Chapter 7
CHAPTER SEVEN
Cadence
Zane gives me space for the rest of the day, which I appreciate. By the time night falls, I’m ready to go to bed with him and enjoy the benefits of being here.
I brush my teeth and wash my face and then slip into a cute little black nightie that I packed on a whim.
But after a day of being standoffish, I think I might have to give him a few indicators that I’m ready to resume our intimacy. And by that, I mean sex. Mind-blowing sex.
I hear him in the bathroom and arrange myself on the bed with a hip up, my legs on full display.
He walks into the bedroom and stops. “Well, hello.”
“Hi,” I give him a sexy smile and my best come-hither stare.
He shrugs off his shirt, tossing it to the floor. My smile grows as I rub my knees together, getting ready for all the bliss that’s coming.
He pulls off his athletic pants, folding them and setting them on the bureau so that he’s in nothing but boxer briefs and then he turns out the light .
Moving back to the bed, he climbs in and pulls the covers up his body. And then…he turns his back to me.
My brow furrows as I stare at the back of his head. “What the hell?”
“I could ask you the same,” he replies, sounding neither upset nor hurt.
“What does that mean?” I huff, but the pang in my gut tells me that I already know.
“We’re not here for meaningless sex, Cadence. That was never what this was about. If that’s what you want, you can get that anywhere else and so can I. It’s not what I’m interested in from you.”
He’s right. I know he is. But I’ve never been one to deny a good fight just because I was wrong.
I came here for a change and instantly fell into old patterns again the moment real intimacy and sharing started developing.
Hell, all he had to do was ask a couple of questions…
“I’ve got news for you, I’ve had my fair share of sex, and it never feels like this,” I say my hand coming to my hip.
He turns over to look at me, his face deadly calm, but his eyes are…resolute. “That’s because we share a bond from the competition. A bond you are doing your best to kill.”
My chin notches as I glare back. “I’m trying to kill it? You’re the one who’s prying into my past and bossing me around. Why don’t we try it in the reverse, huh? Why don’t I start telling you when and what to eat or ask you the uncomfortable questions that dig into your worst memories?”
I see his slight wince and know I’ve landed a good shot. “I didn’t mean to ask more than you were ready to give. And I only asked you to eat because?—”
I push up from the bed, staring down at him because it helps me hold onto my anger.
“Foster homes are frequently light on food. Maybe you get two meals a day, maybe you only get one. You eat what they tell you when they tell you and thank them for a gas station burrito warmed up in the communal microwave.” I don’t even know why I’m saying this.
His jaw hardens as he pushes up. “Cadence, that is?—”
“I don’t need your pity. I don’t. I just want you to understand that I don’t let anyone tell me what to eat or when.”
“I don’t pity you,” he shakes his head as he comes to stand next to me. “But that doesn’t mean I can’t be sad for the little girl who didn’t get everything that she needed.”
His words make me want to cry, which in turn, pisses me off. Anger is the only way I know to protect myself from the hurt. “I am fine. Just fine. And just so we’re clear, the person not giving me what I need right now, is you.”
“I disagree,” he rumbles back.
“Oh yeah, why’s that?”
“Because what you need is a connection with a person that is deeper than sex.” He’s raising himself up again, arms crossed over his chest.
“I decide what I need, not you.” I poke him in the chest to make my point. “You’re a bossy asshole, you know that?”
“Fine. I want a connection with a person that’s deeper than sex. And I was hoping that person would be you, but if I can’t even suggest you eat breakfast without you shutting down, that’s going to be difficult.”
My hands clench into fists. It’s not like I didn’t know this would happen. “Well then why don’t you just fuck off.” My voice rises with every word.
“That’s going to be productive. You telling me to fuck off instead of working through a problem.”
“Sorry. How about you fuck the fuck off.” Now I’m screaming, as my hands ball into fists.
He steps closer. “Listen, I’m not asking for too much here and you?—”
But I don’t want to hear more, and I give him a good shove backwards. “I don’t do men crowding me.”
His jaw goes granite hard. “Crowding you? Have you lost your mind? ”
My mind totally buzzes with emotion as I feel the rage burn through me. “You’re calling me crazy?”
“No. Not crowding you. And not calling you crazy. It’s an expression. I’m just trying to figure out how this day went so wrong.”
I shake my head, realizing that I’ve gotten to the same place I do every time, only in record time. The Hunt didn’t get me past my issues, it only shortened my timeline. Spinning on a heel, I stomp out to the living room and open the front door as Zane appears in the entrance of the bedroom.
Seeing him just pisses me off more and makes me ache all at the same time.
Instead of saying that, I toss over my shoulder, “I’m a fucked-up woman with a fucked-up past and intimacy issues.
Now you know.” And then I step out into the night in bare feet and a scrap of satin before I slam the door shut.
I look across the dark woods, the river sparkling in the moonlight. I loved this place less than twenty-four hours ago. Now…
I just want to escape.
The grounds are surrounded by a wall. I don’t know how big this place is exactly, but I know I’m only going so far.
Still, I can’t go back in there.
He said shit. I said even shittier shit. I know I’m not spending the next few weeks sleeping outside. Maybe tomorrow I can get my phone and tell the organizers I need to leave.
But for tonight…
I’m stuck outside. My pride will allow nothing less.
I can already feel that I’ve messed this all up. From sleeping outside in a tiny nightie, to screaming my past at Zane, I’m doing my best to ruin this whole thing. I’m sure I just succeeded.
I step on a rock and hiss in a breath, lifting my foot. “Shit,” I gasp, as I hop up and down.
“Cadence,” Zane says from behind me.
I spin, holding in another gasp of surprise. “What the?—”
“Sorry,” he mumbles. “I didn’t mean to scare you. Sneaking is a professional hazard of Special Ops.”
I want to tell him I hate him, and that sneaking up is a terrible thing to do to a frightened woman. But before I can get the words out, he’s sweeping me into his arms.
“What are you doing?”
“You can be mad at me inside.”
“You’re not hearing me, don’t tell me what to do.”
He sighs. “I’m hearing you. I’ll sleep on the couch. Or outside if you prefer. I’m rather adept at using a rock as a pillow, another skill thanks to the military. But either way, you can be furious with me in the bed and not outside with hardly any clothes on and no shoes.”
“Oh.” That is actually really nice. And the fact that he’s still willing to do that for me almost makes me sorry I said all the things I said.
My arms wrap about his neck as he carries me into the house. There is still a part of me that wants to tell him I can take care of myself, that I’ll sleep outside if I want to, but I’ve burned out a bunch of the anger, and now I just feel tired. Low.
Besides, he’s right.
One of us sleeping on the couch is a way more sensible solution. And the fact that he’s giving me the choice to kick him out…. “I’ve got a real temper,” I say softly.
“Always?” he asks.
“What does that mean?”
“Like did you have it as a small child, or did it develop later?”
I blink a few times. “Later, actually.”
He doesn’t say more as he opens the door and once again carries me into the cabin.
Not that it’s even close to the same as when we stepped over the threshold last night.
He closes the door and starts for the bedroom. “If you’re thinking that it doesn’t matter when my anger issues surfaced, just that they’re too much, I wouldn’t blame you.”
He stops in the middle of the living room. “You aren’t too much, Cadence. I like a little fight.”
“Fight?” My brows lift as he enters the bedroom.
“What I know I don’t want is a woman who spends all her time telling me about her latest shopping trip, or her decorating plans, or…” He looks up at the ceiling. “How she’s already mapped out the pe rfect wedding.”
My insides go completely soft because I have never been one of those girls.
“You’re not going to scare me off because you’re a little complicated.”
“Really?” I swallow down a lump, wanting his words to be true.
“I’ve seen some dark shit, Cade. It’s made me darker. It’s not that I don’t want a bright future, I do. But I just need it with someone who might understand, not a woman who just wants a J. Crew cutout.”
“Oh,” I say and then I pull myself up by his neck to kiss his lips. It’s just a small kiss, not sexual.
It’s meant as a thank you. No one has ever said something like that to me before. “I know I need to let some of the anger go. But it’s the only thing that kept me safe for so long, you know?”
I’ve never shared that with a single person, and it feels good to say it now.
“Yeah.” And then he kisses me. It’s long and slow and full of tenderness and promise.