Chapter 12
A nnika and Viktor drop us off in what I’m certain is the most beautiful guest suite they own; tall, wood-lined ceilings frame broad windows, giving us a panoramic view of the lakeside below the lodge. Geometric black-and-white furniture brings out the natural beauty of the warm wood surrounding us, a ginormous bed sitting in the middle of the suite with enough space for me to spread my sore limbs—and still leave room for my massive mate. My muscles ache at the thought, dying to be immersed in soft white sheets.
Once I’m seated on the bed’s edge, slipping off my shoes, I gasp at the clock. “It’s 8 p.m.?”
“Y-yeah. It s-stays lighter out in the evenings here until October.” Noah crosses the room to shut the blackout curtains, but his back remains to me.
When he still hasn't moved after I change into one of his big, gray t-shirts, my heart hammers into my throat.
Oh, God. I hate fighting with him. I love him so much.
But I’m hurt by what he hasn't told me about him and Viktor. Of course he can have his own personal secrets, but this is different; with unstable Alphas on the loose across the world, any important information we don’t share with each other could cost our lives. Are there other vital secrets he's keeping? And why?
Noah turns around, wringing his hands. His puppy-dog stare is in full swing.
No matter how upset I am, I have to smile. “You’re too cute, my love. I’m struggling to remember why I’m upset.”
Noah gives me a soft smile. “W-well... I wish I could ask you to not be mad at me.” He drops my stare, deflating. “But I don’t blame you. I’m really fucking embarrassed by how I acted.”
My heart tears at the seams, pushing a sigh from my chest. “It wasn't that. I know you were trying to protect me and our baby, and I love you for it.”
Noah slumps, his expression warping as he meets my sad eyes. “Oh, my sweet Luna...”
He speed-walks across the room, sitting beside me on the bed to stroke my back. But with the gap he leaves between us, my stomach rolls.
“Please, tell me what’s wrong,” he says.
“I will, but I want you to know I didn’t mean to shame you or make you feel embarrassed, just now.”
Noah stiffens. “No, that’s not why I just told you that. Don't stifle your upset for me. I want you to be honest with me about what you’re feeling, no matter how I feel.”
His rising frustration makes my cheeks burn hot. “Why aren’t you being fully honest with me then?”
Noah’s eyes widen. “W-what? Are you saying I’m lying about something?”
“No—well, actually, I don’t know. How can I know if you’re lying or not when you’re avoiding telling me important information?”
“Okay, let’s slow down for a second—”
“No, I’m really hurt.” I huff, barely suppressing tears. “We’re really deep into this Alpha Summit thing already, Noah. I wish you told me more about the dangerous things you're dealing with here, especially before we already got here today.”
Noah shuffles in his seat. “Which dangerous things?”
“Like with Viktor. I don’t want you to be overprotective of me by lulling me into a false sense of peace.”
“Overprotective? You mean when I snapped at Viktor?”
“You didn’t tell me about this ‘King’ thing with Viktor, which turns out to be a pretty big deal. It scared me to see one of our main allies butting heads with you so badly and not having a clue why, or what to do if he stopped being lighthearted about it. How can I support you properly if I’m left in the dark?”
Noah gapes in genuine surprise, leaving us in silence. After a painfully extended five seconds, Noah’s knee bounces. “O-oh. I’m sorry. I guess I didn’t realize there was something to tell.”
My chest stings. “How could that be true? You remember to tell me a lot of things. I thought you trusted me as your partner in our pack. That was confusing and frightening to have thrown at me. Not to mention I—” I grip the hem of Noah’s shirt I’m wearing. “I felt really left out.”
“Luna...” Noah’s breath shakes as he stares at me in my peripheral vision. When I don’t say anything more, he drops his head into his hands. “Goddess, I never thought about how I'd feel it in our bond when I hurt my mate. This is horrible .” Noah shrinks into himself, scrubbing his face as he sits on the bed’s edge. “I-I know it’s not an excuse, but I’m really not used to having anyone by my side with pack things yet. And when things are tense with other Alphas, I feel like it’s my job to deal with, and my job only.” He grips his knee hard enough to turn his knuckles white. “They're all aggressive as fuck, so I don’t like putting it on anyone else. Especially not on you.” He takes a few short, hot breaths until he freezes. When he speaks again, his voice cracks. “You’ve been around enough aggressive men.”
My heart drops. “Noah, I didn’t realize that's what you were thinking...”
“Fuck, I know, and I'm sorry. I just fucking hate how so many Alphas are like this. It makes me so irrationally mad, and—”
As he growls beneath his breath, my shoulders soften.
I sweep my nails down his spine. “Okay. I can see that. I think I took this way too personally.”
“No, you were right; I fucked up by not talking about it with the wolf I trust the most. I just don’t know what else to do in these types of situations.” He looks up at me for the first time in minutes. His vivid, teal eyes ignite a flame in my belly. “Which is also why I should turn to you. Because it's true. You’re my partner in leading this pack.”
My tight stomach muscles finally relax.
But Noah isn’t finished. “I see you as my equal.”
My heart jolts into my throat. “Your equal? ”
He furrows his brows. “Of course. Do you not feel like you are?”
My head spins, but Noah doesn’t seem to realize the depth of what he just said.
I wouldn’t call us "equals." He’s the top Alpha, guiding the whole pack, including me. And with every hour we’ve spent away from home, the more I’m convinced he’s not just a top Alpha in the Pacific Northwest, and not even just the United States, but also a global Lycan leader. Isn’t he?
Before I can keep thinking it through, Noah launches into another mood entirely.
“What’s really causing problems is that my wolf clashes with what I want. He gets so fucking agitated around aggressive Alphas. But I don't like that. I don't want to be like them.” He shakes his head, but our bond stumbles into panic. “But you’re also pregnant, so he has a point. What if I can’t protect you from dozens of powerful Alphas at once, and—”
Noah huffs hard and fast, gripping the bed’s edge hard enough for it to creak. My eyes widen as Noah’s emotions shift faster than I can keep up with, each one spiraling darker.
“Hey, hey, Noah—”
“I don’t want to see another Omega hurt by another fucking twisted Alpha again! I— I can’t—” He sputters. “I can’t handle that, Luna—”
The second Noah's breath rises to an unsteady sprint, I close the gap between us, my wolf on high alert as I grasp for his tense hand on his bouncing knee. I recognize that familiar, sickening feeling in our bond; his PTSD is going haywire.
God, this makes so much sense. Noah’s wolf might be over-reactive now that I’m pregnant, but the more time we’ve spent around agitated Alphas lately, the worse he has seemed to feel. Maybe his agitation today wasn’t just situational, but also a PTSD symptom.
Pheromones gush from me, coating the room with my nurturing scent. I pulse squeezes down Noah’s shoulders, arms, and hands, pressing firmly enough for him to feel it if he’s dissociating. “Look at us and where we're sitting right now, okay? I’m safe in this room with you, Alpha. You’re safe too, right here with me. We’re safe, and we have each other covered. Nothing's happening to you, me, or our baby.”
Noah chokes out a frantic breath. “God, you’re too sweet. And I’m just— I’m a fucking coward, I—”
“No, gorgeous, don’t listen to that dark chatter. Just breathe. Please, breathe for me.”
Noah shakily inhales into his hands, a tense silence stretching between us as he labors through it. And as this moment catches up to me, the dots connect.
Does this mean another Alpha did this to him? Another Alpha here?
My jaw clenches until it aches. I want to bite them to fucking shreds.
I hold Noah as tight as I can, enveloping him with my whole body. After two agonizing minutes of his poor body shaking the trauma out in my arms, he can finally take a deep, steady breath.
I exhale with him. “Oh, good job! You did it, my love.”
Noah’s expression remains flat. When he speaks, it’s barely above a whisper. “Fuck. I’m so sorry.”
I comb my fingers through his hair, but he still won’t look at me. “Noah, please listen for a second, okay?”
He nods, flattening his loose shirt over my belly so he can see its small curve. As he gives our baby a gentle rub, my heart flips. I’m dying to be nestled together again.
“If something impacts you this much, I love you so deeply that I don’t care if it doesn’t involve me. I don’t even care if it disturbs me. I still want to know how you feel—good or bad. I want to protect you, just like you want to protect me. And just like you’d tell me: don’t let yourself be alone in this anymore.”
After a heavy swallow, Noah nods. “O-okay. I’m sorry. I love you so much. I would never want to leave you out on purpose.”
“I know. I see that now, and I’m sorry I assumed otherwise.” I run my fingertips down his neck until he buries his face into my shoulder, pulling me into his lap. I giggle. “Don’t hide, my shy Alpha. Kiss me.”
When Noah peeks at me, his sad eyes slowly glint into a gentle smile. “You still want to kiss?”
I sputter out a laugh. “What?! Of course I do! I still love you, even when I’m mad.”
Noah sighs, tucking me closer. “Luna...”
I nuzzle his cheek, relieved to see him smiling again. “Does that mean I should kiss you first instead?” I dare to nibble his earlobe, testing the waters.
Noah's wolf smashes his nose into my wolf's ear in our bond, washing me in excited chills. But his human form breaks into a sly grin. “Not until you’re horizontal, my exhausted, pregnant Luna.”
“Wha—”
I giggle-shriek as Noah wraps an arm across my chest, pressing my back tight to his rib cage, and flops back on the bed with me in his arms. Noah chuckles, cradling me as he flings open the covers.
But his rippling torso captures my full attention as he tears his clothes off, desperate to hold me skin to skin. As my eyes sweep over his body, Noah raises an eyebrow.
I bite my lip. “Alpha...”
He gives me a low growl, prowling over me to kiss me. “Don’t give me that look. You’re too tired for sex.”
I laugh. “You’re not wrong.”
As Noah dissolves into the mattress beside me, he presses kiss after kiss into my lips, each one growing more passionate. I worm my way in closer, aching to be bundled up with him. Unfortunately, our baby is big enough to block our true cuddle ball formation.
Before I can frown, Noah grins. “Don’t worry. Flip over, my angry Luna.”
I laugh, turning my back to him. “I’m officially your angry Luna now?”
“Sorry—angry pregnant Luna. That I forced to carry my ‘huge wolf baby.’”
As I groan-laugh, Noah growls against my neck, enveloping my entire back half in his body heat. Once we shuffle ourselves into our modified cuddle ball, he purrs over me in a smooth prowl, kissing me everywhere except my mouth.
I groan. “Noah! Why are you teasing me so much?”
“Because your fiery Alpha side came out to play with me a little, and now my wolf’s all excited.”
I burst into giggles as Noah nips at my neck, his wolf doing the exact same in our bond.
But as my toes curl in delight and my eyelids grow heavy, Noah nestles me into the curve of his body.
“I really am sorry, Aliya,” he whispers.
“I’m sorry too. I don’t like fighting with you.”
Noah doesn’t respond right away. After a few breaths, he mutters, “Weirdly enough, I do.”
I let out a loud, scoffing laugh, whipping my head over my shoulder to meet his eyes. “Noah!?”
“S-sorry, sorry, that came out wrong.” Noah ed into my neck, his ears flushing bright red. “I just mean, when we fight, we still treat each other like we’re on the same side. I’m not used to that.” His voice softens just above a whisper. “But I love it.”
My heart flutters into my throat as we nuzzle each other. Now that I think about it, that’s the key difference between my soft-spoken “fights” with Noah and my blowouts with Steven. I don’t feel like I have to defend myself from Noah, let alone "win" against him to survive. We're usually "fighting" to understand each other better, as a team.
If this is how Noah actually sees us, maybe I need to rethink the next time I’m reading his intentions.
He tucks my hair behind my ear, furrowed eyebrows creasing his forehead. “Oh, no. You feel sad again.”
“I’m sorry for acting like you were lying to me.”
“Oh. Is that what you’re worrying about? I was starting to think I just said something horrible again.”
I laugh through a whine, my heart aching with love for him. “No, it wasn’t horrible at all, and you're way too cute! I actually loved what you just said. It made me think.”
He traces my eyes as I sink into the mattress with him, our cuddle ball requiring us to share a pillow. “Let’s talk over it more tomorrow. Give that beautiful brain a rest.” He kisses my temple before settling back down, digging his fingers into the roots of my hair.
There’s no chance of keeping my eyes open with his big hands massaging heavy purrs from me. Slipping my loose t-shirt collar down my shoulder, Noah kisses my bare skin, washing my body in a satiating warmth.
As my limbs loosen, Noah hums in delight. “There you go. Relax, gorgeous wolf. All you need to know right now is that I love you, and I feel so close to you.”
“Good. I feel close to you too. Closer than ever, now that we talked this out.”
My body blends into Noah’s, huddling into him like a calming anchor. Each slow draw of his lungs against my back eases me closer to sleep, sweeping away my worries.
But there’s one thought I can’t let go of.
I whisper as softly as I can in case he’s asleep. “Noah?”
“Hmm?” His voice still sounds awake, but it’s sweeter and gentler for me.
“I wasn’t scared of you when you attacked Vik. You’re not a scary Alpha to me, and you never have been. I trust you more than ever.”
Noah’s heartbeat gallops against my back, doubling the pace of his breath.
But Noah massages me slower, liquifying my limbs. After a few hesitant breaths, his deep voice comes out cracking with emotion. “I-I trust you with my whole heart, sweet Luna.”
With a soft hum, I’m too tired to respond with my voice. I tug his arm tighter around myself, nestling our joined hands at the base of my swollen belly. I love you so much.