Chapter 14
Deborah stood at the large window in the library and looked out over the terrace. It might be Christmas Day, and the aroma of greenery filled the house, but it felt no different than any other day.
Perhaps it would later, after everyone was awake, but that was doubtful.
She had been struck with a melancholy mood from the moment she had awakened, which was much too early given the lateness of the hour that she had gone to sleep, but she had been unable to return to slumber and eventually rose from the bed and dressed for the day.
As this was the room that caught the sunlight best, she had come here, hoping that it would improve her mood, which it tended to do when she was home, but it had not thus far today.
There was something very strange about how Percy received his broken nose, and apparently a beating as well.
Why would he not tell anyone what had happened?
Was he so embarrassed?
Odder still, he had looked at Peter as if her brother knew. Had Peter been present? Had he received injuries too?
Or, maybe Peter was the only person he had confided in because it was embarrassing.
She just wished he would tell her because if one was trying so hard to keep something a secret then it was very important.
“Do you always rise so early?”
Deborah jumped at Percy’s question and whipped around. Except, he wasn’t standing in the doorway as she had expected but sitting up on the sofa. His hair was mussed and clothing wrinkled and a blanket was over the rest of his body.
“Did you sleep here last night?” She had not even noticed him when she had entered the room. Of course, she had gone straight to the window and assumed nobody else was about.
“It had not been my intention but when faced with the stairs, I made my way in here where I knew the sofa would be long enough for my frame.”
“I will leave you.” Deborah started to cross the room. This was an intimacy that she had not anticipated. The house was silent except for the two of them, and he was rising from slumber.
“No. Do not go,” he insisted.
Deborah was torn. She wanted to remain with Percy but it also put her heart in danger.
“What were you thinking about when you were standing at the window?” he asked.
If she told him that it was about his nose, would he tell her?
Did she even want him to know that she thought about him so much?
No. At least not yet.
Deborah turned and walked back to where she’d been standing.
“This day does not feel much different from any other day,” she finally said.
“While it does not happen as much as I prefer, there is a better chance of snow being on the ground at Danby Castle than there ever will be in Oxfordshire,” Deborah said.
“It is odd, but this is the first time that I have associated snow and Christmas and find that I rather miss it.”
“Or could it be the cold?”
“I suppose that is a possibility,” she chuckled. “Or maybe it is not being in a castle. This is the first Christmas that I can remember not being at Danby Castle surrounded by dozens of relatives.”
“You miss it and them and now wish you would have gone to the castle.”
“I may miss some of my cousins, but I am much happier here,” she assured Percy. “No doubt I have likely earned the ire of Danby and will be avoiding him as much as possible in the future.”
Percy laughed, then winced as he stood.
Deborah rushed forward to grab the cane that had fallen and handed it to him. “Does your knee pain you terribly?”
“Not as much as last night, but it is stiffer. I likely only need to walk.”
Once he was steady, Deborah returned to the window, even though she should leave. It was not right that they were alone so early in the morning.
Except, she couldn’t make herself do so and soon, Percy was standing beside her.
“I wish to apologize,” he said quietly.
Deborah’s heart seized. She wanted to know why he left without a goodbye and decided last night that she was going to ask, but now she was afraid of the answer, which made her a coward. “You already have and I will assure you that I will never ask you to dance with me again.”
“That is not what I meant.”
She knew that as well. “You never said goodbye.” There, she had said it—the one thing that had hurt the most.
“I wanted to but was prevented from doing so.” That was a lie because she couldn’t imagine who would keep him from doing such a thing.
“You had not even given me any indication that you intended to leave so soon, just that your father had asked you to return home.”
“Because it came about suddenly.”
Yes, he kissed her and decided they would not suit and did not have the nerve to tell her directly.
“I just wish…I wish you would have just told me that upon reflection we could only be friends. I would have understood.”
Percy frowned as his blonde eyebrows drew together. “Is that what you wanted?”
She certainly wasn’t going to confess that she had fallen in love with him. “It does not matter. You are the one who left so I owe you nothing.”
He winced because he knew that she was correct.
“I was going to wait at least another day and ask Kenley for permission to court you.”
A small bit of hope sprung from within but she quickly doused it. “Yet, you left instead,” she reminded him.
“I was forced to,” Percy answered. “Peter did not like that the two of us had grown close. When he sent you inside, he informed me that I was to leave right away. He even had a carriage brought around to deposit me in town and ordered a maid to pack my trunk while I was forced to cool my heels outside.”
None of it had made sense to her. Percy had been Peter’s friend.
“I did return two days later, to call on Kenley, the only person who could grant me the permission I sought, only to be turned away.”
Was Percy simply making an excuse to spare her feelings? “Why would Peter have any objection, or Benjamin for that matter? They know you.”
She looked into his sapphire eyes and knew him well enough to know that he spoke the truth. “I do not understand.”
He shrugged as if he did not either. “As I could not get the audience that I had hoped for, I returned to London and thought to bide my time until the following Season.”
The one where he had not asked her to dance and was warned away by Danby, who was formidable, she had to admit.
“Three people decided that I was not good enough for you and I tried to accept their decision, but I cannot. It had been my intention to approach you in the coming spring and beg for a waltz despite Danby and your mother; instead, I found you here and I have been hoping to explain.”
“Why did you wait two days?”
“If you recall that first day you walked away from me three times. When I did catch up to you in the conservatory, by your stance and irritation, I determined that was likely not the best time to explain but wait for a better opportunity. The second day we gathered mistletoe and we were never alone.” He glanced back at the door to make certain that they were still alone.
“This was not a conversation that I wanted to have in front of others.”
She stared up at him, a frown on her lips and doubt in her jade eyes.
“I know that it has been a year and a half since I kissed you, Deborah, but I never stopped wanting you,” he confessed.
“It is more than want. It is love. It has always been love from that first Season that I did not ask you to dance until now. I simply had not recognized what it was at the time. Not until that summer when we were trying to determine what we would be.”
She gasped and placed a hand on her heart. Percy wasn’t certain if she was happy or appalled by his confession.
“I am sorry for any pain that I may have caused you by my abrupt departure.”
She tilted her head and studied him “You love me?” she asked as if she didn’t quite believe him.
“Yes. I know I said nothing that summer because…well…I did not have permission to court you and I had never…well…been in love and it was all rather frightening.”
She chuckled and covered her mouth with her delicate hand. “Yes, it is,” she agreed.
“Does that mean…” Did he dare hope that she had fallen in love with him too?
“I hoped that you would want to court me, then felt the fool for allowing your advances after you disappeared. I was afraid that I was simply another conquest.”
“Conquest?” he asked as he reached out and took her hand. “Never that.”
“Yet you do not deny that it had been a pattern with you and Peter, to see who secured the most kisses during balls in any one Season.”
He blew out a sigh as his face heated. “I will admit that we were young and foolish at one time, but I never saw you in that manner,” Percy insisted.
She offered a small smile with a nod.
“That was the past, Deborah, and I have many regrets with how I responded to the situation, and I do apologize.” He blew out a breath, thankful that he had not been rejected outright. “But what of now?”
“What do you mean?”
“Is it too late?”
“To court me?”
“Yes, though as I have thought of little else other than winning your heart, I would be content to skip courtship and move on to betrothal.” He lifted his hand to cradle her petal soft cheek. “If you will have me.”
Except, Deborah had not yet said she loved him. What if she didn’t?
“Or am I alone in my love?”
He barely breathed as she looked deep into his eyes. “You are not alone, Percy, for I have loved you longer than you will ever know.”
Relief swept through him and his knees nearly buckled.
“However, we will say nothing to your brother. I do not want to be stopped again. Instead, as soon as the holiday is over...no…I will leave today and go directly to your home and ask Kenley’s permission.”
“It is Christmas Day,” she reminded him with a chuckle.
“I do not care. I have waited long enough.”
“And you can wait until after Twelfth Night,” she insisted. “It does not matter if Peter has objections or not because my decision is made for myself and I will inform my eldest brother in case he has any objections.”
This may be the best Christmas he had ever celebrated. “I will make up for the wrongs of the past,” he insisted as he leaned close with every intention of kissing Deborah.