Chapter 2
A s soon as we’re far enough from Rainn’s earshot, Amy leans into my side with a smile. “You’re not hiding it well.”
I blink a few times. “Excuse me?”
Amy sighs, straightening her back and softening her voice. “ Oh, no thanks, not today. I’m not pretending like I’ve avoided shifting as much as I could since I got pregnant, or anything. ”
My jaw drops. “Is that supposed to be me?! ”
Amy’s devious giggling dissolves into loud cackling. I sputter out a laugh, tugging on her arm.
“Stop it, Amy! I know I made you come with me so that I can try to force myself to finally do it a few times in a row today without stressing Noah out, but I really can’t stand the thought of my bones and muscles warping around my baby. What if the placenta detaches, especially since it’s still newly attached? What if—”
Amy laughs. “No, no, no. What’ll actually happen is that you’ll be teaching your massive wolf baby how their body feels to shift so they have an easier time growing up!”
“Yeah. But I still don’t like it,” I mutter.
Wrapping her arm around my shoulders, Amy gives me a tight squeeze. “Fine, fine. I’ll just wait another hour to nag you about it again.”
All I can do is groan, leaning my head against hers as our laughter echoes through the trees.
Sensing an oncoming downpour, Amy and I transition from a leisurely walk to speed walking. Despite our waterproof jackets, I’ve been extra cold and shivery lately—which isn’t boding well for how I’ll handle the weather at a Swedish mountainside cabin in mere weeks .
Amy has a point; before we fly across the world, I want to allow my wolf to not only feel free to shift, but also organize her den. She’s already in full-blown nesting mode, but to a level I never anticipated—my waking thoughts filled with the ways every nook needs to be adjusted before our pup comes. We’ve already gathered extra blankets to immerse in Noah’s scent for our den’s physical nest, and I’ve found my feet guiding us to our den anytime I have a spare moment—another reminder this really is more of a Lycan pregnancy over a human one.
I never thought I’d be so set on giving birth in a freaking cave, but I don’t think anyone in the world could convince me otherwise. Thankfully, Noah and I have wolves jumping at the opportunity to support us through the birth and postpartum process, even beyond our friends and family.
But when Amy and I approach the edge of the den today, a putrid scent crosses my nose—the unmistakable scent of death.
Slapping my hand over my mouth and nose, I swallow hard. All I can do to keep from puking is to grip Amy. Oh, my God, A., what the hell is that?!
Her torso rigid in full alert, Amy presses me to the outside of the cave wall, shielding me from potential danger as we silence our breaths. Peering around the entrance of the den, Amy gasps.
She turns to me, and my stomach plummets; I haven’t seen Amy’s eyes this focused and wild in a long time. Not since she found me on the floor after Steven broke in.
With a firm squeeze of my hand, Amy leaves my side. I’ve got you, babe. Stay right here.
The second Amy disappears from my view, sneaking around the side of the den, my heart lurches into my throat. What did you see? Was someone here?
Amy sighs. “No one else is here. But I’m not gonna lie, this is creeping me out.”
I swallow hard, releasing my mouth to pinch my nose shut tight. Taking a wary step, I lean over the side of our den, searching for Amy’s bright auburn hair.
She’s stationed right in front of the den. So is a long-dead animal carcass, hardly a single piece of it remaining beyond the bones.
“Holy shit,” I hiss, joining Amy’s side. I can hardly bear to look, my chest aching for both the animal and for what this could mean. “Was this a threat towards Noah?”
Amy shakes her head. “I have no clue. Whatever it is, it’s ominous.”
My breath heightens. “What do I do? Is it still safe to have our pup here, or should we—”
Amy and I freeze, gripping each other tight on instinct; loud, thunderous paws race through the forest.
No, not just through the forest. They’re coming closer. Toward us.
This must be who left this here. Someone waiting in the brush, ready to attack once we stumbled across their silent warning.
Before I have time to think about it, it happens; the sprinting wolf arrives, and my wolf releases herself from my core, white fur exploding from every inch of my skin.
Claws extended, I throw myself onto the black mass whirring by, latching onto their back. The hulking wolf snatches up the carcass, dipping their spine with a sharp bark as I tear at their fur with my teeth.
How dare they try to intimidate me into submission. I bite harder, faster, sending a clear message: don’t you dare fuck with us.
Aliya! Noah mindlinks.
Relief floods my chest as I unhook my claws from the ambusher, sprawling onto the dirt to evade, evade, evade—just like Noah and Yasmine taught me. Noah, some asshole is trying to command me to stand down from our own den.
But as the massive black wolf turns his head, facing me with wide, familiar eyes, my stomach drops.
Holy shit, how the hell are you stronger than before you were pregnant and exhausted? Noah mindlinks.
I shift back in a heartbeat, dashing for Noah’s wincing black wolf. “Oh, my God, I’m so sorry, Noah! Are you hurt?!”
His wolf slumps, attempting to lower himself in apology as he backs out of my reach. No, I’m fine, I’m mainly just so sorry this happened. I meant to—
Anger floods my chest as fear still courses through my system. “Wait a second, you’re right. You terrified us! Why didn’t you warn me you were coming right for us like that? You sounded like an assailant.”
I hadn’t noticed Amy shifted into her iron-red wolf, not until she shifts back, joining my side just as butt-ass naked as I am. “For real, Noah. We were already freaked out by that dead thing.”
As if he forgot about the carcass entirely, Noah sneaks one fleeting glance at it before he snatches it back up in a flash, leaping with it into the brush behind us.
“Noah!?” I call out. “Stop it, that’s disgusting!”
Two seconds later, he slinks out of the brush again, his head lowered. I’m so fucking sorry. I forgot to put that away.
“Oh, my God. You knew about the dead thing.”
Noah whines, his ears drooping so low that my heart stings. I mean, yeah, of course...
My jaw drops. “ You did this? You’ve been eating dead things outside our den? Since when?”
No, that’s not it, exactly. Well, okay, maybe I had a few bites. But I couldn’t help myself when I saw it running by. It looked so nutritious, and I knew you needed iron. But yeah, clearly, it would've been a bad idea to show up on our porch with a dead thing, so I’m glad I had some common sense left and talked my wolf out of it. I also didn’t want it to go to waste, so I asked a few wolves to help me bring it back to the Community Center to use for everyone’s dinner, but they were like, ‘Well, why don’t we just allow a couple families to have some wolf-like fun for once and come eat it here?’ So I told them, ‘Sure, as long as no one goes into the den, or your Luna will growl at me for ruining the scent in here before I have a chance to chase you out.’ And then I told them I’d come pick it up when they were done. Well, I’ve been too busy for that. That was two days ago. So when I smelled you in the area, I wanted to get here first. Needed to get here first. So you didn’t have to... Um... See it. Like you did anyway.
It’s no wonder Noah hasn’t shifted back yet; throughout his story, my eyes have grown wider and wider, just like how Noah has pressed himself lower and lower to the dirt. Judging by the embarrassment blazing through our bond, I can’t imagine how mortified he’d appear if he had to look me in the eyes in his human form, his wolf morphing into an inky puddle as he presses to the forest floor.
But yeah, let’s hope my wolf has learned his lesson: you don’t want to see anything like this ‘disgusting dead thing.’ Not at all.
That’s when it finally hits me: this wasn’t just an accidental kill, or a random animal Noah’s wolf came across and wanted as a snack. This was a gift . For me .
And I just absolutely slammed its whole existence, leaving my poor mate to slink like a scolded puppy who accidentally peed on the carpet.
Amy realizes it at the same time: she slaps a palm over her mouth, but she can’t help herself, bursting into such heavy laughter that she’s immediately bright red.
I can’t help but laugh with her. “Oh, shit . Oh, God, I’m so sorry, Noah! That was absolutely cruel of me, I—” I swallow hard, queasy at the thought of the carcass. I fan the nausea hot flash from my cheeks, attempting to sound excited. Instead, my voice wavers through a near-gag. “I really appreciate the sentiment, um—”
Noah grumbles, burrowing his snout under both paws. Stop. Just stop. I know it’s gross, I just cannot stop my wolf for the fucking life of me. He’s dying to feed his pregnant Luna, and—
I groan, dashing for him. He refuses to lift his head, forcing me to glomp onto it as his wolf grunts. Thankfully, he still gives me a sneaky little tail wag.
“My poor, big boy. Look at you, working so hard to hunt for me and our baby.” I sputter out a laugh as his tail thumps the ground hard enough to vibrate my feet. “And here I am, not even appreciating your sweet gift.”
Aliya, please. Please , don’t encourage this. Noah’s wolf grumbles beneath me, his tail only wagging faster. Seriously, stop. I don’t know how to play with you while you’re pregnant without tackling you from how much I love you.
Stooping over with a hand on our baby, I kiss his snout before releasing him from his suffering—backing up as quickly as I can. “I can’t help it. You’re such a sweet, adorable Alpha that I have to love on you. And I’m so horribly sorry for making you feel bad.”
Noah rises to his paws with another growling grumble, turning his back to us to reenter the brush. Let’s stop talking about it before I actually die of embarrassment. I’ve gotta go bury this thing.
“Okay, okay. Just know I love you and I— Well, I want to say I liked it, but I can’t pretend I wasn’t a little freaked out.” I laugh as Noah’s wolf whines again, shoving his head into the brush. “But I really do appreciate the sentiment! If I lied to you, you’d just feel it in our bond, anyway.”
Noah’s tail wags just before it disappears into the brush, and that’s the only response I get.
I laugh, cupping my hands around my mouth to shout. “I love you!”
I love you too. I’ll be back... After brushing my teeth.
With one look at Amy, we cling to each other, Amy letting out a desperate squeak as she suppresses her laughter. Biting my lips, all I can do to keep from torturing poor Noah another minute is to turn my best friend around with frantic waves, rushing her deep into the den where we can settle ourselves in peace.
Amy flips around with a sly grin. “Did you notice yet?”
I freeze. “Notice what?”
“You shifted.”
Amy’s rising smile evolves into giggling, but I cringe, gripping my bare stomach. “Holy shit, I didn’t even think about it! Are you sure the baby’s okay?! I just went crazy on poor Noah’s back!”
Amy laughs, bringing me in for a hug. “Hi, Aliya’s OCD: I’m not answering that. Didn’t the Pack Doctor basically prescribe you to shift as many times as possible in your first trimester?”
I grimace. “Maybe...”
Amy laughs, releasing me to head to the back of the den. I follow her, fetching two sets of spare shirts and sweatpants for us before we get to work, gathering stray rocks for our newly forming rock wall. We’re building a small enclosure in the den’s furthest depths, creating a sturdy surrounding for the nesting blankets I’ll continue piling up until my wolf is satisfied.
But ten minutes into our rock collecting, I can’t focus; even with Amy’s back turned, her scent calls out to me, a sadness crawling across my bones as if she’s aching for help. I don’t wait for her to turn around, slipping my arms around her from behind and huddling into her back.
Amy sighs, hugging my arms around her waist. “I’m sorry.”
My gut sinks. I hadn’t realized she was this upset, but with how low her tone has dropped, I’m afraid of what she’s thinking. “What’s wrong? Is something going on with you and Kira? Or my sweet niece?”
Amy turns, releasing herself from my grasp with a weary chuckle. But she can’t even pretend to hold her smile as we meet eyes. Her eyebrows lift, contorting in sadness before she withdraws her gaze from mine. “No, sorry, it’s just—”
“Oh, A . What’s wrong? I’m here.” I let out a helpless sound, rubbing her back as her scent erupts with a heavy, stinging sadness.
But Amy tilts away from my touch, grasping my hand instead. “No, it’s really fine. I didn’t want to make this about me.”
“What? What’s making you so upset? I haven’t seen you like this since— Well...”
My breath catches as Amy’s expression warps. Her silky hair swoops across her features as she ducks her head, obscuring her distress from me. “I don’t feel like I have the right to be upset about this.”
I swallow hard. “About Steven?”
Amy shakes her head, but in my heart, I know this “no” is in denial of the horrors Steven caused, rather than in answer to my question. This is absolutely about Steven, and it guts me.
“I’m so sorry,” Amy chokes out. “I’m sorry I didn’t protect you more, especially if he was one of these Alpha-domination Lycans.”
My stomach sinks to the floor. “Oh, babe .”
“I know we had everyone to help at the dress shop, but seeing you back in that state with Mason stalking you, and knowing there are more of these guys out there... I’m really scared of you going to the Alpha Summit. I wish I could go with you, but maybe that’s thinking too highly of my capabilities. I didn’t even protect you just now.”
I groan through the ache in my chest, gathering Amy in my arms. “That’s probably because you’re not pregnant and overprotective, so your rational brain saw that it was Noah. Plus, you did protect me, keeping me from approaching the den the second you felt something was off, and investigating it yourself despite the possible dangers. Then you also had the courage and kindness of a best friend to still let me see that someone left a ‘disgusting dead thing’ here, even if you knew it would freak me out.”
Amy sputters out a laugh. “Well, still.”
Swiping her tears off with her head hung low, Amy dissolves back into overwhelm. Her quivering lip claws at my heartstrings.
“You mean to say that still, you couldn’t be there the day Steven showed up,” I whisper.
Amy simply nods.
A piece of my broken heart rips back open, memories flooding my mind. All I can do is stroke Amy’s hair as she fights back tears, just like she held me as I sobbed on her couch all night long for a week after Steven broke in. Nothing felt safe except this woman aching in front of me, misunderstanding herself as “too late to be the hero” when really, Amy was the only person in the world who could save my life that night. And she did.
“He wouldn’t have let you stop him,” I whisper. “Especially if he was a wolf, and knew you were a wolf. What if he went all the way and killed us both?”
Amy’s voice wobbles, tearing my heart in half. “I guess, but—”
“No, there’s no ‘I guess.’ You were still the one I chose to call in my worst moment.”
Slumping into me, Amy drops her head against my shoulder, letting out a true sob.
I shut my eyes hard, struggling not to stoke my bitterness against Steven. But there’s truly no end to the pain he caused that night. I’m sure my parents rolled in their graves, having to witness what he did to me in their home, ruining the safe space they left behind for me. We knew the system to prosecute Steven was broken, but Amy and I had to witness the gory depths of its failings, the cops refusing to charge him no matter the evidence upon evidence we provided. It was my fault in their eyes too for not bending to Steven’s desires, and therefore, Amy had to be reminded she was never safe either.
If someone did this to her, how helpless would I feel if all I could do was hold her through the pain, depression, and suicidal ideation that followed? Knowing this trauma was now embedded into her for the rest of her life, but not knowing if she’d survive another night through her suffering?
Guiding Amy to the back of the den, I urge her to sit by my side. Luckily, she obliges, dragging her feet until she slinks to the ground against me. I have to smile.
Holding her head to my shoulder, I drop my temple against it. “I told you I don’t want you to feel imposter syndrome from having trauma from this too, right?”
She fiddles with my fingers. “Yeah, but it’s nothing compared to the pain I found you in—”
“Yes, it is something. Because you witnessed a traumatic event through me, just the same. Don’t discount this for yourself.”
She huffs. “Okay, fine. But that doesn’t change wishing I could’ve been there with my wolf. To tear his fucking head off.”
“Maybe not. But you said it yourself: if he really was a Lycan, he probably smelled I was part-Lycan and used intense scent blockers ever since, ensuring he never let on what he was, right? If that really is true, he succeeded in disguising himself, and that’s not your fault. That means he was hiding from the start, from all of us.”
Amy shakes her head, her eyes vacant as she stares at the rocky ground.
And I can’t stop it: bitterness crawls up my throat, anger shortening my breath. “I can’t say I trusted a single other person in the world to come find me in the heap on the floor, and to have the internal strength to lift my soul out of the depths—” My voice catches with emotion.
Amy dives in for a hug. “Fuck—”
I hold her close, shaking my head. “You held me, you helped me clean my damaged body, you fed me when I had no strength to even open the fridge, you took me to the doctor to rid him from me, you took me to therapy—”
Amy’s pained cry puffs hot air against my chest, striking my heart.
My voice shakes as I stroke her head. “Steven did what he wanted, no matter who would be there to protect me. So when I had no other family left, you stepped in and did everything in your power to mend my shattered soul. That’s more than I could ever, ever ask for, Amy. I literally owe my life to you.”
Amy’s shoulders finally loosen. She nuzzles in, cuddling me as close as she can.
I silently vow to hold Amy for as long as she needs me to, just like she did for me that day. By the time she slumps against me in pure exhaustion, her breath slowing into near-sleep, I break into a smile; I really have been best friends with a sweet little guard dog puppy, ever since we were little. I can’t believe she doesn’t think she did her job well; for all we know, what if she was the only reason I didn't have a shitty boyfriend growing up like all my friends did? Not until one literally prevented himself from meeting Amy and everyone I knew, refusing to meet them—and isolating me in the process. Neither of us stood a chance against his manipulation.
I hope she can let this go. I know I’ve struggled to, but I can’t stand the thought of her suffering too deeply over him. In that way, I understand how she feels, to my core.
Combing through her shiny, soft hair, I lower my voice to just above a breath, just in case she’s asleep. “Thank you. I love you.”
She sighs against me, readjusting herself to curl into sleep with her head on my lap. Gazing out to the entrance of the den, I sit in silence, observing the world around me. Birds peck for worms in the grass, the rain crashes against the flora as it ebbs and flows in its downpour, and Amy’s lungs rise and fall beneath my hand on her back. As I exist in the stillness, my heart settles into pure peace. I hope Amy’s does too.
When Noah finds Amy and me still huddled up in the den half an hour later, his adoring smile brightens my heart the rest of the way. He settles in on my other side, holding the healing quiet with us.