-check my rough sketch. I roll my eyes at him and his crazy behavior, “And you gave me shit about not knowing what The Lost Boys was about. It’s from a movie, Calder. You know, Jack and Rose? Titanic?”
“Huh, I remember when the Titanic sank. I don’t recall the couple though,” he says with a shrug. My eyes widen in shock, and I think my mouth is also hanging open as I stare at him.
“What the fuck,” I nearly shriek throwing my tablet and pen onto the cushion next to me and turning to gape at him dramatically, “there’s no way you were there?!?”
“I mean, it was not the best moment of my life. I couldn’t help but be a little freaked out about the sharks. Strange that Hollywood would turn that tragedy into a movie,” he says with a shrug, “Then again, it is Hollywood after all.”
I open and close my mouth several times unable to even form words. I snap my mouth shut and swipe my hand down my face, “This is way too surreal it’s like the fucking twilight zone. I feel like you’re fucking with me right now. Are you fucking with me, Calder?”
“Oh yes, I would very much like to fuck with you, Aiden,” his voice thick with insinuation.
Then a slow smirk kicks up the corner of his mouth, “And yes, I’m fucking with you, little bat, I was never on the Titanic. I couldn’t imagine that horrible night. I have seen the movie though.” He says it so calmly, and I huff out a disbelieving noise mostly at myself for being so gullible. It’s not like it would be far from the realm of possibilities. He is a vampire for crying out loud.
“Asshole,” I grumble narrowing my eyes at him while blindly picking up my tablet beside me.
“You love it,” he blurts out and then quickly clears his throat. A sudden awkwardness falls over both of us as I continue to stare at him. I think I really love it . I finally glance down at my tablet as if I can shield myself from these feelings.
“Can I see,” Calder asks quietly tilting his head towards my tablet.
I quickly press it against my chest as if he’s going to lunge for it, “no, it’s not done yet.”
“Ah, come on. Just a peak? I’ve been sitting here for at least thirty minutes,” he huffs as he rests his head on his fist while staring at me with puppy dog eyes.
“I don’t like showing my work to anyone until I’m finished,” I mumble averting my eyes, “it always looks like crap until it’s closer to being finished.”
“I’m sure it looks fine, little bat,” he exclaims as his eyes soften on me in almost… adoration? Love? No that couldn’t be possible… could it? I shift awkwardly against the leather cushion.
He shakes his head letting out a small sigh, “I guess I’ll just have to wait until you finish.” I give a curt nod before settling back against the couch and picking my pen back up. Trying to ignore the sudden warmth growing inside my chest I turn my attention back to my drawing.
“I guess if you would like to see some of my finished pieces I wouldn’t be opposed to it,” I find myself mumbling before glancing up at Calder as I bite down on my bottom lip. I feel like I may have been a bit too much with refusing him to see the piece I was currently working on. The truth was that I was self-conscious with my art until it was complete.
Calder stands from his desk, and I quickly switch to where I have several drawings completed. He sits down next to me on the leather sofa leaving no room between our bodies. His thigh pressed against mine as I hesitantly handed over my tablet. Anxiety starts to pulse through me making me dizzy.
There’s a small part of me that doesn’t want to give a damn what he thinks. Though the larger more persistent part is screaming and begging for him to like what I do. I shift in my seat and begin to tug on my sleeve as I watch him from the corner of my eye. His hand shoots out causing me to jolt but he grabs my hand and settles my nervous movements.
“Ah Aiden these are beautiful, little bat,” he sighs as he swipes to the next one and I blink in surprise. I shrug my shoulders trying to seem like I don’t care, but really not knowing what to do or say.
“You’re so talented little bat,” voice soft still as his thumb starts to rub against the top of my hand and I manage to take a full breath.
“You think so,” I ask looking over at him sheepishly. He nods before glancing over at me with a soft smile. He hands me back my tablet and leans in to press a kiss to my forehead.
“Let me get on buying those tickets, okay,” he says leaning back to look into my eyes. I nod and I can’t help but grin like a lunatic.
This is exactly why I sell my art online. At least then I don’t truly know what others think of me. It's hard to let another person have a look inside your mind. Even harder to be judged for it. Plus, it’s horribly uncomfortable doing it face-to-face, but I know from Calder’s expression that he’s sincere.
I let out a little happy sigh pulling my knees up to my chest and switching back to the drawing I was working on. It’s strange having someone be in my corner for once. My chest pinches with emotion as I glance over at Calder as he sits back at his desk.
I think I’m falling in love with my vampire. My eyes widen and when Calder glances over at me I quickly avert my gaze back to my tablet.