Chapter 21

W e dash past bushy forest trees, but I can’t run very far, my feet dragging.

Noah doubles back for me, his frustration rising when he sees me gripping our baby. “Fuck, sorry, I’m so fucking inconsiderate—”

“Hey.” I place a hand on his chest, stopping him where he stands.

Then I strip my top. Noah’s jaw drops.

I laugh. “Shift with me, gorgeous. It’s a wolf-out type of day.”

He softens, giving me space to shift into my nimble, pearly wolf.

Soon after, Noah’s black bear of a wolf drags his paws after me, his head drooping and ears slicked back.

I let him sulk.

Our wolves weave through Kiruna’s forests, reminiscent of home despite its sweeping hillsides. Soon, our paws fall in line, our wolves courting by leaning against each other’s sides as we pad ahead.

Noah’s emotions settle into a hum, sadness looming beneath his anger. When his wolf nudges my cheek with his big nose, I follow him without question.

He guides me to a stunning inlet on the lakeside. Daylight caresses the water’s surface with its soft glow, illuminating a shady canopy of trees.

Noah’s dragging wolf comes to a halt. This is where I go to think, whenever I visit Sweden for Summits. I’ve always wondered if I’d have a chance to bring my mate here, someday.

My pulse rises, ignited by Noah’s amber eyes gazing deep into mine.

When we’re wolves, it’s like he’s seeing a more intimate part of me—even more so than when I’m naked in his arms. And despite how upset he is, he overflows with love, looking at me in this form.

But from everything I know about Noah, I’m willing to bet he needs to hear where I stand.

No one can change my opinion of you, Noah. Especially not wolves with completely different values than us. I only see beauty in you, Omega, Alpha, or even Beta. If you smelled like any single one of them in the future, you’d still be my one true love.

Noah’s wolf whines, its high pitch piercing my heart. A-and so are you, Luna...

But do you know what I see when I look at you? I nuzzle his side, circling his wolf as his head hangs low. You’re selfless. A peacebringer. An honest leader. And a gorgeous sweetheart of a softie. I see my mate. The one I'd choose, over and over.

Noah’s ears twitch in thought, but they remain flattened. Y-you don’t care if I... If I don’t always smell like an Alpha?

I’ve already seen and smelled those sides of you, my love. And just the same as those times, I still love you. No matter what.

But how do you feel?

I told you, Noah: I love you no matter what.

Noah softens his shoulders, rolling them as he pads forward. Nuzzling into my fluffy chest fur, he gives my neck a soft lick, washing me in a tingling warmth. Not about that. How do you feel about yourself? When those assholes mocked your Alpha musk, you felt so much shame... It fucking crushed me.

When my gaze lands on Noah’s legs, my heart splits in half; his massive wolf is quivering, each paw vibrating in the sand.

I whine, nuzzling Noah’s ear in an attempt to convince him to unbury his face from my fur. When he refuses with a deep grumble, my wolf nibbles at his neck.

He grunts, flopping to the ground and rolling himself in the sand. Some of it flicks up at me, and my wolf sneezes.

Noah!

No matter how tightly his sad ears are smushed to his head, his tail wags at my irritation.

Soon enough, we’re both flopped on the sand, smacking it everywhere with our tails.

You goofball, I mindlink.

I fucking love you, Luna.

I love you so much.

Noah freezes, his focus switching between my eyes. There’s something different about us.

My wagging tail slows to a halt. I know.

Noah can no longer look at me, his wolf busying himself by sniffing the air for anyone that could barge into our private alcove. With a soft whine, he settles his cheek back onto the sand, verifying we’re alone. For me, it’s something I avoided about myself since I was a pup.

My wolf whines without my permission.

Noah sulks even lower, burrowing his nose into the cool sand with deep sniffs. But now I feel like an ass. I don’t want you to be ashamed of yourself for being different, especially not just because I’m ashamed. I’ve got my own shitty biases about myself, and I don’t even agree with them. Not when it comes to other wolves. If you look at me close enough, I’m a fucking hypocrite. A-and I’m sorry you had to see it.

I huff, accidentally spraying sand into Noah’s face. He bats me in playful retaliation, his paws poking my chest fur, but I can’t find the humor in this conversation.

I'm a hypocrite too, then, Noah. But maybe we all are.

He grunts, jumping to his paws to claw an angry hole in the sand.

I allow him his moment, my wolf admiring his ability to dig in deep with such speed. A burning instinct within me craves for him to build me a makeshift nest, right here and now. Does his Omega side give him similar nesting urges, or is his Alpha side too in control of his instincts?

Or is it that his Alpha side simply covers up his internal Omega—just like Noah once divulged to me about his Grandma Greenfield, the Lycan who mastered masking herself using her scent?

Do you think— I pause, nerves stealing my thoughts. Shit, this might be an insensitive question.

Noah stops digging, staring back with alert ears.

I don’t want to offend him, but we have to be honest with each other.

Noah, do you think you really are an Omega, at heart?

Stock-still, Noah grows more rigid by the second. A long silence stretches between us.

When he finally mindlinks me, my stomach lining stings like it's raw with stress.

What do you think I am? Noah asks.

My heart throbs; I’m unsure what the right answer is.

That’s when it clicks. We're seeking certainty where there is none, just like OCD does to my brain.

There is no right answer.

I inch closer to Noah, keeping myself low to the sand without putting pressure on our pup. Listen to me closely.

Golden eyes meet my stare, Noah’s focus unwavering despite our bond fluctuating with intense emotion after emotion.

My lungs quiver as I take short, tentative breaths. Noah, I think you’re an Omega, like me.

His breath tenses, and ironically, his Alpha musk explodes.

I pop upright on all fours. And I think you’re also an Alpha... Like me.

Noah’s ears lift.

I take another step forward, tilting my head to meet his gaze, snout to snout. Why do we have to pick one?

Silence consumes the forest around us. Noah doesn’t breathe, let alone blink. I gaze at my mate, breathing through the rollercoaster for him as a flurry of emotions in our bond rises, rises, rises...

Then our emotional bond crashes, hard.

Noah huffs short, quick bursts of air from his snout against my chest fur, sending a shiver down my spine. His inner turmoil fluctuates too rapidly for me to grasp each complex shard of it. Otherwise, he still hasn’t moved.

My teeth chatter with anxiety, but not because I’m doubting what I said. This is also the closest I’ve ever had to an answer about myself —all my “weird,” “unladylike,” and “improper” traits that caused me to bury my truths, and then bury them again once I realized I was an Omega Lycan, supposedly designed to nurture pups. But if this Lycan fluidity could be true about Noah, it could be true about anyone. About me. Beneath the surface, I thought something was still wrong with me, but all I had to do was add “Alpha” into the equation.

But one of the only certainties in life, change, is terrifying. Noah fights through this change, processing it like I am—stuck in the raw silence. When our bond settles into an emotional melody I’ve never felt from him before, Noah’s wide wolf eyes still haven’t left my stare.

I’ve never seen Noah so centered. I almost don’t recognize the sensation floating between us, shaking our fears free, but as soon as I land on the description I’m seeking, my whole body settles into acceptance.

Peace. That’s what I see staring back.

My wolf pants as powerful, gutting emotions overwhelm me; I think I just witnessed my mate’s entire world perspective shift. I think I watched a part of him be set free.

Noah’s chest tenses. That’s all it takes for my confidence to plummet, fear striking deep into my bones that I’ve spoken way too far—filled in my perspective of Noah’s identity for him, which I know is out of line. My wolf rolls onto her back, submission overcoming me.

Noah’s ears flick back in adoration. Well, you look like an Omega right now. But I can’t fucking believe it. He sucks in a deep breath through his snout, shutting his eyes as he raises his chin to the sky—as if in preparation to howl to the Moon Goddess.

But he doesn’t howl. His heart settles before my eyes, lowering the tension in his fur.

I gaze in awe. I never realized his wolf was fluffy because he was tense —not until his form softens into true neutrality. He’s still bulky, but his fur takes a new sleek, softened edge, dropping its guard to leave him bare before me, a picture of sculpted muscle beneath silky, smooth fur.

Noah blows a slow breath from his snout, the frigid air clouding over his jet black nose. I think I’m mated to an Omega-Alpha. And I’m an Alpha-Omega.

As Noah mindlinks these raw, vulnerable declarations, I’ve never been more proud of him. Excitement floods my veins, making me shudder. You’re beautiful, Noah. So beautiful.

That’s all I can think about you as I feel more and more of your heart each day. Thank the Goddess you’re carrying our pup. Noah drags his chilly, wet nose down my belly, placing a soft lick over my uterus. I whine, unable to store the overflowing love in my heart. The three of us might be the only ones who ever understand the full truth of who we are, Aliya.

I stare into the honest, vulnerable eyes hovering over my belly, and I know he’s right.

But my ears soften. I don’t care if they don’t understand. We don’t need to understand everything about ourselves yet, either. All that matters to me is that you grow to love your Omega side, Noah. It hurts me to watch you hate a part of you that I absolutely treasure.

Noah carefully rests his forehead against my belly, his silky coat tickling my skin beneath my abdomen's wispy, thinner fur.

I get it. I fucking get it. And I don’t want you to hate your gorgeous Alpha side either. Noah’s ears droop. B-but... This is rooted in something dark for me, Luna. I’m going to have to work on it. Possibly for a long time.

My heart sinks.

This is it—the root of Noah’s PTSD. I don’t know how or why it began unless he shares the details someday, but I can feel it in our bond: the sickening, inescapable type of horror that I feel when I think of Steven.

I understand. Which is why I’m so proud. Just acknowledging all sides of yourself is life-changing. And as you take your time to process this change and work on self-acceptance, I’ll be there through it all with you.

Noah whines, his aching heart shattering mine twice over.

You won’t have to go through it alone. Just like I’m never alone when I’m with you. Extending my claws, I cling to his plushy fur. You can do this, Noah. You already took the biggest step by telling me your truth. I believe in you.

Noah doesn’t respond, but his heart aches in deep, overwhelming understanding; he not only heard every word we’ve just spoken, he’s also absorbing them to his core.

As we curl up together in the sand, our wolves fit like they always do, my chin perfectly slotting over his back.

But rather than tucking himself in too, Noah gazes at me with slow blinks, his nose pressed to the side of my snout. You’re the most powerful, loving wolf the world will ever know. I mean it.

I whine, snuggling into him as his scent flows freely. He smells heavenly—his sweet Omega scent mixed with a doting, protective Alpha, creating the most delicious cinnamon spice. I can’t get enough of it. Our hour-long break is coming to an end, but I don’t want to let him go, our wolves nuzzling each other’s noses back and forth every few minutes with soft licks on each other’s cheeks and nibbles beneath our ears.

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