Chapter 9
One month later…
Francesca stared out the window of the townhouse she now called home.
The room she occupied would be the nursery.
She had decided to spend some time in the room to help her decide how she would like to renovate it.
They had to have it completed before the baby was born.
So much had happened in such a short time.
It was almost too much for her to wrap her mind around.
Matthew had said all the right things in front of her parents, but still she had doubts.
How could she not? He’d treated her terribly and suddenly he declared his love?
She wanted to believe him, she did, but she still kept a part of herself back.
As if she were afraid if she went all in with him she’d only end up a shell of herself.
She wanted to make things work with Matthew. She wanted that more than anything.
If not for herself, then for her unborn child.
She was now over four months along, and in five short months she’d have a baby.
One that would need both parents to be there for him or her.
If she couldn’t get past her misgivings what kind of life would that be for her child?
What kind of life would that be for either of them?
She had to be certain once and for all. The problem was she had no idea of what it would take for her to believe in him.
“Cesca,” Mathew called out.
She should go find him, and have a discussion.
If she didn’t tell him how she was feeling and how her uncertainty plagued her, then how could she expect any changes.
She was married and had a baby on the way.
If there was ever a time for her to be a mature, grown woman, it was now. “I’m in here,” she hollered.
Mathew strolled into the room with a large box in his hand. “I know you wanted to wait a little bit before we bought anything…” He held the box up. “But I saw this and couldn’t help myself.”
“What is it?” She tilted her head. It was a rather large box and she was surprised that he hadn’t asked a servant to carry it up the stairs. It looked heavy too.
He set the box down. It was more of a crate really. He pried the wooden top off and gestured for her to come over. “Look,” he told her.
Inside the box was a small mahogany wooden horse with a leather saddle on it. The horse’s legs were settled on curved wooden pieces similar to what might be on a sled. “A rocking horse?” The baby wouldn’t be able to use it for some time. Why had he rushed to purchase it?
“When the babe is old enough it can sit on it and rock like it’s riding a horse.
Isn’t it great?” There was such an expression of happiness on his face…
It was breathtaking. Such a simple thing gave him joy.
“I know this probably doesn’t seem like much to you,” he began.
“But I didn’t have anything like this as a boy.
I want my child to know how much we want him or her. I need to be a good father.”
Her heart ached. How could she doubt him when he did wonderful things like this? He continued to surprise her all the time. “It’s wonderful,” she told him. “I don’t doubt you will be the best father you can be.”
“You don’t?” He blew out a breath. “At least one of us has faith in me.”
“You should be kinder to yourself. The baby isn’t here yet and you already think you might not be what he or she needs. There will plenty of things for us to worry about as our child grows. Your ability to be a father isn’t something we need to concern ourselves with.”
“I don’t think it is that easy,” he told her. “But I’ll try to relax.” He shook his head and closed his eyes, then took several deep breaths. He visibly calmed, but that didn’t mean some of that anxiety wasn’t still inside of him.
“That’s all you can do,” she told him. Francesca did love him even when he had been a fool. She looked around the room. “Perhaps that can be our theme.”
“What?” he said in a confused tone. “My lack of faith in myself?”
She laughed. “No silly,” she told him and then pointed at the horse. “That can be. We can have the furniture made with horses in mind. Have them engraved in the woodwork. Maybe have a mural of horses painted on one of the walls.”
“I like that,” he said. “I am certain that whatever you decide will be perfect though. I cannot wait to see it when it is finished.” His hair was a little ruffled and he had a dreamy expression on his face. He looked like a man in love with his wife and content with his lot in life.
She went over to him and wrapped her arms around his waist and leaned against him. He hugged her and kissed the top of her head. “I love you,” he said.
It wasn’t a shock as much as it had been in the past to hear him say the words.
She was growing more and more accustomed to hearing them from him.
Maybe she didn’t have to tell him about her doubts.
They might be already starting to dissipate.
Over time she would grow to trust him more.
This was all new and uncertainty should be expected. Shouldn’t it?
“I love you too,” she told him. She lifted her head and he leaned down to press his lips to hers. It was a soft kiss that spoke of their feelings for each other. Francesca decided her reservations could wait for another today. For now she intended to enjoy being with Matthew.
Mathew sat at his desk in his study going over his accounts.
He had even more of a reason to ensure his estates remained solvent.
Now that he had a family to consider he was being extra careful.
Nothing meant more to him than Francesca and their unborn child.
The past several months had seemed as if they’d taken forever.
He made sure to tell her how much she meant to him every single day, and any day their family would include a new addition.
He couldn’t wait for their baby to be born.
He wasn’t a fool. Matthew knew she still had doubts.
The only thing he knew to do was tell her and show her when he could how much he adored her.
Beyond that he had no clue what to do. How could he make her realize he would always love her?
He wasn’t sure she’d fully accept he loved her, and that wasn’t a good sign for their marriage.
It was his fault of course. He’d been a right arse from the start.
Even the way he’d seduced her and abandoned her hadn’t set a good precedent.
He didn’t blame her for her misgivings. Honestly, he'd have been surprised if she didn’t have any at all.
He sighed and rubbed his hands over his face. What the hell should he do. They had been married for five months now. She was due to have their babe in less than a month.
“You look horrible,” a man said from the doorway to his study. “Does marriage not agree with you?”
“Hampstead,” Goodland greeted his oldest friend. “Why are you here?”
“Can a man not visit one of his closest friends without having a reason?” He lifted a brow. “You wound me.” The Earl of Hampstead placed his hand over his chest. “How are you really?”
“I’m all right.” He pasted a smile on his face. “I’m worried about Francesca. The babe is due soon and she’s grown more and more miserable as each day passes.”
“I’ve heard this stage isn’t pleasant for women,” Hampstead said. “They’re ready to be done with pregnancy.” The earl grinned. “I’ve also heard that they don’t want their husbands to touch them ever again too.”
It had been weeks since he made love to his wife. He’d feared hurting her or the babe. “I’m sure you’re exaggerating.” He’d do whatever Francesca wanted. He loved her enough to leave her be if that was what she desired.
“I suppose you’ll discover the truth soon enough.” Hampstead went over to the decanter of brandy and poured two fingers into a glass. He held up the decanter. “Do you want some?”
Matthew shook his head. “Not right now.”
“Matthew…” He glanced up and met Francesca’s gaze. “The babe…it’s coming early.” She panted as she held her hand to her side. Francesca moaned and held on to the door frame. “We need the doctor.”
He turned to Hampstead. Matthew didn’t think twice. He set his glass down and met his gaze. “I’ll go for him.”
Matthew picked Francesca up and carried her out of the room. He didn’t stop to see if Hampstead left for the doctor. His concern was for his wife. When they reached her bedchamber, he settled her on the bed. “What can I do for you?”
“Help me take off this dress.” Her breathing was harsh and labored.
Matthew nodded. “Lean forward against me and I’ll undo the buttons.” She did as he instructed, and with nimble fingers he unfastened them and pulled the bodice loose. Francesca had stopped wearing a corset when it had become too uncomfortable. He had been glad when she had.
He removed her dress, shoes, and stockings. When he was done all that remained was her chemise. “There,” he said. “Are you more comfortable?”
“As comfortable as I can be considering,” she told him. Her contractions were coming closer and closer together.
“Let’s get you settled in bed,” he told her. Matthew removed the quilt and pushed it to the foot of the bed. He settled a sheet over her and then brushed his knuckle over her cheek. “I love you,” he told her. “I’m here for you. Just tell me what you want and I’ll see that you have it.”
Francesca’s breathing had grown heavier and it terrified him. He’d never been present when a babe was born. Was this normal? God, he hoped so. He couldn’t lose her.
“Don’t leave me,” she said between breaths.
“I’m not going anywhere,” he promised. “I’ll never leave you. I need you too much.” He kissed her quickly. “You’re going to have to get used to having me around. I don’t walk away from those I love.”
She smiled but he could tell she was still in pain. The hurt was there in her features as she strained against it. “I’m sorry that I’ve doubted you.”
“Shh,” he said. “We don’t need to talk about that. It doesn’t matter.”
“It does,” she insisted, then moaned as a new wave of contractions attacked her.
When they dissipated she met his gaze. “You made mistakes,” she began.
“But you owned up to them, and since then, you’ve been a wonderful husband.
I…” She leaned against the headboard and screamed as pain hit her.
Francesca took several deep fortifying breaths. “I won’t doubt you again. I…trust…you.”
Matthew stared at the bedroom door. Where the hell was the doctor? What would happen if the babe wanted to come and the doctor hadn’t yet arrived. He knew nothing about helping a woman deliver a babe into the world.
“I hear we have a new member of the family coming today,” a man said from the doorway.
Matthew breathed a sigh of relief. It was about damn time. He didn’t bother responding to the doctor. The man came in and went to work checking over Francesca. “And the little one is ready to come now. It looks as if I arrived in time.”
Matthew glared at him. If he didn’t need the man he’d hit him. He had such a callous attitude. “It’s good you’re here then,” he said through gritted teeth.
“If you would like you can leave the room. I’ll take care of them,” the doctor said.
Matthew shook his head. “I’m staying.”
“As you wish,” the doctor said.
It wasn’t long after that a babe’s screams filled the room. Francesca was tired, but she was beautiful. She’d always be that way to him. “I love you,” he told her. He would never tire of telling her that.
“I love you,” she said. “Our baby…”
“Is perfect,” he told her. “Like her mother…” He kissed he cheek. “Rest sweetheart. You’ve earned it.”
Matthew stood and joined the doctor as he checked over the baby. For the first time in his life…he was content. He couldn’t imagine ever being happier then this moment. The baby and Francesca gave him purpose. As long as he lived, he’d ensure they were always loved and protected.