Chapter 14
O nce we’ve finished dinner, our allied group heads down the Community Center halls for the meeting room. Tall, arched windows line the hallway on one side, old knotted columns bracing wooden ceilings above our heads. Muddled sunlight streams in, painting the floor in a soft blue hue as it bounces off overcast skies.
Viktor stops before two wooden doors, iron bars lacing the front. He swings it open, waving us inside with a flashy smile. “After you.”
As Annika, Waimārie, and Tāne filter in in front of me, Noah and Viktor trail behind us. Thankfully, there’s no seat at the head of the pristine white table, or else Viktor might torture Noah about being the King again.
But when Viktor sits at the computer at the front of the room, he frowns. “Anni, I already forgot how to turn this fucking thing on.”
Annika’s eyes widen. “Turn it on? ”
Viktor’s frown deepens. “I’m a big meatsack designed to protect you, okay? I don’t know how to do any of this shit.”
Annika shakes her head as she leans over him, setting up the computer with an adoring smile.
Tāne’s chuckle is hardly contained, his shoulders shaking as he runs wide fingers through his bountiful, long curls. “It’s alright, bro. It’ll be even more worth it for me when I successfully kick your ass and run my own tech.”
Viktor barks out a laugh. “Shut up.”
Waimārie smiles at me, but when I turn to Noah, his eyebrows are knit.
I slide my hand into his. What’s going through your mind, love?
Noah huffs. His eyes lift to the screen, glaring as a massive list of names appears. That. I’ve been dreading this list.
Every muscle in me tightens. Noah mentioned a handful of trusted allies were joining us in collecting a list of names of violent, Alpha-domination-leaning Lycans they’ve encountered, and we’d review our findings at the Summit.
But our combined list can’t be this long... Can it?
As Viktor scrolls, the list stretches on and on, each subsequent page stifling my breath. Just like Noah’s list, it starts off in the red zone, the most dangerous names like “Mason Hart” littering the page—many of them with locations “Unknown.” Then there are active participants in the yellow zone: names of traitorous pack members who were actively hateful enough to leave us for Alpha-domination packs, such as Mason’s crew of followers. The gray zone is the largest, filled with wolves that might be involved, but none of us could prove it. I wish that could provide some hope, but I advised Noah to come up with a set of qualifying rules, including at least one report of verbal or physical violence.
Which means everyone listed has acted on their Omega-hating beliefs, in one way or another.
Viktor speaks low to Annika in Swedish, pointing at the end of the list. They add three additional names from this morning.
The room falls eerily silent, not even Tāne daring to speak a single word. As we stare in solemn silence at our King and Queen Lycans, Annika meets my eyes, giving me a somber, aching smile.
All I can do is shake my head in horror.
“Alright, we’ve already banned everyone from the Summit who’s in the red zone. Which leaders will be here tomorrow from the yellow and gray zones?” Noah asks.
Annika opens a second tab, pulling up a far shorter list of names: a mere thirty-two. I want to loosen my stomach enough to exhale, but I wrap my arms tighter around our growing baby on instinct: these Alphas are all qualified as dangerous pack leaders . How many Lycans follow them?
The Alphas get to work, highlighting names of Alphas they consider a serious threat in the upcoming Summit battles. Since Viktor is King Alpha this year, he gets to decide who fights who, so we split the worst offenders amongst Noah, Viktor, Tāne, and a few of each Alpha’s other closest allies.
Waimārie takes Noah’s seat beside me, leaning in close with the softest, kindest smile. “Luna, we’re here with you.”
I bite my lip, struggling not to plummet into deeper fear. “Am I catastrophizing, or is it as bad as it feels?”
Waimārie doesn’t answer right away. I glance across the room at Annika for answers, but her eyebrows warp, threatening tears.
I drop my chin; I can’t bear to look, knowing Annika experienced something deep and dark in connection to this as well. As Noah’s emotions fluctuate between anger and horror, I close my eyes, slowing my breath. I want to be here to protect Noah from this. But as my hand covers my belly, guilt burns like acid down my limbs. Was it wrong of us to try for this baby amidst all this? Not only am I putting them in danger, but I’m also not in an optimal state to protect Noah.
At this thought, my wolf tenses in our bond, snarling fiercely. I blink a few times, startled by her intensity. I’ve never felt her defy me so greatly before, but her message was clear: we’re not backing down from this fight. Especially not now.
But I want to protect her too. She went through hell with me, all while I was denying her presence inside my heart.
Viktor clears his throat, struggling to keep his volume down with how deep his voice is. But as Annika turns to him, I’m startled to find Viktor’s eyes on me.
They flit away, returning to Noah. With my wolf on high alert, and the help of reading Noah’s lips, my hearing heightens, allowing me to catch something I’m not sure I was meant to hear: strongest wolf... pregnant.
That’s all I manage to catch.
A memory comes to mind that I nearly forgot; Noah mentioned his strongest Alpha once before. Outside of Celestial Couture, Mason claimed he was leaving Greenfield alongside “our strongest Alphas,” and Noah mocked him for it. I still have no idea who Noah’s strongest Alpha is, and I forgot to ask at the time, terror taking precedence as Mason stalked us.
Are they discussing the same “strongest wolf?” Maybe they’re also discussing the dangers of this situation, considering my pregnancy? Or maybe Noah’s strongest wolf, Yasmine, is different from his strongest Alpha , and they’re just talking about Yas after all. But what if Noah has some hidden Alpha assassin we haven’t talked about, and this wolf happens to be pregnant right now too?
Noah claimed Mason knows Greenfield’s next strongest Alpha—Noah takes first place, of course. But what else was it that Noah said that day? It was something Mason didn’t like.
My chest tightens as it all comes flooding back. That’s right; Noah claimed Mason not only knows our strongest Alpha, but also would never admit it.
Was that because they’re an Alpha woman, or a non-binary or transmasculine Alpha carrying a pup?
But who else is also pregnant that we know?
I can’t think of a single other person. The more I rack my brain, the angrier I become: why is Noah keeping this wolf so private, anyway? In terms of his personal life and traumas, that’s one thing. But we just had a discussion about this. With that threatening list looming above our heads on the projector screen, this sounds like crucial information for our survival.
What if I’m wrong? What if Noah is another man who has used manipulative tactics on me, and I didn’t notice—again?
“Who are you talking about?” I ask.
Noah’s eyes zip to mine. The whole room falls silent. Everyone glances from me to Noah, awaiting his response.
But Noah doesn’t flinch; his gaze remains locked onto mine. “I’m sure you’ve heard us joking about ‘mother wolves,’ but it’s not actually a joke. Pregnant wolves are often feared by how strong they become to protect our pups. You’re a powerful figurehead, so while we’ve been concerned you could be a target while pregnant, it’s also possible they’ll be even more intimidated by you if they happen to find out you’re pregnant.”
I tighten in defense, my nails digging into my palms. “So you’re talking about me? But you were whispering about your strongest wolf as well, so is there something that I don’t know?”
“There isn’t anything you don’t know, we’re just talking quietly to reduce everyone’s stress. But—” Noah’s mouth opens, then closes. “This is a big misunderstanding.”
Viktor’s eyes widen. His fleeting glance at Tāne ticks my anger up a notch.
My frustration rises, but I mindlink Noah, not wanting to embarrass him. Are you sure you’re not whispering because it’s something secretive? Is your strongest wolf different from your strongest Alpha that you mentioned to Mason? I don’t know them either.
They’re all the same person. And it’s not a big secret: I’ve told you the truth, many times. But maybe not directly enough, Noah mindlinks.
My heartbeat gallops. I don’t get it. Please, just tell me clearly.
I will, but I don’t think it’s fair of me to rub it in constantly, and this misunderstanding is making it sound even worse. I just didn’t want to make you even more uncomfortable. I know how much pressure it is to be viewed like this, and it’s not like you can control it. But I forgot about the Alpha thing I said to scare Mason. I didn’t realize how fucked up that was for me to blurt out in the heat of the moment, and I’m really sorry. You’re an Omega, even if you have an Alpha side, and I know that. I won’t assume otherwise unless you tell me.
I shuffle where I stand, my cheeks flaring hot. Wait, you’re talking about me? No.
Noah’s shoulders stiffen. I would be pissed in your position too. I really shouldn’t have phrased it like that to Mason, especially not in front of so many others. But that doesn’t change the truth about—
No, it’s not even the Alpha thing. Mason hates Omegas and could never see us as strong as any Alpha, so I’d do the same thing. I’d summarize my occasional Alpha-ness as full Alpha-ness just to shut that asshole up—if only that ‘strongest’ label you tacked on were anywhere near true. That’s the problem. You’re glorifying something that doesn’t exist in me.
Noah doesn’t move. He continues to challenge my staredown, not daring to back down. I disagree.
Oh, my God. He’s serious.
I grit my teeth. It can’t be me.
Noah’s chest tightens. Why not?
No, this is ridiculous. You have to be mocking me.
Mocking you? I’m not the one mocking your strength right now. I’d never, not once in a million years, categorize you as ‘weak,’ Aliya.
My chest puffs. Then I disagree too. This makes no sense.
When Noah’s jaw ticks, I’m tempted to let out a genuine growl, my wolf edging to the surface with my rising frustration. But as a wave of hurt pummels both sides of our bond, my chest cavity stings.
Viktor’s brows furrow, glancing between Noah and me. “Uh... Should we step out?”
Fuck. I didn’t realize it, but my Alpha musk has been creeping from my scent glands, forcing wary stares out of our Luna allies.
Wait, no—out of everyone . Viktor and Tāne eye me just as closely as they eye Noah.
What the hell is happening?
Gritting my teeth, I try my best to stay centered, quieting my scent. But I can’t help it; my eyes burn hot at how frustrated I am, replacing my furious Alpha musk with a hint of terrified urgency.
But as Noah fidgets, gripping his palm at the front of the room, his puppy-dog stare pulls at my heartstrings, loosening my wound shoulders.
“Can we talk? Outside?” he mutters.
I sigh. “Sure. Sorry.”
As I step away from the table, I wobble a little—my knees quivering beyond my control in response to any and all conflict. Noah freezes, eyeing me closely. When I regain my balance, straightening my back and striding for the door, Noah drops his gaze, holding the door open for me to step out.
My heart pounds into my ears. I don’t know why I’m so upset, I just know I don’t like how this is going. Not only how Noah didn’t tell me what he’s decided to be true about me, but this is only a day after I discovered he neglected to mention this “King” debate with Viktor, adding insult to injury.
But with the workload we have left to accomplish, we better sort this out as soon as we can. I stop only a few steps into the hallway, facing Noah’s wide-eyed stare. “Overpromising what I can do is not safe for any of us. What if I can’t protect everyone, but they’re trusting me now, all because of what you’re claiming about me?”
“Aliya, can we take a step back?”
“No.” I fight back panic, my chest rising. “I’m not dropping my upset for others anymore.”
Softening his features, Noah lowers his voice. “I know. I won’t ask you to, okay? I know I fucked this conversation up, so let’s just take a second to reset ourselves. I don’t feel like you’re sounding like yourself.”
I grip my forehead, my heartbeat frantic. “Oh, God. I’m fighting with you like you’re him, aren’t I?”
But Noah reaches for me, and that’s all the invitation I need; I cling to him, desperate to be by his side again.
“You’re okay, sweet Omega. We’re okay. I’m still here with you, just like you reminded me last night.”
As Noah wraps his arms around me, I suck in rapid, shaky inhales as the true depth of my emotions come crashing in, stinging my heart with an icy vengeance.
“Shit, I’m so sorry, Noah. I know you’re not my enemy, but I don’t want to be wrong about someone I love again. The second I thought about losing the honest person I know in you, I got so scared. I overreacted, jumped to conclusions, and—”
“Hey, hey, don’t explain yourself. Like we talked about, it’s not right of me to keep important information from you. And I want you to feel like you have room to stand up for yourself, even around me. I’m proud of you.” Noah strokes my head as I quiver in his arms. “It’s going to be okay. We’re going to talk through this, okay? You can be upset with me.”
“I don’t like being upset with you,” I whisper. “Why didn’t you talk about this with me directly first?”
Noah slumps. “I didn’t do it on purpose. I didn’t realize it wasn’t clear enough to you, and I thought you were already under so much pressure to begin with.”
I groan. “Avoiding it like it’s a secret won’t help.”
Noah leans back, looking me in the eyes. “There aren’t any secrets here. It would be weird of me to go around, declaring you my strongest wolf. I don’t have to declare that Yasmine or Dave are strong, so why do I have to declare that about you? Just because you’re an Omega? Plus, I already kind of did announce that you’re my strongest wolf. Why do you think you’re running this pack with me?”
My jaw drops. I gaze into Noah’s eyes, waiting for the punchline.
But Noah’s expression warps into sadness, a fresh, stabbing pain rippling through our bond. “Who’s been telling you you’re weak? Do you really believe that about yourself?”
I step back from him, gripping my arms. “I don’t feel like we’re talking about the same person—especially not after seeing you, Viktor, and Tāne making that huge room feel so small. Not only are you all two or three times bigger than me in size, but I’m not like you guys at all. I don’t fight well, and I don’t want to, whereas you’re all batting at each other playfully like it’s nothing. What if I’m just a sad copycat of an Omega or Alpha? I’m not even a full Lycan.”
Noah’s expression hardens. “You are a Lycan. And you’re a human. They don’t cancel each other out.”
I drop my head, pain striking my gut.
Stepping closer, Noah lowers his voice. “Are you sure there isn’t anyone telling you these horrible things? My mom?”
“No, no, I just—” I swallow hard, my eyes stinging hot. “I just figured, that’s probably what everyone still thinks of me, right? Beneath the surface? And who am I to come in here, suddenly acting like I have power? Who am I to think I’m good enough for any of this?”
Huffing out each word, I gaze deep into Noah’s eyes. He stares back, his fierce stare not giving me an inch of room to continue disparaging myself.
“So you’re defending yourself from others’ abuse in advance—committing it for them in the hopes they’ll spare you.”
His words strike deep into my core. My wolf shudders, enraptured by him. But even my wolf feels disconnected from me, unsure where she stands to exist.
“How did you put that into words so well?” I whisper.
Noah’s eyes soften. “We’re not too different at heart, my love.”
Dropping my head, I blow out a slow, pained breath. I can’t bear the thought of Noah perpetrating his own hurt in advance to protect himself, but it’s true: I see it in the way he treats his wolf.
And in the way I treat myself.
“What do you think a true pack leader looks like?” Noah mutters. “It’s not a quiz, I’m asking for your honest opinion.”
Furrowing my brows, I study the uneven, old tile beneath our feet, tracing my thoughts. “Historically, an Alpha man has almost always been in power, right? But morally, hypothetically? I’d hope—”
My chest tightens as I dare to dream, afraid it’ll only raise my hopes to fall that much harder. But as Noah stands here with me, shouldering the discomfort alongside me, I whisper my thoughts—even if they might sound cheesy.
“I’d hope they were someone who loves their pack so fiercely, they’d do anything in their power to improve their lives and safety.”
Noah hums. “Everything in their power. Not everything in the world.”
I swallow hard, lifting my gaze. Noah gives me a soft, somber smile, taking my hand.
But I can’t accept this. “So you think I’m just not giving myself enough credit? But that’s not what we’re really talking about, here.”
Noah nods. “We’re talking about strength. And do you know what stood out to me about what you just said?”
I furrow my eyebrows. “Someone who loves their pack fiercely? I agree, that’s important, of course. And I know you guys like to tell me I’m good at that. But when it comes to you calling someone your ‘strongest wolf,’ aren’t we talking about physical strength?”
“Partially. And you have a lot of it. But that’s not all of what I’m talking about. Not with Lycans.”
I bite back tears, unable to stop my voice from quivering. “So this is another cultural thing I don’t understand?”
“No, this is something I think applies to humans too. All species.” Cupping my cheek, Noah catches my tears with his thumb as I growl, annoyed with myself. “Do you want a leader who thinks they’re invincible? One who lives to prove themself as the strongest in the world?”
I swallow hard, thinking about someone I know like that. The person who comes to mind bitters my throat, forcing me to swallow hard. “No. Not at all.”
Noah slides his hand down my jaw, cupping his palm over my mark. “Me neither. What if true strength came from someone willing to question herself, no matter how powerful she is? What if she’s someone who loves so deeply that she’s afraid she could never measure up to protect the people she vowed to protect—and yet she still shows up. What if she even shows up to one of the most terrifying meetings of her life, shaking where she stands, in order to save a world she didn’t even grow up included in, all while knowing she’ll probably never get recognition for it in a world made for Alphas, not Omegas?”
My breath catches in an attempt to hold myself together, but I can’t help it; tears stream down my cheeks. Noah’s words hit deep in my soul—from a trauma standpoint, a grief standpoint, and so much more. How deeply I’ve longed to be a part of a community like this, to the point where I’m willing to uninvite myself before anyone has a chance to—otherwise, it’d hurt too much to bear.
But I also couldn’t see myself giving up on our pack, even if they didn’t want me here. I just happened to be Noah’s fated mate.
My voice comes out shattered. “Wouldn’t other people do this in my position?”
“You and I both know they wouldn’t.” Noah gives me a sad smile. The second I see the pain behind it, I hitch through a harder sob. “We’ve had horrible, awful examples we’ll never forget that prove it... And yet you still show up.”
“You’re right,” I whisper.
“I don’t want to speak for you, so you can absolutely tell me I’m wrong. But from what I can feel in your heart, I think you’re just so in love with our fellow wolves that the thought of failing them terrifies you. Which is why I never, ever, intended to put more pressure on you than I thought necessary by drilling it in your head that you have to be the strongest—because honestly, Aliya, you don’t need anyone to instruct you to stand up for us. You’re the type of wolf to just do it. But at the same time, I absolutely will tell our allies where your heart is, because whether you mean to or not, your wolf stops even seasoned, powerful leaders like Tāne and Viktor in their tracks, inspiring them to look at you, hear you, whenever you speak—providing a beacon of hope for their survival, no matter how petrified you are. That is raw fucking strength.”
I suck in a sharp breath, their earnest stares returning to my mind. I hadn’t realized it, but maybe Noah is right about how warped I still have the order of things: when I envision a leader, I still picture someone slamming their subordinates into submission, claiming their dominance. But that’s not what I want in a leader, at all.
What if there was another way? What if, together, Noah and I can create something new?
Swallowing hard, I grip Noah’s hand on my cheek, tugging it to my pounding heart. “Goddess, you’re freaking me out. I want a new reality for us, so badly. And you think we—” My voice tightens, afraid to admit my thoughts out loud. “You think we can actually make a difference? That I have some say in our future?”
Noah breaks into a genuine smile—wide enough to crease his cheeks. I huff, hugging his hand tighter to my chest.
“Seriously, Noah. You don’t think I’ll fail you all somehow? Let everyone down, possibly at the cost of their lives?”
He laughs. “Those are questions I ask myself every day, my love. And I’m so sorry to say it, but I don’t have the answers. I think we just have to keep doing what we can to help, even if we end up failing at it. Which we probably will.”
I shut my eyes, blowing out a slow breath. “You’re right. And facing that possibility, even while you come home to me every night, hurt and scared, has made you the best leader for us.”
“And you.”
My heart flips. Tugging my forehead to his lips, Noah lets out a soft sigh, his breath ruffling my hair. I inhale his sweet, soothing scent as he soaks me in it, leaving me in a cozy warmth.
“I want to be better at it, though. More confident,” I whisper. “For myself too.”
Giving my forehead a last, punctuating kiss, Noah sighs. “I know. I feel the same about myself, always. And I know reassurance is an OCD nightmare for you, but I need you to know that I didn’t promise anyone you can take them all down in battle in my stead or something, okay?”
Breaking into a smile, I groan. “Okay, okay. Maybe that was a bit extreme of me to assume.”
“No, I get it. Like I said, I completely fucked this up. And I learned my lesson too: I won’t keep my thoughts about you from you anymore, even if it’s a lot of fucking pressure on you. All you have to do is to continue believing in your wolf, and giving yourself more credit. Can you try that for me? For yourself?”
Nodding, I press Noah’s hand to my belly, unable to fully feel sure of myself yet, no matter how badly I crave it.
But Noah grins, barely suppressing a giggle. “You’re badass enough just standing here, but I’ve gotta admit; they’re lucky they don’t have to face off with your wolf. We’d need to hire a team of extra medics.”
I groan. “Alright, alright, sure. Let’s just go back inside and try to figure this out.”
Laughing, Noah follows after me, his hand on my shoulder reminding me he has my back too. A small, delighted piece of me perks up from Noah’s words, desperate to be the one he leans on, especially with the unwavering, gorgeous strength I witness in him every day—a sturdiness in his heart that keeps me rooted in the earth. Maybe it’s selfish, but I want Noah to be right about me. To be seen as strong enough to be his grounding force too, even when I feel my most vulnerable.