Chapter 35
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
Sasha
I’m sore, tired, and worst of all, mortified.
I wasn’t trying to kill myself.
I just…
I’ve never been good at putting a cap on my feelings. And realizing that my sister and husband had conspired against me, I just lost it.
Even thinking it now, I ache deep in my body. The doctor stitches up the few cuts deep enough to require them, then bandages my hands, giving me a pain reliever. “I could give her something to help her sleep,” he says to Dimitri.
“No,” I answer, shaking my head. The last thing my brain needs is more fog. As tempting as it would be to escape the hurt, it’s time for me to face some truths.
I was right to give love when I wanted it in return.
But it was wrong to give that love to Ryker. We started when he blackmailed me into marrying him. Why would that be the beginning of a trusting relationship?
Because I was so desperate for a bit of love and attention that I ignored all the reasons I should proceed with caution.
Triston and Dimitri are speaking with the doctor, softly, so that I can’t hear. I don’t like that they’re over there making decisions without me. “Ryker.”
“Yes, love?” He tries to touch me, but I push his hand away.
“I don’t want medication. Don’t let them give it to me.” Is it messed up that I’m asking him to be my champion now? Maybe. I don’t know who else to ask, and besides, after everything, he can give me this.
“You sure you don’t want to sleep?” He looks over me with concern coloring his dark brown eyes. I don’t want his worry. I don’t want his anything other than a little bit of help.
“And leave me defenseless now? I don’t think so.” Am I lashing out to hurt him? Sure am. But I trusted him. Gave him every piece of me.
“Sasha, please understand, that I didn’t—”
I stop him. “Want to admit that you are a much bigger thief than I could even dream of being?” I swallow down a lump, determined not to cry any more tears. Those are for silly girls. And the last of my innocence has been burned away.
“I’m worse than you in every way.”
I turn to him then, his words catching me off guard.
“Not only am I a bigger thief, but I’m also a completely selfish bastard. We both know that bastard is the truth. But instead of appreciating my family, I shut myself off to them, convinced they saw me as an outsider, when it was me who was holding myself apart the entire time.”
I know I shouldn’t allow myself any softness where he is concerned, but the words make me ache. They ring with a truth that wears at my resolve.
I try and harden myself again. He doesn’t deserve any sympathy from me.
“I meant what I said, Sasha. I’m yours. Body. Mind. Soul.” His hands flex on the bed. “I don’t deserve another chance, and I won’t ask for one, but I’m going to be here for you, helping you, protecting you for as long as I draw air into my lungs.”
I don’t even know what to say to that.
Spending time with him seems like more small cuts. Every time I look at him, I might just remember what a fool I am.
So I don’t answer as the doctor meets my eyes, giving me one of those smiles that doesn’t reach his eyes. “Those cuts will heal just fine. You won’t even have many scars. After that…” He rips a piece of paper off his pad and hands it to Dimitri. “Someone for her to talk to.”
“Thank you,” Dimitri says with a nod. The doctor leaves and silence falls. The Smith brothers have been busy cleaning up the mess.
Ryker lifts me in his arms, so they can remove the bloody bedding. I try to keep stiff, but I’m exhausted, so I settle for just not looking at him. He lays me back down, my bloody clothes pressing into the crisp, clean sheets.
I wish I hadn’t done it. Then again, I wish Ryker had been the man he seemed.
“You need a bath,” he says quietly. “We can keep your hands on the sides of the tub—”
“Over my dead body,” Dimitri grits. “She’s coming with me.”
I close my eyes. I hardly have the strength for this. Then again, I can’t afford to be weak now. “Stop.”
“Sasha, I’m trying to protect you.”
I shake my head, glaring at my brother. “I think we’re past that. I’ll make my own choices and suffer the consequences, whatever they might be.”
Dimitri looks as though he might argue but then gives a quick jerk of his chin to agree.
I nod back, glad we understand, then I look at Ryker. “I think it’s time for you to go.”
I watch the color drain from his face, but I keep my heart hard. “No, baby, anything but that.”
I will not back down. But my chest aches to see him like this. That part of me that concedes, that wants to be loved more than I want to be right, rears up inside me. But it’s a wound. An insecurity that I cannot allow to be the decision maker.
“I can’t have you here, Ryker. Not when I know you don’t have my best interests at heart.”
“But I do.” He lays his hand on my stomach, my tank top and leggings still covered in blood. “I’ll stay out in the kitchen. Sleep on the couch. But Sver was just here last night, and I can’t leave you, Sasha. I’ll go mad if I don’t know that you’re safe.”
Is it my insecurity or are those words settling like a blanket over me? Or is this just his way to get back in my good graces because he’s not done fucking me over?
I look at Dimitri, who glares a hard stare back at Ryker.
But my eyes turn to Triston, who’s face doesn’t quite mask pain as he watches his brother.
My eyes move to Gris, who gives me a sympathetic wince in return. Rush looks from me to Ryker like he doesn’t know who to side with.
But it’s Killian who steps to the edge of the bed and then squats down so that his face is level with mine. “I’ll stay with you, Sasha, so that you’re safe. You don’t need to worry about that.”
“Killian,” Ryker grits out.
Killian doesn’t look at his brother. Instead, he keeps his eyes locked with mine.
“When I met Chloe, I knew she was different. But I clung to the old me, my old ways. It took a while, longer than it should have, but her love burned that other man away, leaving a better version of me than I ever dreamed possible. It’s one of a woman’s many gifts. ”
My lips part as I take in those words. He gives me a half smile, but it’s not creepy at all. In fact, Killian’s eyes glow with a warmth I never imagined possible. “You’re better for having married Chloe?”
“I’m better for her love, yes.” Killian touches my shoulder as he leans close to my ear. “Only you and Ryker know if you’ve done that for him. But as a man in the business of gambling, I’d say the odds are very much in your favor.”
His brother doesn’t really think…
The sound of Ryker’s phone ringing jars me from my thoughts.
He looks down at the screen, his eyes narrowing as he picks up the phone. “What is it?”
But he’s hardly heard a word when he surges to his feet. “We need to get Sasha out of here.”
“What’s happening?” Killian asks.
But Ryker doesn’t have a chance to answer as an explosive bang fills the kitchen.
I sit up, ignoring the pain of using my hands to push me into the position.
For a second, silence follows the noise and then…
Sver appears in the doorway. His eyes sweep over the room, landing on me.
He stares, his lips pulling into a snarl as I cower, drawing my knees up to my chest. “Tell me right now, Sasha…” his deep voice fills the silence. “What have they done to you?”