Chapter 14
CASPIAN
I had never seen someone sleep as deeply as Darwynn.
It had gotten late last night after two more rounds of fucking, and since falling asleep in my arms, she hadn’t moved even an inch. Her breathing was shallow, and I had to check if she was still alive by holding a finger under her nose. She was breathing, but she did it so damn quietly. Almost as if she didn’t want to bother me by making even the smallest sound.
Something about that made my heart squeeze.
She either learned to be quiet because of others telling her she was being too loud—which should never be the damn case—or that was simply how she breathed, and I was looking too much into it.
It was probably the latter, but I liked to believe that Darwynn was very aware of other people and what could bother or annoy them.
She was selfless. I learned that about her quickly.
That was one of many things I adored about her.
Adored.
Shit.
That woman crawled under my skin, planted herself there, and made herself comfortable. And I let her.
Even when I got up from bed one hour ago, she hadn’t moved a muscle. I slid out from under the covers and walked out of the bedroom as quietly as possible. Though, I was sure that not even a damn marching band would’ve woken her.
I made myself a coffee and grabbed the latest newspaper from the table before heading outside. I sat on the porch, sipped on my coffee, and read half of the damn newspaper, and when I started to miss her body pressed against mine, I headed inside to slide back into bed with her.
“Incredible,” I murmured with amusement, looking down at Darwynn as she kept sleeping, as if that’s all she’s ever done. She looked so damn content. So damn happy.
I put my arms around her and pulled her body flush against mine, needing to feel her warm skin on my own. Wrapping her arm around my waist, I held her hand on my chest while resting the other on her back. I caressed her, moving my fingers up and down her spine and along the curves of her waist and hips.
More time passed, and while my mornings usually consisted of sitting on the couch or casually strolling around the village, I liked this type of morning more. I wanted tomorrow to be the same, the next day, and the next.
Fuck, I wanted to watch her sleep every morning.
I closed my eyes and let the minutes pass, not caring about any other thing I could’ve been doing instead. This was good. We were good.
She finally stirred, making the sweetest noises as she looked up at me with sleepy eyes. “Hi,” she croaked out, giving me a tired smile. “Have you been up for long?”
I snorted, unable to hold back my amusement. “You could say that. You sleep a lot,” I said.
She scrunched up her nose and hid her face with both hands. “I’m sorry. You should’ve woken me.”
“You looked way too peaceful to be woken up.” I reached for her wrist and pulled her hand away from her face, needing to see it. “Have you not been sleeping well lately?”
Her eyes met mine. “No, I’ve slept well. I just like to sleep.”
I smirked, finding it damn adorable. “Fair enough. How are you feeling?”
She stretched her arms and legs, making her back crack. “Good. I’m not sore, which is surprising.”
“Why is that?”
“Because I haven’t had sex in a while, and I thought my body would have to get used to it again. But it felt nice. And I feel relaxed.”
Did that mean she didn’t have a lot of sex with Julian?
Shit , it didn’t matter.
And I didn’t want to know.
I gently brushed back a strand of her dark hair, caressing her face. “Get used to it,” I repeated. “So this wasn’t a one-time thing?”
Her brows furrowed as she gave me a confused look, then a hint of panic flashed through her eyes. “Was it for you?”
I didn’t have to think about that. I knew exactly what I wanted, even if I’d go straight to hell. “No, it wasn’t a one-time thing for me.”
Relief washed over her beautiful face, and a small smile tugged at her lips. “Good. It wasn’t for me, either. I’m not the one-night-stand type of girl.”
“Good.” I smiled back and leaned down to kiss her lips.
All my life, women had only ever been a pastime. Not only because I didn’t want anything serious but also because women saw me as a price. I had the money, the fame, the reputation. I had it all, and the women wanted me to share it. But being used like that didn’t give me the satisfaction I needed. Even quick fucks started to become boring.
But now—now that I was getting damn old—I had changed my mind.
And all because of Darwynn.
“I had a weird dream,” she told me when I broke the kiss.
“Tell me about it.” I leaned back against the headboard and pulled her to me. She rested her had on my chest and placed one hand on my stomach.
“It was about Julian. He came here to Hilton Beach to visit us.” She stopped, and I saw a deep frown between her brows when I looked down at her. “Which is something he definitely would never do.”
Because he didn’t want to see me.
I stayed quiet, caressing her back and waiting for her to continue telling me about her dream.
“He was…mad. Upset that I broke up with him. And then he screamed at me. And…then he called you an asshole.”
“Of course.” I took a deep breath and tightened my arms around her. “Sounds like him.”
Darwynn turned her head to look up at me. I hated the hint of pain in her eyes. Sure, it was just a dream, but my son had been like that for years. Towards me, at least.
“I really want to know what happened between you two. I only know his side of the story,” she said, her eyes searching mine. “He said…he said that you never cared about him. That you only ever cared about your career.”
Darwynn’s voice was hesitant as if she wasn’t sure she wanted to say it out loud.
I let out a slow breath, pressing my lips together. It wasn’t the first time I’d heard those words but hearing them from Darwynn—hearing that they were still being spoken, even after all these years—stung me more than I wanted to admit.
Darwynn studied my face, looking for something. Maybe the truth. Maybe a reaction.
“I don’t know why he kept saying that,” she murmured. “I mean, I’m sure you were busy…but I can’t imagine you never even tried to call him.”
I took another breath. I wanted to tell her the truth. Tell her how things really were, but I wasn’t sure she could handle it.
“And I know you’re not a bad man. I mean, you didn’t push me away. You were grumpy, yes, but you still let me stay. You could’ve ignored me when I showed up, but you didn’t.”
I reached for her hand, running my thumb over her knuckles. “My son has always had his version of things. But the truth isn’t as simple as that.”
She sat up slightly, her expression sharpening. “Then tell me.”
I hesitated. The truth wasn’t something I’d ever planned on forcing on anyone. Especially not on her, not now that she meant something to me. But she was here, asking for it, and maybe it was time to tell someone.
Tell her .
I kept holding her hand while running the other through my hair. I took a deep breath, meeting her gaze again. “I was always there for Julian,” I finally said, my voice quieter than I intended. “I never abandoned him. Never chose my career over him. I was there, Darwynn. I tried. Over and over again.”
She frowned, her fingers tightening around mine. “Then why does he think you weren’t?”
I let out a humorless chuckle. “Because he never wanted to see it. He convinced himself that I didn’t care, and nothing I did could change his mind.”
Darwynn stayed quiet, watching me intently. I could see the conflict in her eyes, the way she wanted to believe me but also didn’t want to dismiss Julian’s side. That was fair. But she needed to know the full truth.
“I called him,” I continued, my voice growing rough. “I called him on his birthday. I called him on holidays. I called him just because I missed him. And when he didn’t answer, I left messages.”
Darwynn’s eyes softened, but I wasn’t done.
“And every time he did respond, it was with anger. He’d write back with words so sharp, so filled with hate, that I wondered if he even remembered who I was to him. He told me I was a selfish bastard. That I only reached out when it was convenient for me. That I didn’t deserve to be his father.”
A lump formed in my throat, but I swallowed it down. I’d never said this out loud before. Not to anyone.
Darwynn looked down at our joined hands, rubbing her thumb absently over my skin. “I don’t understand,” she murmured. “If you tried, why was he so convinced that you didn’t?”
I sighed. “Because when his mother and I divorced, he was young. And I was working hard, for my career but also for them. To give them everything they needed, and most importantly, shield them from the public eye. My schedule was demanding, but I never let that stop me from being there for him. I flew back to them whenever I could, made time in between projects, did everything in my power to be present. His mother, though…she made sure he saw it differently. And soon she started to not let me visit Julian anymore.”
I hated to bring my ex into this, but she plaid a big part in the story. To Darwynn, she was irrelevant though.
She looked up sharply. “His mother did that?”
I nodded slowly, feeling the old bitterness rise in my chest. “Our marriage ended because we fell out of love. It was mutual, and when Julian was still little, she always let me go see him. Then, with time, she made excuses why I couldn’t come by. When Julian was around eleven, his mother stopped answering my calls. When I finally pushed through, when I showed up at their door one day unannounced because I couldn’t bear the silence any longer, Julian had already been fed a different version of the story.”
Darwynn’s brows furrowed. “She told him you abandoned him.”
“Not in those exact words. She was smarter than that. But she let the silence do the talking. The missed visits. The unanswered calls. Years went by again, and when I finally did get him on the phone, Julian was angry. He thought I had just…disappeared.”
Darwynn’s grip on my hand tightened, her thumb still absently stroking over my skin. “That must’ve been awful.”
I exhaled slowly, rubbing my free hand over my face. “It was. And the worst part? I couldn’t prove him wrong. He wouldn’t let me. Every attempt I made to fix things only pushed him further away. It was like trying to hold onto smoke.”
Silence stretched between us, filled only by the distant sound of waves crashing outside. Darwynn leaned into me, resting her head against my shoulder again. “Do you hate her for what she did?” she asked, her voice low.
I let out a soft chuckle. “I did, for a long time. But hate doesn’t fix anything. And it sure as hell won’t bring my son back.”
She turned her face up to me, searching my expression. “I suddenly don’t feel so hopeful that I can get you two to talk again. Not because of you…but because of Julian.”
I wished I could tell her that there was still a chance for reconciliation but knowing Julian and how deeply brainwashed he had been by his mother, I had no hope myself. “I’ve always hoped that he’ll eventually realize the truth. I don’t think it will ever happen, though.”
Darwynn reached up, cupping my jaw gently. Her touch was warm, grounding, and her eyes lingered on mine. “I still want to try. Will you let me?”
I took a deep breath, soaking in the quiet comfort of her presence and touch. For the first time in a long time, I allowed myself to believe—just a little—that maybe, one day, Julian would listen.
“Okay,” I told her, smiling tightly before I pulled her into my arms.