Chapter Ten
I didn’t know whatI felt after I gave them a brief retelling of my personal history. I couldn’t tell what they felt either. There was a hollow sensation in my chest, but an oddly comforting one. Like the weight I carried everywhere had lifted.
Was I so lonely? So lonely that as soon as I unburdened myself, as soon as I trusted someone with the bare minimal information of my past, as soon as I let someone the slightest bit inside, I took whatever scraps they offered?
Why did I trust them so easily? It couldn’t be the bond causing it all. Nothing I’d heard and read about the kindred souls bond explained the trust. It explained the lust; it explained the attraction; it explained the comfort their presence brought me.
It didn’t explain the trust. Especially for someone like me. They certainly didn’t seem to trust me. At least, they didn’t seem to trust me not to run, or put myself in danger. Which, fair enough.
And I didn’t trust them to let me choose my own path. So I couldn’t allow myself to grow too comfortable with them. I couldn’t allow what seemed like three amazing men into my heart. I couldn’t allow myself to give into the bond.
The men disappeared, leaving me alone with my thoughts. I needed to plan my next move. As lovely as it was there, it wasn’t a long-term solution. For any of us.
I needed to convince them to forget about me, to let me go, to return to their lives.
Whist seemed the least interested happy about finding his kindred. He’d mostly stayed away from me since they found me. And he acted as the leader of their little merry band of assassins. If he agreed to let me live my life, the others would probably fall in line.
I slipped out the back door in the kitchen and past the clearing Sky was training in with his sword. Shirtless. Temptation pulled me in his direction, but I shook it off. It didn’t matter how beautiful he was or how the sunlight glinted against the sheen of sweat on his chest. It didn’t matter the laughter and lightness he’d already brought to my soul in such a short time.
I had to convince Whist the best thing for all of us was for us to go about our lives like we’d never met.
Darting away before Sky caught sight of me, I ducked behind the flowering bushes intertwined with vines of ivy that created a wall on a small white fence. It led to a path which led to a small vegetable garden.
And there was Whist, on his knees in the dirt.
Whist raised his head to watch me approach.
“You garden too?” I stopped a few feet from him.
He sat back on his heels, a soil-covered carrot hanging from his hand. “Of course. I’m pleased to see we still have crop left this late.”
“Does that mean fresh vegetables for dinner?” I shifted from foot to foot, unsure how to broach the subject naturally and I’d never been great at small talk.
Instead of the usual starlight, his eyes brimmed with dark clouds. “It does. For several of them. I’ll need to tin whatever we don’t eat, so I have plenty to keep me busy while we hide out over the next few days.”
“Wish I could say the same.” I didn’t take time off. I was always playing or traveling.
“Want to help?” He held out a spade.
I shrugged and accepted it, kneeling beside him. “I have no idea what I’m doing.”
“You didn’t have a garden growing up?” He dropped the carrot into a basket already overflowing with vegetables.
“We never lived in one place long enough to plant one. Did your mother teach you this too?” I breathed in the scents of sun-warmed soil, late-blooming flowers, and pine with closed eyes. I’d always loved the song of nature. It called to me, soothed me. Good thing, since I made my home outside.
“She did.” His words brought me back to earth, pulling me away from the music only I can hear.
Something in his tone grabbed at me. “What about your father?”
Whist dug at the dirt, his fingers gentle. “He died when I was young. And my mother only had one kindred.”
Most people only had one. Multiple matings wasn’t unheard of or uncommon, but the majority still only had one kindred.
“So she’s spent all this time alone?” Sadness welled in my chest. The poor woman. For decades, she’d been alone, unable to find another love because our king was a dick.
“She has.” He stopped digging and stared at his filthy hands.
“And you don’t see anything wrong with that?” I wanted to crack him open and read the thoughts in his brain. He kept his expression so closed down, shuttered.
His head whipped around so he could meet my eyes. “I never said that. I never said I disagreed with anything you said.”
“So, you think the kindred souls are a racket too?” I turned my attention back to the vegetables, unable to bear the savage expression on his face.
Whist helped me unearth a potato. “Not at all. I just agree there should be choices instead of laws. Like there used to be and like there is in Havisam.”
“What’s waiting for you back at the palace?” I grinned at the potato in my hands. Gardening was rather fun.
“A life of killing for the king.” There was no expression in his voice, no emotion. I couldn’t figure out how he felt about his job, his life.
“Nothing else? Isn’t your mother there?” He’d said she was the palace chef. Wouldn’t he want to return to her? Especially since she apparently had no one else.
“Yes.”
“Don’t you want to go back to her? And go back and wait for the princess to take over and hopefully make things better?” If she ended up actually making things better instead of leaving it as it was. I knew little about her, but had yet to be impressed by the spoiled royals.
A small smile ghosted across his lips. “I’m not an idiot, gorgeous. You’re not going to talk me into walking away from you and taking the other two with me.”
My shoulders slumped, and I grumbled at being so easily read. Damn it. I had to argue him around to seeing things my way. “If you choose to stay with me, you’re giving up your life. You may never see your mother again. And you’ll end up dead because I’m not running. I won’t quit fighting.” I couldn’t.
“My mother will be fine. The king won’t punish her, she’s special to the princess and prince. And we won’t ask you to quit. But we’ll do our best to keep you safe. We’ll help you get in and out of villages. Help keep you hidden. We have these sorts of places all over the country.”
It all sounded too good to be true, and I didn’t trust a word. No way would it work. Eventually, they’d grow tired and resent me. “What kind of life is that for you?”
Whist let out a humorless snort. “One much better than the one we left.”
“How can you mean that? Do you have any idea what life is like on the run?” It was hard, brutal, lonely.
“On the run? No. Always moving, always in danger, never staying in one place long, yes. We won’t miss the palace because we’re usually only there long enough to receive our next mission and set off again. And we usually aren’t sent together, so now the three of us won’t be separated any longer.” Whist stabbed the spade into the ground with frustrated force.
I frowned. “But you just said last the other night about how your life has been turned upside down. I thought you’d want to return to it.” He was supposed to be the one who wanted his life back.
Whist tangled his fingers with mine in the dirt as we dug up an onion. “The last thing I expected was to have one of our assignments turn out to be my kindred. And not just mine, but my two closest friends. It does change everything. But now that I’ve had time to get over the initial shock and wrap my head around it, I’m no longer frustrated.”
My hands stilled beneath his, my heart pounding in my ears. “You’re telling me you prefer it this way instead of your kindred being some bartender or tavern owner you could take back to the palace with you?”
“And what kind of life would we give her? One she spends alone in a beautiful house while we’re constantly gone on missions? Or one where she’s widowed young and has to spend the rest of her life alone like my mother? Or one where she travels with us and we get her killed? Trust me. If you were a bartender, we’d probably still be holed up here trying to figure out our next move.” He eased the onion from the earth and tossed it into the basket, one of his hands still squeezing mine.
I stared at him, unsure what to think. Could it be so simple? If I agreed, could I have it all? A powerful relationship with these three men? Continue playing my music and honoring the memory of my parents?
Whistler rose to his feet gracefully, and after squeezing my shoulder, left me alone kneeling in the dirt to ponder over his words.
The man was smarter than I’d given him credit for.