Chapter 4
T omorrow, we leave for the Alpha Summit. I grumble in bed, not wanting to let Noah go. We still have way too much to do today besides packing, and carrying this little bean of our pup has exhausted me beyond belief, despite their size.
Noah suddenly buries his nose into my neck, giving it a quick nip.
It startles a screeching giggle out of me, sending a tingling shockwave to my toes. “Noah!? What’s going through that wolf brain of yours?”
He growls against my throat, prowling over me to cuddle me closer. “I don’t want to let you go for the day.”
I laugh. “Me neither. I wish we had enough time for you to knot me at least twice like I want you to. We’re almost out of cuddle ball time, sadly.”
Groaning, Noah rubs his forming erection against my thigh. He sucks in a breath to speak, but halts. Then he blows out a slow exhale. “I know.”
Holding the silence by biting my lip, I wait to see if he has something more to say. Sometimes all my shy Alpha needs is a few extra seconds to gather his thoughts—and the more important they are, the more time he needs.
But Noah growls deeper, nipping my neck faster.
I sputter out a laugh, digging my nails into Noah’s back as my toes curl. “Stop it, you wild wolf!”
He sighs, propping himself up on one elbow to look me in the eyes. Swiping my sprouting baby hairs off my forehead, Noah turns a deep shade of red.
I have to laugh. “Okay, you really have something spicy on the mind.”
Breaking into the most gorgeous smile, Noah lets out a soft laugh that squeezes my heart. “Maybe I do, maybe I don’t.”
I roll my eyes. “Oh, no. You definitely do.”
Erupting into giggles, Noah nuzzles our noses. Planting a soft kiss on my lips, Noah pulls back to laugh again. “Okay, yeah. I do. But I’m a little—”
He hums in thought, blinking faster as his eager scent hits my nose. I inhale a lungful of it, a heartbeat forming between my legs as his delicious scent swirls into my core. Except instead of Noah’s sharp, lusty Alpha musk, his scent contains a flowery sweetness—one he almost never allows out.
I stroke his back in an effort to keep us both from overthinking this sudden change. “You’re a little, what?”
He drops his forehead against mine, taking a shaky breath. “Nervous.”
“Oh? It’s that good of a fantasy, huh?” I can’t help but grin as Noah breaks into hearty giggles.
“I mean— W-well, yes.”
Turning on my side, I shimmy up to him until we’re melded together again, pushing more gorgeous laughter out of him. “Tell me more, my shy Alpha. We only have ten more minutes before we have to get out of this bed, and I won’t be able to focus during therapy if my imagination is running wild.”
Noah chuckles, shaking his head.
But he still doesn’t speak. As Noah traces my eyes with his gaze, his big hand covering my whole hip, I stroke his hair, parsing through our conversation thus far. After all we’ve done in bed—and the wild sex we’ve had in the forest, in front of the whole damn pack—what sort of sex-related thing could still embarrass my mate? My heart leaps in excitement. Maybe Noah’s thinking of confessing a kink he’s never tried before, and he needs a little encouragement—needs to know I won’t make fun of him for it.
I soften my smile. “Would it help to mindlink it?”
Noah twists his lips. But to my surprise, he doesn’t mindlink me; he leans closer, pressing our foreheads together until our eyes are only an inch apart. When he speaks, his breath tickles my lips. “I’m just working up the courage.”
My heart softens for my sweet mate, his determination exciting my wolf into wagging her tail in our bond. Noah breaks into a smile, blinking faster, and I do my best to stifle my wolf.
“Sorry, I don’t mean to pressure you. I’m just a little excited because I can feel it; this is something coming from your heart, isn’t it?”
Noah sucks in a sharp breath, blinking a few more times as nerves rattle our bond. Then he gives me a quick nod. “Yeah.”
“Okay. I’m here to listen, but we can always wait to talk about it if you need to—”
“Your Alpha musk makes me feel safe,” Noah blurts out.
My breath escapes my lungs. I’m afraid to move, to even blink; Noah’s breath speeds into an anxious jog, his eyes racing between mine to read any minor rejection he can find in my reaction.
But Noah’s words strike deep into my heart, igniting a joy I’ve rarely experienced. I’ve never considered my occasional, strange, Alpha-like scent bursts to smell like a true Alpha musk. Does Noah? I didn’t expect to feel so enticed by the possibility—so desperate to know the truth.
I hold Noah tighter, searching his eyes just the same. Waiting to see if there’s more.
“I-it heals a part of me I’m afraid to show,” Noah whispers.
Letting out an aching sigh, I slide my hands up his wide back. “Oh, my love .”
I understand his hidden meaning: just like my scent is Alpha-like, Noah’s scent has a hidden, Omega-like edge. One he’s felt tremendous shame about, even in the short glimpses of it he’s allowed me to witness.
If “allowing” me to witness it is even the right word. His Omega-like scent has seemed to slip out without his permission, surprising us both.
Just like it did today.
Noah clings to me, hanging on my every word as his breath quivers with nerves.
Cupping his cheeks, I stare him in the eyes. “Goddess, Noah, thank you for even telling me this. I know how hard this is, so I want you to know two things: one, I love that side of you. And two, you don’t have to show every side of yourself unless you feel ready. Not even with me.”
“I want to be ready—with you,” Noah mutters.
A thrill shoots through my core. I’m unable to keep my proud wolf from smiling through me. “Okay, then let me hold him, whenever you can. I’d be honored.”
Noah blinks hard and fast, likely processing my words. I figure our conversation is over, but his eyes shift from their oceanic teal to a vivid green, his wolf pushing forward. “No, I want to, as soon as possible. My wolf won’t stop thinking about it, and I feel a little—” Clearing his throat, Noah lowers to a shaky whisper. “I feel a little bad for him.”
I’m stunned. Since we’ve met, I’ve only heard Noah disparage his wolf. I’m usually the one looking out for the goofy Lycan, aching for him whenever I think about how hard he works for all of us, no matter if he receives gratitude or hatred in return.
But it’s written in Noah’s pained, half-shifted eyes; his wolf needs freeing, and he would love my help loosening the reins.
“I feel bad for him too,” I whisper.
Noah’s eyebrows flinch, and my heart drops. What if he’s hurting deeper than he ever lets on?
I skate my hands down his chest, softening my voice. “You said my Alpha musk helps you feel safe? Do you mean that it helps in bed, while we’re already feeling more open and intimate with each other?”
Noah’s heart jumps beneath my palm, kicking into a pounding pace. Goosebumps rise over his bare skin as I circle my nails through his chest hair.
But Noah nods. “Can you practice letting that side of yourself roam free with me?”
Excitement strikes my core. I prop myself up, snaking my arm around his waist. “Oh, so you enjoyed me being on top again at the Luna ceremony, huh?”
Noah breaks into giggles, his warm palm sweeping down my lower back until he presses us belly to belly, hugging our baby between us. Dragging his gaze down my bare skin, Noah coats me in tingling pleasure. “It’s a bit deeper than that.”
It’s my heart’s turn to race. I know what he means; I don’t allow my Alpha-like side out to play very often either. Not even with Noah—at least, not as often as my wolf begs me to.
The second I think of her thinly veiled disappointment every time I reject her, a gnawing sadness reveals itself in my chest. Judging by the pain in our bond, I’m willing to bet Noah’s stifling of his Omega-like scent hurts him too. My heart aches for us both.
As I push Noah’s hair back with slow, gentle sweeps over his scalp, his eyes flutter shut, and the twisting in my stomach subsides. He trusts me. And thankfully, he just gave me an opening to help him sort through his pain. Our pain.
“Okay,” I whisper. Noah’s eyes jut open, but he doesn’t move a muscle—his hand frozen on my hip as he holds me in tense silence. “It’ll be a little scary since I’m still confused about myself, but that doesn’t mean it won’t be tremendously fun.”
As I break into a giddy smile, Noah’s sweet scent erupts. Despite his side of our bond wavering in anxiety, my wolf stirs, urged to the surface.
“Let me treat you.” I cup the base of his head, not wanting him to slip deeper into fear. “Let me soak you with as much Alpha musk as I can allow myself to release, and however you show up beneath me, I’ll hold this sacred space for you. I’ll love you through it, no matter how scary it might be for both of us.”
Noah huffs out a fragile, broken breath—before crashing against my lips. I moan into his kiss, my heart thrumming through the rising gratitude in our bond.
“Thank you.” Noah’s aching voice strikes me to my core.
I sink my lips back into his, throwing my leg over his hip. Noah kisses me deeper, dragging his tongue over mine until I squirm against him, heat pooling between my legs.
As I pull back, I’m relieved to find Noah in a flustered yet giddy silence, his human cheeks flaming red as his wolf nips at mine in our bond.
Until my phone alarm rings, pushing a surprised squeak from my lips.
Noah breaks into a delighted giggle as he fetches my phone for me. “Precious.”
I groan. “So much for being your tough Alpha.”
“Maybe you’re my Alpha mouse.”
“Noah!”
He lets out a deep belly laugh, spurring me into hearty cackling. I shut my alarm off before rolling over Noah, pinning him beneath me as I straddle his hips. “Alright, wild wolf. Let’s get ready for the day before your pregnant Alpha mouse pees herself.”
Noah’s bright laugh fills my heart and lungs with hope as he follows me to the bathroom like an excited pup.
As if Noah didn’t spoil me enough with the Moon Goddess’s blessing necklace—the most gorgeous, glimmering moonstone crystal hanging around my neck in the shape of a crescent moon—Noah insisted we follow at least one human tradition with an intimate courthouse wedding last month. That, and I insisted we do so for legal purposes, ensuring there are no human-world custody issues for our future kids.
Eloping in front of our closest family and friends, we gifted each other engraved wedding rings; an endless moon cycle circling our left ring fingers as our initials rest against our skin.
Spinning the ring as he holds my left hand in his lap, Noah settles into our forest drive out of Greenfield. I love to steal quick peeks at his profile as he drives, waiting for his stoic expression to soften as he spins the ring. We’ve never discussed it aloud, but a wordless sense of security within our bond tells me the rings remind us both of our forever connection, a quiet, soothing hum falling over us as we coast through the cozy autumn gloom.
Unfortunately, I can tell our peaceful silence is about to be broken; Noah’s emotions wobble in our bond. Despite his stoic expression, darkness creeps into our shared connection, allowing me to spot the slightest hint of tension between his brows.
When he catches me staring, I bite back a smile, and Noah’s forehead softens.
“Damn. I tried to keep it to myself, but I should know better by now,” he mutters through a smile as it spreads to his cheeks.
I laugh. “Let’s talk about it, love. We have a few minutes before we reach Jenny’s office anyway.”
Noah sighs, tipping his head back against his headrest with a thud . “I don’t think you’re going to like it.”
My smile widens. “Too bad for me, I guess.”
With a chuckle, Noah comes to a stop at a red light. Meeting my eyes, he lowers his shoulders. It’s just enough to take the edge off my forming anxiety—no matter how lighthearted our conversation feels, my wolf will always be on edge when her mate is tense. Maybe he’s simply being considerate of the emotional heavy lifting I’ll have to do today in therapy between pregnancy anxiety and our upcoming overseas travel. But I can’t forget the truth: my mate never deliberately hides things unless it’s bad .
Noah’s smile fades, sadness overwriting his features. As he shuffles in his seat, returning his focus to the road when the light turns green, I can hardly stand the silence. But I know my mate by now, and I’m well aware he needs me to hold space for him to formulate his thoughts.
As soon as I release Noah from my stare, he slumps in my peripherals. If I didn’t know his voice better than anyone’s, I might not be able to pick out his pained, soft-spoken words. “I feel so bad that you haven’t been able to talk about Mason with Jenny.”
My focus zips back to him. Between all we’ve had to accomplish before the Alpha Summit, I had no idea Noah’s mind was still steeping in this deep of guilt beneath the surface over that jerk. My heart aches with Noah’s, pushing a soft groan from my lips.
I grip his hand. “Do you not believe me that I don’t blame you for what he did? Because I don’t think you could’ve stopped him, Noah. I know we can’t go back in time to know for certain, but it’s not your fault some power-hungry Alpha decided to use me to get to you. It’s Mason’s fault.” Noah lets out a tremendous, frustrated sigh. Nothing more. “And like we talked about, you wanted to give me freedom without being followed around all the time by security. I really appreciated that, especially with my history.”
Noah’s expression darkens. “It’s because of your history that I feel even worse. I’m sure you need to talk this out with her in greater detail, don’t you?”
I frown. “What makes you say that? Am I doing more compulsions without noticing or something?” Instead of answering, Noah bites his lips. My stomach sinks. “I have, haven’t I?”
Noah does a double-take, giving my hand a squeeze. “Not quite. Keep breathing.”
Drooping into the passenger seat, I sigh. Noah’s right; the second I suspected OCD had taken a stronger hold over me again, my whole body tightened up, preparing for the worst. As Noah slips his hand from mine, smoothing it over our budding pup, my chest swirls with excitement, loosening any remaining fears.
We’re about to turn into the parking lot outside Jenny’s office, a silent reminder we’re out of time to get too much deeper into our conversation. Noah rubs his thumb over my baby belly, stirring my heart muscles into action. “You’ve been so jumpy, my love. Ever since then.”
As the ache in Noah’s tone deepens, I bite my lip. “Dammit, I guess you’re right. I didn’t put two and two together until now, but Amy was still really upset about that stalking incident too—when she helped me nest a couple weeks ago.”
“Ah, I see. I was wondering why she seemed so distressed.”
“I know. She’s a sweetheart, like you.” I sigh. “Is that all you’ve noticed?”
Shifting the SUV into park, Noah meets my gaze once more. We share a sad smile, shuffling against the center console to drop our foreheads together.
“Not exactly,” Noah whispers against my lips. Placing a soft kiss there, he flutters my eyelids. “You’ve been restless in your sleep. I don’t know if it’s mainly pregnancy stress dreams like you’ve mentioned, but my wolf is on high alert now that you’re carrying our pup, and...”
“He thinks it’s more on the side of PTSD nightmares,” I mutter the quiet part out loud. With Noah’s wince in confirmation, I nod, even though my heart drops. “I trust his judgment. Thank you for letting me know.”
Noah’s hands cup my cheeks. “I know you’ve got your own treatment covered, so I’m not meaning to tell you what to work on, or what not to.”
“I know, my sweet Alpha. You don’t have to worry about that.” I close my eyes, nuzzling into his palm’s comforting scent.
“Maybe I do, though. Because I know you haven’t said anything directly to me about it, but I’m pretty sure not being able to tell Jenny about Lycans existing makes getting proper treatment really fucking hard. Especially if you’ll have to use Prolonged Exposure. I hate to put you in that place.”
My eyelids snap open, but no words form in response.
Noah has stumped me. I don’t know how to solve this problem either, and it’s a huge one—especially when Mason antagonized me not only as a stalker, but also as a hulking beast, intensifying the major trigger he provided.
But with humans involved, the truth often comes with a fatal price. My stomach sinks at the thought of our fathers’ deaths. If disclosing the existence of Lycans risks losing Noah, or any of our pack members, it’s not worth it. I know firsthand nothing can replace a life.
So as Noah’s guilt threatens to bend our pack’s rules for my sake, I shake my head. “I can continue to work around it. I’ll bring up the incident to her today, just explaining he’s been watching us lately and freaked me out.”
Noah frowns. I kiss him, but his lips aren’t as urgent to kiss me back; my mate is too deep in thought.
“I mean it. I can’t risk your safety either. All of our safety, rather. Our pack is too precious,” I say.
Noah finally softens. “Yeah, that’s how I feel about all of you too. But it’s not black and white; you don’t necessarily have to expose everything in order to talk about it... And I finally thought of an excuse that might work.” My eyes widen as Noah breaks into a mischievous smile, his wolf coming out to play with a flash of his fangs. “We are in the Pacific Northwest, you know. If you told her you witnessed some supernatural, crazy shit, even as specific as shapeshifters, she might actually agree with you that there’s more out there.”
I sputter out a laugh, pulling back with flushing cheeks as he gives my tiny belly a soft pat. “You can’t be serious. What if she thinks I’m hallucinating or something?”
He shrugs, his incisors enticing my wolf into nuzzling him in our bond. “Maybe she will. Or maybe you could lean into that white lie, and it’ll be fine, as far as I’m concerned—as long as you can get the support you need. I trust you to be safe about it.”
I suck in a breath to speak, but all I can do is stare in awe. Knowing how deeply Ritchie’s death torments Noah, I’m stunned to receive his trust on such a tender issue. Maybe he wants me to take care of myself, but I don’t want to bend our rules for my sake. His permission to do so has the opposite effect, tempting me to keep our Lycan secret even closer to my heart instead, protecting sweet Noah for life.
Hugging Noah’s palm to my belly, I beam at my mate. “You’re so smart. But still, I’ll see what I can say without disclosing much of anything.”
Noah nods, glancing at the dashboard’s clock once more. “Shit, sorry. You only have a minute to take the elevator up.”
As his smile fades, I can tell he’s also eager to leave—someone must be mindlinking him for backup. Stressful mindlinks seem to be endless for Noah these days, and I hate it. My stomach twists beneath his hand, hating to lift his warm palm off our baby. Kissing his knuckles to make up for it, I smile the best I can, not wanting to make him feel even worse.
“Stay safe, my shy Alpha. I’ll see you after my appointment.”
I open the passenger door, but I’m caught by my elbow. The second I turn my head back to Noah, he smushes a heavy kiss against my cheek, sending me into giggles. My wolf’s fur stands on end, delighted by her mate’s sneak attack. When I meet Noah’s eyes, I’m relieved to find them more relaxed than they’ve been all morning.
He grins. “See you soon, gorgeous Luna.”
No matter how many days we’ve lived together now, my wolf still slumps in disappointment to part ways with Noah. I laugh, hurrying to the office doors for all of our sakes. Well, at least, I try to make it easier on us. I can’t resist one last glance over my shoulder to wave goodbye.
But I freeze in the open doorway, surprised to see Noah has thrown his SUV into park. He hops out, ripping off his jacket—eyeing the treeline like he’s desperate to shift into his wolf. Did I keep him too long?
Noah’s forehead creases—a millisecond before he whips his half-shifted eyes in my direction. I let out a squeak, scurrying into the building.
Spying on me, huh? Noah’s wolf wags his tail, softening his urgency I feel in our bond to dash into the forest. It’s all okay, Luna. Let me be the one to deal with the usual bullshit today. You can just focus on holding the baby for me.
Biting my lip, I overflow with fuzzy warmth as I step into the elevator. I love you.
I love you too. I’ll see you before you know it.
I want to relax, to ease Noah’s concerns rather than feed into them, but in the end, I can’t control my pacing wolf. She’s restless lately, hesitant to part ways with the goofy Alpha giving her a chance to carry her first pup. But I know that’s not the only reason why. Ever since Mason gathered 250 Alphas to leave Greenfield behind, I’ve been unable to shake the paranoia that it’s not truly over. What if his mindset poisoned pack members beyond the Alphas who left alongside him, and the rest are waiting their turn to hunt us down at our next vulnerability? What if they're spying on us to tell Mason everything he’s missing? What if it’s not just Mason’s pack, but something far more sinister—a global super pack, like our international allies suggested?
Noah has too much to focus on. We both do. Especially when we’re leaving our pack behind for two weeks at the Alpha Summit—the perfect opening to strike.
My pregnant wolf is all instinct—nearly impossible to ignore, as if someone dialed up the volume to her thoughts in my mind. Rushing my feet down the hall, she changes her mind about chasing after our mate, instead demanding I huddle up safely indoors and stop distracting him.
But once I step into Jenny’s waiting room, I’m surprised to find her staring out the window. Normally the muted, forest green walls calm my wolf, allowing me to sink into my favorite gray, textured armchair in the corner, worn in by dozens of other patients like me whose lives have changed thanks to Jenny.
I was expecting to find an empty room; to have to wait for Jenny to open her office door, her warm smile welcoming me into her sanctuary. But today, Jenny’s back remains to me. With my nimble wolf at the forefront of my being, I must not have made a single sound entering the office.
But Jenny’s tense shoulders set me on edge. I soften my voice, not wanting to scare her. “Jenny?”
No response.
Fear slithers up my sternum. Have they come for us now?