23. Ambrose
Ambrose
The next day, Zeth and I met for a late lunch at the Rustic Rose Cafe.
It was warm, and the birds chirped happily as they flew to the ground of the cafe to peck at leftover food.
Several iron tables stood outside under the bakery’s pavilion.
At this time of day, there weren’t many others eating.
I was glad, as it meant I could spend time with Zeth in solitude as we sat together.
I looked over at him as I pushed my plate aside, finishing my sandwich and fruit after him. He was fiddling with the cover of my mother’s favorite poetry book. I’d brought it in hopes we could both find a poem we liked enough to read at the salon.
However, Zeth seemed a little off today, distracted, and I wondered at his mood. “Did you get the job at the pub?” I asked.
“No, they said the job is already taken.” Zeth’s eyes left the book to focus on me. “I even asked about being a busboy, but they didn’t need me.”
“I’ll ask my sisters if they know of anyone who needs a hire. They know every piece of gossip in town.”
That cheered him up briefly before a painful expression passed over his features. “Fuck, I forgot to ask, how is your day going?”
My cheeks heated, and I circled the rim of my teacup with my finger before picking it up to drink. Zeth ordered coffee, drinking it black, while I loaded my tea with sugar. “It’s been fine. What about you? Did you get the ceiling dried out?”
“It’s still drying. Nothing I can do to help that, so I started chipping the paint off the front door. It’s been painted over so many times that I can’t get it all off. It looks horrible, like someone vomited a rainbow at the laundry.”
I choked on my tea, and a bit dribbled out of my mouth and onto my trousers as I glanced over at him and laughed.
Zeth handed me his napkin with a sheepish quirk to his lips. “Sorry, maybe that was acting too much like myself? I can be more gentlemanly.”
“Don’t you dare.” I grinned as I set my cup on the table. “I love when you make me laugh.”
He smiled, but only for a moment before he looked at the table, his eyes downcast.
I cleaned the spill with the napkin and asked, “Is something bothering you?”
“Yes, sorry, I couldn’t get to sleep last night.” Zeth picked up the poetry book and set it back with a sigh. “I was thinking about you and your dad, and the laundry, and Millie. And how I should act at the fancy salon party. But mostly about you.”
“Oh?” I scooted my chair closer to him, until his arm touched mine. “You really shouldn’t lose sleep over me, love.”
His lips twitched, and he moved even closer to whisper, “There have been plenty of nights when I lost sleep over you. Sometimes I even need to slip out of bed for some privacy.”
“Ah, so you have a very… vivid imagination. That makes two of us.” I grabbed his thigh and squeezed it.
“Your pastry, sirs.”
My heart slammed against my ribs as I let go of Zeth and turned around.
I blinked up at a man a little older than us with short dark hair.
He wore a tan apron, and I instantly recognized him as the cafe owner’s son, Tobe.
He stood by our table with an amused expression, serving the plate of dessert I’d ordered for us to share.
“Thank you,” I said, nodding at him, and he smiled before leaving.
Zeth was biting his lip to keep from laughing as I pulled on my collar to release the flush from my neck. Smiling, I pushed the pastry shell filled with whipped cream and drizzled with chocolate between us.
“Want some?” I asked.
“No thank you, I’m not fond of sugar,” Zeth answered as he poured me another cup of tea before sipping the last of his coffee.
“Really? Why haven’t I ever known that?” I took a bite and savored the crisp shell and soft cream, trying to recall the times Zeth might have eaten sweets growing up, but couldn’t.
I ticked that off as learning something new about him.
I did notice, however, how Zeth had lined up all his fruit as if they were something special before he’d eaten them.
“We should order more fruit next time,” I finally said.
Zeth looked pleased, as if I’d just told him we’d kiss by the river again. Yes, I would give him all the fruit he wanted if it meant he was content and fed.
But all too quickly, Zeth’s face darkened again as he set his cup down. He turned it slowly around on its saucer. His mood had me entirely too worried to keep carrying on without a care.
“Zeth,” I started, getting his attention. “We agreed to talk out our troubles. So please tell me what’s bothering you.”
He nodded and straightened in his seat. “It’s… When I said I was thinking about you last night, I should have said, I thought about how rude I was to you. I’ve been incredibly selfish. I don’t want to be like that anymore.”
I turned to face him with surprise. “What do you mean?”
“Just that I focus on my goals and don’t give a damn who stands in my way.
That was you, until recently. I didn’t realize how afraid you were of your dad.
” Zeth met my gaze with sincerity. “I’m sorry for being so awful when I returned to Everdeen.
I should’ve treated you better. You didn’t deserve it. ”
“Oh.” Relieved it wasn’t something detrimental, I smiled and said, “It’s forgiven, Zeth. I know you care about me. We were both… rather confused, I think. Thank you all the same for telling me.” Tickled by his worry, I gently pinched his cheek. “You’re sweet, you know that?”
He chuckled, appearing more relaxed now. “I’m not sure about that, but perhaps I could use some tutoring in decorum and gentlemanly behavior. Would you be so kind as to assist?”
“Of course.” I patted the poetry book on the table. “We can start here, with lessons in reciting poetry for the salon meet.”
Zeth blinked at me, his lips pulling up in the corner as if he hadn’t been serious about such tutoring, but I was going to milk this for all it was worth. Hearing Zeth deliver a poem would light me up inside.
“I concede to your expertise. Do you think participating in the salon will impress your dad?”
“Yes. He loves poetry. He and my mother went to the meets all the time. When my sisters and I were able to go, it made him happy. I usually recite, but I haven’t in a while.
” I took another bite of my dessert as Zeth picked up the book and flipped through the pages. “Maybe I will this time, though.”
“Why haven’t you joined in lately?”
“I was just… feeling a little low in spirits for a while this past year.” I used my fork to scrape up the last of the whipped cream.
“Is that something you want to talk about?”
My fork froze in my mouth. All of Zeth’s caring attention was on me now, and I felt vulnerable as I set the utensil on my empty plate.
My problems were nothing in comparison to what he’d faced, what he was still facing with needing money and security.
Honestly, what did I truly have to complain about?
Zeth seemed interested in hearing me out, though.
“I was feeling a little lost for a while,” I admitted. “Lonely, maybe. I suppose ever since my mother passed, I did what my father wanted because I felt I didn’t have a choice. But I hated it. I lost my voice, and myself.”
Zeth narrowed his eyes, staring intently at me. “Let me ask you something, Amby. What has being the perfect son gained you?”
I tapped my thumb on my plate as I recalled how my father gave me no choice but to work at the bank after Zeth left.
How he’d tried setting me up with several women, only for each attempt at courting to fail.
But I did it without question, because as the only man of my siblings, I had to keep our family name going, and I knew my sisters looked up to me as their reliable brother.
But what they saw on the surface was a sham.
I’d been breaking inside for a long time with the strain of familial traditions always on my shoulders.
Complying with my father’s wishes gained his approval, but it was a temporary elation that never actually deepened our relationship. Despite compliance, my father and I were still as distant now as we were ten years ago. What had I gained by following the path of his legacy?
Finally, I shook my head and said, “Nothing.”
Zeth nodded. “You got lost following the wrong path and no one is happy, not even your dad.” He rubbed the back of my hand on the table. “I got lost too, for Millie. I stuffed all my desires inside because of my responsibilities to her. Now she calls me a grumpy bear.”
“Look at us,” I laughed. “Two idiots who felt sacrificing our happiness was better than embracing it. We both wanted each other but made choices based on what we thought our families needed… And if we’d kept going with our plans, our responsibilities, I hate to think what kind of men we’d become.
” I glanced at Zeth, seeing how he watched me as I rattled on. “Am I talking too much?”
“Rosie, darling, your cleverness is one of the things I admire most about you.”
I met his eyes. “I’ve realized how… liberating it is to pave your own path, make your own choices. Some of us aren’t meant to be bankers, or go on to continue family bloodlines.” I smiled crookedly. “Or marry rich women with fancy tea sets.”
“You’re fucking right. We would have been horrid husbands, grumpy and dull. Thank God we’re escaping that fate, though I wouldn’t mind a few kids running around. One day, maybe. If you wish.”
“Oh. You want… to adopt? You’d do that with me?”
“Yeah. Thinking about a family didn’t feel right until I thought about starting one with you. You can let the little brats run free, and I’ll bandage them up. How does that sound?”
“I’d say it sounds like you’ve been thinking hard about our future, and I like it.”
Zeth pulled up my hand to kiss it. It was such a quick act, but it made me blush nonetheless. The best part was that I wasn’t even worried if anyone saw us. I was too full of bliss to care at the moment.