Chapter 16
16
Fraser was barely able to take his eyes off Harper as he delivered a mug of tea to her designated place on the cabin floor, as close to the lit fire as she could get without singeing her hair. She was too busy typing away to return his gaze as she thanked him in a low mumble, blanket slipping off her shoulders. He joined her cross-legged on the tatty old rug, still chilly from their swim. Of course, his temperature mattered little compared to the satiation she’d given him in that loch. Her mouth around him had felt so insanely good that he’d been sure he was about to ignite, trembling as he came. The way she had flicked her tongue against him, taken him past pleasure and to something completely uncharted…
He was fucked. Literally and figuratively. They weren’t “getting it out of their systems” – or, at least, he wasn’t. She was etched too deep inside his, and tunnelled deeper every moment they spent in the same room, the same space. Now that he’d tasted her, and she him, he only wanted to know what it would feel like to sink inside of her in every way.
She was dangerous and he was completely not casual about it. A casual man wouldn’t roar her name as he orgasmed. A casual man would not be getting a semi just from smelling her damp hair and remembering how it had looked splayed across the rocks. A casual man would not be staring at her right now, and she must have known it, too, because she slowed her typing to peer up at him.
“What?”
He shook his head, settling into the couch as he sipped his tea. “Nothing. Just admiring the view.”
She rolled her eyes. Scoffed. “You’re a bit of a cheeseball, deep down.”
And she didn’t know how to take a compliment. That much he was realising. He scratched at his wiry beard, glad for a distraction from his worries. “So, can I know what you’re writing yet?”
She smirked. “Let’s just say, I got some fresh inspiration.”
“Oh, so it’s a naughty book, is it?”
“It wasn’t supposed to be.” She nudged the laptop away to stroke Bernard, nestled beside her on the rug. “I guess I didn’t know what it was supposed to be. I’m beginning to find out, though.”
“ Harper’s Guide to Inspiration works.”
“I’ll be publishing a self-help book in no time,” she joked. “But today really did help. Thank you for taking me. Literally.”
He chuckled, nudging her with his toe. “You’re very welcome on both accounts.”
“I think I’m going to carry on… with the ‘trying new things’ thing.”
“Aye?”
She nodded as she crawled up the rug to sit closer. “Yeah. I’ve spent too long doing the same stuff every day and expecting things to change. No wonder Kenzie wanted someone new.” She wrinkled her nose. “I was boring before I came here. All I did was go to work and come home.”
“Oi!” He jabbed her deep in the ribs, causing her to squirm and slap his hand away. This ex of hers had clearly done some damage. As far as he was concerned, she could fuck right off. “You could never be boring.”
“Well, I’m no fancy realtor,” she muttered bitterly. “And I definitely don’t own my own business.”
“What’s that got to do with anything?”
“That’s what Kenzie’s new girlfriend is. She owns one of the most successful real estate companies in the northwest. So she’s rich and hot – perfect, in other words, just like the mansions she sells. Whereas I’m just the fixer-upper Kenzie couldn’t fix.”
“You don’t need fixing,” he said through gritted teeth.
Harper just picked at the frayed ends of her cardigan, shadows dancing across her face, with bursts of orange reflected from the fire. “I shouldn’t even be talking about Kenzie.”
“You can talk about her as much as you want,” he replied. “What you shouldn’t be doing is talking about yourself like that.”
The sadness dragging down the corners of her mouth left his fingers curling into his palms. His chest ached as he realised she didn’t see it. Didn’t see herself, not really. Not the way he did.
He wasn’t sure how it was possible. Harper was loud and confident and hilarious. She never seemed too afraid to take up space, and those around her were grateful for it. Fuck, she’d even pulled Eiley out of her shell, and she’d been shy since the day she was born. How could she be that amazing and not know about it?
His hand found hers, hard and cold as stone on her warm thigh. She frowned at their intertwining fingers as though she didn’t understand them. “You’re a pain in the neck, Harper, but I think you’re perfect.”
“Does it bother you that I’m bisexual?”
“Why would that bother me?”
“It bothers some men. Makes them all insecure, like I’m going to go and snog the first woman I come across. Or they ask if that means we can have a threesome, which would be fine if they weren’t being misogynistic perverts about it.”
He choked on nothing, half-amused and half-alarmed. Was that really what it was like for her? Cam was a lesbian, so he’d seen the occasional judgemental glance thrown her way when she held hands with Sorcha in the street. Not in this town, thank goodness, but it happened.
He hadn’t really considered that Harper might have faced her own problems. The way he saw it, someone else’s sexuality wasn’t something for him to judge. People deserved to define themselves and love however and whoever they wanted, and the idea of that being used as a weapon in any capacity made his blood boil. For his sister, for Andy, for Harper, for every other queer person he’d met, and those he hadn’t.
“Jesus. You’ve come across some serious bastards,” he uttered sourly. “No, it doesn’t bother me in the slightest.”
She finally met his eye, surprise widening her own. Why did she always expect something else? Something worse? Was it because she thought he was a wee bawbag, or was it just that she really had been accustomed to awful people who tore her down?
He cleared his throat, feeling overwhelmed by the intensity of her eye contact. Instead, he looked down and brushed the pad of his thumb around the rim of his mug. “So, this Kenzie… Are you trying to get her back or something? Is that why you’re posting all those pictures on Instagram and writing a book and whatnot?”
He tried to keep his tone nonchalant, but he couldn’t ignore the waver of dread, the one that whispered it might be true. That she might just be here to transform her image into one that outranked the realtor girlfriend, or at least get revenge by achieving more than Kenzie and this new girl combined. It was natural to want to prove something after being hurt.
Was it natural to have really, really good foreplay with a random bloke in the process?
Thankfully, Harper said, “No. I think maybe I’m better off without her. Although… I wish I could go back and shove it all in her face with a nice six-figure book deal and a glow-up.” She chewed on the inside of her cheek. “No, actually. Scratch that. I wish I could stop caring enough to want to shove it in her face.”
He sagged against the couch, relieved. He didn’t want to be the rebound, even if he still technically was. Even if this was just for fun.
She sighed, grabbing her phone from the wobbly coffee table and beginning to scroll. “I keep checking to see if she’s viewing my posts. How sad is that?”
“Well, it’s not that easy to let go of someone who’s been in your life for a long time.” Not that he’d know. He never kept people around for long enough to. Maybe because he’d already experienced enough abandonment to last a lifetime. Even as a thirty-three-year-old, twenty years after his dad left, he still felt it deep inside. That question: why ? Why hadn’t he and his sisters been reason enough to stick around? The arguments with Mum had been relentless, but that wasn’t supposed to be their burden, too. Why hadn’t Dad ever tried to make it right?
That, he supposed, was proof enough. People lingered, whether you wanted them to or not.
She hummed. “Anyway, enough about her. Let’s see if you got any Insta-worthy pictures of me.”
“I think you’ll be impressed. I am very good at pressing the capture button.”
She clicked through the images he’d taken, the posed ones that didn’t look like her. “Not bad,” she mused.
Unable to help himself, he pried the phone from her hands and flicked to the last few, where she’d been attempting to scope out fairies, and then laughing when she realised she’d fallen for his trick. “These ones are perfect.”
Her face contorted with disdain. “I look drunk. And look at my double chin.”
He rubbed the nape of his neck. “You look like a real person, having a good time instead of just pouting at the trees. You look like you.”
“Oh, Fraser. You are so naive.” She tapped his shoulder. “You’re not supposed to look like yourself on social media. You’re supposed to look like the person everybody else wants to be.”
He let out a sharp tut. “Look at this one. You’re smiling. Happy. Gorgeous. Isn’t that what everyone wants to be?”
She paused, mouth parted in surprise. He could see her scrutinising the picture. Looking for a flaw. As far as he was concerned, there were none.
“There’s a leaf on my head,” she said finally.
“I know. You walked around the whole trail with it. It was very funny.”
She slapped him playfully. “You’re awful.”
“Yup.”
Her eyes snagged back on the picture. “You can see my teeth,” she said.
“Breaking news: Manchester woman has incisors.”
“I don’t like my teeth,” she explained. “They don’t fit in my mouth properly.”
“That’s not how teeth work.”
“That’s what my orthodontist said!”
“You need a new orthodontist.”
She huffed, glaring at him like he’d been the one to plant such silly ideas in her head.
It was adorable. It was devastating. He wanted her to see what he saw.
Slowly, he traced figure eights on her thigh. “When you smile, your eyes sparkle,” he said. “And you get a little dimple just here.” He tapped the side of her mouth. “And here.” The side of her chin. “And your cheeks turn round and pink, and I want to kiss them over” – he kissed that ghost of a dimple – “and over again.” Another, across her nose and into her Cupid’s bow. “I think everybody deserves to know that.”
She smiled against his lips. “You always know the right thing to say. It’s irritating.”
“Aye, I know. I’m terrible,” he teased.
She slung her legs across his hips, straddling him – and left her phone abandoned on the floor beside them as she kissed him over and over again.