Chapter 19 Dahlia
DAHLIA
The moment he brought me home, my heart cracked open, stretching with an unbearable need for him. I miss him already, and it’s been only seconds.
Staring at his car disappearing down the driveway, I sigh a long breath, ringing with acute longing.
I don’t feel like myself anymore. I have become his entirely.
This is not my home. It’s with him. My place is next to him. My home is wherever he is.
I climb the stairs, dragging a heaviness that almost roots me in place. Each step reminds me that he has been inside me. My pussy, my ass, my body thoroughly owned.
Opening the door, I come face-to-face with my mother. She blinks at me, and I feel the heat rushing to my cheeks.
I’ve never slept anywhere else.
In my family, we leave each other alone. None of us is big on talking about what goes on inside of us. The lives we lead demand a certain stoicism. We wear our wounds on the inside, never expressing them.
“Hi, Mom,” I say meekly, and she reaches me with tentative steps.
Overcome by emotions, tears escape my eyes, rolling down my cheeks.
In an instant, she wraps me in a motherly hug. “Oh, mia figlia bella…”
It’s not a reprimand, but simply pain for me.
“Be careful. Our desires tend to overwhelm us, and we forget there are more important things.”
“Why does it have to be like this, Mom. I just…” My voice breaks.
She takes my face between her hands, and I look sideways. “I’m sorry, Dahlia. Maybe…”
Yes, maybe.
With the back of my hand, I brush the tears away, and she says, “Come join me in the sitting room.”
I follow her inside, glancing at the picture of the four of us from happier times hanging on the opposite wall. There was a time when I worshipped my father. In my eyes, he could do no wrong. I wonder what he would feel knowing he caused his only daughter so much misery.
Greed is the root of all evil, setting off a chain of reactions that affects everyone around you.
Revenge is the payment. My father paid with his life. My mother will probably never overcome her grief. My brother had to become a man without a soul to ensure his power. And me? I paid for it with my innocence. It was my blood coating that dirty warehouse floor.
Both sides lost because of greed. Revenge could have ruined everything. It was Mika who ended that vicious cycle by killing his own father.
He never blamed me or my brother. He’s an honorable man.
Even though it was the blood coursing through my veins that cost him his biggest loss.
He grew up without a mother. He thought his sister had died.
And while she’s alive, I wonder if Calla would have become the woman she is today if things were different.
We’ll never know, and it’s all because of my father.
Maybe that’s why I don’t get to enjoy more than brief moments of happiness. My blood is tainted.
And with my father gone, it’s my curse to carry.
“You loved him so much,” my mom says softly, pulling me from the reverie.
“What did he do that was so awful for you to…?” She can’t even bring herself to say it.
I sigh, the deep sound echoing with pain. “I don’t hate him, but wish he were the man I thought him to be.”
“No one truly is,” she tries.
While he was the hero in my story, he became the villain in the life of the man I love.
“Do you think Mika is a good man?” she asks, always trying to protect her husband. But are any of us truly good? I don’t know.
Slumping in the seat next to her, I shrug. “He’s good to me.”
“So was your father. Life is too short, too unpredictable to hold grudges. Your father loved you. So very much.”
I nod. “I know he did.” That’s what makes it worse.
A part of me will always love him. The other part is coated in layers of disappointment and hurt. I wanted him to live so he could witness what his greed caused.
I think I hold on to my anger because what else do I have?
Letting go would mean I’d stop blaming him and run out of excuses to overcome the past. It’s time, though.
The resentment has brought me nothing but more sorrow and an excuse not to live my life as I wished to.
Afraid it would never go after my desire, anyway.
“What are you reading?” I ask, needing to change the topic.
She nods more to herself and with a smile, she says, “It’s a Mafia romance.”
I roll my eyes at her, and she giggles. “Bad or good people. We are all loved by someone. And that’s the tragedy…”
I feel my brows furrow. “Being loved?”
“Loving.”
Her words ring in my ears with irrefutable truth as I walk toward my bedroom.
Inside my closet, my bags and jewelry collection greet me.
I just had to look at something longer, and I would receive it that same day.
From my personal guard to the sellers tracking my move in the stores, I never had to tell Mika what I wanted.
Somehow he always knew. He has given me whatever I desired as if making up for the one thing he could never give me.
Now he has. All this material stuff fades in comparison.
The gifts never quite healed the gaping, pulsing wound in my heart. They just made my pain bearable.
Changing into a loose linen shirt dress, I slip on some trainers.
I should rehearse for my concert on Saturday, but it’s still four days away. I am too hyped. Too wired to sit still. So instead, I go out and search for Kill.
Lorenzo glances at me with a knowing look that sends a shiver of apprehension down my spine. It has been an unspoken rule that no one interacts with me. At the beginning, it was the only way to keep the demons at bay. Now it’s more of a routine.
It was a guard I trusted who delivered me straight to Igor. So yeah, I am still leery of people, but I can’t deny that Lorenzo is perhaps the one man who is incorruptible. He is loyal to a fault—to my brother.
“You’re taking fabulous care of Kill. Thank you.”
He nods, silently watching over the dog and me. A sentinel that assures nothing bad could happen to me.
“I’ll take him for a stroll.”
He nods again, and I rush to say, “I was at the city hall practicing, then I met with my agent for drinks. It got too late, so I slept at her place.”
He gives me an intense look, not calling me out on my lie, which makes it even harder for me.
“I’m here to keep you safe, Miss Ferrara. And so is the other boss, who surely knows what he does—keeping the boss’s sister safe and untouched from danger.”
He knows. It’s crystal clear, and sweat gathers on my forehead.
He inhales a deep breath, and his eyes cast in wisdom find mine. “Dahlia, it’s great that you’re stepping out of your shell. It was a long time coming. But our actions have consequences. And if the boss asks me what I have seen, I can’t lie.”
“I would never ask you that,” I blurt, preferring not to keep lying.
Nothing is happening would be the worst one. And accusing Lorenzo of imagining things would be plain insulting.
He jerks his chin. “Good luck with your practice.”
For a moment, I believe he’s talking about something completely different, but I shake my head. Paranoia must make me see things.
With Kill strolling by my side, we go on a long walk before we stop by the pond. He stares at the koi, his paw stretching toward the water.
I move my index finger from left to right in a no sign. “Don’t even think about it.”
He looks at me with those innocent black eyes before he plops next to me as if telling me he’s mad at me for stopping him.
This is the first time I’ve spent so much time outside my sitting room, playing to whatever mood would hit me—gloomy, inaccessible, despondent.
My fingers itch to play, missing the keys under my fingertips, giving my inspiration an outlet. My other nightly job is forgotten. But I don’t see the need when my brother is on his honeymoon, and Mika is in my bed. My need to watch the city cameras dimmed.
I stay planted on the bench, just watching the sun travel further west. I would never have guessed, but I like my newfound laziness. For the first time in a long time, it feels like I do more than function.
I miss you.
I type, and his reply is instant.
On my way back.
His text, tinged with desperation, inflates my chest with sheer delight. Now and then, Kill bumps his nose in my hand, demanding another treat.
“Don’t become like the men in the family. Always demanding,” I try to chastise him but fail, so I end up smiling and patting him on his head.
“Maybe it’s because of the women in the family.” His deep voice awakens hummingbirds to fly in my belly, and I palm it to make the unruly behavior stop.
I tilt my head to him, grinning—absolutely besotted with him. “Is that so…or maybe males are greedy creatures.”
“That we are when it comes to what we want.” He’s unapologetic and so male, exuding strength and sexuality. It takes everything in me not to jump him right here and now.
“You’ve been outside all day,” he states. “You okay?”
I shrug. “I’m perfect. Just felt like it.”
He moves to stand in front of me, shielding me from the sun. Cocking his head, he slips his hands in his pockets. “And what do you feel like doing right now?”
I bit my lip. “Going into the pool to cool down.”
He stretches out his hand to me, helping me up. “Then swim.”
Palming my hands on his chest, they travel down his chiseled frame. “So agreeable.”
He arches an arrogant brow. “Maybe having access to your pussy does that.”
A peal of laughter ripples from my chest. Immediately, I feel eyes on me, the guards assessing if there is danger, before the stares quickly vanish. Laughter has not been the norm at the compound.
That knowledge unlocks so many possibilities. Good that I can use my secret weapon now to get my way.
His eyes darken as if he can read my mind. “Don’t even think about manipulating me. You already get whatever you want. Fuck, I’ve spoiled you rotten, haven’t I?” Mika asks, but doesn’t sound regretful.
“And that’s on you.” I stick my tongue out.
He grips my chin, forcing me to look up. “Do that again, and I’ll bend you over this bench.”