14. Awakenings
fourteen
Chad
“ Cut!” the director yelled and got off her chair, approaching me. “After you get changed, I want you to start really turning on the charm, yeah?”
“Sure. Gotcha.”
I walked out of the set and into the dressing room, quickly changing out of the beach vacation outfit and into the nighttime suit. I was shooting a commercial for a vodka brand that positioned itself as ‘a drink for all times’, which meant that my partner and I were about to kick up the heat during the upcoming party sequence.
The stylist helped me perfect my outfit, while the makeup artist rushed in to rework. She had to remove the ‘daytime glow’ off my skin and replace it with a mystical night air. I didn’t know how they managed to conceptualize all of that with makeup, but I knew I was in good hands.
Settled motionless in the makeup chair, I was facing the door at an angle. I thought I saw a woman resembling Kaira walk into the set and talk to the set manager. Interesting how I couldn’t get her out of my mind, even in the unlikeliest of places.
When I stepped out, the set manager was talking to someone from the lighting department. I walked into the scene, stretching my shoulders and running my hand over my short hair. Turning in a glance, I saw Kaira sitting next to the director in a chair of her own. Forcing a smile, I hesitantly raised my hand in a wave, to which she grinned and waved back.
What was she doing at my place of work? How did she know where I was? The logical questions hung in the air around my head with no chance to be answered, since my colleague—the leading lady of the commercial—stepped in next to me. An assistant handed her a glass, and the director shouted, “And, action!”
To say that my work partner was wearing a skimpy little outfit was an understatement. The brand was a party beverage, known for its racy commercials and even wilder activation campaigns. So, when the sprinklers were turned on and my scene partner’s body was drenched in water, I could barely keep my gaze on her. The temptation to turn and see the look on Kaira’s face was overpowering, and it took superhuman resistance for me to remain focused on the scene.
Now, that was new. I had had dozens of girlfriends visit sets during shoots before, but never had I felt the need to observe their reactions to anything. I once had a girlfriend attend a closed set for a steamy sex scene, and my head remained focused and my performance stellar.
Why was Kaira’s presence at this relatively mild scene so distracting to me? Was I worried that it would offend her? Did I really care that much about her feelings and what she thought?
It puzzled me, but I had to keep on working.
We had to take a break for my partner to dry herself off and get her hair and makeup done, since the following scene was one of us kissing on a balcony or something like that. I couldn’t remember. All I could muster was a confident grin as I grabbed a bottle of water and made a beeline to where Kaira was sitting.
“Hello, hello!” I twisted open the cap as I approached her. As soon as I stood there in front of her, I took a long gulp, keeping my other hand in my pocket. “To what do I owe the honor?”
Her smile was grounded, yet somewhat cold. “I was curious. I’ve never been on a set before.” And as if she could read my thoughts, she added, “Your agent’s office gave me the details. I told them it was something about the foundation.”
“But… it’s not?”
“No. I need to talk to you. That part is real.”
Before I could respond, the director’s assistant approached us. “I’m sorry, but Chad, we need to go.”
I turned to Kaira, who immediately said, “Go, go. This is fun. We’ll talk when you have the time.”
“You sure?” I asked.
“Yes, absolutely. Go.”
What business did anyone at the office have to tell Kaira where I was? Doubtlessly, they had also helped her get access onto the set. Someone was going to get a piece of my mind later.
As I situated myself back in the scene, my colleague leaned over and smiled. “Have you recently let Christ into your heart?” she mocked with a sarcastic chuckle.
“Cut it out. She’s a friend,” I whispered, plastering a smile on my face so that nobody would notice.
“Really?” She flipped her perfectly done hair, discreetly glancing in Kaira’s direction. “Never would’ve thought.”
“If you believe everything you read online, you can only blame yourself.”
“Hey, chill!” Grabbing my shoulder, she gazed into my eyes and inched closer. “As long as she won’t be bothered by this.” As she kissed me, my eyes remained open. I knew she would say that we were only practicing for the scene, but what would Kaira think now that the camera hadn’t begun rolling?
It wasn’t long before the director put me out of my misery, signaling the beginning of shooting. Naturally, the kiss came out perfect, and when the director yelled, “And that’s a wrap!”, everyone applauded.
Including Kaira, with a massive grin on her lips.
Walking over to her, I wiped my lips with a napkin. “What did you think?”
Looking up at me, her eyes sparkled with a brand of defiance that I enjoyed. My elation only lasted for a second before she said, “I think you need to expand your range a little bit when it comes to kissing. I don’t leave the office and talk to my friends the same way I do associates.”
Repeatedly blinking, I furrowed my eyebrows. “W—What?”
“Is there a private room where we can talk?”
“Uh—Sure.” I led her into my dressing room, closing the door behind us. “What’s up?”
“What I’m about to say is not—in any way—a reflection of you. You’ve been great.”
“Geez.” I chuckled, taking off the blazer. “Sounds like we’re breaking up.”
“What’s there to break up?” She paused, and I stared at her face, baffled. “That’s the point, Chad. There’s nothing. There will be nothing. I simply don’t see myself fitting into…” She gestured around with both hands. “All of this.”
“This… this is just my job.”
“Yes.” She nodded. “And whether we like it or not, our jobs affect our lives. I simply can’t risk socializing with a group of strangers to realize that my private life is being discussed amongst them between stock market updates and yesterday’s golf scores.”
“Excuse me?”
“Please don’t insult my intelligence by undermining yours. You know exactly what I mean.”
“I can be discreet,” I quickly defended.
“But not invisible. The walls have ears, and everyone has eyes… everywhere. Let’s be adults about this and do the right thing before it gets out of hand.”
“Kaira, I—”
“C’mon, Chad. You know I’m right. You know I’m not the kind of woman who can handle that sort of pressure.”
Unfortunately, I understood. Slowly nodding, I caught my mind already racing to conjure up ways to get over the dream she had briefly brought to life. “I understand,” I whispered.
Lifting up her chin an inch, she radiated with overpowering confidence. For my own ego, I wanted to believe that it was skilfully designed to mask great disappointment. As she took a step toward the door, I failed to look away. With her hand on the knob, she said, “I’m certain you received the foundation meeting schedule for this month. See you next week. Don’t be late.”
“Sure, yeah,” I mindlessly said. “See you then.”
“Bye, Chad.”
And just like that, she walked out.
Certainly, that wasn’t the first time a woman had rejected me for reasons that had nothing to do with my person. But the fact that I was seeing it as rejection was the curious part. We’d only slept together twice and barely had a relationship to begin with, so why did I feel the black smoke of grief fill my lungs with every breath I drew?
To distract myself from processing what had just happened, I grabbed my phone and sat down, going through the calls I had missed and the texts that waited for replies. For the next fifteen minutes, I allowed myself to go down a social rabbit hole. A call to a relative, a message to a friend, a joke on a text thread… until my friend Nathan Wright reminded me that our friend Dean was in town. Dean was a boat enthusiast, and to celebrate, Abel and Nathan thought that we must invite ourselves onto one of his boats for a small gathering.
Naturally, I was on board, pun intended.
Having already prepared my system with two pre-party drinks, I joined the men on the boat at around ten o’clock. Dean—as per his habit—gave me a dirty look for arriving an hour late. He did, however, unclench the minute I mentioned that I had brought a special bottle of his favorite whiskey. “I scored this a month ago and swore that we wouldn’t open it without you here,” I explained as I slammed it down on the table.
Dean’s childish smile began to take over; a variant that he would only show to close friends and loved ones. Even though we rarely got to see Dean—because of his frequent travels and trips—he remained one of those people with the ability to make one’s heart open up as soon as we reunited. With his calm, nearly angelic features, young-looking physique and admirable demeanor and mind, Dean was a friend I always looked forward to seeing.
After the necessary initial banter, we—well, I—started badgering Dean to spill the dirt on his last trip. Dean was a painfully private person to begin with, and even during our craziest trips, the most reckless thing I had seen him do was considered another Tuesday for me. And after plenty of poking and provocation, it appeared as though there was truly no dirt to be shared. That was when Nathan expertly turned the table, aiming for the usual suspect.
As he shifted in his seat to face me, he threw his arm on the backrest and smiled. “So, Chad. Any new escapades you’d like to share?”
Abel chuckled. “Oh, come on. Let’s not.”
I turned to him and smirked. “What—I have nothing to hide.”
His eyes slightly glared in a way only I could decipher. “It’s not always about you.”
The message was received. “Well, it’s nothing worth mentioning, anyway. What’s a fling in the grand life of Chad Niles?”
Dean seemed amused. “At least tell me you’re getting slightly more adventurous? Anything out of the realm of models and actresses would count as refreshing.”
Snorting, my eyes lingered on Abel for a second before I turned to Dean. “As if. You wish you had my life, Ocean Boy.”
“Do I, now?” Dean dropped a couple of ice cubes into his glass. “I don’t know.” Adding a pensive gaze to his eyes, he continued to stare at his drink, shaking it ever so slightly. “I don’t think any woman can replace the fantasy I’ve built in my head over the years.”
“And that’s precisely where your problem lies.” I pointed a finger.
Dean raised his eyebrows. “Oh, now I have a problem. Enlighten me.”
“You’re too picky,” I argued. “And coming from me? That’s saying something.”
Nathan came to Dean’s rescue. “You’re picky with aesthetics, while he’s—
“Right.” I nodded. “Lay it on me. By all means, reduce me to a stereotype.”
“I don’t mean that. It’s just that Dean—”
“He can speak for himself.” I raised a hand, turning back to Dean. “Can you honestly tell me that you’re happy living this hermit life between your house with mom and your solitary sea trips? What are you waiting for, a mermaid?”
“I’m not waiting for anything,” Dean protested. “I guess it’s difficult for you to imagine that a man can be happy living the single life. And we’re not all the same and we shouldn’t be. Can you imagine what a boring world that would be?”
Turning to look at Nathan, I blamed him with my eyes. If it weren’t for his question, we wouldn’t have ended up here.
Abel, assuming the role of the father in the group, decided to save the night by changing the subject.