Chapter 7
Grace spent the rest of the evening barely aware of the festivities happening around her.
She kept trying to convince herself that she’d done the right thing by pushing him away, that she was protecting Edward from the gossips.
But if she was doing what was right by him, why did she feel so horrible?
Because Edward doesn’t know the truth.
Even after everyone had retired, she was still contemplating what to do.
Her mind told her that she’d done the correct, practical thing, while her heart begged her to confess all, and her body…
damn, her body wanted one more night with him.
The urge to give into desire, to experience passion with him once again was so tempting. Could she…
Without further thought, she grabbed her long spencer and shawl, put on her boots, and prayed that Edward had not departed.
As she stepped out into the cold crisp morning air, she questioned her senses.
It was a brisk thirty-five-minute walk to the Dower House.
She picked up her pace, hoping to warm her body.
Thankfully, it looked as if the weather might hold.
Twenty minutes later, her good luck ended. It would seem that Mother Nature was mocking her as clouds stormed across the sky, unleashing their fury in a torrential downpour. She pulled her shawl over her head and ran the rest of the way.
By the time she reached the front steps, she was cold and wet. Raising her hand, she pounded on the door, feeling the sting of her action rage along her hand and arm. A few minutes later, the door opened, revealing Mr. Elkins.
“Mrs. Banks?” He opened the door wide, ushering her in out of the inclement weather. “Is anything the matter at the Home?”
“N…no,” she chattered as a chill rippled across her shoulders. “I need t…to speak with His Grace.”
“He’s in the study.” He eyed her up and down. “Shall I—”
“I will s…see myself to His Grace’s study.
” She started in its direction, thankful Edward was still in residence.
Excitement coursed through her veins. She didn’t know if she was going to rush into his arms, confess the past, or just collapse in front of the fireplace in an icy heap.
Based on how much she shivered, it was most likely going to be the latter.
The moment she set foot in the dimly lit room, Edward’s spicy scent infiltrated her nostrils, bringing her body to life. She turned, startled by the sound of a book dropping. The next thing she knew, the door was being shut, and she was pressed against it, being kissed by Edward.
“You’re soaking wet.” His warm breath tickled her neck.
A trembling thrill raced through her that had nothing to do with being cold.
Her spencer and shawl were quickly tossed aside.
She tugged at his shirt. There were too many layers between them.
She wanted to taste, to explore. There was no one else in the world for her but this man.
In that moment, he was not the 9th Duke of Tavistock, and she was not the disgraced daughter of a baron.
They were simply Edward and Grace, two souls desperate to become one again.
“Grace, I love you and never want to be apart from you again.”
His words thrilled her to her core, and yet a dark cloud threatened the moment. Her breath came in short spurts as his hands roamed across her body, feeling, enticing. “I’ve only loved you, Edward, never doubt that.”
He pulled back, his own breathing labored. “Why does that sound ominous?”
“Please, don’t ask.” She rose on her tiptoes, bringing her mouth closer to his. “I just want—”
A long sigh escaped his lips as he rested his forehead against hers.
“Grace, just talk to me. I know you. You’re hiding something.
I don’t care what the gossipmongers will say.
My life with you does not concern them.” He wiped the damp, loose strands of hair off her cheek, then kissed her softly. “You can trust me.”
It was almost too painful to believe that Edward still loved her, that they could have a chance at happiness, away from past hurts and gossiping tongues.
She took in a long, slow breath, wanting to steady her nerves. She could confess everything, and he could still leave her. She didn’t think she was strong enough to endure watching him go for a second time in less than twenty-four hours.
He cupped her chin, stroking her cheek with his thumb. The tenderness of his touch and the softness of his words stirred the hopeful longing she’d buried deep inside her heart. “No matter what happened, I will not leave you. I want you to be part of my life.”
She looked up into his green eyes and saw what she’d always seen—love, passion, understanding. Deep down, she knew she could trust him. It was her own shame and insecurities that were keeping her from having a future with him. She’d lived this life full of regret for so long… too long.
Her heart pounding against her chest, she began to form her words.
“I married Tobias because I thought I had no choice, because…” She closed her eyes, worrying her bottom lip until it grew too painful, then whispered her confession.
“I was with child.” She opened her eyes and meet his gaze. “Your child.”
He blinked several times as dawning set in. “My child? Where—”
“I miscarried a few months after I married Banks.” Blinding hot tears threatened the corner of her eyes. Words quivered from her mouth, “I’m so sorry, I—”
He brought her within the folds of his embrace. “You have nothing…” He inhaled sharply as he held her tighter. “Why didn’t you let me know?”
Although his words were a mere whisper, they broke her heart just the same. She knew now that she should have trusted him, their love, but she couldn’t change her past actions. “Your engagement had been announced and…” Vivid recollections of that distant day sent a shiver down her spine.
“You’re cold.” He scooped her up into his arms and carried her to the rug in front of the fireplace. Removing his banyan, he wrapped it about her shoulders before joining her on the rug and wrapping his arms around her again.
A sense of safety and love rushed through her.
She rested against his chest, relishing in the feel of his strong arms as they gave her comfort, all her fears and nonsensical thoughts beginning to dissipate with each passing breath.
She could stay like this forever. No matter what the future held, this is where she wanted to be.
“I wish I was there for you. I wish…” Emotion choked his words as he kissed the top of her head. He inhaled deeply, then whispered, “Will you tell me what happened?”
She nuzzled into his warmth, a strange sense of calm washing over her. She was no longer afraid to confront the past. Perhaps it was because she was finally where she belonged and opened her heart to Edward. “When I first suspected I was with child, I went to my mother.”
“Your mother knew I was the father?” Disbelief lined his words.
“No.” Her stomach still clenched with just the thought of her mother’s unkindness.
“She made assumptions, then told me I would be sent away to the country and the child would be placed with a family.” Grace turned her head and looked up into his eyes.
“I’d already lost you, and I couldn’t lose our child. ”
Edward tightened his arms about her but didn’t speak.
Grace continued, “When I refused, she told me she would arrange a marriage with Lord Olland.”
Outrage filled his words. “The widower who’s seventy-odd?”
She nodded. “Mother wanted nothing to do with me and threatened to disown me.”
She could feel his heart thudding against his chest as the words tore from his mouth. “How could she be so cruel to her own child?”
It was an answer Grace had never known. Her mother had never shown kindness toward anyone, not even Grace’s brother, and especially not Father.
“Oh Grace, I…”
She started to pull away.
But just as always, he remained calm and kept her close to him. “How did you meet Banks?”
She wasn’t surprised by his question. He’d always been practical, requiring facts and truth.
“While shopping in the village one day. He was visiting his older brother, who lived nearby. I’d seen him before, but never paid much attention.
After my mother’s harsh words, I ran from the house toward the stream to clear my thoughts.
Tobias discovered me crying, and for whatever reason, I told him everything—well, except your name.
He was sweet and kind, and told me he would be honored to have me as a wife and raise the child as his own.
” She lowered her head, shaking it. “I didn’t know what to do.
We’d received word about your engagement, my brother was in America with his wife, and… I felt utterly alone.”
“So, you married him.” There was no judgement in Edward’s words, just sorrow.
“Yes. Married and moved away to Plymtree, where his father had a shop. Neither of my parents offered any pleasantries. It wasn’t until after my father died that my brother found a letter that my father had written to me but never sent.”
“What did it say?”
“That he loved me and hoped that one day we would be a family again.” She wiped the tears from her cheek. “He died the month after it was dated.”
“This is all my fault,” Edward said as he ran a trembling hand through his hair. His eyes met hers. “Can you ever forgive me?”
She turned in his arms. “I’m not telling you this because I want you to feel guilty or… I just want you to know the truth.”
His brows were drawn together, sadness and remorse filling his eyes. “You suffered because of me. Our child…”
She quickly came to his defense. “But you didn’t know.”
“If I had only followed my heart instead of duty, none of this would have happened.”
“And if you’d followed your heart, the dukedom would have suffered.” His family was the most important thing to him, and if he hadn’t done right by his cousin, regret would have destroyed any happiness they’d had. “There was nothing—”
“Perhaps not then, but now…” He lowered his head and brushed a soft kiss across her lips.
“I can’t change the past, but I can shape our future.
” His lips seared a path down her neck, a frustrated groan of desire escaping his lips as he started to remove her clothing.
“Don’t want you to catch cold,” he teased.
Her dress was mostly dry, but she was not going to argue. She wanted to feel him, be one with him. “My wet clothing got yours damp, too.”
He pulled her to her feet. “Then by all means,” he said in a sensuous tone, “remove my clothes.”
Within moments, the remainder of their clothing had practically melted away in the heat of desire. His hands moved down the length of her back before cupping her bottom and lifting her up. She wrapped her legs around him, bringing him even closer.
“Oh my, Edward,” she gasped as he entered her.
Passion pounded through her as together they found a tempo that bound their bodies for eternity.
This is where she was meant to be, in the arms of the man who was her love, her life.
His firm arms kept her close as the rhythm increased, its pace intense and desperate.
Everything in the room spun as waves of ecstasy throbbed through her.
“Yesss,” she gasped as she found her release.
A moment later, his breath came in a long, surrendering moan. “That was—”
“Amazing,” she finished his sentence as he eased her onto her feet before sweeping her into his arms and carrying her to the chair beside the sofa.
Brushing soft kisses along her cheek, he cradled her in his arms. “You know, I am never going to let you go,” he whispered in her ear.
“There’s nowhere else I’d rather be,” she responded with all the love in her heart.
They spent the morning talking and making love. The past had made its peace and was finally where it belonged. She wished it hadn’t been filled with so much heartache, but then she would have never found such happiness amongst the ladies of the Home.
In the days immediately after Christmas, as much as she was enjoying her time with Edward, many duties at the main house awaited her.
They were in the midst of celebrating the twelve days of Christmas and this evening promised to be a feast of spectacular performances by Miss Casborne and Molly, who were to perform a duet, and Lady Doyle, who’d penned a seasonal poem.
Edward kissed the tip of her nose. “I’ll see you back to the house and then check on Winifred.”
“It is quite wonderful what you have done for her and Mr. Phelps.” This truly was a special time of year when love and hope reigned pure.
“Let’s hope my aunt thinks so, too,” he replied with a chuckle.