Chapter 1 #2
…how things used to be so good, before she rejected him out of hand. His chest hurt with an ache as if he’d received the news only that morning.
Ah, Lucy, his first crush, his first love, his first heartache. She’d been eighteen the last time he’d seen her—fresh-faced, innocent, with her ice blue eyes full of love… for him.
Her family lived on the property neighboring Lancaster Hall, her father a second son to a baron.
She and her siblings had grown up with Colin and his family.
They were in and out of each other’s pockets, and when they’d grown old enough for schooling and they went their separate ways, there was always the Christmastide holidays when they came together again.
Mischief inevitably followed, but those halcyon days were magical, full of games, stealing sweets from the kitchens, laughter, playing in the snow…
. And kisses whenever he and Lucy could slip away.
That was before everything had changed, before the drastic shift in circumstances that had rocked his world to its foundations and caught him up as collateral damage. He’d never been the same after that.
Colin crushed the envelope in his fist. But Lucy wasn’t there any longer, and she hadn’t been in his life for seventeen years.
She had followed her own dreams; so had he—separately.
Why shouldn’t he visit Lancaster Hall now?
It was his family’s country seat, and she?
She was no one, a woman from his past. That was all.
And his future was more than full of other, more interesting females, women who wished to be with him regardless of the kind of person he was.
Women who took no issue with how he lived his life and had no problem bending themselves around his rakish ways.
Women who didn’t expect him to live up to their ideals.
Women who were so different from Lucy Hudson, who he’d not had cause to remember after all these years, except for the damn ache in the region of his heart whenever he encountered anyone by the same name.
So why the devil did those images jump out to bedevil him now?
He chased away the thought with a string of vulgarity.
Merely a weakness due to the impending holiday season.
They’d once been interlocked—Christmas and Lucy; now they weren’t.
Christmas only served to remind a man of his mistakes, and who wanted that?
Time had moved on, and his life was his own.
Lucy didn’t deserve another second of his thoughts. She had certainly never wasted a minute on him after those damning words she’d said that long-ago winter’s day.
I owe her nothing. With a decided nod, Colin jammed the envelope into the inside pocket of his jacket. For the prize his father offered, he’d fight those old demons. He exited the billiards room and swiftly made his way through the townhouse until he reached the parlor where his grandmother waited.
As soon as he pushed open the door, he located the opinionated lady—his father’s mother—and the Dowager Duchess of Lancaster.
But to him, she was the only woman to believe in him throughout the whole of his life, no matter what he did or didn’t do.
She never judged, only asked occasionally if he was happy.
“Grandmother.” Colin moved across the floor.
He took the old lady’s gloved hands in his before dropping a kiss onto each papery thin cheek.
She smelled of roses, the same as she had all his life.
The scent always took him back to summer holidays at Lancaster Hall where the days had stretched out in endless fun and the hills had echoed with sweet laughter belonging to…
Lucy. Damn it all to hell. “What a pleasure to see you again,” he managed to utter around a growl.
Her faded brown eyes flashed with life. “What a liar you are, Colin.” She pulled away and then tugged him down beside her on the low, mauve crushed velvet sofa.
Her snow-white curls bounced beneath a bonnet trimmed in dark green that matched her gown.
“You neither want me here nor do you wish to see anyone just now, for the Christmastide season has always been difficult for you.”
“Yes, well…”
She patted his cheek. “Still living very much for yourself.”
A bit of heat crept up the back of his neck. “Is there any other way, love?” he quipped, as was his wont when she introduced this line of questioning. “Besides, I adore when you drop in to visit. I live for those times.” He would do anything for his grandmother.
She rolled her eyes. “You’ve lied so much you are incapable of telling a truth, or at least remembering what those truths are.” Then she winked. “I don’t mind. It makes you more interesting than your siblings. But it does make me worry.”
“There is no cause for concern. I’m quite all right.”
“I wonder if that’s true.” His grandmother sighed. She held his gaze, her expression sober. “I assume you’ve received the missive my son sent?”
“Oh, yes.” Colin patted his jacket. “Father wants me to come to Lancaster Hall, and if I do so by Christmas morning, he’ll give me a race horse as well as the property in Surrey.
” The more he thought about the bribe, the more undecided his thoughts became.
The second he arrived at the Hall, the family would suck him back within their folds with excessive demands upon his time.
No chance of escaping. Did he want that for his life?
“Sounds like he’s desperate if he’s offering bribes.” She patted Colin’s hand. “Do you plan to make the journey?”
“It is quite tempting, I must say.” Colin allowed a small smile. “I’ve always hankered after that property, not to mention a race horse.”
“If that is what finally brings you home, then it’s all to the good, though I’m disappointed my son has stooped so low.” His grandmother smiled. “Your father wants to see you. That is all. He’s growing older and he misses you, takes it as a personal affront that you’ve stayed away for so long.”
“We are all older, Grandmother. He could see me whenever he liked during his stints in London, but he does not.”
“He’s afraid of his reception, and he’s proud. Same as you.” Silence brewed between them for long moments marked by the relentless ticking of the long case clock in one corner of the room. “It wasn’t his fault your mother died.”
His gut tightened, the same as it always did when he thought of his mother.
He’d suspected he’d been her favorite, for she’d doted on him differently than she’d done with his siblings.
Mother had loved all things Christmastide so much—as had he—that she’d started talking about decorations and festivities in the autumn.
She’d even instructed the servants at Lancaster Hall not to take the evergreen boughs, ribbons, and the tin and glass baubles down until mid-January when the family departed for London so his father could attend to his parliament duties and the children returned to school.
Without her in his life, Christmas fell flat, seemed empty. It was one of the many reasons he actively avoided the holiday.
“No, it wasn’t, but it is his fault he didn’t care enough to keep up her traditions.
As if her views never mattered.” The year following his mother’s death, when he’d discovered the duke wouldn’t indulge in half of what she’d always done, he’d decided right then visits to the Hall were over.
How could a person celebrate the season correctly without all the accompaniments?
It was almost as if his mother’s death had happened again.
His grandmother’s smile held a sad edge.
“Your father was grieving back then, the same as you, but you are both so stubborn, you didn’t realize you needed each other during that time.
You need each other now.” She grabbed his hand and held it, and the frailness of her grip surprised him.
Soon she would leave him as well. “He has changed from those early years, Colin. Now, he keeps up with traditions in a way your mother would have loved and celebrated.”
Colin snorted. “Somehow, I don’t believe that. Father didn’t enjoy the holiday as much as Mother.”
“True, but then, he is much different than her.” His grandmother’s eyes filled with annoyance. “Perhaps you need to change perspective, for it’s true, but you wouldn’t know because you’re too obstinate to visit.”
“Like Father.” He always suspected he took after his sire too much.
“Yes.” Then she softened her tone and approach. “Your sister Julia misses you the most.”
Julia, his younger sister, all of two and thirty now. She’d been fifteen when he’d left. His chest tightened. “I’ve been away so long, I don’t even know her anymore. She’s not a schoolgirl.”
“No, she’s not.” His grandmother wagged a finger.
“Lady Julia is a bit like untamed countryside. Was a hoyden then. Still is, and she’s broken hearts along the way, never caring to settle down.
” A flash of admonition filled the older lady’s eyes.
“Perhaps she saw your bid for freedom as something she wanted for herself.” She shrugged.
“I wish she would calm enough for a man to tame her.”
Colin rolled his eyes. “At times men don’t wish for the challenge.” He waved a free hand in the air. “I refuse to discuss my little sister’s love life. Why are you really here?”
“Direct. I like it.” Her smile held a mysterious edge and sent shivers of foreboding up his spine. “Come home, boy. Where your father will use bribery, I shall appeal to your emotions. Find a lady and settle down. Marry. Be happy, but come home this year.”