Chapter Forty-Six
Grace
I sat on the couch at Beck’s with the other old ladies. King had sent us over here while they had some meeting. I didn’t know why I couldn’t just stay in his room.
I guess it was our room now. Seeing as he had given my house away to strangers. Strangers who had been living at the Death Dogs’ compound. He believed they were being held there. But given the woman who was with them was part of the Nyght Nymphs, I had to wonder.
I wasn’t sure I would ever take anything at face value anymore.
I watched my friends as they talked, many of them with a baby in their arms. I looked over at Aspen, who sat with her sister and mother. Aspen was holding one of Sam’s twins. She’d been through so much. Losing her family, an abusive marriage. Being raped but having no memory of it. I envied that.
I wished I had no memory.
Kytten had the other twin, likely the one named Rosebud. Sam had chosen to name the baby after her even before they’d met. She was Mimic’s twin sister. Separated not only from each other, but from their mother, for ten years. They’d only just met their father.
Then she’d discovered the woman who’d rescued her from living on the streets was the same woman who had imprisoned her mother but also helped her aunt escape. That would fuck with anyone’s head. Yet Kytten dealt with it all in her stride. She was so fucking strong.
For that I envied her.
Beck had the fairytale life it seemed. Only, instead of the wicked stepmother, it was her mother who had been evil. She had a love story that conquered everything, including death. And a father who didn’t know she was alive until last year. A father who had wanted her more than his next breath.
Of course, I was fucking jealous of that. I didn’t know who my father was. Did he know who I was? Did he even know I existed? Would I ever find him, and if I did, would he open his arms to me or would he hate me because I was a reminder of her?
I looked over at Donna. She was new. She’d come here with the same group that brought Jude. She said I looked like someone they used to know. And I wondered if maybe she knew my mother. If she knew my mother, she might know my father.
Donna turned and held my gaze. She smiled lightly and placed a hand on Sam’s arm before saying something to her. Sam looked over at me and smiled. I didn’t smile back. I was too busy watching Donna walk over.
She sat down next to me on the couch, and I asked, “What was the woman’s name?”
“Caroline. She was married to James and she’s Reaper’s mother.”
I’d never met Reaper. He was at the clubhouse now for whatever this meeting was about. The last time he was here, I had been staying away from the clubhouse.
“My mother’s name was Scarlett.”
“Do you look like her?” Donna asked.
I nodded. I looked just like my mother, except for my eyes.
“It is said that everyone has a doppelg?nger. Maybe your mother is Caroline’s doppelg?nger.”
“Maybe.” I studied Donna. “You don’t think that’s true, do you?”
She shook her head. “Where is your mother?”
“She passed away years ago. Lung cancer.”
Donna reached over and placed her hand on my arm. “I’m so sorry. Can you tell me about her?”
“Why?”
“Let’s call it curiosity. My mother was killed when I was a child in Russia. Both my parents were. My older brother and his friends moved us to the United States shortly after. That was nearly forty years ago now. I still miss them every day.”
“What about your brother? Where is he?”
Donna took a deep breath. “He is in New York. I haven’t seen him in almost that long either.”
“Why?” Donna looked me in the eye. There was something hidden there I recognized. I turned away. I didn’t want to know about her trauma. I didn’t want to share that with her. With anyone really.
“I ran away from him after we came here. I was afraid of him.”
I turned back, my brows pulled together. “Why? Did he have something to do with your parents’ death?” I asked, curious what other reason she would have to be afraid of the man that saved her.
“He killed my father.”
I gasped, and she rubbed my arm where her hand still sat.
“He didn’t mean to. We had another brother, older than Maxim.
He was the reason my parents were killed.
He...” Donna took a deep breath. “He was evil. My father walked in on my oldest brother assaulting me and when they were fighting, Max made a mistake. And my father paid the price.”
“Then why were you afraid of him?” I asked.
“I was a child. All I knew was one brother hurt me, and the other killed my father. So I ran.”
“Did your brother turn out to be as bad as you thought? Is that why you haven’t seen him since?”
“For a while, yes. But then life got in the way. My story is long, and traumatic. It’s not a story that should be told without a lot of vodka.” She chuckled. “Tell me about your mom. Do you miss her?”
“Every day, but...” I looked over at Rhea, who sat with the daughters she’d lost and then recently found, and the granddaughter she never knew.
“But?” Donna pressed.
“Something happened recently, and it’s made me remember things about my mom I’d forgotten. Or maybe I just ignored.” I shrugged.
I looked over at Haizley, who was talking with Karlyn. I wondered if they were talking about what had happened to us. Well, to me. I didn’t even know for sure if anything had happened to Karlyn. We hadn’t spoken since we came back.
I was afraid to talk to her. Afraid of what she’d say.
What she’d see inside me. Karlyn had the power to pull King away from me.
If she didn’t like me, Jackson wouldn’t like me.
I wouldn’t ask King to choose between me and his brother.
Could they see the darkness that I shared with my mother?
I knew it was there. The more I remembered about my mother, the more I realized she wasn’t the woman I thought she was.
“Grace, we can’t always stop the things that happen in life. Sometimes we just have to make a choice.”
“We aren’t always given a choice,” I muttered. I wasn’t given a choice to be taken, to be raped, to be pushed off a motherfucking waterfall. And I wasn’t given a choice to live after.
“Are you a victim or a survivor, Grace?”
I jerked my head around to Donna, my eyes narrowing. “I was a victim,” I hissed.
“Yes, but what are you now?”
“What?”
“What are you now, Grace? You have a choice to make. You can live the rest of your life being a victim. Focusing on all the bad shit that has happened to you. Wallowing in the guilt and shame that comes along with it. Or you can be a survivor. You can drown in the rain, or you can let it baptize you. You can lean on your experience like a crutch, letting everyone who sees you know exactly what happened so they feel sorry for you. Or you can wear that shit like a crown and shout it from the rooftops that you survived.”
“What would you know about it?” I pulled my arm away and crossed them over my chest. How dare this woman, this stranger, try and tell me how to live. She didn’t know what I’d gone through.
She was a child when she was hurt. She’d had decades to deal with what had happened to her.
Donna chuckled and shook her head. “James’ first wife had a brother.
He made my life hell. You have no idea of the shit I’ve survived.
Torment, rape, captivity. You name it, I’ve been through it.
And not just me. My children. My daughter especially.
She’s been to hell and back. And she survived.
She made it to the other side with the help of her husband and her family.
I wasn’t there for any of it, but her strength amazes me every day. ”
“Why weren’t you there?”
“That brother I mentioned. His name was Vain. He was the president of a club, and he wanted me, so he decided to take me. Only, I got out first. I had to let my children believe I was dead in order to be safe. It was a decision I didn’t make lightly, but one that I still regret.
No matter how bad the alternative would have been. ”
“The men who hurt me are dead. I don’t have to hide.”
“Then why are you?”
“What?” I looked at Donna. I wasn’t hiding. I was sitting in front of her. In front of my friends. I was still here. I hadn’t run. She looked at my cut.
“Have you told him everything?”
I turned away, ignoring her question. I couldn’t tell him everything. He had his suspicions. And I already had doubts about whether he still wanted me. But if I told him everything they’d done, if he knew the truth, those doubts would become reality.
“You’re hiding, Grace. Even when you’re standing out in the open, you can still hide behind your doubts and fears. When did he put the cut on your back?”
I ran my fingers over the soft leather. It was the one thing I’d wanted desperately, and now that I had it, I didn’t believe I deserved it. “This morning,” I told her.
“After the worst happened.”
“How do you know it was the worst?”
“Because like recognizes like, Grace.” She leaned over.
“See Karlyn? She’s with Jackson. I watched Jackson grow up with my kids.
I saw that boy turn into a man. But the beginning of his life was the stuff nightmares were made of.
He survived, Grace. He went in search of Karlyn, and because he found her, she survived, too. ”
I watched Karlyn as she smiled shyly at something Haizley said. She was quiet, timid. But when Jackson was dying, she stood up to his father. She’d found her strength and used it for him.
“She’s hiding too. Not as far as she was. Jackson helped pull her out of the darkness. Eventually she’ll find her way all the way out. And you will too, Grace. King will help you if you let him.”
The door opened, and Blade walked in. “Micah, what are you doing here?” Beck asked. He didn’t look at his old lady. His eyes were on mine.
“King sent me over to get Grace.”
“Why?” I asked, standing up.
“He needs you at the clubhouse.” It was all Blade said. I knew he wouldn’t tell me anything in front of the others. I looked at Donna, who nodded. I wondered if she knew what was going on.
“Okay,” I sighed.
I followed Blade, and once we were outside, I touched his arm. He turned to look at me, and I asked, “What is it?”
“You’ll see when we get there.”
“Is it bad?”
“It depends on how you look at it.”
“What the fuck does that mean?”
Blade chuckled. “All I can say is, he asked me to come get you.”
“Thinks he can just summon me and I’ll jump to do his bidding,” I muttered as Blade threw his head back and laughed.
“Do you have any idea how fucking perfect for him you are? We were all rooting for you, Grace. When he claimed you at the table, we were all so fucking happy he finally got his head out of his ass. The cut looks perfect, just as we all knew it would.”
“Thank you,” I said softly as I followed him across the street.